i thought i had convinced myself that perfection does not exist. i thought i had grown to accept what i am. apparently not. happyness was transient, so surreal, so painful knowing that everything would be gone once you wake up. i always ask myself why, but i haven't found the answer.. why am i doing all these? is it worth it? why am i constantly bringing myself to self-destruction? drawing myself closer to death? when can i stop? when will i ever learn?
it's been one and a half weeks of school already and as usual i spend at least 80 percent of the time caged up in that little classroom. i believe school's quite happening in the spines, but do i care?
the blood drive is in school again this week and donating blood used to be a regular thing for me to do, makes me feel good especially on emo days. but now i can't.. sigh.. see, now even my blood is worthless, guess i'm just a pure good-for-nothing now..
i need the courage, to find out what is happiness, to find out what is love, for myself...