i'm back from my cny escape to melbourne, and more appreciative of the ozone layer and consistent (and warm) singapore climate. and i'm going to set a new cny trend by starting with trng early today morning after minimal exercise for the past week, and not doing any visiting, gosh, i think i'm really getting old.
so here's a brief summary with pictures of my holiday..
day 0 (31st Jan) spent the morning in school and afternoon doing last minute packing before heading for the airport and flew off in the evening. flew to perth and spent the wee hours sleeping in the international airport before taking a shuttle to the domestic airport and a early morning domestic flight. did nothing more than the 3 usual activities of sleep, watch movie and eat. finally reached melbourne slightly past noon after the transit and time difference on day 1 (1st Feb). rented the car and found our way to the resort at which we stayed for the next 7 days. the place is about 90km south of melbourne, near the start of the Great Ocean Road, and quite hard to find cos it wasn't on the street directory. kind of outback feeling with wild kangaroos as our friendly neighbour. but the resort itself was like a house with everything we need - living room with tv, dining room, full kitchen with everything from utensils to toaster and dishwasher, 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms and balcony. it will be perfect if there was internet connection. so day 1 was spent settling down, doing grocery shopping and planning our next few days iterneries.

the house and the surrounding

majority of day 2 (2nd Feb) was spent in the car, travelling west along the great ocean road, stopping along beaches for some sun, sand and sea, and gradually and finally made our way to the 12 apostles. it was a damn hot day, leaving me burnt despite me desperately applying at least 3 layers of sunblock.

the process

and the product

those black stuff are not pebbles, they are baby clams

cooling ourselves down with icecream at the lighthouse


yay we finally reached the 12 apostles! (and there are a hell lot of flies there!)




some random photos along the way
know i see the literal meaning of the phrase "till the cows come home" haha

day 3 (3rd Feb) we went to Geelong, which is Victoria's second largest city to visit the sunday market and did some shopping. that was after feeding the animals at the resort in the morning.




day 4 (4th Feb) we drove downtown to melbourne city for city tour, some shopping and the traffic police are really going a great job cos we parked the car at this parking lot during the "clear" period and it got towed away!! had quite a frustrating 'adventure' trying to locate the place to collect the car and of course the fine wasn't cheap.. yeah yeah now i'm the one being blamed cos i wanted to do shopping. fine.



these photos are taken in university of melbourne. and it was the second and last hot day in my one-week trip. the weather took a drastic change and it got colder and colder.. brrrr...

day 5 (5th Feb) was the longest journey to our destination : phillip island, but it was certainly worth it. took a ferry to cut short the driving route on our way there and took about 3 hours to drive back in the dark. the roads were damn dark and had to keep my eyes wide opened to look out for the road signs and safety (though i wasn't the one driving)



it was a long long journey..
and we finally reached phillip island. visited the koala conservation centre first, then the nobbies and finally the penguin parade at sunset (which is around 9pm).


these lazy animals sleep 20 hours a day! that's like the amount of hours i sleep in 4 days haha


taken on the journey to the nobbies, those footprints in the sand should belong to penguins..



at the nobbies, the wind was very strong and i was trying to keep myself warm with that pathetic piece of cloth. nice scenery there with lots of seagulls and supposedly seals too.
the day ended with the penguin parade. sat down along the beach since around 8pm to wait for the sun to set, the sky to get dark before the penguins emerge out of the sea and waddle their way up the beach and back to the shore. no photos cos cameras not allowed at all, but the penguins were sooooo adorable, and they 'walk' exactly like how people imitate them, forming groups and quickly make their way up the beach to their 'homes'. it was really a sight seeing so many cute little penguins so close to you

day 6 (6th Feb) was spent looking for gold at ballarat's sovereign hill, where we were brought back to the gold rush era in the 1850s, when people literally dig for gold.




oh yeah they had chinese physicians back then too.. (argh, seems like those stuff follow me wherever i go)

digging for..

gold!!
and we didn't forget it's cny eve, so we headed back early and did more grocery shopping on our way back for a "reunion dinner"

mom busy in the kitchen cooking



the greedy ones waiting with my cheap thrill vodka cruiser haha

our simple dinner!

day 7 (7th Feb) it's the first day of chinese new year and it's my mom's 50th birthday!! started the day with breakfast at the resort's reception. satisfied my carbs craving with free flow of toast (with jam, baked beans, mushroom) see, i'm easily satisfied, i don't need the eggs, bacon and sausages.


the birthday girl and finally a proper family photo.
headed off for yarra valley where we bought some fruits and visited wineries for wine tasting.


wine comes from grapes

and that's yarra valley

saying farewell to our new friends..

day 8(8th Feb) last day in australia. packed bag, tidied the house a bit and off we went, to queen victoria market first (cos it was closed on mondays when we went) then to the airport.
the place is huge and they sell everything! from meat, fruits, vege to clothes, souvenirs etc etc and the fruits there was damn cheap, like a dollar per kg for plums, peaches etc. we bought a box of cherries and lots of other fruits. oh yes, i finally got to eat fresh krispy kreme at the airport, it was good, very sweet and soft but not say that heavenly. but it's freaking expensive! costs 2.25, 2.50 or 2.75 aussie dollar each! i bought a original and a filled (which adds up to 30g of fat acc to their website) for 5 bucks!! and then it's on the plane and 7 hours straight for singapore..

that's my trip to melbourne and beyond. i must mention the last 3 days was damn cold! i soak myself in the bathtub every night and wrap myself with all the blankets (total of 4 layers) and still wake up freezing cos i don't produce heat. erm actually it's only about 10 to 20 degrees but it's cold enough to make my hair stand, turn my nails purple and my skin to feel the frost bite. gosh, how am i going to survive the real snowing winters?

i'll be off to the airport in half an hour's time.
and i'm actually worried about skipping 3 days of school.
and you made me disheartened when i'm just about to see a little hope.
what more do you want?

last night i finally experienced the power of tcm!!
as i was frantically doing last minute studying for my test and my upper back was hurting like crazy, the usual plae below the shoulder blades, probably because i've been at the table for the whole day in all sorts of incorrect positions. i tried stretching, massaging and was close to popping painkillers to ease the pain temporarily, until i decided to give my acupuncture needles a try again. and so i took out the second shortest one, cleaned it, located the most painful spot and poked it in using my right hand into my left upper back. and it went in. not only that, when i manage to get the whole needle in (which is only an inch, at most an inch and a half) i felt something i've never experienced before... it felt like an electric shock going down my spine, followed by a moment of numbness. the feeling extended to the whole of my right arm and hand, which felt weak for a while. and as i began to bring my right hand down to the neutral position, i felt the sore-ness, right at the acupoint. the feeling was like trying to stretch a strained muscle when you have muscle-ache. usually people lie down or sit still during acupuncture, and i've never been acu-ed before by a professional, so did i do the right thing? or did i almost tear my muscle? as i was unsure and my movement was rather restricted as i couldn't move about freely without feeling the sore, i took it out after 10 minutes.
the result? well, my back didn't hurt that much for the night until i fell asleep, and this morning my left shoulder felt much more relaxed and didn't hurt at all while running, instead, my right shoulder felt the usual ache. but i think the pain is coming back gradually, though much milder and bearable. wow i see my future career! and that's certainly more exciting and useful than memorizing chunks of theory which is only stored in my ultra-short-term memory.
be my second guinea pig anyone?? haha

i...
- have a test tomorrow morning which i'm only halfway through reading (not to mention memorizing)
- am flying off tomorrow evening which i haven't started packing!!
- am going to drive a manual car there and i haven't touched the steering wheel for erm almost a year i think
- haven't bought new clothes, new shoes etc etc for cny
- haven't done anything for cny except eating cny goodies
- haven't made up my mind whether to sign up for sundownmarathon
- want to join x-physique but it's so damn expensive
- can't seem to concentrate
- can't seem to get my priorities right
- am basically so screwed

brought my pink dolphin back to where it came from last sunday, together with my shortie raptor and me, we completed 29km. what we used to call kallang river is now known as marina reservoir, the police coast guard is gone, but the s'pore flyer is up, together with the floating platform and constructions for the IR all around it. and the duck tours are still quacking up and down, and i could have been sandwiched by 2 of them, one coming from the front and one from the back at the same time and would have been a perfect sandwich had i not paddled as hard as i could for dear life and the boats did steer a bit so as to avoid me. phew... never liked the duck tours especially when you're one of the tourist attractions, feels like an animal in the zoo haha.
ok, back to the race.. my longest canoe race, my first time attempting portage, and probably the last time i get to row at kallang again. and i was quite prepared for the journey: cap, sunglasses, lots of sunblock, changed to a low seat and most importantly my little cushion for the seat which was so useful in protecting my delicate butt. haha. and if you're wondering what's my greatest fear for this race, it's none other than kallang water, and that's why i chose to take k1 in the end, to overcome the phobia. as i look at the namelist for senior women k1, i made a conclusion. they are either the really zai ones, or the insane ones, of course i belong to the latter.
the water conditions weren't too bad, though at some parts i felt as if i was going to be blown away by sudden gushes of wind and backwash was inevitable, especially at the start. gosh, that was probably the worst it could get. portage was quite an experience and i did try to run for every portage, and it sure wasn't easy carrying a boat, paddle and running on sand. and i think i've a blueblack on my shoulder now..
but overall, i quite enjoyed the race, and that's enough. no longer hungry for medals, no longer wanting to see competitors as enemies, afterall, it's just a race.. knowing that there is no need to fear the choppy water, and that the wind could not blow me down, it was a race against myself, my own fears, and me -- my worst enemy. and i won. no regrets
now i'm just one step closer to retirement, next up is MR500, then SDBF and maybe NCC.. just want to make my canoeing life as complete as possible by trying every event, every boat

it's d-day in 8 hours' time.
it's time for me to face my fears...

finally paid a visit to the dentist and got my hair trimmed yesterday. and phew.. my sweet tooth (or rather teeth) are perfectly fine after making them suffer through sweet, salty, hot and cold and not getting them cleaned for 3 years! and visiting the dentist certainly is not an enjoyable experience. really pity those doing surgery or root canal etc and having to keep their mouth open for hours with the suction tube sucking away all the saliva, not forgetting the pain they have to go through. i really should be glad my wisdom teeth are popping out fine so far and i don't need to wear braces.
and hairdressers never fail to make the same comment that i have thinning hair. yes i know i'm balding!!
and prices are increasing everywhere, especially now when cny is near. well, it's always good to know more people, especially those around the neighbourhood for something called discount. haha (i'm secretly a super-auntie in disguise)
i think the scorching sun today mutated all my cells and make me mentally 15 years younger and physically 50 years older when i played catching with my sis in the pool today. tiring leh..

having a free day in the middle of the week felt like a mini-weekend, especially when my weekends are packed with trainings and work so much so that my books and notes remain in my bag untouched till monday. decided to be a good daughter and went chinatown with mom yesterday to change money and to get into the chinese new year atmosphere. nothing spectacular, just the normal stuff on sale and definitely getting more and more expensive each year, and 1 buck can only get you 6 hum jing pangs instead of 7 at maxwell. haven't shopped for new year clothes and not intending to dedicate an afternoon just for that. somehow as you grow older, the excitement of cny gradually dies down. other than the angpaos, there's really nothing much to look forward to. well, this year i'm going to have a very different cny. in conjunction with mom's 50th birthday, which happens to fall on the exact same day, we're going for a one-week holiday to melbourne! so do let me know if there's anything good to buy back..
one more week till january ends, let february come and take away my poverty, especially when i worked so many days this month, and the angpaos, and my allowance for the sem! let february bring me the courage and determination. let january end before i do..

yesterday was a bright and sunny tgif at sentosa after a morning of lessons. suppose to be a picnic-cum-belated-birthday celebration but our initial plan of potluck was rather unsuccessful as we were all too busy to prepare food. ended up having lunch at vivo and bought drinks and chips before heading to the beach. nonetheless, we still had fun playing balls, twister, saboteur, bridge, frisbee, slacking and drifting in the raft, basically taking a break from the books for an afternoon.

yep, that's us
and below are some photos i took using my phone camera while looking after the bags..


wow, the panorama mode is quite powerful, silosa beach can be quite pretty too!

helphelphelphelphelp
sorry for being who i am, sorry for the moodswings. never in a good mood in the morning, especially when trying to be on time for school is an 'exciting' event everyday when it takes about an hour and a half from home to school (without cutting queues) and squeeze my way onto 3 different buses when school is merely 10-15 minutes drive away.
suddenly tempted to run the http://www.sundownmarathon.com/ and the ultramarathon is full?!?! oh man, there are really quite a lot of hardcore runners out there.. and i do like running in the dark, not only because of the cool air and roads with almost no cars, but also because i can wear the oldest and ugliest shirt out, run to the beat of the music and let my emotions run wild...
sometimes i really should be left alone. pillow i need you now...

i thought i had convinced myself that perfection does not exist. i thought i had grown to accept what i am. apparently not. happyness was transient, so surreal, so painful knowing that everything would be gone once you wake up. i always ask myself why, but i haven't found the answer.. why am i doing all these? is it worth it? why am i constantly bringing myself to self-destruction? drawing myself closer to death? when can i stop? when will i ever learn?
it's been one and a half weeks of school already and as usual i spend at least 80 percent of the time caged up in that little classroom. i believe school's quite happening in the spines, but do i care?
the blood drive is in school again this week and donating blood used to be a regular thing for me to do, makes me feel good especially on emo days. but now i can't.. sigh.. see, now even my blood is worthless, guess i'm just a pure good-for-nothing now..
i need the courage, to find out what is happiness, to find out what is love, for myself...

the first week of school for my pseudo-final semester has just passed (cos i have no lessons tmr) and that means honeymoon week is over. and here's a very brief summary of my last holidays, before i get too busy and forgot about what i did.
basically, i did nothing. waking up in the morning and deciding that it was a good day to slack at home was like a daily routine, and i certainly followed my decision. well, it may be a waste of time, but i don't think i will have the pleasure of having so much time again. went kukup on the weekend before school started with the programmers. the houses were all kelong-like, built above water (or rather mud during low tide). mudskippers, crabs, flies were the most common creatures around. the resort that we stayed in was pretty decent, enough rooms with 3 sets of mahjong and many karaoke vcds, and i'm very thankful there's heater in the bathroom, but i really think they should improve on the cleaniness, especially when flies never fail to wait for their chance to blatantly attack the food and i think there are little insects on the mattresses. the old-school-style toilet was very interesting, it leads straight into the sea and standing outside the house, suddenly seeing liquid flowing down from the floor into the sea, you will know what people are doing in the toilet. leftover food, dump-able rubbish all goes into the sea. and what comes from the sea? the crabs and prawn on our plates perhaps. haha. a change of environment, but basically the same activities. ktv, mahjong, cards, movies, eat, sleep, talk. truly satisfied my cravings for ktv and seafood. for both nights we had bbq for dinner, lots of stingray and prawns, all sambal and lunch was at the restaurant in the main street. playing with fireworks was another highlight. quite pricey but fun. and how can we forget beer for the night? on the last day, we took a bus out to play paintball. another first time for me, messy and dangerous but not bad.
it was kind of a mini retreat and with close to 40 people under one roof, it's hard to run out of things to do. and it is probably due to this lack of planned activities that promotes bonding. overall it was an enjoyable trip. re-join the programmer comm? a bit hard la, with my packed yet uncertain schedule for this semester.

that was probably the most happening thing for the holidays. now it's back to school. taking public transport to school for early morning lessons never fail to be a torture and i have never been on time for lessons yet. how interesting can lessons get and i don't know whether to feel glad or scared that i've found, tried and tested a way to keep myself awake for the whole day.
land trainings have also resumed and it's time to pump those lazy muscles and bones again. with the lack of exercise and building up of age, my whole body is aching. but it feels good though, at least i know my muscles are still in existence. better train up lungs and stamina for the 29km of rowing too. my first and last canoemarathon, more for personal challenge and satisfaction to complete my canoeing career than anything else.

can't live without it and can't live on with it

(and yes i'm finally playing with facebook, hurhur)

last day of 2007 = time to reflect for the whole year and make new year resolutions?
every year, every occasion i only have one wish, simple as it may be but hard to realise, that is to be happy. this year, i wish for the same, the only difference being announcing to the whole world this little wish of mine.
2007 was full of ups and downs. i can only say in life, you gain some you lose some. people especially, some just come and go, some stay, in memories perhaps.
life is short, so make everyday count.

counting down to 2008 and the start of the new semester. had quite enough of bumming around and getting sick of it. i'm in fact looking forward to going to school again, and definitely looking forward to getting my allowance cos my bank account is dropping by the number of digits. better start spending less unnecessarily if not i'll have to sleep by the roadside and eat grass for the next two years haha. and even more looking forward to my next holiday trip, which will take place soon enough if everything goes according to plan...
things in my mind right now:
- what boat to take for canoe marathon? k1? k2? t1? or even t2??haha
- do lasiks next year?
- aim for the impossible?

authority does not equal to power and power does not equal to respect.
respect is earned and don't expect others to respect you if you don't respect them.
you call that responsibility? commitment? you call that passion? enthusiasm?
Do prove me wrong, do prove your worth. do get down to the root cause of the problem.
if you can't do what you like, then like what you do...

if imperfection is beauty,
i think i'm perfect

it's christmas eve already and as a true blue and loyal freethinker, the only reason i'm looking forward to christmas now is because it brings 2007 a day nearer to the end. 2007 seems like a year of tragedy, of losses, i just hope 2008 will be a better year, it is my anxiously anticipated new year of new experiences.
celebrated christmas with the progs and canoeists last week, and sort of christmas holiday with family yesterday, more like a must-have school holidays overseas trip, though it was just a last minute planned one-day tour to malaysia.

highlight of wed's bbq: big fish!! see how humongous it is, and it was thoroughly cooked after spending about an hour on the pit. and i devoured most of it.

the only group of people who makes me look fair. hahaha

went for a one-day tour to desaru yesterday with a little pre-trip drama of getting my passport, which i must say a big 'thank you' to the rusty and lousy padlock at macritchie which we spent close to an hour in total trying to open it. and i had to miss the bus and the traffic just had to be bad. hence, after a series of bad luck on a saturday morning, i managed to rush down to ICA at 12.30pm sharp, and they are so punctual in closing the counter. the officers just stood there and told me 'sorry we're closed, you can come back on monday' with a straight face. oh yeah, i need my passport for sunday and you're telling me to come back on monday. and so the queen of last-minuteness, queue-cutting and 'just don't follow law' had to do what i do best. and the trick of getting things your way is to be polite, sound apologetic yet desperate. and things will be done. wanted to go there to enquire whether my application for bio-passport is being processed and ready for collection, cos it has been more than a week already. in the end, the officer just told me to just extend my current passport since it's still usuable, yup, and i got everything settled in about half an hour.

the main highlight of the trip was the farm visit and seeing fireflies, i feel like a kid again.. let photos do the talking...

the fruits (the long thing in the bottom centre are bananas!)

the animals

and the sea

漆黑的夜晚飘下了白白的雪花，
你说：“下雪了，黑黑的夜让白雪更美丽。”
我说：“下雪了，白白的雪让黑夜更寂寞。”

雾茫茫的远方一片黑，什么也看不清，
你说：“那是黎明前的黑暗。”
我说：“那是黄昏后的黑暗。”

大雨后天边出现了七彩的彩虹，
你说：“那是雨后的第一线光芒。”
我说：“那是短暂又抓不住的希望。”

finally went down to the service centre yesterday to get my crazy phone serviced after discovering the whole messaging part wasn't working. could not send or receive messages and couldn't even open my inbox, outbox, sent messages or any other folder. so forgive me if i didn't reply messages. it went mad last week switching on and off by itself before it hang and i had to take out the battery to switch the phone off. now i'm seriously considering trading it in and getting another more trustworthy phone, especially when it is still a new model, so hopefully i can make some profit in the process.
and i thought orchard on a friday afternoon was bad, saturday afternoon is a total different story! gosh, remind me not to squeeze through the crowd again. looks like the population is really on the rise and walking around in slippers and not having to carry things by hand makes the whole process much more bearable.
other than that, had quite a good time treating myself to a good laugh watching goodluck chuck and walked down the whole orchard unknowingly from lunch at far east to dinner at the cathay.
maybe that's why my legs are aching a bit today....

i think my deteriorating fitness level is starting to show in my inability to shop. only conquered taka this afternoon after running around getting passport and stuff in the morning and my toes feel like they are breaking! now i really wonder how i could shop the whole day from one end of orchard to the other last time and i really admire those ladies who can shop in those killer heels. no wonder they are called killers. ouch my poor toes. managed to accomplish quite a bit of my christmas shopping for the family and made the most of my taka vouchers and the gift wrapping service to wrap the HUGE present for my dad. i wonder how much the gift wrapping girls are paid but it does require some skills, especially when they meet people like me giving them huge and odd shaped things to wrap. and i am not the worst, a few days ago i saw this auntie putting at least 10 boxes of biscuits at the counter asking them to wrap one by one! i think those wrappers and ribbons cost more than those biscuits! almost wanted to cab back cos it was raining and i was carrying 2 big bags of stuff, but decided not to make the hole in my wallet bigger. now i understand why guys find shopping a chore, especially when they have to lug the shopping bags around.

i wear shades not to shield my eyes from the sun, i wear colored contacts not for aesthetic purposes. i wear them so that you can't see through my eyes, can't read my mind.

officially lost my motivation to train, to run, to exercise, my interest to shop
found my ability to nua, to slack at home and do nothing, to sleep the number of hours a normal person should, to eat double the amount a normal person should and it is reeeaaallly starting to show. in short, i'm turning into a pig.
and my stupid phone which is less than 2 months old died on me today! and in my history of owning a handphone, i have never gone to any service centre before! arghhh irritated!

我是天空里的一片云，
偶尔投影在你的波心
你不必惊讶
更无须欢喜
在转瞬间消灭了踪影。
　　
你我相逢在黑夜的海上，
你有你的，我有我的，方向；　
你记得也好，
最好你忘掉，
在这交会互放的光亮！
——徐志摩《偶然》

(not emo-ish or what, just thought of this while rowing just now..)

“雨滴妹妹总在大雨后神秘消失，
大家都浪漫地想象她是住在喷泉环绕的别墅里，
但真相往往令人心酸，”

the whole day of incessant rain left the lazy me at home watching movies, doing cross-stitch, eat, sleep, read, watch tv. as of now i am still enjoying the feeling of waking up knowing i have nothing to do for the rest of the day, but i think i will get sick of it soon. why is it that we can never be satisfied? just a few weeks ago i was looking forward to this slack life of "eat until full and wait to get hungry" as what my mom very nicely summarized my day

ran my 4th and last (for the time being) marathon. and i did as planned, just enjoy the run. in the middle of it, i contemplated whether to run off on my own, but i didn't see the point because it was quite impossible to beat last year's timing already, and i didn't think i could go much faster and that even if i finish early i still had to stone and wait for everyone to finish.
the night before the run, i was reading my previous entries on the past few marathons, the first will always be the most memorable, and training to achieve your target is sure rewarding. with the imcreasing regi fees and the lack of creativity of t-shirt and singlet designs, plus the fact that every year the route remains 90 percent the same, i think i should really take a break before it gets too boring.
other than the fact that my toes feel a bit squashed, everything else feels fine. but before i praise my lousy knees for not aching through the night and still being able to walk up and down stairs normally, they just had to prove me wrong. as i was walking down the steps away from the mrt station, i sprained my knees. again. although it has been a long time, at least a year i think, since i last sprained my kness for no particular reason, i think my lousy joint is so seasoned that it just took me 1 second for the bones to go out of alignment and back again, and 10 seconds to recover from the shock and about a minute to make sure legs can move normally. 3 minutes later the pain was almost compltely non-existent.
acupuncture looks so easy, like the needle just goes in painless, can poke into any parts, even come out from the other end, but it is not easy!! mom bought me a set of acu needles and the ambitious me decided to me my own guinea pig. so i tried the most common and (i think) relatively safe zusanli (if i did manage to locate it accurately. it's somewhere on the side of the legs below the knees, and i don't think my skin is that thick, but it was damn painful and i can't poke the needle in! i think i was too ambitious, haha, so till i learn the proper way to get it into body, i shall practise poking packets of tissues first, if i do practise. and i will make sure i succeed on myself first before poking other people.
i'm a suaku but i bought and tried my first box of donuts on sat. not a big fan of donuts although it is nice and sweet and looks very pretty, especially the double choc one cos i'm a chocoholic! but i don't think it's worth the hours of queuing. and i should thank them for opening their new outlet at the most obscure corner in the so inaccessible shopping centre, plus the fact that i was there at 11am, there was no queue! only 2 person in front of me and i manage to get my first box of donuts in 2 minutes! (and i took a longer time to find it with some help of the sc map and sense of directions). i still prefer my mom's homemade bread and i'm still craving for a buffet...

so glad that mom is back and put an end to my 'housewife crash course'. but i must say a big thank you to her for letting me learn how to take care of myself and look after the house and to train up for my next 2 years of surviving on my own. in the past 2 weeks, i've swept and mopped the floor, and washed and ironed clothes FOR THE FIRST TIME in the new house (which i've already stayed for 2 years), and i am thankful for the fact that the house is quite small. indeed, there is a sense of satisfaction when the floor felt so clean and everything is so orderly. and i must comment that the designer of the house needs a bit of common sense and understanding than to put the bamboo pole holder for hanging clothes sooooo high up on the ceiling that i have to stand on the stool, extend the fork-like thingie for taking the poles all the way and even have to catch the falling pole as it slides down from the ceiling holder (if you can imagine). ok blame the fact that i am not vertically-advantaged, but who on earth puts lights right in the middle of where the poles go across such that pegs have to be slanted to the side so as not to smash and break the lights. ok, enough housewife rambling, i wonder why mom never complained.
cliche as it may sound, but i finally realised how simple things are always taken for granted. and i finally understand why mom keeps nagging. the reason is simple, we never appreciated her work, for daily tasks like cleaning and cooking, and take it for granted that i can leave everything in a mess knowing that somehow it will get cleaned up cos mom can't stand the untidiness. yes, probably i'll never get to tell her this personally, that i really appreciate what she's been doing.
是啊，失去的才是最值得珍惜的，得不到的总是最美的。
life's a joke
today is the last day of sem 1, though mine ended more than a week ago, and it's only 1 more semester left before saying a big farewell to singapore and ntu. unbelievably fast isn't it? a big discovery after stoning at home for the past one week plus is my ability to sleep and watch tv. that's what's keeping me occupied when everyone else is still busy mugging. like last night when finally everyone's at home and sis was hogging the tv, dad hogging the internet so i had nothing better to do than to sleep, before 10pm for the first time in ages.
42km on sunday. not hoping for much, not trying to beat any timings, just finish it and enjoy it.

一直以为‘死亡’这可怕的两个字跟年轻的我们还有一段长远的距离，一直告诉自己如今努力地读书是为了美好的将来。但谁能掌握自己的命运，操纵自己的生命。努力地付出，不断地奋斗，为了那单纯的目标，梦寐的理想。是啊，老天就是要这样作弄人，让你得到了一切却又不能拥有它。一个接着一个的噩耗又怎能不让人心酸，以往就在你身边有说有笑的朋友如今已到了那个叫天堂的神圣地方。或许他们真的到了那安全的地方，或许他们还一直在照耀着地球上的我们，但这一次的告别铁做的心也会碎，冰做的眼角也会落泪。
“水能浮舟，亦能覆舟”我想如今我已深刻地了解了这句话的意义。
是啊，人生自古谁无死，如果说生命不在于长短而在于活的有没有意义，或许就是如此吧。
即使留下深深的疤痕，再大的伤口也会愈合，只能说告辞了。安息吧。

turning into a hermit at home and even cooked dinner myself cos i was hungry and it was raining and i just didn't feel like stepping out of the house.
and my head's going to explode soon. can't think anymore..

you call it synopsis, i call it the curse of the golden chamber! let me out of here!
i've been trying, really really hard, to tell myself to hang in there, not to give up, but is it working? really really tired, all i want to do now is sleep, cover my head with a big fat pillow, shut my eyelids and let the mind rest!
and it sucks to be at home all alone on a saturday, totally. it's leading me to self destruction..

visited my alma mater this morning to collect my sister's 'high achiever's award' for being 4th in class, cos she's off for holiday with mom. didn't mean to be late but i underestimated the morning traffic. i remember the days when i had to watch the buses zoom pass the busstop, all packed with people and feeling relieved when i could finally squeeze into one. the walk in from coro seems much nearer than i remembered, and yes, as i walked up to the hall, i heard the school song which haunted me for almost 10 years. wow, it's been a long time since i last sang it. the school's totally different now, most of my teachers are not there anymore, but some memories remain...
and i got my 7th earhole pierced yesterday. the whole process was done in less than a minute and it was surprisingly not painful. the girl in the shop convinced me that it won't drop off cos it doesn't have the back part, but i'm quite sure i'll just yank it off some day while drying my hair or something. and it was only when i reached home that i realised something more of a concern - i have no idea how i'm going to stuff an earphone in! ok laugh at me...
perhaps my pain tolerance has increased, or perhaps my heart's hurting even more to feel that bit of external pain. teach me how to smile when i have to learn about the news just before my first paper, when i read the blog entries and see the msn nicks. teach me how to smile when i have to face the four walls of the house, the loneliness written on them, the fact that i've to settle my own meals, tidy my room, mop the floor, wash, hang, iron clothes, remembering to collect letters, close the windows, water the plants, feed the hamsters and fishes. ok i'm just a spoilt brat..
sigh, makes me wonder again what's the most important aspect of life. perhaps it's the bliss of having it..
farewell..

when you listen to a song, do you listen to the melody or the lyrics? i do both. more of the melody when i hear it for the first time and subsequently the lyrics, especially when i bring my shuffle for a long run.
been listening to jay's new songs, and looking at the lyrics at the same time. quite a variety, light-hearted ones, oriental ones, and of course sad ones. i like this one...
from "蒲公英的约定"

已经长大的约定 那样清晰
拿过到的我相信
说好要一起旅行
是你如今 唯一坚持的任性

是啊，我们曾经说好要一起去旅行，不知道你是否已经忘记，曾经许下的约定，如今已成为无言的结局。


（后记：
我不难过了　
甚至真心希望你能幸福　
当我了解你只能活在记忆里头

我不恨你了　
甚至原谅你的残酷理由　
当我了解不爱了
连回忆　都是负荷　

我不恨你了
甚至感谢这样不期而遇　
当我从你眼中发现我已是
陌生人了　
我已是　陌生人了）

my only weekend not having to work was spent at home because i can't decide on a better place with nobody to disturb me. i guess the only highlight was saturday, when i finally had the chance to go out for family dinner. and my mom was happy to give a treat because she striked toto for the first time and won a grand total of...... twenty dollars. wahahahha, not even enough for dinner, which was just a simple meal of tze char at the nearby coffeeshop, cos my sis was complaining of a stomachache and wanted to rest at home, so we didn't want to be away for too long.
and when we finished eating and dapao-ed dinner for her, she was still not well, tossing and turning in bed. and then vomitted her lunch all over the bed! and i just happen to be studying the chapter on "呕吐哕下利病脉证治第十七" thanks for being my first-hand real-life example! and the golden chamber tells you that "朝食暮吐，暮食朝吐，宿谷不化，名曰胃反。" and that "胃反呕吐者，大半夏汤主之。"
and no prize for guessing where her dinner went, yes, into my stomach as supper.
counting down to d-day and pressing the panic button is no use if i don't do anything about it. this ought to be the most "slack" semester with only 2 core papers ending exams before everybody else, but i'm spending half the time sleeping, eating and cutting hair in my room! and i just can't freaking memorize all the crap! well, at least my elective tutor was nice and convincing enough to promise us that it is impossible to fail, though very hard to pass with flying colours. just don't let me prove him wrong cos i just need S for satisfactory, and i have attended all the lectures though i spent 90 percent of the time talking and the other 10 percent sleeping, and can't be bothered to borrow or photocopy the textbook, since i figured out that 'open book' = 'answer cannot be found directly from textbook'. just hope i can crap and bluff my way through.
and i am allowing myself to become fair and flabby, thanks to the rainy season and the inertia to step out of the house.

it's been a long while since i ran on the treadmill cos i hate running on the same spot, having the machine to control my speed and nothing better to look at other than myself in the mirror. but thanks to the rain yesterday morning, i had to resort to my last alternative. there was nobody in the gym until this auntie came and the first thing she did was to swtich off the aircon! leaving me sweating like a pig while she happily WALKED on the treadmill next to me. not that i'm obsessed with how many calories i burn, but i really doubt the accuracy of the counter on the machine. i ran for 40 min (including warmup and cooldown), switching between intervals of higher speed and slope to break the monotony and it says i burned about 470 calories! (and i did change the default weight on the machine) sure or not??
and no, i'm not an exercise freak who spend hours working out everyday, but running is addictive and i realise my body can't wake up and i can't function for the whole day if i don't sweat it out in the morning.
speaking of running, stan chart is a month away and i haven't got time for long runs. just hope my lungs, legs and shoes are nice to me. and speaking of counting down, exams are in less than 2 weeks and i haven't managed to find a textbook for the open-book paper. haha. wish me luck..
i haven't disappeared, just not wanting to appear...

if it brings me a step closer to my dream, if it could let me make it through these obstacles, even if it brings death nearer to me, brings with it pain, tears and blood..
i don't think there's any alternative
till it's over, i'll fight along, be strong..

anyway...
happy halloween!!
and
happy birthday sista!!

mom made the blackforest cake and i'm all red and ditsy from a tiny little glass of red wine.

many people have asked me why am i studying TCM, and i am not going to lie to you and say because i am so interested in it and it's my dream to become a sinseh bla bla bla. of all the various little factors that led me into the course is due to the fact that i do not believe in tcm. i used to think it is absurd how drinking different kinds of dried plants and poking needle through your body can do so much wonders, like bringing a dying cancer patient back to life, making a paralysed person able to walk again etc.. mainly because i've not seen or experienced it for myself. hence, i embarked on this long journey to find my answer.
i haven't found it, but along the way, amidst all the info overload and headaches, there were times when i do see a bit of light.
last saturday's internship was certainly one of them. the acupuncturist i followed is a classical example of a 老中医. his hair may be mostly white, he may be old, but i do have to agree that he is indeed charming. we may not have learnt acupuncture before but his very brief summary and explanation makes it sound so easy. and seeing him planting needles into patients makes it look so easy. i will not forget the scene where he inserted a 4 inch needle from the exterior side of the knees ALL THE WAY in. it didn't come out from the other side though i think it's almost there already.
and there's another patient, a lady in her 40s i guess, who walked in like any normal person, looks quite cheerful and talks quite a lot. had he not mentioned her medical history, i don't think anyone can tell that she suffered from a stroke a year ago and was wheelchair-bound when she first sought treatment from him half a year ago.
i'm indeed very impressed...

been watching my mood go on a roller coaster ride this week, but for most of the time it's at the 'leave me alone' and 'talk to my hand' part. walking around like a zombie in my own world and getting irritated by the smallest little things. basically i just don't care and can't be bothered. it's none of my business.. i hate it especially when the teacher mumbles a whole chunck of useless stuff, wasting our time discussing about the things we've discussed and squinting my eyes trying to decipher her horrible handwriting.. argh.. and one more thing which never fails to irritate me - kids. i remember being at the busstop one day reading notes and waiting for the bus when this little girl who was in front of me just turned and asked "what are you doing?" in that cute and sweet voice. i just rolled my eyes at her then pretended not to hear her anymore. obviously she didn't get my intention and asked me again "what are you doing?" her mom then turned and told her "she's ignoring you" in a very nice tone of course, and asked her to sit down. so me being mean just stared at her and said "ya, i'm ignoring you!" and walked away. today i was swimming in my condo pool, enjoying having the pool all to myself when this little girl was obviously in my way and looking at me swim. when i passed by her, she even tried to swim beside me, so i just kicked harder and pulled away, what a pity that i didn't kick her in the face. haha. ok i must admit those 2 girls are only about 5 or 6 years old and they are cute, but i really wanted to smack and kick their faces.. don't worry, i have never abused my sis before, at most i'll just give her a big slap on the butt and ask her to shut up.
yeah, it's finally friday, which means the next two days will be fully packed with work and stuff. having nothing planned, i came home straight after class, wanting to do my lab report. why can't those kiasu students read and understand simple english and just follow the blardy instructions?!?! it states very clearly that the task is just to 'sketch the banding patterns you obtained, and labeled drawings of leaf and stem. and what did everyone do, or intend to do? write a whole damn report!! spoil market!!
did my rough sketch really look so 'rough' and unwanted that my mom had to throw it away as trash? i'm surprised i didn't scream or lose my temper at all at her. just decided to cool it down by taking a dip in the pool. yes mom, thanks a lot for throwing away the most important source of info i have to do the report, and for keeping my pens in my pencil case without capping them. alright, i still love you for cleaning up my room, washing my clothes, altering my jeans, supplying me with food etc etc..

wow, i think today's my "lucky" day.. just saw one of the many wonders of ntu! as we were running out of school from the jln bahar exit. sy saw it first and said 'eee... i see a dog' i only saw it when we took a few more steps closer to it and it started moving, A BIG, FAT, ROUND WILD BOAR RUNNING ACROSS THE ROAD AND INTO THE JUNGLE!!! horrified!!

this morning i woke up feeling like it was a whole new world, the feeling of waking up not knowing what day it is, what time is it, just totally not knowing what's happening, all thanks to my long and undisturbed sleep, mainly because i concussed on the bed at 11pm. totally concussed and died-ed.. for a moment it felt good, like as if everything is new and fresh, only when i stepped out of the house, repeating the daily morning routine, that i realised nothing has changed.

i know this sounds real silly, but for the past 24 hours or so, i've been thinking, and searching, for just one good reason for me to live.
i am such a burden, such a worthless thing. all i do at home is to mess up my room, leaving mum to clear it up everyday when i go to school, eating up all the food she buys and cooks, and screaming at everyone who don't let me have things my way. school is just another total piece of crap. i just can't bring myself to pay attention in class, not to mention revise and study..
i've been trying to search for a reason for the depressness and i haven't found it. i can't pinpoint any reasons, or just one good reason that led me into this state, but neither can i find a reason to be happy. yes, suicidal it may sound, but i'm still searching for that one good and solid reason to live.
this morning was especially bad and the rain just had to make things worse. if not for mom who found me such an irritant and chased me out for school, i may have just ponned school. no, i wasn't afraid of the test, because i have already given up on it.
yes, me the bloody loser, seeking comfort in self denial, given up on studies, and giving up on life. i am not even half as strong as what i seem to be, because no one has seen the real me. the weekend of rowing and running felt good, at least the physical fatigue gave a transient escape from reality and took my confused mind out for some fresh air, it didn't last long. one thing that i want to do now is to cry, to hide my face into the pillow and allow all the pent-up emotions flow out.. but i bloody can't get the freaking tears out...
as i was enjoying my sunday jog yesterday, bringing my new running shoes out for their maiden voyage, i had nothing better to do than listen and appreciate the lyrics. here is one line which made me ponder. the song it comes from is pretty obvious "没人能把谁的钕幸福没收，你发誓你会活得有笑容。你自信时候真的美多了”
so much easier said than done..
really tired.. just let me sleep and not wake up

the shopaholic in me just showed its tail today when i decided to go get a new phone, since my old one is getting cranky. got my 4th phone and was indeed very impressed with the efficiency and speed everything was settled. went to the taka hello shop, which was just a tiny little space in taka, without proper tables and chairs, wanted to get the phone that was on special offer for this week, but it was really a bit too bulky so decided to get a newer model, and of course pay more. quite excited with my new phone and i think it will keep me busy for quite a long time, especially when i have to manually save the contacts one by one, cos my old phone does not have the function that says "copy all to sim"..
and since i was already in town, i decided to walk around and shop a bit. heh.. bought a pair of new jeans and a couple of other little things here and there. and i must say shopping is a form of exercise, especially when you have a lot of things to carry and there's no seats on the bus! ok, enough of shopping for the time being.. wait till the shopping spree gets the better of me..

i can't remember when was the last time i ran with such intensity, not for ahm, not for shape run and today wasn't even official training. even the rain could not stop me from going to the gym and going for a run in the cool breeze that blew away the rain. just needed to sweat it out after locking myself up in the golden chamber the whole day. haha. did some light weights in the usual old src gym before going for the insane run. decided to try out the guys' fitness test route, which is supposedly 5km, though i'm quite sure it's more than that. i think i consider it hundred percent effort already cos any more and i would probably just faint flat on the ground. even the downslopes were not enough for me to catch my breath before having to scale the upslopes again. at the end of the run, i finally experienced what is really called panting and shortness of breath. it feels as if my lungs are not working together with the exchange of gases cos i was panting so much that the lungs were not given enough time to expand and take in more oxygen (if you have experienced it before and know what i mean). and i passed the fitness test, guys standard. haha
tired.. very tired.. but feels good

there can be no better word to describe the weekend than sleep! and dad was absolutely wrong in warning me not to drink so much tea in case i have problem sleeping cos what was suppose to be a short break by lying on the bed before starting to do work turned out to be a perfect 8-hour sleep! and the 'best' part of it was that i fell asleep at 11pm without changing, washing up and taking off contacts! don't worry, my eyes are still in perfect conditions.
sunday i managed to get my lazy bum out of the house to paddle a bit in the morning. good weather and water, and felt good to be in the boat again.
today was sports appreciation night. nothing unusual, just the normal speeches, award presentations and of course the highlight - buffet dinner that followed, which didn't really have a lot of good quality food.
hmmm.. did all the speeches and achievements of fellow athletes inspire me? to train harder? to study harder? to work towards my dream? what dream? i don't know. if my dream was to be a professional athlete, i've chosen to give up on that a few years ago. if my dream was to ace this exams, i'm definitely not doing enough and not even trying hard enough to get down to doing it. if my dream was to live each day to the fullest and be contented with life, why can't i just face each day with a smile that comes straight from the bottom of my heart? till i can finally find the real purpose in life, i will live each day as it passes by, looking forward to the end of each day and dreading the approach of the next morning as the countdown to the exams ticks away.
yes i admit, i'm scared...

last official land training today before the full scale mugging begins.. although i do admit trainings can get monotonous and i am seriously very sick of can 2 food,i do look forward to trainings most of the time. at least it gives me a break from the classroom and books, and my ball sense has obviously not improved after 2 weeks of games day. haha.
super-blur-me left my shoebag with shoes at mac toilet and so it's obviously nowhere to be found now.. time for new running shoes!!
super-blur-me thought i lost my pencil (which was a birthday present from a family friend on my 5th birthday i think) and only found it a week later in my labcoat pocket..

caught lust.caution yesterday. although i admit i was a bit confused and rather sleepy at the beginning of the movie, it was certainly worth the money and time. it's not the kind of sad story that will make you cry, but it sure made my heart sank. what's loyalty? what's love? and where do you draw the line between role-play and reality? what's right and what's wrong? and my very big question: why is she soooo foolish?!?!
alright, it's just a movie..
but in reality, aren't we all fools? well, at least i think i am..
请帮我找个快乐的理由，请帮我寻回生存的动力。请帮我寻找那暮色里七彩的彩虹。我想我已厌倦那勉强的笑容，那喧哗的世界及那难以揣测的人心。或许一切都应该返璞归真，做回最单纯的自己。既悟已往之不谏，奚念恋陶醉其中？

ok, i shall blog, after a long long time of inactivity.. been either too lazy or too busy for the past month or so.
spent the whole recess week mugging for exams which ended up as a futile attempt of trying to be hardworking. somehow my mind just blanks out when i open the paper and start writing. well, it's over and now there's an even harder challenge ahead..
well, even if age is not the best gauge of maturity, it certainly adds to it. or maybe it's time that i realise life is not just about having fun, we need a goal, an aim, a future. nothing drops down from the sky and i do think it is time for me to plan what lies ahead. one more year in s'pore may seem long but 2 years of uni life have already passed, gosh, it seemed like everything only happened yesterday. it's a mixed feeling of anticipation, excitement, yet anxiety and uncertainty of school life in bucm and generally living in bj. what's more uncertain is after graduation. i've always avoided the question of what i want to be after i graduate. my answer was always wait till i grad first, yeah it's true but i really don't know what i want, is it practice? where? is it research? or is it to further my studies (if i haven't got enough of it)?
yes officially an adult now meaning i have the full responsibility to take care of myself and be independent..
it certainly is not quite right to find myself talking to myself in the middle of the night, in the midst of studying, as in really as if there's another person in the room and just chatting, cursing and swearing, and could only vaguely remember that i was really talking all by myself but had no idea what i said the next morning. and doesn't sound quite right when i can dream about myself breaking down in the bus followed by another dream that i dreamt that i broke down in the bus, all that in 10 minutes after dinner at 8pm in the sofa. gosh.. help!

cutting cake at the rooftop..

i do love you guys..
just a random comment.. ignorance is bliss, so don't bother..