here i am standing at the crossroads once again, unsure of where to go. there's so many conflicting thoughts running through my mind that i begin to wonder what is the most important aspect of life. i used to believe in living life to the fullest and engage in activities that best suits my interest and makes me happy, i still do, but the problem is how.
it wouldn't be long when i have to make a major decision in life - university. sitting in the hall with 600 other applicants, holding a pen and writing an essay for the first time since 'A' Levels, i began to wonder do i really want medicine? yes, i do, it had always been my dream and it still is. but somehow i have this feeling that i would be much happier in NTU, doing a new course, getting a double degree. sigh.. well, at least that wouldn't leave me too upset if i can't get into medicine.
and i can't believe this. i thought it was a nightmare, i thought it wouldn't happen to me, but now it's a reality. i thought i had the determination, i thought i was strong, but i'm not. i've lost the battle against myself and i must rescue myself before sinking even deeper, but am i able to? i'm still trying and i will try. suddenly i'm reminded of the poster in the boat shed - there's no such thing as trying, either you do it or you don't. and so i will.
i think i'm very incoherent, but that's what's going on in my mind. perhaps sometimes you should let go, if you know there's no point carrying on. it's only a matter of time before i finally bid farewell. if it started there, it shall end there.
perhaps it's time to start anew.