Never knew sleeping felt so good. 7 long hours of uninterrupted and stress-less sleep. Yes, 7 is considered long after being only able to sleep on an average of 3 hours per night. And so I woke up at 6am with my usual alarm clock and waited eagerly for there to be a bit of light so that I can go for my morning run round the campus. Then I decided to be a housewife and cleaned up my dirty and messy room. I can't say it's the cleanest room you can find but I definitely tried to clean up at least ninety percent of the dirt and hair and eraser dust. shh.. but I think the total number of times I mopped the floor can be counted with fingers on one hand..
Alright, I know I'm just trying to escape from reality and indulging in a transient moment of freedom and happiness. But let me be.. afterall, there's nothing I can do now except accept the fact that it's already over and what is done is done, or rather, what has not been done will never be done. Now I'm already starting to "mug" for my last paper by listening to songs and singing. Next "mass studying" session will be held at ktv.
Spent my afternoon stoning and sleeping at home. And don't try to persuade me to go to work when I'm suppose to be relaxing. If you're really that great, why doesn't anyone want to work for you? It's not a matter of IQ, it's a matter of EQ and I think you've failed in that aspect

My long awaited break is finally here.. went to watch sky high just now and it was certainly a good way to destress after so many torturous days. Now I'm back in hall and there's only 1 word to describe my feelings now. Tired.
This room is in a complete mess. I'm going to do spring cleaning tomorrow and leave it empty for a week.
I need sleep. good night

I suddenly have the urge to run out of the room now and get myself totally drenched in the pouring rain. Organic chem was not easy, and now it's even harder. What to do when your mind gets into a complete blank and I think even an open book test for this won't help much. But I'm not feeling the kind of shittiness, perhaps I'm just too tired to care. I want a break, I need a break. And now I'm trying to squeeze all the anatomy and physiology stuff into my congested brain. I think I need to dig out the unimportant stuff there to allow more space for useful ones. I think I've really learnt my lesson of leaving everything to the last minute. But I say and swear that I'll start revision early after every exam, but it never happened.
As I read and try my best to understand the notes, I'm still trying to figure out what is wrong with my stupid knees, which part exactly does the problem lie. I've been living with it since I knew the feeling of pain but still can't find the answer to solve it. It's only 3 more weeks to marathon and I want to complete it and still be able to walk after that.
Sigh.. back to the notes. Looking forward to tomorrow when I can finally take a short break. I desperately need to catch up on my sleep. I feel like a panda now.

My cosy little room at home is certainly not a good place to mug, especially when I could just swirl the chair around and jump onto my bed. I fell asleep so many times that my mind is almost in a complete blank. Help!!
Stupid knees are giving me problems again. argh

I was so tired when I got home from work yesterday after 10 hours non-stop of work. I can't remember what I did when I got home, but I think I tried to mug because I woke up at 5 plus this morning to find the lights still on and my favourite highlighter has dried up. I'm actually surprised that I woke up finding myself on the bed instead of sitting in the chair and getting a sore neck.
Well, one hilarious encounter during work:
Someone picked up a wallet that someone else has dropped and passed it to us at the counter, so we opened the wallet to see whose is it. It happen to belong to the girl who just went into the consultation room, so we waited for her and her mom to come out then passed it to her. After dispensing the medicine and passing her her mc...
the mother said the sentence of the day: don't lose you mc ar, keep it in your wallet."
you should have seen us burst into laughter after they left.

All the best to the canoeists who have embarked on their journey this morning. I'll glue my eye to the television and hoping for the good news. Yes it used to be our dream, remember the trainings we went through, the dreams we shared, and the times we had. That's all part of the beautiful memories now. I know you're enjoying yourself there, training like nobody's business for your new passion and I am here living a normal life and being tortured by the unsympathetic examination. But I gave up on it myself, do I regret? not really, I just didn't want to continue anymore. I wanted it to end, to leave only the pleasant recollections, but I don't think it's going to end so soon. Oh well, I really wish them the best of luck and I'm proud of them.
The noise from downstairs is certainly disturbing!!! Not that I'm blaming the Deepavali celebration, it's just that why can't all the performers sing in tune. They certaily sound horrible and now the emcee is laughing like a chicken. Can't they be more considerate??
Alright, I admit I'm easily irritated..

I'm halfway there, halfway to go. Please let this end as soon as possible. I don't like the feeling of forcing myself in that tiny little room, trying to force everything into that puny little brain of mine. I love uni life, just not the studying part. Perserverance.. and I will make it..
Back at home now and just realised that naughty little sis of mine is a complain queen. She's extremely proud of the fact that she had complained to her teacher that her friend didn't want to friend her anymore. Seems like the phrase "I don't friend you already" is still in existance and still as widely used.
I should be mugging now.. shoo

The hardest battle is the battle against yourself. And today I've fought this battle again and waiting for the results. Well, you can say it started with the shitty 104 paper, but seriously I think it's quite alright if I had studied harder for it and understood the concepts. I didn't, so that's why I'm here writing all these words of regrets and getting myself into this damn mood again.
I used to take exams so lightly because I know it is not going to affect anything. All I had to do was to give everything for 'O' and 'A' levels, which I already did and succeeded. But right now I have everything at stake. The consequences of me screwing up this exams, which I think I certainly will, is definitely more than just having to repeat it next sem. Seriously, I don't see anything wrong with having to redo it given the fact that I will have a better grasp of the subject. But no, it's not as simple as that..
Or is it that I'm expecting too much from myself, setting an almost unachievable goal and struggling to find my way there. Struggling very hard. Or maybe it's you that has caused all these pressure. You had always wanted the best to come from me. But I can tell you, sorry I didn't. I didn't get into Harvard, I didn't get the president scholarship, I didn't even get into medicine and I don't think I'm going to get first class honours and I definitely won't become the president of Singapore. I know you were probably joking but the rebellous me wants to prove you wrong. I want to give you the hit in the face and tell you "who says I can't.." Perhaps I don't have the opportunity anymore. So let's just mind our own business and live our own lives. I don't want anything from you and I don't want to depend on you for anything, but what if situations don't allow? I know that you have other things to worry about and I really don't want to become your burden. Alright, enough said, what is done, or rather what has not been done, is all over. In fact, I feel good now after a long walk back to hall from sbs. I love that place, the nice wooden tables and big unbrellas and the breeze. Not forgetting the wonderful salad at the cafe which never failed to make my day.
It's ironic how I had more msn windows popping up when I said leave me alone. haha, and I'm actually quite amused by it. And I really hope you can just leave me alone and don't irritate me especially when I'm not in the mood.
And I always look forward to weekends, although I know this one's going to be packed with study and work. Should I go training on saturday? Speaking of training, my whole upper body is acheing from weights yesterday and doing stick rotation the day before that. Just goes to show how long have I not utilised my upper body.
It's a month's time away from round ubin race and less than a month away from SC marathon. Gosh, how am I going to finish that with the measly amount of exercise and watching those muscles turn into fats.. help...

2 papers down and I'm counting down and looking forward to the day where I can walk out of the examination hall and say "holidays are here!!" French paper today was alright except for the section where we were asked to write the states in France, countries beside France, French cuisine etc, which I had left half of it blank. I almost burst out laughing at my initial intention of writing french fries as one of the french dishes, since I'm not going to get any marks for that question I might as well write something to make the marker laugh. The essay was quite funny too and the basketball court turned from cold to freezing so I couldn't take it anymore and left the court 20 minutes earlier to buy myself a cup of corns to give me more corny ideas for tomorrow's paper..
I confess I haven't been to the gym for more than 2 weeks and I was full of enthusiasm to have a workout after the paper today, only to find the gym closed due to exams and only opened from 6 to 9 pm. Seems like it's forcing me to go back to my room and mug.
Does fish really make one smarter? Seems like my mom believes in it as she has been cooking fish for me almost everyday last week, why do I not see the effects?

With my backpack and laptop, I am officially back in my cosy little room in pulau ntu. I think my roomie and I really cannot study with each other around, and now she's at home mugging after a one week stay last week while i'm back here. First thing that I did after unloading all my stuff was to sweep the floor. Not that i'm a clean freak, but the floor was too dirty.
Doing French paper in preparation for tomorrow's exam, not that it's easy, but it's definitely less of a torture on the brains.
Seems like I have no choice but work on Saturday... and the tagboard is back just for your info if anyone happens to see this
我依然是你的情人　我依然愛你最深

Finally it's here, the moment which I had been dreading. As I walked past the examination hall in the morning, seeing all the bags placed outside and people sitting for exams gave me a sense of nervousness that I have never felt before, not even for the big 'A's. But as I sat above the exam hall trying to do some last minute revision, the feeling of nervousness has turned into somewhat of an 'excitement' and 'eagerness'. Time seemed to pass so slowly as I couldn't wait for the paper to start and end. And so the time came, and passed, and I have one less paper to go. I will survive...
7867047748284640630382537

I can't wait for it to be over and yet don't want it to come. This feeling is like crap, I've never felt so unprepared for exams before and I don't want this kind of shitty start to uni.. But what can I possibly do in the next 15 hours? burn the books, notes, tutorials and eat up the ashes?
oh crap... always look on the bright sight of life...

477

2 lectures of biostats in a row is bringing me to laalaa land, and don't try to attain some peace by scolding a five-year-old crybaby because it certainly brought adverse effects. I don't expect much from this exam, just can't wait for it to be over when I can regain my freedom and enjoy life. I've given my promise and I won't break it, but what if things are beyond my control?
Alright, better get off the com now and let my lazy dad use it if not he'll be taking a whole-afternoon nap..
addicted to sour plums for the sugar rush and hoping they will keep me awake...
我会学着爱自己，是因为我太爱你...

My brain is saturated with bio stuff after one whole day of bio crash course and my stomach is filled with stingray that I can't function normally now...

I didn't realise that I haven't been to kap for so long until I pushed open the door and say to my surprise, a brand new appearance. The layout and chairs have changed and the sofa-like chairs definitely looked tempting and comfortable. Too bad there wasn't any available ones for me. I contented myself with a small table in a secluded area and proceeded with my mugging. The place was filled with students mugging for 'O's and 'A's that made me feel so old and knowledgable. I remember my last visit to kap was when I was mugging for 'A's, yes, it was exactly a year ago. Although it wasn't the most quiet and condusive environment for studying, at least the temperature was just nice. And thanks for popping by and surprising me with your presence and company, though I must have bored you to death by my desperate attempt to do my last minute revision. It wasn't a bad day, mainly because I didn't touch any bio stuff today. I'll save that for tomorrow...

Just as I turned on tmy laptop and was about to start my day of mugging today, my handphone rang and it says private number calling, so since I didn't want to miss any important calls, I picked up the call and yes, it was my dearest boss "inviting" me to go to work today cos one of the nurses took child mc. After an unsuccessful attempt of trying to persuade him that I desperately need to study, I still had to watch him cut up the gums to dig out the hidden wisdom tooth. Luckily it was a very short operation and I got to go home at lunchtime.
Trying very hard to do a 2 year syllabus in a week. C'est impossible....
Maybe I'm expecting too much....

I tried to go on full-scale mugging today, from school to millenia walk, and I hope I succeeded in looking like a mugger lugging my thick and heavy bio textbook around. In fact, I think I look like an JC2 student mugging for A levels since the textbook is an A level text. But what can you do if the brain's of limited capacity and has already reached saturation. I think I need a miracle...
and fish n co's ice blended drink is humongous, I almost got a fright when the big glass mug was served. But it was nice and never-ending.
I need to hit the gym tomorrow....

Isn't it strange how we gradually lose the sense of innocence as we grow up? How our birthday wishes are getting more and more difficult to realise? I remember birthdays being the most enjoyable day in the year, other than new year, I remember the joy and excitement of receiving and opening presents and making wishes hoping they will come true. But as the years pass by and life starts getting more hectic, birthdays seem to have lost that fun element. Although I still like receiving presents having friends to celebrate with me, the anticipation factor seems to be disappearing. Do birthday wishes really come true?
At least I should be glad I made my dearest girl elated with a few stickers. If only my wishes were so easy to realise. Happy birthday girl!!
I know your expectations, and I know mine better. so don't let me ruin my own life.

I don't know what gave me the motivation to drag my lazy self out of the house today for a run in the hot and glaring sun, but I certainly did not regret it. As I was walking out of my house, my inner voice was still telling me " you should be studying on this nice sunday morning and not get baked in the sun again.." but as I made the first step, the second, and went on, this feeling of enjoyment came to me, I guess this is called the runner's high. My legs kept moving and it certainly felt great. Just love running and it's the best way to destress.
The workaholic is finally taking a break next week...

Nice morning spent at macritchie today, paddling and talking crap at the same time prolonged the time taken to finish our self-initiated training programme, but it certainly made training more enjoyable. I think I just got 2 tones darker today, which is good.
And I did something which may only be done once in a life time - shopping with my dad for lights. Yes, your eyes didn't trick you. It's shopping with my dad for lights. Finally decided on the living, dining and my room's lights, and I want to go ikea to shop for nice stuff for my room!!!
Alright, enough of destressing.. it's time to get down to serious full scale studying for the exams.
-if i can have control of the calender and have things my way-

Still contemplating whether I should put my electives under the S/U system and the deadline is today. If I do, I'll relieve myself of so much stress to mug for them and have more time to study for my core subjects, but what if they do pull my miserable marks up?? It's like a gamble and I have a few more hours to decide..
Physiology test today wasn't too bad for the fact that most were mcq and true/false questions. I was laughing at my own answer for the question : heart attack is also known as_____. I hope he is lenient not penalise me for my stupid spelling mistakes.
I officially left my second home to return to my first home, leaving a very happy roommate behind who now has the honour of having a double-room-sized single room
looking forward to paddling at macritchie tmr...

Doesn't it annoy you how some people choose to slack and change the opening, or rather closing hour, at their own will? Well, I decided to try my luck at the NIE bookshop to buy a new calculator after my precious old casio 911Z disappeared miraculously 2 weeks ago. After a long walk from sbs, where I was studying until the sun went down, I finally found the bookshop. The door was closed when I reached there but the lights were still on and there was someone inside. I thought she was buying some stuff there too so I pushed the glass door, but it was locked. Then the lights inside were switched off one by one, so I figured out she was the shop keeper and was switching off the lights. I looked at the clock, it was only 6.50pm when the official time for closure is 7pm. What pissed me even more was that she looked at me, and pushed the door, walked away and never appeared. Initially I thought she was going to get the keys to let me in, but I waited for about a minute or two and there was still no sign of her. So I figured she must have pushed the door to make sure it's locked and left from the back door or something. Excusez-moi, what kind of attitude is that, and it's not like it's 6.59 or something. Alright, at least I had my daily exercise from walking one big round NIE and back to my hall carrying the heavy anatomy textbook.
I'm so glad French oral is over, so much of anxiety (not really actually) just for that few minutes to answer a few questions. I think I spoke a total of less than 30 words, but who cares, it's over and that's all that matters.
Alright, thing to focus on now: study for the dreadful test tomorrow. It's only half of the syllabus and it's enough to kill me.

gasp.. I can't believe what, or rather who I saw today, for a split second, I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me. I've decided to walk to my only lesson today and in the most secluded place of my short cut so that I don't have to climb the slopes, I saw a figure so familiar, so unmistakable.. Shaun Ho!! why do I see him everywhere? scary...
Alone in my room now in front of my laptop reading anatomy notes and seeping nice and hot green tea. Haven't visited the gym in a week, this is not good....

My greatest sense of achievement today is none other than the completion of my 1000-piece jigsaw puzzle that has been lying on the floor for at least a month or two. I know I should spend the time mugging, but at least give me the satisfied feeling of accomplishing something can? Anatomy and physiology is interesting to read, but when it comes to memorising for the test, please spare me.....
I'm just as unpredictable as the weather. It was unusually bright and sunny this morning, but the rain poured down all of a sudden. It wasn't just a rain, it was a thunderstorm which subsided in less than half an hour. Maybe it was just a sudden outburst of emotions, or maybe it was reality after a morning of pretence?
I realised we're the controller of our own life and how we want to live.

I didn't forget to blog yesterday, just that I couldn't get into the internet connection from my laptop in my room. I'm back in school embarking on another week's battle.. and I will survive..
Birthday celebration yesterday again and this time we must thank MacDonalds for supplying us all sauces for playing, and I'm glad I'm still clean.
I hope you can get yourself out of the blue and stop worrying about those stuff. I can scold you, wake you up, but who is going to give me a wake up nudge. Maybe it's me, myself and I.

after 8 hours of work today.. Je suis très fatiguée.... haha.. blogging and revising french at the same time.
i was trying to be a hardworking girl and study yesterday, but i spent most of the time trying to find a nice place in my house for that, all due to the fact that my dearest table lamp broke last week, meaning the table in my room was too dark for studying. so i tried the computer room, which was quite dark, but my mom insisted that the table lights in the other room was working, but it did only after a few unsuccessful tries so for about half an hour or more, i was shifting my stuff from room to room before the lights decided to behave themselves. and trying to do organic chem equals doing nothing much at all. why is organic chem so hard??
why are some people just so irritating.... don't you know you're just testing my limits? sometimes, and indeed almost everytime i just feel like telling you to fuck off and leave me alone. who the hell do you think you are... alright, this is not the place for vulgarities

have i finally rediscovered the fun of canoeing after more than a year?? training today was great and i simply did not regret going.. with the freedom of deciding on our own programme since it was an unofficial training, rachel and i decided to obey lesley to train for round ubin. our initial plan of paddling for one and a half hours, stopping after every half hour for water breaks was overcasted by our sense of enjoyment. the pace was perfect and we didn't felt like stopping after the first half hour so we've decided to change our programme to 20km. it was certainly the most enjoyable trainings i've ever had since the beginning of term, except for the little blister on my finger and abrasion from life vest. i think i just got tanned today. great..
since nobody in the family knows how to appreciate the beauty of dragon fruit, i just had one whole fruit to myself. i can just imagine those little seeds churning in my stomach, haha. i love my new laptop casing which i think was meant to be a pencil case, but it fits my laptop perfectly and it's much cheaper than an original casing. i love my new purple fbt shorts too.

Should I be thankful it's friday? or does that mean exams are just getting nearer? Well, today was a rather relaxed day with a very good start. I finally got the chance and time to go for my long run which left me in a good mood for the rest of the day. I'm rather proud of the fact that I didn't fall asleep in class at all today, yes I know semester 1 is already coming to an end but better late than never...
It seems like the workers are more eager and prepared for exams than we are. Wanted to play badminton during the long break today but when we reached the badminton court, we realised it was already half-filled with tables and chairs, so we decided to try the tennis court. This is when it made sense for badminton to be an indoor sport because the wind was just too strong for playing. So the ultimate solution: playing bridge at the grandstand.
Keep the mugging momentum going...

Is there something wrong with blogger or is it just my com, the page takes ages to load. Well, I've made it past today, with 2 tests one after another, what a test marathon day. Biochem was quite bad even though it was only mcq, blame it on my laziness; french was alright, now the big worry would be oral next week.
Doesn't life feel like a battle? I was fighting to finish my assignment last week; mugging for tests yesterday and trying to finish my lab reports now and this weekend. I've to clear the burdens before it starts to pile like a mountain. Perhaps it's a good way to keep my mind focused and stay away from all those frivilous and trivial stuff.

i shall make it a point to make a little contribution to my blog everyday.
gym today again, love those gym balls and that steam shower where i can lie in that misty room, lose myself in paradise, sing my favorite song and let my sorrow flow with the sweat.. will heaven be the same?i think i've been thinking so much so that i dreamt of you last night, details are censored.. but what does that show? yes, i'm thinking of you, i can't forget you and i wish that you were here, to lend me a shoulder, to lend me a hearing ear. be with me in this dark and lonely night. watch the sun rise above the darkness to shine a sense of hope.
that was my dream last night, will it become reality? or will we let this chance slip by again?
alright, stop dreaming and get back to studying. biochem and french test tomorrow..

I’m surprised to find myself still in one piece as I woke up in that lonely room. I thought I would never have to face the world again, I thought I had the courage or rather the stupidity to do so. It has happened so many times that I don’t know when it started. All I could remember is the thrill of self torture, like that of a knife piercing through my heart and brain. Have I lost my mind or have I lost my soul?
For how long more will I let my mood rise and fall like that of the tide? Yesterday I found the satisfaction after a self-study session at the library and gathered the pieces of me at the gym. Even though it was rather crowded, I felt the emptiness and loneliness within myself, like I’m wandering in a lost world of my own, finding my self-worth and existence. My legs moved on the treadmill, my eyes fixed on the television in front of me, my heart beating like it should and my arms by my side, occasionally grabbing the towel to wipe away my sweat. Everything was in their respective position and performing their respective roles. Everything except my mind. Perhaps I should be glad fatigue has set in early enough to take my mind away from the darkness. Perhaps it has pulled me away from the brim. I want to run away from this world, into a paradise where I can find beauty. Somewhere where I could forget all the unhappiness and start anew. I want to run until my legs break and my heart collapse, until I’m drowned in sweat and lose myself. I would have ran to neverland had it not been the people around me. Their sense of confidence and friendliness raised the spirit in me. Yes, maybe it’s not the end of the world yet, maybe things could still change.
Today I’m alone in my cozy little room again. I love the lonely cooling nights when I can let my thoughts run wild; when I can hide my face in the pillow and let my tears flow like nobody’s business.
No, there are so many things that I can’t let go. And there are too many nice people around. Although I may not show or say it, it certainly made an impact in my heart. I feel like I owe you so much, for everything that you’ve done. You let me have things my way and made me realize the world is still beautiful. Yes there is still hope of finding the light at the end of the tunnel, but will I eventually make my way there?
Don’t worry about me, I’m perfectly fine but let me have some peace, will you?

there's so many things going around in my mind right now that i don't know where to start with. school work is getting more and more hectic, having to meet deadlines for assignments and lab reports and not forgetting revision for exam, which i have not started. i came to ntu telling myself that studies will be my top priority and i'm going to go easy on ccas and other activities, but it seems like the other way now, returning to be cozy little room at 10 or 11 every night and by the time i settle down, i'll be too tired to do anything constructive. if this is the situation now, i don't know how i'm going to survive coming feb or march, with dnd, x-physique and training for sdba. at least i'm mentally prepared now.
i have never had this feeling before. i used to think it was all so dumb until when i realise it might actually happen. please don't let it go to that extent.

finally this marks the last week of school before the long awaited term break. and below is a list of crazy things that happened this week.
things that were done in hall 14 blk 68 level 4 room xxxx:

tuesday was flying insects catching day. i don't know if it's due to the weather, but there were so many flying insects struggling on the floor in our room that my roomie and i got so pissed that we got a bowl of hot water and started catching and drowning them. 30 over insects.




see those poor little creatures floating in the water? serve them right

the next day i returned to my room and found a present from my dearest roomie. a big, fat, juicy, green grasshopper.

chio right? we decided to be kind and let if off this morning. but it's still loitering outside our window. maybe it can't bear to leave us or maybe it has acrophobia.

today was my turn to be the crazy one.

i finally got to use my rubber lizard. i think i was damn childish but it was certainly fun to go back to the good old days. i feel like a primary school kid.

a week without practical is like heaven. and ktv only made it better. we had a ktv outing to jec kbox on tuesday and it was a great escape from school to sing our hearts out and scream at the top of our lungs. i wonder when it's the next time when we'll have this wonderful opportunity again. after the break it will be 9 hours of practical every week.

yep, that's us. about one fifth of the bms population and full attendance from the guys. *applause* (there's only 4 guys by the way)

that's about all for now. plan for tomorrow ( or rather today):
- round campus run at 2am
- playing netball with my coursemates

It's a long long journey
Till I know where I'm supposed to be
It's a long long journey
I don't know if I can believe
When shadows fall and block my eyes
I am lost and know that I must hide
It's a long long journey
Till I find my way home to you

Many days I've spent
Drifting on through empty shores
Wondering what's my purpose
Wondering how to make me strong

I know I will falter I know I will cry
I know you'll be standing by my side
It's a long long journey
And I need to be close to you

sometimes it feels no one understands
I don't even know why I do the things I do
When pride builds me up till I can't see my soul
Will you break down these walls and pull me through

Cause It's a long long journey
Till I feel that I am worth the price
You paid for me on calvary
Beneath those stormy skies

When Satan mocks and friends turn to foes
It feel like everything is out to make me lose control
Coze it's a long long journey
Till I find my way home to you...to you

things that are only done during my stay in hall:
-play netball
-play othello then scrabble then yes chinese chess,
-ktv until 2 plus am
and i'm sure the list will go on and on.
i saw the most ridiculous runner yesterday during the new balance real run. it was in the middle of the route and this woman runner (who was wearing the number tag), stood on the side of the road, and yes, started looking into the mirror and PUTTING ON LIPSTICK. what a weird thing to do in the middle of the run? what can be more vain than that? maybe she'll start on her makeup kit next, haha.
it's one more week to term break, which i'm totally looking forward to, how time flies, really. it seems like school has just started and 1 term is going to be over already.

we won interblock netball!!! although i was just running around the court and didn't get to touch much of the ball, but we still won. quite a busy and stressful day today. started lessons at 8.30 and i had a bio quiz and french dictation, but it was not too bad. i feel like a primary school kid in french class, repeating after the teacher and having to study for dictation. i'm being enlightened by the organic chem models because i finally understand how the structures get flipped etc. the tutorial only made me more confused. it's good to have a roommate, especially for lazy people like me

playing with the chem models

my small but useful fridge

my pretty little laptop

sports ball 2005...

i'm so happy now and feeling so proud of myself. my room is finally like a proper room with internet access and fridge, but no food yet.
here is a summary of what i did today... after lab i stoned in the canteen while waiting for the rest of the world to meet up for world lunch. then i moved the fridge from hall 2 to my hall (actually i didn't do any part in carrying it, haha). after that i went off to the computer shop to buy office for my dearest partner and finally collected my laptop. i just knew they won't call me. then with all my stuff i went for lecture, late as usual. left during the break to go for the campus run. i was suppose to have french makeup lesson today but the run ended later than expected so instead of french, i went for canoeing training. i thought i was very determined not to have anything to do with canoeing anymore but everytime when there's training, i feel like going and i actually enjoy it, even land training... do i really still want to canoe???
well, that's not the point. my achievement of the day is to be able to set up the computer and get connected to the internet, not forgetting installing office first hand, haha. it feels so good to have internet here.
what can be smarter than bringing a printer all the way from home and realising that it can't be used cos i didn't bring the software. in fact, i'm not even sure if i have the software at home...
the cost of not going for french.. i totally do not understand the textbook and have absolutely no idea how i'm going to do the homework...

i'm in a lab lesson now.. 3 hours of computer lab playing with numbers and statistics and now i'm waiting for the teacher to figure out how to use the programme.. and i'm still waiting patiently for my fridge and very impatiently for my laptop. that lady in the shop insists that they will give me a call once the stock is here but i seriously doubt they even have my order form and telephone number.
this week is an extremely busy week for me and i've been returning to my hall at 12 midnight and 3 am for the past 2 days and i'm surprised i'm still awake now.. french lessons till 9.30 today.. dinner tmr.. dancesports on friday.. sports ball on sat and work on sunday.. i wonder what's the total hours of sleep i will clock this week..
to junwan if you see this... sorry i can't send you off yesterday.. hope you have a great time in uiuc.. enjoy yourself and experience the different life there lucky girl.. take care and don't get bullied.. must come back often ya..
seems like this is the season for parting..

i will try my best to keep this blog alive.. the word is try...
it was great catching up with the 6e people yesterday. as usual the guys engaged themselves in ns talks and their eyes glued to the computer while the girls just talked and ate up all the junk on the table. the once-so-pro bridge players were all rusty from long term withdrawal of bridge. we didn't do anything spectacular but the feeling of being with an old group of friends was good. it felt like i was in jc again. seems like everyone will be going in different paths now and i wonder when will we have a class reunion with full attendance.. i think it'll be never..

it has already been 2 weeks since school has started but it still feels like holiday. in fact, there has never been a day when i go back to my hall early or somewhere to study. most of my times were either spent running from place to place in the school or going out. the fact that i am now a full time student has not sank in yet. on one hand i know my priority is to study but on the other hand i can't get over the excitement of campus life. there seems to be so much things i want to do..
sometimes i don't know what i'm doing and i can't believe what i just did today. i never thought i would actually do it.. let me get over the shock and excitement first and hope i won't regret it...

i broke my record yesterday by ending work at 12am!!! luckily i spent my afternoon sleeping otherwise i would have fallen asleep waiting for my dearest boss to finish. i hope the record stays there cos i absolutely do not want to break it again. and yesterday morning i stood by the operating chair witnessing every second of the wisdom tooth operation. it was pretty exciting how the gum was cut up and the tooth slowly drilled and dugged out from underneath and finally stitched back. i could even see what i figured out to be the jawbone. i hope i would not have to sit on the chair undergoing the same thing..
i had a wonderful day today. started the day with my driving stimulator course which was pretty interesting and unreal. then went to meet my darling nessy at clementi for ktv. finally got to sing ktv after quite a long time and i think klunch is definitely worth it especially when they don't chase you out at 2pm sharp. we had a extra 1 hour which we sang crap and weird songs. wanted to catch a movie after that but the timings were not quite right and clementi didn't have much choices of movies so we decided to walk to the mrt station to take the train and decide where to get off. we happen to be just in time to catch the shuttle bus to imm so we spent the rest of the afternoon in imm shopping and feeling like an auntie. we both decided we have too much time so we are going to spend our free time baking muffins and making jellies respectively. ended the day with work. not exactly very busy but not as slack as last week.
olympics 2012 in london. not much of my concern actually.

why wasn't there any advanced notice telling us when our ezlink expires? i was damn annoyed when i had to tap and hear all the 'beepbeepbeepbeepbeeps' and dig out all the coins to pay the bus fare. arghh... irritating.
i finally got to drive a new car yesterday for my driving lesson. it's less than a month old and felt so much better than the old exi cars which had side mirrors that are jammed and part of the handle dropped while driving, haha. but i happen to be out at the wrong time cos i had to stop at almost every traffic light and i beat the amber light 3 times, haha. if you haven't noticed the trend, once you meet a red light along a minor road, be prepared to stop at all the subsequent ones. i had a crappy instructor who told me "wow, i found someone more sleepy than me" and he was telling me how he got sacked by his principal after beating someone up and how his principal told him there was no need to look for other schools cos no school would take him. haha
i'm stoning at home now, just found out that i don't need to work today, yay. i think i'm getting more and more lazy, worked everyday this week but it wasn't too bad. especially thursday night where there was only 1 walk in so i spent quality time watching tv haha.

to all those who thought i have vanished into thin air, i'm back to blog again.
i totally miss my holiday and wish it never ended. i felt like i was in heaven, wake up, eat, go out and play, shop, eat slack. no work to do, no books to mug, no need for brains at all. i think i'm a shopaholic, went there with 4 luggages, came back with 8, and most were big plastic bags so we had to hand carry them and my lazy little sister only carried her own jacket and hugged a little bobdog softtoy which she insisted on bringing back (and now it's been chucked to one corner). well you can't blame me cos the things there are really cheap, especially food. youtiaos, buns, paos, pancakes, 2 for fifty cents. pirated vcds, a box of 2 discs for 6 bucks, haircut with wash and blow for 5 bucks and they serve you tea, all prises in renminbi. i came back with 5 tops, 2 skirts, 1 pants, 3 pairs of shoes and lots of food. my sister has lots of toys. we even bought a rabbit which is white with grey ears and black eyes, very cute and furry, but it died for unknown reasons after 3 days, poor rabbit.
i had lots of fun and i must comment that the traffic in beijing is terrible, jams everywhere and people push their way up into the bus and snatch every seat available. the bus is so crowded that there's hardly any space to breathe. visited my future school, it's a very old building but the hostel's new and the canteen food looks pretty cheap and decent. when i'm there again in 3 years' time, i'm going to explore as much of the great wall as possible and hopefully i can get to watch the olympics, heh. i think i've turned into a pig already, eat and sleep and play. but life goes on, now that i'm back, i've to get back to work and get ready for uni.
i've finally started on driving practical and i think i'm getting addicted to driving. it's so exciting to manoeuvre my own car and get it moving along the road. but i seriously doubt that i can finish my lessons before school starts as what i had planned cos of all the orientation and work. i had an ambitious instructor who made me do a crank course on my 4th lesson which he was suppose to teach me how to turn and of course i mounted the kerb. and i was so lucky to get him again for the next lesson and he made me explore the west of singapore, from batok to jurong east to clementi to my house and back to bbdc. i was trying my best to concentrate on the road while he was trying his best to distract me by asking me the meaning of the road signs and chatting with me and telling me the good food at the hawker centre near my house. don't know if i can book any slots next week cos i have to work almost every day.
went shopping with my darling yesterday and got myself a new pair of running shoes, it's neither pink nor blue, it's green. just tried it out this morning and it feels great. i'm slacking now, going to work later in the afternoon, just taught my sister how to play the piano, her first lesson with me, haha.
my short term goal: get ready my stuff to move to the hostel. other goals: get my license, design my room and my sister's room.

can't be bothered with the layout and template of my blog for the time being. maybe one day when i'm really free and feel like doing something to it i'll give it a makeover...
i guess it's all over now, but i don't feel sad at all, in fact, i'm relieved. perhaps it's time to take a good break to think over everything that had happened because of it. there were moments of joy, of sorrow, excitement, anxiety, anger, you name it. yesterday was the last time, for now at least.
is it true that everything that has a beginning has an end? have i chosen the right time to end? or should i have ended it long ago. better late than never?
i'm totally looking forward to tomorrow and the days that follow. life will be great

just went to ntu today for the open day and met some of my potential classmates. however, i'm still undecided as ever, all i could do now is to sit and wait for the reply from nus.
yesterday i could finally put my mind at ease and say, i'm finally done with everything, all the scholarship and admission interviews and activities, you can say i'm wasting my time waiting hours for interviews or spending a day at the activity centre knowing that i'm not interested in the scholarship anymore. but it certainly was a once in a lifetime experience. i got to meet a lot of different people at various occasions, although i do see some familiar faces again and again, it just goes to show we have the same interest. going through interviews with different people, some nice, some really mean, and seeing how different organisations conduct their interviews. i would never have imagined myself discussing political and economical issues so professionally and debating on issues like flood and investment. neither do i think i have the chance to do impromptu one minute presentations on weird topics like what would chairs look like if our knees bend backwards instead of forward and doing a five minute presentation on a gp-like question which i only have fifteen minutes to prepare, doing psychometric tests after tests until i'm turning psycho. wow, i can finally let my brain cells take a good break now.
i'm looking forward to the simplicity of life; the happiness that money can't buy; the feeling of love and belonging.

here i am standing at the crossroads once again, unsure of where to go. there's so many conflicting thoughts running through my mind that i begin to wonder what is the most important aspect of life. i used to believe in living life to the fullest and engage in activities that best suits my interest and makes me happy, i still do, but the problem is how.
it wouldn't be long when i have to make a major decision in life - university. sitting in the hall with 600 other applicants, holding a pen and writing an essay for the first time since 'A' Levels, i began to wonder do i really want medicine? yes, i do, it had always been my dream and it still is. but somehow i have this feeling that i would be much happier in NTU, doing a new course, getting a double degree. sigh.. well, at least that wouldn't leave me too upset if i can't get into medicine.
and i can't believe this. i thought it was a nightmare, i thought it wouldn't happen to me, but now it's a reality. i thought i had the determination, i thought i was strong, but i'm not. i've lost the battle against myself and i must rescue myself before sinking even deeper, but am i able to? i'm still trying and i will try. suddenly i'm reminded of the poster in the boat shed - there's no such thing as trying, either you do it or you don't. and so i will.
i think i'm very incoherent, but that's what's going on in my mind. perhaps sometimes you should let go, if you know there's no point carrying on. it's only a matter of time before i finally bid farewell. if it started there, it shall end there.
perhaps it's time to start anew.

seems like ntu and i, especially my driving lessons, are just so "fated". first, i was surprised to find an email from ntu asking me to go for the nanyang scholarship interview, which happens to clash with my final theory lessons, so i had to cancel and re-book the lessons. then they said that i must submit the application and appraisal form by today and that was why i had a round the island trip yesterday.
started the morning by getting my visa done for my holiday, then went to rj to get the appraisal form done. followed by almost an hour long of mrt ride from bishan to boon lay to hand in the appraisal form in time. this time it's not my fault for being last minute. they only gave me two days complete everything. took a bus to ntu and yes, i got lost. the bus went one round around ntu and i found myself back at the same place. to make things worse, it started pouring and so poor me was stuck at the busstop for at least an hour. wanted to take a cab in but the first one didn't accept nets and as usual i don't have cash, the second driver did not know where the place was so he advised me to take another cab. and there i was, all wet from getting in and out of the cabs and still stranded at the busstop. then i found a new friend who was in a worse state than me. he was dripping wet and shivering when he got off his bike and sought shelter at the busstop. so the two poor people started talking. he said he just recovered from fever and he has exams the next day and he was quite amused at how i can take the bus for one round and end up at the same place. luckily he knew the place i was going if not i really don't know what to do. and so, when the rain got lighter, i ran across the road, took the bus again and managed to find the place, finally. luckily i decided to be my own postman, otherwise i can have fun finding the place next week for the interview. ntu seems so deserted...
just received the letter today from ntu to attend the open day for sbs, which happen to be the same day and time as my basic theory test. i am so amused at how things clash...

wow, my frequency of blogging is like once every fortnight.
went for the astar interview yesterday and it was the most horrid interview ever. i knew that i would not get the scholarship cos they only offer it to overseas studies, so i really have no idea what i was doing there, i think the interviewers were wondering too and they couldn't wait to shoot me down with questions about biomedical engineering and astar which i have no idea how to answer. oh well, at least i got chocolates to comfort myself with. i must really stop eating so much chocolates before i turn into a blob of chocolate that melts into a pool of oil, but they are just so nice, sweet and irrisistable. yummy yummy.
ended work earlier than usual yesterday and so out of boredom, i sat in my chair at my table, listening to the radio and performed my own operation on my own knee. haha. felt quite proud of myself for the accomplishment. with a needle, some antiseptic cream and half a piece of tissue paper, i finally managed to excavate the remnant of a piece of thorn that was embeded beneath the skin on my knee for almost a decade. yes, it happened a long time ago while hiking in macritchie when i fell over a branch full of thorns. managed to pull out most of it back then but this one was too deep and painful to dig. and so after ten years and many failure attempts these years, i finally succeeded yesterday. haha. sounds gross? but it was really satisfying haha, i'm my own surgeon, i managed to dig out an ingrown toenail many years ago too but i think it's growing in again.
junior championships this weekend, really hope i can stay and watch throughout but i have to work on saturday and sit for the essay test on sunday. gosh, i haven't written an essay or even held a pen for ages. better get used to writing in case my hand cramps halfway during the test. hope the juniors will do very well this weekend.

just when i thought i could slack the whole of next week, meaning not having to work or do anything that requires brainwork, i realised my week will be almost fully packed, from day to night for most days. well, at least it keeps me occupied or else i will just turn into a pig at home, eating and sleeping.
yes, i'm working tomorrow. i'll be in the clinic alone supervising and smelling paint cos they are going to paint it and my boss is afraid that those people might steal things. basically, i'll be sitting there earning money by watching tv, haha.
although i am quite unemployed now, i am enjoying life, working a few hours a day, walking distance from my house, and gossiping while working. i just have to make sure i don't kill anyone, so far so good, no one died in my hands yet. between being a doctor and a dentist, i prefer doctor so much more and my doctor is mad, seriously. his clinic opens from 8 am to 10 pm everyday, including sundays and he is there all the time except mon and thurs evening. oh my god and i worked until 11 plus at night yesterday. it's not easy being a doctor... but i still think he's nuts. and it was damn funny how he cursed at the damn bloody computer that kept shutting down on its own, haha. i think it dosn't like me.
seems like i'll be staying in singapore to complete my education. well, at least i can save lots of money and i will earn my own pocket money. so now i'm going for all those scholarship interviews and activities for fun. haha. hmmm... i'm going to invest my income on driving lessons, not like i have a car to drive....

alright, it's back to those applications again. finally i'm almost done with all the scholarship applications (since the deadline is approaching) and i realised that my essay writing skills are going down the drain after months of not writing, that is if they ever existed. now i'm still deciding what course to apply for. it's giving me such a headache and why must the nus application be so complicated.
help!!! should i apply for medicine? but there is not much other choices for me at nus. ntu has much more choices and i can't decide between the double degree in biomedical sciences and chemical and biomolecular engineering. but ntu is so far. haiz... what if i can't get into any of the courses i chose....

ok.. finally i'm blogging again...
yes, yesterday was the day that really marked the end of school life. i took half day off to face reality, and even the bus had to play a trick on me by making me wait for more than 15 minutes and it was crowded with some secondary school people having cross country. as a result, i only arrived in school at 3 plus and as expected lousy me got lost in the school. when i finally found my way to the hall, it was still packed with people congratulating one another, everyone looked so happy, which made me extremely worried that i will leave the hall crying.
everything else that followed seem to happen so fast. sat down, signed my testimonial, and received that small green sheet of paper, scrutinized it to understand what was written there, took my cca record, a damn heavy bag of rubbish and that's it. so many hours of anxiety and nervousness just for these few minutes.
quite satisfied with my results, especially it's the first and last time i passed econs s. now, my worry is all those scholarship and university applications. argh, they're so troublesome....

the lazy me is sitting here again, too lazy to blog. last week was quite a good one, thanks to the fact that i have so many days off work and i've been going out almost every day. yesterday was quite a slack day at work, even had time to watch tv. but i've learnt my lesson not to be happy so soon cos today i had to run my one-man show. i was suppose to get off work at 1 today but the patient dragged all the way to 2 plus and my dearest colleague took mc today. so it was me alone running around, doing everything that needs to be done. tired tired.. hope tomorrow will be a slacker day

xin nian kuai le!!!!
after 2 days of bainian-ing and intensive eating, i'm so thankful that i don't have to work today. the usual things people do during chinese new year: reunion dinner, lao yu sheng, wear nice nice to bai nian, eat cny goodies, play mahjong, chat, watch tv, play firecrackers or sparklers as substitute, take photos, basically it's eat, talk, play, eat, eat and eat.
and as i grow older, the thought of getting ang baos doesn't seem to excite me anymore. it seems like food and the excuse to go shopping are the main attractions of cny.
i'm stoning at home now and lazy to blog, not sure if i'll be going out to bai nian later but i know macritchie is still waiting for me haha.
there are certain people, some things and life that i really miss, i wish i was there....

it was such a busy but totally rewarding day yesterday. well, the disadvantage of a non-office job is that you don't have a 5 day work week with fixed hours, and my working hours on saturday is 9 to 5, haha how interesting. so many walk-ins yesterday and i'm glad that i'm getting familiar with the basics and i love developing x-rays, so fun. and i got to watch an operation in action (and got sort of scolded for obstructing the light, haha) it was quite an experience to watch it the first time, needles, drills, knife, forceps, thread and other instruments which i have no idea how to spell. and lots of blood which i have to suck out. now it's my job to remember and prepare all the instruments needed for operation, there's so much to remember. and trust me, watching an operation on screen and seeing it before your own eyes is a totally different feeling. alright, better familiarise myself with everything first as i count down to the days when i have to perform my one-man show, and i will perform my best on monday since there will be 2 operations on monday and i predict that my xiaolaoban will be very exhausted.
although it only takes 10 minutes or less to get home, i was lazy to walk home for lunch and walk back to work again in the hot sun, so i had lunch there and walked around after that since there was lots of time left. then this old man called out to me and ask me to help him carry his bag of cans across the road to the busstop. at first i thought he wanted to sell me something so i said no. but he asked again and seeing that he had so much difficulty walking cos his legs were kind of deformed and since i had time, i helped him. felt so kind, haha. i'm already having trouble deciding what to wear when i can wear anything i like, not even office wear. i think i shall go shopping for more pants to prevent me from freezing and so that i don't have to wear jeans everyday.
yesterday was my third last day working at the restaurant, and guess who went there for dinner? the president of Singapore, Nathan. wow... he went there with his family at a big table and his guards were sitting at another table. i didn't serve them and dare not in case i do something wrong. haha. it was interesting how his guards came a few times before dinner to check the tables and chairs to make sure there's no bombs, and more interesting how we had to check and make sure everything on the table is arranged properly and there's no broken plates or bowls, haha.. at first i thought they were joking when they said the president was coming, but i don't think a lot of people noticed him cos he was sitting inconspicuously in a corner like any other family having dinner.
that sums up my fruitful day yesterday... tired tired, but it's a good way to end my restaurant job and i love my current job, i don't know how long this excitement will last. now i can more or less understand why working adults would rather go back to the times they were in school, because work is so repetitive, you do the same things everyday, and you still have to worry about what to wear.
and my dad just asked me not to apply to michigan because he doesn't want me to go there even if i'm admitted, so might as well not apply. and i'm kind of relieved i don't have to write another essay (which was what i'm suppose to do now). well, if i can't get into any university overseas, i don't mind staying in singapore for undergrad, and i still can work part time in the evenings, which is what i'm suppose to do initially. just see how everything goes and i truly believe there's something called a blessing in disguise.
i'm a happy girl now and looking forward to work and more importantly, to my long awaited holiday..... yay!!

it's interesting reading blogs now, especially when everyone's working and doing different jobs. speaking of work, i just spent a whole day at my new workplace yesterday and i'm feeling kind of stressed now. there's still so much to learn and remember. and for the forgetful me, the hardest thing to remember is where things are kept. haha. morning was quite busy, only had time for lunch at one plus and had to start work at two again, although time is not very fixed. but after lunch was more relaxed, cos my boss went home already. yesterday was my first attempt at developing x-rays, i was so nervous and scared that the image won't come out and my boss will kill me for that, but luckily it went relatively well. it felt like a battle against time, dipping in developer, then water, then fixer and everything is timed and i must wipe and switch off all the switched in the x-ray room within one minute. quite exciting, and i hope i won't be poisoned by all the x-rays and uv-rays. it's time to put my brains to use again and start reading and remembering stuff. i only have one more week of learning left before i must start my one man show, scary....
but i'm not complaining about my job, though i have to stand most of the times, unless i go to the front counter to slack and watch tv (shall do that when boss is not around). after one big round of job searching, travelling around singapore for interviews and writing resumes, gathering certs and stuff, i managed to get the job i always wanted without searching, interviewing, and the best thing is it's 10 minute walk from my house and i have nice old lady boss who cooks and buys lunch for us. and the working hours fits in so nicely with my training schedule that i can go for all but one training session per week (and i'm not rejoicing, haha). i think i washed my hands, or rather my gloves more times yesterday than i would in a week. better learn everything as soon as possible if not my boss might not want me, haha, feels like i'm on probation now.
went to the new school for cca feste a few days ago, and i totally agree that the new campus is damn big and beautiful, didn't manage to have a proper tour around the school, but the canteen food looks almost the same. the juniors were quite successful in getting people to sign up, well actually i think the seniors who were there did a pretty good job for them, haha. hope the clinic goes well and really hope we can finally have a full girls team for once. the whole issue of closing down canoeing has finally come to a happy ending, when it's actually a big misunderstanding. at least everything is fine now and i think it has united the whole canoeing family, from great grand seniors to present badge.

this is weird.. i've just received an application booklet or whatever you call it from U Penn with my name and address spelt wrongly and from the stamp it seemed like it was sent from france... i have no idea how they got my name and address when i didn't even consider applying there and isn't the deadline over??? puzzled...
i think my stomach is seriously punishing me for eating so much junk at home and now i can't eat and don't feel like eating anything, serves me right haha. must thank my mom for buying home so much christmas chocolates (cos they're half price).
i realised that every kind of work is so repetitive and boring, can't wait till end of this month for a one-week getaway before i seriously look for a proper job. i wonder if there's any job that is interesting and at the same time offers a good pay, and a friendly boss would make a lot of difference too.....
yesterday was quite a slack day at work and hence i had quite a bit of theory lessons. my mind now is so loaded with info and i think i should do some self study before i make any vital mistakes and get scolded...

i'm so deprived of sleep now, especially after one whole day out yesterday, from 6 to 11, only came home to bathe after training. the whole of bukit timah is filled with hwa chong and nj people, all the way from coro to bukit timah market, and i bet j8 will be packed with rj people. oh well, brings back memories of orientation, the days and nights we spent at ghim moh, holland v, ghim moh will be so different now, poor vendors.. oh ya, had lunch at the same place as sharon au, who was filming nearby, i was looking at her for a few seconds and she said "do i look like someone?" haha, but i'm not a crazy fan so i left her alone to enjoy her lunch.
had a crash course on dentistry after that, there's so much things to know, all the equipment that cause so much pain to gums, and i was so scared that i would drop or lose something. everything is so miniature. after taking such a long rest, my brain seems to be malfunctioning, so many similar looking instruments' names to remember, not forgetting the antibiotics and painkillers and i think i should go and dig my ears so that i can hear what the dentist is saying under his mask and amidst all the drilling sounds more clearly. but i had quite a lot of fun playing with needles, uv light, registering patients, watching the patients in pain while the dentist pulled out her tooth and trying my best to make myself helpful. my hands smelt so rubbery after that.
and as expected, i was already half asleep on my way to work. now i understand the principal-agent problem. the boss hopes to have more customers so that he can earn more profits but the workers are most happy when there's no customers at all so that we can slack... haha

happy 2005, i know it's kind of late, but i've been feeling lazy and slack these few days. training in the mornings, go home bathe, do applications, eat, sleep, stone go to work, eat and eat and eat, home, sleep and everything repeats. now that almost all my uni apps are done, it's time to do the scholarship apps and financial aid stuff. argh i wonder when will all these troublesome applications ever end. meanwhile, i'm trying to look for another job to keep me occupied during the day and to earn more money for uni fees. not really in a hurry though cos right now i'm still enjoying life slacking away and hope to start work only after i come back from australia, really looking forward to that.
dinner at fish and co with class. well, nothing special. met sonya and she looks the same. seems like everyone is working and all dressed so formally that we look like working adults. haha. stoned and sat around after that before going home.
the weather nowadays is annoying, and it must start raining at 6.30 today and we were forced to run in the rain. had it started raining earlier, i would not have gone for training. one hour plus of morning training everyday for power by doing weights (my most dreaded), stamina by running (quite boring and dangerous but i don't mind), lungs by blowing into a tank of water (my favourite but very unhygenic), and on top of all, immune system, which i must say i'm rather proud of my immune system for not falling sick after going home all drenched so many times during the past week.
plucked out my toenail on my fourth toe yesterday. didn't know that poor little nail was injured too and it came off painlessly with a little pull. now it's left with a soft new "nail". wonder when my big toe nail is coming off.
the guys are going tekong soon and the girls are working. it's really the start of a new stage in life.

today's the official day i graduate from high school. it will be a long time before i start studying again, and i wonder where will i be this time next year. year 2004 has been a busy year, studying for As, canoeing, i guess that's about it. now when all these are over, it seems like i'm even busier, doing applications, working and still looking for a job, training, yes training. boris is torturing me slowly but painfully with his weights programme that i'm acheing all over and can't even bend down to touch my toes. and it is only now that i realise your neck has muscles too and i have no idea which exercise made my neck muscles ache. well, i guess that's what i need to get back to my original standards.
rainy day today and i have not and will not learn my lesson to bring umbrella out. well, it makes no difference when you're drenched during training.
farewell 2004, and saying hello to 2005 in less than 10 hours. a new year, a new start. what's my occupation now? working adult? wait till i find a proper job first. i've been looking through the ads and calling up the places. it's not hard to find a job but it's hard to find one that matches my schedule and interest. and it's interesting how different companies define normal working hours. basically it ranges from 8 to 6. have yet to find one from 9 to 5 (which is my only available time currently)
but i shall not complain. i am glad i'm living, strong and healthy, and i have a happy family, living a simple life, with great friends, relatives, neighbours etc. jian3 dan1 jiu4 shi4 kuai4 le4

Let me summarise the past two days in two words: Shopping Madness, or you can also call it Mango Madness. went christmas presents shopping with my darling vanessa on thursday. shopped from centrepoint down to taka. i only realised it was the first day of mango sales when we saw this long queue outside centrepoint mango, can't believe people actually queue to get into a shop, looked like they were queuing for free gifts. so we decided to try mango at taka instead, not much of a queue but it was damn crowded inside. people digging at piles and piles of discounted clothes, and that includes us. didn't buy much in the end, but must really thank them for providing a big plastic bag for me to dump all my other small bags. what a relief when we stepped out, finally got some fresh air to breathe. i sure looked like a shopaholic with 2 gigantic bags full of christmas presents, of which i realised half the money spent are on things for myself. well, i think i deserve a treat after earning some money and not shopping for so long. just hope that i don't spend more than what i earn. net profit, haha. feeling rather proud of myself for settling almost all the christmas presents in one afternoon. i must have looked damn out of place at macritchie. yes, it's back to training after a long break without canoeing. got a bit of my balance back on a k1, but it's still very unstable. think we must have provided a lot of entertainment value to passers-by.
went for testing yesterday, luckily we were allowed to go in a k2, but months without training really made a huge difference, especially the lazy me who conveniently did not want to visit the gym to do weights. alright, i guess i would have to train really hard from now on if i want to continue. went kallang after that, watched the juniors train and talked to jiaolian. yeah, memories of kallang, and i wonder for how long more can i paddle in kallang before they move everything over to macritchie. only 12 girls left and the guys team is in a worse state. hmm.. if there's any juniors reading this, you all must really jia you ok.. rjcanoeing all depends on you now. bathed and went suntec in an attempt to finish my christmas presents shopping. and guess where i ended up at, yes, mango again... can't resist the temptation. wasn't as crowded as the one in taka yesterday, and it was bigger too. queue for the fitting room was surprisingly fast but the one at the cashier was moving like a snail. and i don't know whether to congratulate or kick myself for only buying a jacket after spending such a long time in the shop. my christmas gifts shopping ended at queensway for my dad's present. he better be grateful for making me hunt all over the island for it. home for dinner, not really a feast because we don't really celebrate christmas. exchanged presents after that, and then stoned. didn't even stay awake till midnight. well, save the countdown for 2005.
started my day with the usual morning run and contemplating whether i should go gym later. just found an e-mail from uc berkeley admission officer requesting for 'O's and 'A's results and i happily ended my email with "merry christmas" haha. luckily i checked my junk mail because i realised all the important emails are found there, whereas inbox is filled with useless mails.
alright, that's for now and it's time to start and hopefully finish all my application as soon as possible..
merry christmas!!

back from malacca trip, 3 days of indulgence in food and leisure, felt great.. here's an account of the things that we did, as much as i can remember..
first day, the coach left at 9 plus, almost 10, quite a smooth journey to malaysia, until we reached malacca. the lousy coach broke down, in the middle of the road, and the best thing is that it could only reverse, haha. waited for another coach for about an hour, the second coach was in a much better state, and we had weird drivers.. the first one was the most normal, except for his infatuation with tamil songs which accompanied us all the way to malacca. the second one was driving and waving his hands, which i suppose he was dancing to the music and the third one was smoking in the bus, poor sheryl buried herself under her jacket, haha. it was already 4 or 5 when we reached the hotel, actually it felt more like a house than a hotel, with 2 bedrooms, a living room and a kitchen. settled down, dumped our stuff and went off to the shopping centre across the road for dinner and grocery shopping for breakfasts. decided to try out this japanese restaurant, which we had to wait for about half an hour for that small portion of food. went to the supermarket and bought instant noodles, cereals, drinks, fruits etc. then went back, bathed and planned our next few days. went back to the shopping centre at night for ocean's twelve, and as usual, i didn't understand the movie, and did i mention the movie tickets there are so much cheaper than those in singapore? too bad there wasn't much choices of movies available.
second day, made our own breakfast and set off at about 10 to go sight seeing. the sun was damn bright and poor vania had to hide under her towel, took lots of photos, looked at the small stalls selling souvenirs, and of course the highlight was the photographs with the iguana and snake. we even took videos on how scared vania and sheryl were, haha. had lunch at this nice porridge place before making our way back to the hotel. passed by this hair salon on the way which offers hair cuts at rm2 and colouring at rm30 by students. amazing prices, but what's more amazing is the queue, haha. worked out a bit at the gym when we got back, then went swimming in the freezing pool and baked ourselves in the sauna. zhen's family arrived at 5 plus, which meant that we had mahjong to play. stayed in the house till dinner, which was at this damn nice chinese restaurant, which meant damn crowded too. the food there was awesome and the prices were even better, and that was the beginning of our indulgence in food. went to jonker's walk at night, more shopping, but no eating cos we were too full. walked back to hotel in the middle of the night, luckily we had 4 people if not it will be very dangerous.
third day was reserved for shopping. oh yes, i must mention the breakfast, on top of our self-made breakfast of maggi mee, cup noodles, cereals etc, zhen's parents came back from the market with lots of dim sum, loved their lormaikai, and the dabao is really huge, i think it can't even fit into a normal bowl. went to the hair salon first to watch zhen cut her hair, too bad the students weren't there on sundays, but the rates are still cheaper than that in singapore. and then we began our shopping trip, tried on lots of clothes, shoes. bought a pair of slippers and 3 tops in all from the trip, not too much but didn't have much money to spend also. had pizza for dinner, no lunch for the day due to the limited space in our stomach. shared a square pizza which was divided into 4 parts with 4 different flavours. one day of shopping had left us too tired to do anything but play mahjong after that, and for the first time, we slept before midnight.
day 4 was left for last minute shopping and finishing up of the food in the fridge. we abandoned the initial plan of going for the hotel's buffet breakfast to finish up the ice creams, paos, fruits and everything else. and guess where we went after that? the shopping centre again. bought the foodstuff to bring home and shopped for clothes and shoes again. seems like girls can never get sick of shopping. luckily we had zhen, if not we would have believed the cleaner and gone back to the hotel at 2 when the actual check out time is 12. camped in the lobby for the last hour or so, eating lunch and stoning, sleeping. left at about 3 and headed back to singapore on a much better coach and a more normal driver.
that was the end of a weekend in malacca. felt great to be on holiday with friends, even though it was only malaysia. it's just great to get away from singapore for a few days.. can't wait for the australia trip and i'm dreading all the applications that i have to do, which is what i'm suppose to do now..
it's not easy to make money... better start a proper job and save money for uni..

finally got my hair cut and coloured today. yes, it took me quite a bit of courage to cut my hair short, but somehow i just felt like doing it. not used to seeing myself in short hair though, but at least i don't have to worry about searching for rubber bands anymore. going off to malacca tomorrow, and that explains why the computer is on today, the last minute girl is doing her essays again. ok, not too last minute, just want to get it done before going off. it's driving me up the wall, irritating essays...
and yes, i will start earning money next week and spend less.

the past few days have been rather exciting, and i've been running and rushing from places to places. spent my last week studying for sats, doing some last minute shopping for prom. saturday, went for sats in the morning, maths and chem were relatively ok, don't feel very optimistic about writing though, alright, i know i can't write and just when i thought i'll be done with writing essays, i have lots more application essays to write, seems like i can't escape from writing. sigh. went to collect my dress after that then went jiaqing's house to stone. literally stoned, sat around talked, played drums, ate, that's about all that we did, but isn't that what relaxation is all about? went home rather early to pack my stuff for prom and sleep.
woke up at 4am the next morning, continued to load myself with carbo (and fats) before heading towards esplanade for the challenge of the lifetime. it was much more orderly than the army half marathon, didn't have to queue for baggage deposit and there were sufficient toilets, and they were very punctual. at 6am sharp, the Singapore Marathon started. we made our way to the starting line, and excitedly started the run of a lifetime, our very first marathon.
the first few km were quite enjoyable, especially when it's still dark and cool. after we ran about 3km or so, we saw the first runner on the opposite side, who has already completed about 12km. superpowerful, and he was followed by a small group of kenyan runners. wow, it was really exciting to watch and clap for them, and it feels good running the same race as these elite marathon runners "competing" with them. and so we ran for 10km, 20km. the first 10km was a rather relaxing pace, conserving energy for the rest of the race. after about 20km, i was quite numb already, the sun was out and my legs just kept moving and moving. it was after 30km or so when fatigue really hit us. our speed was reduced to about 10 minutes per km, and the km markings seemed to be getting further and further apart. but we moved on, for we set out with an end in mind, my legs were tired, my knees were dying and my feet were getting heavy, but i knew i had to finish it. the posters along the way were very motivational, the cheerleaders and music kept us going and i'm very touched by ordinary people who just stood or sat along the way, giving us encouragement. and so we inched our way to the finishing line. i told myself no matter how slow i ran, no matter how tired i am, as long as my legs are still functional, i will run on, for every step i make, i'm closer to the finishing line, i'm closer to my goal of completing a marathon.
slowly but surely, we made it. we've ran 42.195km. shine, i'm so proud of you, and i'm so happy. towards the last few hundred metres, i nearly could not control myself, for i knew the end was so near, we've ran more than 5 hours, more than any distance that we've ever done and we are about to achieve what we set out to achieve. yes, we've done the near impossible. i don't know what made me sign up for the marathon, but i vaguely remember about 2 years ago, i was still struggling with 2.4 and even distances like 5km were great achievements. yes, i totally agree with the posters, it's mind over matter, as long as your legs are moving, your heart is beating fine, there is only your mind that stops you from going on. it was exhausting, it was madness, but it wasn't impossible. it was a day to remember, 5th december 2004, the day i ran and completed my first marathon, and it will definitely not be the last.
after the run of our lifetime, i rushed home immediately, bathed, ate and packed my luggage for prom and stayover. everything was so rush after that, hair, makeup, back to hotel and finally to suntec for prom, yes suntec of all places, and we were about an hour late. took lots of photos, the programme wasn't exactly exciting and the food wasn't that great, but it's the atmosphere that mattered. afterall, it's the last prom and it's probably the last time i'm going to see all my classmates, those that i've spent 2 years of my jc ife with. alright, back to reality, everything is really coming to a close. it may be only 2 years, but in this short period of time, i've discovered more of the meaning of life, of friendship, relationship, hatred. i think i'm very fortunate to have classmates whom i can just stone and talk through the night, teammates who get high and talk about everything under the sun. i dare say the 2 years spent in rjc is the best time of my school life and i love rjc, for everything it had given me. although i like taking photos, one whole night of phototaking is rather tiring, especially when you have to wear a perpetual smile and get blinded by the flashes. prom is an expensive event, from tickets, dress, shoes, accessories to hair and makeup, so much money was spent on a one night event, but it's definitely worth it.
got back to hotel at around midnight, and to save my legs before they totally collapse on me, i've decided not to go clubbing, had less than 3 hours of sleep, because i'm so used to waking up early and couldn't go back to sleep again after i woke up. so i sat around, played cards and talked with the nocturnal people. went for buffet breakfast which extended to lunch. i feel guilty and sinful, so much eating these few days, hopefully i've burnt enough during the run to make up for all the fats that i've eaten.
and so, it's all over now. or rather, it's going to be the start of another stage in life. i'll start looking for a job tomorrow and i will start on my university and scholarship applications. no, it's not an end, it's a new beginning.

gosh, i haven't blogged for so long that i almost forgot my username for blogger. i swear my memory is deteriorating, after cramping all the A level knowledge into my tiny little brain. it's almost the end now, a few more days and it will be the end of the 12 long schooling years. feeling happy? excited? i don't know, somehow i feel kind of strange. it's like i'm going to be thrown into an open sea, it's up to me to find my directions. lost. where will i be next year? what will i be doing? i have no idea...
the past 2 weeks have been rather hectic, especially tuesday with chem and econs. but somehow this doesn't feel like the 'A' levels, as in it seems less important than 'O's. analysis of the papers so far? not much comments, maths was ok though the questions were quite weird, chem thermody was quite hard and mcq was harder than expected, physics was better than expected, at least i understood what the data analysis was about, i hope, econs essays were.. i don't know how i'll do for it... oh well, i'm done with maths and chem already.
realised that i'll still be very busy after 'A's. got to do uni applications, study for sats, shop for prom and i badly need to get a tan and get back those muscles that have degenerated into fats during the past few weeks, i feel white and flabby now and storing food in my room is an absolutely bad idea. an hour of swimming under the hot sun last thursday didn't seem to have any effect at all. shall head for the gym and the beach more often haha..
looking forward to (in chronological order): lots of shopping, marathon, prom, malacca, perth and the list goes on...

i'm broke!!!!! just did some calculation and found out that i've spent almost 200 bucks the past 2 weeks, buying stuff for myself and shopping for birthday presents. ok, it's time to save money. finally bought my dad's present and for van also. gosh, i love your present so much that i might just hide it in my room and refuse to give it to you. haha, if someone gives you the same thing i will keep it for myself. i was bored to tears at the uni admission talk yesterday, thanks to my dad who insisted that i go with him. sat in the freezing lt for 2 hours with nothing to entertain myself. what a waste of time
and check out today's newspapers, especially the commentary session. doesn't it remind you of prelims case study? i won't be surprised if it comes out for common test of something next year, but that will be none of my business anymore, unless i get retained....

gosh... i love safra gym!!!!! it's so nice and roomy and they even provide free locker and towel. and i think i chose a right time to go, it was rather empty and i was the only girl there. the machines were strange and different from clubfitt gyms but the trainer was so friendly and helpful. spent a fruitful 2 hours there, worked out at almost every machine to burn some calories and make me feel less guilty after all the mooncake eating. shall make full use of the 2 more free trials at safra gym. it shall be ranked number 1 together with kallang gym.
i'm so glad i didn't study much for econs s. the paper was quite expected, nothing surprising and i had quite a lot of fun crapping, hope i didn't misquote any economists. yes, it's finally the end of prelims...
and i'm in love with fir's songs and addicted to running..

yay.. huilin we love you and we're so proud of you!! haha.. think we made a complete fool of ourselves at the airport yesterday "waving" our last-minute-made "banner" out of foolscap paper as huilin departed for philippines. all the way, girl! bring back those medals.
went to meet my darling van for shopping after that, monday seemed like a nice day to shop, but being the only patrons in the shop, the salesgirl was bugging me to try on more clothes and pleading for me to buy. scary.. combed the whole of far east, didn't buy much then walked to taka for more shopping and mooncake sampling. tried almost all the different flavoured mooncakes and shared 2 boxes cos it was buy one get one free. now my house is loaded with mooncakes and my mom is going to stuff mooncakes down my throat today cos it's mid autumn. right, it's time of the year to get fat and i'm already quite sick of it after the sampling.
thanks dear for the present, it's very pretty and sweet.. don't know if i'll see you before your birthday to pass you yours, which is only half existent at the present moment, haha.
what should i be doing now? studying for econs s? nah.. forget it..

yep, we did it, a good long 21 km, feeling so proud of myself now. started a few minutes late cos there was a long queue at the baggage deposit and toilets but not like we're competing against anyone. it was a rare experience to be on my feet and running up and down sheares bridge at 6 am in the morning though that's the usual time i run. then running along east coast park, just in time to witness the rising of the sun. then we turned to the roads, pass national stadium and ended with our familiar route back to the esplanade. yes, my knees almost died and the last few km seems much longer than expected, but we did it. thank you so much shine!!!! and we'll train for the full marathon which is twice of this, can't imagine myself doing that. hopefully i can still walk tomorrow, i still need my legs for shopping...
there may be no limit as to how much i can run but don't test my limits on other things. oh well, forget it!!
and yes, all the best to the singapore canoeists, especially huilin, you guys are damn zai and jia you in the philippines....

i'm back, from prelims. in a summary, maths was ok, except that i know i'll make lots of careless mistakes, especially for paper 1 cos i didn't really check through, quite risky for someone who can even press her calculator wrongly. chemistry was hard, as expected, but i think physics is worse, maybe it just goes to show my lack of physics brain cells, econs case study was a crap, what i wrote didn't even make sense to me and i can't imagine myself sitting in the hall again next week for 3 more hours of econs crapping.
at least i had a good break yesterday, 5 whole hours of singing and of course i'm not complaining. finally, i'm 18 haha thank you so much for all those people who remembered my birthday despite the fact that it was during prelims, i'm so touched. i feel older now, legal to do so many things but it also means i have to pay adult rate for gym and swimming pool.
looking forward to: my first half marathon

tomorrow will mark the start of prelims. time flies... sigh am i prepared for prelims? no. so much information to squeeze into my puny brain in such a short time and i foresee tuesday will be a killer. chem department is all out to kill, even ms lee says don't expect too much for chem prelims cos it's going to be hard and study hard for As. oh well...

haven't been blogging for a long, long time, my life now is so boring that there is nothing to blog about unless i want to complain about prelims and how there's not much time left to mug. sigh.. i guess that's what j2 life is all about, i'm not complaining because its of no use. just face it and move on.
i'm looking forward to after 'A's, it's always good to plan ahead so you'll have something to look forward to, malacca trip, half and full marathon which i have no idea if i can last through, and the possible back-packing trip. not forgetting all the freedom and time i have to shop, play, and do everything that i want. life will be great. so let me get through this first...

in the midst of doing my personal write up for mr teo.. and making me wonder how much exactly do i know about myself. sometimes somethings that i do just cannot be explained logically and the best explanation would be "because i feel like doing it". went for scholarship day on saturday and camped in lt1 the whole morning. the scholarship that A-star provides and the career options it offers are damn cool, but i seriously doubt i'll get anywhere near the scholarship with my mediocre grades and the number of people who are better than me. but at least i know where my interest lies. just came from trials in the morning, i feel really off-form now, from all the slacking and rubbish weights and exercises that i've been doing since nationals are over. south east asia canoeing championships this coming september and october.. sounds tempting but it's time to know where my priorities lie. yes, A levels. although canoeing means a lot to me and even if i'm selected for it, i don't think it's logical to sacrifice As for this, especially if both turn out to be a disaster.
the next thing that might turn out to be a disaster: dinner tonight, cooked by me. keep your fingers crossed haha

at 12 noon, when the doors just opened, a crowd of people swarmed their way in, fighting to be the first, to be in front of everyone else. i watched the scene with astonishment and shock. it wasn't any great singapore sale, nor was it any free gifts up for grabs, it was the library. oh my gosh, i can't believe this. who says singapore lacks muggers, too much maybe. call it kiasuism, or lack of conducive environment, but the sight was simply unbelievable and to think that library's a good place for mugging? i won't really agree especially with the freezing air-con, noisy students who simply cannot abide to the rules of library, lack of tables or maybe just a plethora of muggers and table-hoggers. oh well.. but having a sister who can't stop singing nursery rhymes and jumping around the house is not any better, but at least i won't be a big bright light bulb. haha

and listen to this: everything that has a beginning has an end.

sigh, i'm so undecided about my future, where which university i'm going, what i'm going to study etc.. seems like every university has it's own plus points and it's so hard for me to decide especially since i haven't decided on the course, but i'm definitely not going to study an arts subject since i suck at it. but who knows what will happen. everybody's talking about universities now and it just feels strange that everybody's going to go separate paths after leaving jc, it's like now we're all attending the same lectures, studying the same things but next year everybody's going everywhere, studying different things. and how about 10 years down the road? will we meet up again? if we do then we'll have representatives of almost all kinds of jobs, politicians, economists, scientists, engineers, lawyers, mathematicians, businessmen, doctors, and the list goes on...

people say begin with an end in mind, because everything that has a beginning has an end.
friday marked the end of canoeing for us. we've fought hard, showed our true abilities, showed others the rafflesian spirit.
after our team prayer, after my last visualisation, i took my paddle, my life vest, i walked down the beach to the water. it was the last time i'm gliding through the water with all my might, my last time wearing the jersey, the life jacket, last time using my faithful old boat. last race.
as i did my last warm up and waited with anxiety and excitement for that last horn, i knew it was then or never. the past year and a half of training, all the shit that we've been through, the sweat, the blood, the pain for that one race. we rowed like never before, every pull, every twist, every effort. it was close, and it might have been possible, but it didn't happen. it was the best i've done, but i couldn't help feeling disappointed for something so near yet so far, something which i had always wanted. well, it's over.
as i watched and cheered for the later races, i've felt the real meaning behind canoeing. winning isn't everything. in fact, we are all winners, for we've given our best for the school, with the blasting cheers of "go raffles" from the jetty, we have shown the determination, the team spirit, the school spirit, the pride, and all these are worth so much more than a gold.
after the prize presentation, as we all gathered around the school flag for college anthem, i was trying to hold back tears as i sang. not tears of joy or sorrow, but tears of pride in being a raffles canoeist. the college anthem never meant so much. "we'll do our best whate'er the test, and keep our colours flying..." green, black, white, flying with pride. i know that is where i belong, that is what i am. i daresay that the best thing that happened in my life is joining canoeing and even though i may not wear my jersey, row in my boat, but deep in my heart, i'm always a raffles canoeist.
post nationals night, probably the last night we're going to spend together, 11 of us, all so unique in our own ways, yet so indispensable. we've been through so much together, trainings, sdba, scf, dragon boat and i'm so glad i've found friends like you. to my k2 partner, fengyi, thank you for being the power behind me, everything couldn't be possible without you. to my twin, weiqi, you're great and the team couldn't have come so far without you. to shine, my classmate and teammate, you're certainly the nicest person i've known and thank you so much for hearing all my crap all day. to mag and sheryl, you all have certainly shown the spirit and trainings wouldn't be the same without you. to carol, thanks for all the joy. to gaoshang, the team will never be the same without you, your lame jokes and stories which brought so much laughter. to lydia, thanks for always being there and your valuable contributions to the team, to zhen, you're really indispensible and thank you for everything and to vania, you're shown us what's the meaning of a real fighter and intervals would never be possible without you. to jiaxin, gosh, you're really good, to jiaying, you're really strong, inside and outside and keep the spirit going, revenge will be sweet next year. to jingting and youjia, you all are great and we are all so proud of you and to yonghui, you are wonderful, keep it going and from now on, it's all yours, bring your team to greater heights, work hard and achieve what your goals, the next year will be challenging and let it be fruitful. to my teammates, thank you so much and i can't imagine my life without you. let us all work hard together for A levels and we are raffles canoeists forever. to the j1s, be proud of raffles canoeing and raffles canoeing will be proud of you.
enough said, the rest will remain in my memories. forever and ever.