The hardest battle is the battle against yourself. And today I've fought this battle again and waiting for the results. Well, you can say it started with the shitty 104 paper, but seriously I think it's quite alright if I had studied harder for it and understood the concepts. I didn't, so that's why I'm here writing all these words of regrets and getting myself into this damn mood again.
I used to take exams so lightly because I know it is not going to affect anything. All I had to do was to give everything for 'O' and 'A' levels, which I already did and succeeded. But right now I have everything at stake. The consequences of me screwing up this exams, which I think I certainly will, is definitely more than just having to repeat it next sem. Seriously, I don't see anything wrong with having to redo it given the fact that I will have a better grasp of the subject. But no, it's not as simple as that..
Or is it that I'm expecting too much from myself, setting an almost unachievable goal and struggling to find my way there. Struggling very hard. Or maybe it's you that has caused all these pressure. You had always wanted the best to come from me. But I can tell you, sorry I didn't. I didn't get into Harvard, I didn't get the president scholarship, I didn't even get into medicine and I don't think I'm going to get first class honours and I definitely won't become the president of Singapore. I know you were probably joking but the rebellous me wants to prove you wrong. I want to give you the hit in the face and tell you "who says I can't.." Perhaps I don't have the opportunity anymore. So let's just mind our own business and live our own lives. I don't want anything from you and I don't want to depend on you for anything, but what if situations don't allow? I know that you have other things to worry about and I really don't want to become your burden. Alright, enough said, what is done, or rather what has not been done, is all over. In fact, I feel good now after a long walk back to hall from sbs. I love that place, the nice wooden tables and big unbrellas and the breeze. Not forgetting the wonderful salad at the cafe which never failed to make my day.
It's ironic how I had more msn windows popping up when I said leave me alone. haha, and I'm actually quite amused by it. And I really hope you can just leave me alone and don't irritate me especially when I'm not in the mood.
And I always look forward to weekends, although I know this one's going to be packed with study and work. Should I go training on saturday? Speaking of training, my whole upper body is acheing from weights yesterday and doing stick rotation the day before that. Just goes to show how long have I not utilised my upper body.
It's a month's time away from round ubin race and less than a month away from SC marathon. Gosh, how am I going to finish that with the measly amount of exercise and watching those muscles turn into fats.. help...