why am i letting my mood take over me again??
just when i thought today would be quite a good day, considering the fact that i actually shut down my laptop, swtiched off the lights and went to bed last night, and waking up feeling rather refreshed this morning. and from then on, everything seem to have gone wrong. had a close encounter with a stray dog early in the morning when i was jogging in the dark, half blind as usual. i was just 1 meter from it when i realised it was a dog. i just stopped short and froze, for that split second, i didn't know what to do, and was so scared that it would attack me. luckily for me, i think it was more scared of me and just scrammed away. phew.. and then the morning traffic and long wait for bus took me an hour and a half to reach school!!
and of course, school totally sucked. can't help getting stressed out by everything and everybody around me and the good old me just accidentally pulled out the buttons on my shorts in the middle of class and had to use a clip to keep my shorts on me. bleah...
i was already trying very hard to control myself not to scream at people in the library this afternoon, after the stressful day and when you had once again disappointed me. i couldn't find a better way but to delete all your messages from my inbox and blast music into my ears...
yes, tomorrow shall be better...

taken from wiki, there you go...
Narcolepsy is a neurological condition most characterized by Excessive Daytime Sleepiness (EDS). The main characteristic of narcolepsy is overwhelming excessive daytime sleepiness (EDS), even after adequate night time sleep. A person with narcolepsy is likely to become drowsy or to fall asleep, often at inappropriate times and places. Daytime naps may occur with or without warning and may be irresistible. These naps can occur several times a day. They are typically refreshing, but only for a few hours. Drowsiness may persist for prolonged periods of time. In addition, night-time sleep may be fragmented with frequent awakenings.
People with narcolepsy may dream even when they only fall asleep for a few seconds.

i think i seriously suffer from sleeping disorder. not insomnia, but the opposite. I've never failed to amuse myself at the ability to sleep anytime, anywhere, not forgetting my daily routine of dozing off in class even if i sit in the first row.. and for the past 2 days my bed has been used as a dumping ground for all the things that i don't want on my table, and my most convenient place for sleeping is no other than the chair. and last night i've done the most classic. i decided to take a break and did some pushups to boost my energy level. and so after 20 miserable pushups i lay on the ground, initially just for a stretch and relax, and yes, I FELL ASLEEP!! face down, flat on the ground! i am good lor. luckily my mom didn't come into the room, if not she might have thought i fainted or something.

i have been and i am trying, not to think about things and to be good to myself. i've given in to the fact that there's not much time left before the papers begins. it's definitely not good to have so many things clogged up in my mind, so much so that there's no space for important stuff.
but it's hard, almost impossible. i can't help but to let my mind wonder and drown myself in confusion and agony. why why why???? it's just too wrong...

i really did try to sleep early and wake up early last week, it was like catching the 12am sleep and hopefully waking up early enough to get something constructive done. but it was a half failure. i did sleep at around 12 but my alarms just fail to wake me up early. just yesterday i was reading this month's shape magazine on the importance of adequate sleep, such as to keep off those extra pounds, improve memory, good skin, reduce risk of diabettes, heart problems etc etc. 8 hours of sleep a day? that's almost an impossibility for me, 8 hours in three days seems more like it. and now that the car pool service has ceased, i think i have to wake up at 5.30am for my daily morning run, gym and to gueue for the bus and reach school on time for lessons...
i think i am just an exercise freak who will feel uneasy for not doing something physical everyday, especially running.
if only we could run away from all the complications in life, not letting them eat us up and only adds misery to life.

what a sunny sunday, and how could i forgo the chance to soak up some sun. went for a long run before baking myself in the midday sun. it has been quite a while since i ever did a sunday long run, and it sure felt good, like i could go on forever. only tanned for an hour under the scorching sun, but it didn't seem to help me get rid of my ugly tanline. wanted to spend the afternoon revising and doing work, but after lunch, i went back to my room, took out stuff to do, switched on the aircon and i just wanted to lie down for a while on my bed, but before i knew it, it was already 4.30!! almost time to go for work. so there goes my sunday... nice, but guilty.
shall post up some MR500 photos, there's hundreds, and maybe going to be thousand over photos when i get everybody's.. i totally miss MR...

pictures of me in action, yes i am the drummer-by-default..


victory cum handover dinner, i officially don't hold the keys anymore


ntu(c) the people whom i spent the whole weekend, and probably my most enjoyable times in ntu with..


the guys..


the girls..


my batch - the year 2s


the year 1s


the year 3s

spent my friday night in hall with the new exco initiation night. lots of alcohol, lots of drunk people, merlions, and fun. we talked all the way till the next morning when i had to go for internship and the rest concussed on the bed. as agreed, what was said and done will be kept within those who were there.. really wished i didn't have internship the next day, bummer..
sigh.. i can't imagine uni life without you guys, i think i better concentrate on studying before i sink further into this dilemma...

2 days of MR500 has ended. How am I feeling now? I really don't know.. confused perhaps, and lost.
Speaking about canoeing first, i believe i've been pretty lucky for the heats to get myself into the finals. The outcome was quite expected and honestly I was quite satisfied with my performance based on the intensity (or rather the lack of it) of water trainings. From the thirst of gold when I first started canoeing, to the achieving of it, to the burnt out phase, to the numb.. i think it has gone through the whole cycle. what's going to happen next i really don't know. My aim for this MR was not to thrash everyone possible, to get as many medals as possible, but rather, for myself, it was to enjoy the sport, the race and not let myself down. I couldn't be bothered who are my competitors from the other schools and I didn't even think about any stupid mind games prior to the race. i wasn't feeling that nervous or stressed, i was still chewing my gum and enjoying the sun during the race. will i make a comeback for ncc? train like mad? i don't know...
Then about dragon boat, I must say that it's really a pity that we were so near yet so far from bringing home 66 gold medals, but we really rowed with our heart and soul, everyone, every stroke, every sweat. and of course there was the highlight of the day: men's open where all 5 boats were neck to neck for almost the entire 500m and it's really a matter of who has the greatest desire to put in every bit of strength left to pull the water, to scream the lungs out, for their team, for themselves, for the honour of the champions of MR500 2007. and so we did it, it was all in that last 20m. tears of joy, outburst of happiness, screams of euphoria. enough said. it was all shown on their faces. our dragon roared. another unforgettable moment..
Victory and handover dinner at Meridien Hotel followed. The food and ambience were pretty good and it was rather empty, or rather overpowered by our noise. It's the end of a chapter in canoeing again. From not wanting to come to ntu, to not even wanting to touch my paddle again, I have just made lots more scratches on my dearest paddle, even chopped off 4cm, and served 1 year as VC. Oh well, I must say there were good and bad times and what I enjoyed most was the company of the team. trainings aside, i really missed the pigging out sessions, the JB trips, the singing sessions recently, and the unforgettable sleepless farewell gifts making sessions last year. Uni life would be so boring without you guys!!
Right now i'm lost, no more trainings, study for exams??? NO I DON'T WANT TO STUDY!!!

what is wrong with me?
i left the house for school yesterday morning and realised i forgot to bring my wallet. by the time i went up to get it and came down again the shuttle bus was gone and i waited and waited for the public bus which only came at around 8.20!! and i didn't take the car pool cos my teacher has already emphasized more than once the importance of punctuality and how we're disturb his lessons if we go into class late one by one. and so, i bused, bused and cabbed and reached almost half an hour late!!
and i only got my phone back this morning because i forgetfully left it in jesper's room before lorrying down to mac to move boats.
i am so blur!!!
day 1 or MR is over, awaiting day 2 and buffet after that.. hmmm i wonder when's the next time i'll paddle and race again after tmr... will i???

am i seeing things or am i not (literally)? this morning when i was running as per normal, half blind without contacts in the dark, i saw this guy, in office wear, standing at the roadside flagging for a cab, and in the short 5 seconds that i saw him, 2 empty cabs with the blue lights on just went pass like that!!! do cab uncles not see him, or not wanting to make money early in the morning? or am i seeing things?? eeee.... best thing is i had to wrap up my morning incident by watching "the messenger" in the afternoon and taking a cab home from school after universe games.
and while i was wondering around jp this afternoon, i walked into this boutique shop looking at this ivory white dress and this friendly salesgirl came up to me and said (in chinese): "want to try it on? it'll look good on you, since you have meat, not like me, so skinny....." wah lao, i know i'm fat la, don't have to say it into my face right?
and i just had to be reminded twice today that exams are in a month's time!!! HELP!!!!!!
oh well, had my last training before MR500, and i wonder when's the next?? till then, i will carbo load and think about the race first!! leave the rest till next week!!

Your Birthdate: September 21

You're a restless rebel with an unpredictable nature.Bright but unbridled, you tend to seek out wild experiences over new ideas.People are frustrated by your great potential, but you love your unconventional life.You're a heartbreaker. People get attached to you, and then you're gone. Your strength: Your thirst for adventure Your weakness: Not taking time for slow pleasures Your power color: Hot pink Your power symbol: Figure eight Your power month: March

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatdoesyourbirthdatemeanquiz/">What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

wah... quite true leh!!! haha

my WHOLE back is aching, every muscle that is possible to ache. i feel like a sixty-year-old clad in a twenty-year-old. from head to toe. my memory's failing, my back is aching, my knees, well, they are much better now thankfully. and i think now my stomach is taking revenge on me!!
ouch!!

i am the lousiest student! wasting my recess week enjoying myself, movies, ktv, birthdays, trainings, gym, basically everything except what i was suppose to be doing, until sunday night, when i reached home from work and started panicking! to the extent that i spilled one cartoon of coffee flavoured milk all over my bed and was sweating in my room and popping sour gummies into my mouth and chew and chew. i don't recall what exactly happened that night, and how little i slept in my chair, i only knew i left the house in a mess and my head totally empty. it felt terrible. couldn't squeeze anything out of my puny brains during the paper and i seriously almost dozed off in the middle of it.

and yesterday when the prof of the new module came in and wanted to start the lecture, just after the exam, i said quite loudly to myself, in chinese and in a chinese accent "but we just had our exam". it was loud enough for him to hear and stare at me. and i think he had been staring at me since the first lesson because i have been sleeping half of the time. the best thing is today he tried to clarify why he had to repeat himself so many times by saying "in case some of you all didn't catch what i said" (in chinese of course) AND HE WAS OBVIOUSLY LOOKING AT ME!!! bleah....

ok, enough rambling.. photo time..

decor and food at rang mahal at pan pac. the length of the menu list looked more difficult for the stomach to handle than the actual course itself.

that's the whole group behind the long dining table

the ladies...

and the gentlemen...

and everyone...

and a blurry photo taken with the camera phone, which is better than my lousy and dying camera.. bleah..

Cao Ge's voice is damn power!! went for my first campus concert today with my hard earned ticket from sitting in front of can a for an hour last week. but it was worth it. not that i am a big fan of him, but i must say that he's really good!! we got quite a good view by sitting on the steps, but in the centre of LKC lecture theatre. it was a full house!! the power of live performance! and there was drama when the emcee asked for volunteers to go up the stage and this guy just RAN and huddled up the stage before the emcee had a chance to select people!

surf and sweat photos!!!! we love the sun and the sea!!

lazy me was trying to pull out a tag from my new shirt this afternoon, i was trying to break open the plastic ring with my fingers and failed. only to notice blood on my fingers and a cut on my thumb and first finger. ouch! so much of my lazyness to walk a few steps to get the scissors.
but those cuts are covered with plasters now and there's something that hurts more... yes it really hurts...

is that all you care about??
(if you don't know what i'm talking about, good for you. if you do know what i'm talking about, even better!)

First dragon boat training after a long long time never fail to make me ache and give me butt abrasion! I think every muscle on me is aching, especially my upper body, but it feels good, at least i know those muscles are still in existence. And i just did more dragon boating for sea ex recce, though it was a rather relaxed pace and intensity. And i finally fulfilled my to-do list of timing a 2.4km!! been wanting to do that for quite some time, but the stadium is always closed early in the mornings when i reach there. So today i decided to try my luck again at a slightly later time, and it was opened!! and so i shared the track with all the aunties walking and ran 6 boring rounds. the timing was surprisingly decent, still managed to sub 12 despite not doing speed or interval trainings and haven't ran more than 10km since stan chart. oh well, i really hope i can get my old aching body out of bed tmr morning.
sigh.. forgive me if i am in the 'leave me alone' mood, it's not that i'm sad or anything but just that there's so many things to do and so little time.. it is only when i finally sit down and reflect on what i've done that i realised i've neglected so many people who love me and are concerned about me. why can't i love myself a bit more and live up to expectations? 2 days ago my mom just told me 'we believe you're old enough to know what's good for you...' yes knowing is one thing, but doing it is another...
study la, please!!

Is it true that as we get older, the festive mood just decreases and look forward to holiday as rest days? Or is it just me? I think this chinese new year for me is just sleep sleep and sleep. I did no spring cleaning, no SHOPPING (?!?!?! yes i don't even believe this) and so on the first day of new year, I opened my wadrobe and panicked, cos I have no new clothes to wear!! no visiting yet, not much cny goodies at home for me to eat, other than a heavenly home-cooked dinner on new year's eve, there was not much new year mood at home. Times when I am not online means I'm either sleeping, out exercising, appearing offline or my dad is hogging the internet connection watching you.tube!!
Well, I did get a few angpows and I can't even be bothered opening them to see how much it contained, yes, that's how 'exciting' my cny is, at least I did get a good rest at home.. yawn..

Do i really have my emotions written on my face? or are you really so good at reading my mind? Quite busy recently, especially these two weeks, nite cyclling recce, steamboats, birthdays etc etc.. and believe it or not, I haven't done any shopping for chinese new year! and there's no need to mention spring cleaning..
And i can't stop thinking about what you told me, when ignorance is no longer bliss and only brings what nobody has imagined it could bring. Sigh, guess I'm really neglecting the people closest to me, I don't want to wait till everything's too late. enough said. trust no MAN!!

I really want the holidays back. Miss those days of happy blog entries, so simple, so perfect way of life..
Well, at least I've survived today. 9 hours of lessons was no joke, but I'm so glad it's not going to be like that everyday. I'm still believing that I will survive this semester's insane timetable, making full use of my school fees, that's what I say to convince myself..
I've been sleeping at around 12ish, which is a great improvement from last semester, but I don't think it can last very long..
My brain is dead, so give me some excuse to whine..
where are YOU?????!!!! why can't I be smart, skinny, pretty, longer hair, longer legs bla bla bla