Holidays are almost over, so is 2005. These few days are busy but with a sense of accomplishment. I finally got my furniture for my room and finally had the courage to get my ears pierced after walking past and stopping at B*dazzle for more than 3 times. I felt like an animal in the zoo with people walking past and looking at me. The one on the right cartilage was surprisingly not as painful as what I thought it would be. I was totally mentally unprepared as I just settled down in the seat and was getting ready for a shot when I suddenly felt something hitting my ear and there, it went in, in just 1 second. Then the nice lady told me the left one won't be as painful but with total anticipation, I thought it was worse. Ignorance is bliss, true indeed. The price was rather steep but at least it is safe and professional.
Christmas is a season of love and food. I've been pigging out on every food in sight like nobody's business and watching the fats build up around my waist and arms and thighs and everywhere else. Canoers dinner always end up to be a mass pigging out session. Dinner at fish and co and lots of cakes at secret recipe directly after that left us so bloated and fat that we decided to walk down orchard just to let the food digest. But it was certainly great catching up with you guys, as usual, we made lots of noise and talked about everything that nobody else would. Our fun always seem to evolve from food. I can never forget the marche desserts that were gone in a few seconds, the cafe cartel bananas etc etc, I thought canoeists are suppose to be on a healthy diet??
This is perhaps the most special and meaningful christmas in my life with the best christmas present one can ever get.

don't expect me to be in a good mood after a day when everything goes wrong. First it was waking up late for training because my poor phone battery died and other samsung chargers didn't seem to be able to charge it. So I had no alarm clock and only a lousy clock on my table which was half an hour slow. Didn't run today. damn. Paddled k2, not much comments about that. Next was cleaning off the tape on the k2s. Call me a lazy bum or a slacker, but I don't think anyone likes to play with thinners and sticky gluey stuff. What's worse was that halfway the rain started pouring and left us shivering in the cold. The cleaning stopped and I grabbed my bag and immediately made my way home, hoping for a good warm bath and lunch.
Reached home after waiting damn long for the bus and got up to my place. Pushed the door handle. locked. pressed the doorbell. no answer. knocked on the door and shouted. the dog next door started barking. So the frozen and starved me went down to find a phone to call the idiots who locked me out of the house knowing that I forgot to bring my keys. called home, no answer. called dad, at work and had no idea where my mom went. called to my old house, line not in use anymore. alright, at least I got the news that there is a spare key at the customer service or whatever the place is called, so I went there, with great hope of getting the keys and saving myself from the coldness. Lunchtime for them, which means I had to wait till 2pm. Bloody hell, wasted almost an hour trying to get home, not forgetting the fact that I was drenched, cold and hungry. The mess in my room was certainly unhelpful and I searched all over but couldn't find the charger and couldn't find my mom.
Only managed to save my dead phone late in the evening after going back to my old place, grabbed the charger which my mom conveniently left behind and rushed down to school for meeting, then cheerleading.
Demoralised and pissed at myself for failing to do those stunts, for missing road relay training, for my indecisiveness, for so many things undone. christmas shopping, getting furniture for my room, not being able to perform at trainings, not going for bbqs, etc, etc. basically not being able to meet my own expectations.
Degeneration.. I'm losing the determination, the fighting spirit, the willingness to pia. I've realised i'm no superwoman, I can't have everything under the sun.
Alright, relax and enjoy, and stop being a perfectionist. it's the holidays after all.

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to obedience and warmth. In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you. You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change. You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is comforting. You crave a relationship where you always feel warmth and love. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/keystoyourheartquiz/">What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

mom stop stressing me!!!!!!! stop asking me when i'm ever going to finish packing my stuff!!!! what's the hurry to move? I have no bed, no table, nothing so you expect me to sleep and write and do everything on the floor right? Is my blood really that sweet? I have at least 10 mosquito bites on each leg and they're itching like hell. idiotic mosquitoes, stop biting me!!!
It's been a busy and crazy week so far and it definitely is not good to be forgetful. damn.

It has been a while since I've had this feeling. The feeling of anxiety, excitement, anticipation for that moment when the horn goes off and you paddle like never before. And so I did it again today. A whole long 22km in the open waters on a k2. The start was really bad. Just imagine about 200 boats squeezed in between 2 bouys and the control boat shouting at everyone to move back when it was almost impossible to find a spot in the water to dig your paddle in. I think in the end the starter couldn't be bothered anymore and just sounded the starting horn. And so mass, or rather mess of boats went off, and I should be glad my paddles could touch the water though my hands kept slipping off. The next 2 hours or so was almost totally mental. We wanted to catch the boats in front, but seeing that it was almost impossible, I knew it was going to be an inner race between my mind and body. I kept telling myself I will do my best for everyone that wished me luck, for my dearest partner, and for your morning surprise.
The water was very unpredictable, calm at certain places and really choppy at others, with the aid of big ships that never failed to irritate me. But we survived the wind and the waves and crossed the finishing line. That was my first bronze medal. I prefer photos, so here it goes..














team NTU




















rachel and I

why are holidays even more busy than normal school days. I've been running around the whole of Singapore from place to place and going take a long mrt ride from boon lay to pasir ris for training early tomorrow morning... So busy that I have no time to stick to my words of blogging everyday. So here's a summary..
Hall 14 bash on tuesday. Arrived there very early and the fun has yet to begin, so we walked one whole round around clarke quay before finally entering gotham penthouse at around 10pm. The initial atmosphere wasn't that good and the music was quite bad. I was enjoying myself and stoning around until someone ordered shots. 1 shot down and I was high already, not drunk, just high and the real party began. The music got better, but still not very good. Wanted to leave early to get a rest before the next day's training, but I stayed all the way till 3am.
With 3 hours of sleep, I got out of my bed reluctantly for training at pasir ris with the help of caffeine. It was such a fun training. The feeling of sea water, waves, rubbish, dead fish. Basically the feeling of kallang. The water was not as bad as what I had expected. It just felt like kallang water. Well, you can say today was more like an expedition rather than training and I do like this kind of trainings. The best part was getting out of the boat along the sandy beach. Just like Kallang...
Ok, I'm super sleepy now and soon I be typing what I'm dreaming...
My wish list for christmas:
- a new pencil case
- a gym ball (55cm)
- a nice tan
- lose weight
- lots of new clothes and accessories
- a 5000 piece jigsaw puzzle
- shop shop shop

The weekend has been busy but definitely fruitful and unforgetable.
Yesterday was the day that I completed my second marathon. Woke up as early as 4am to have breakfast and get everything ready so that I can be in the starting line for the flag-off instead of being in the toilet, as what I've been doing for the past half and full marathons. True enough, I reached there at around 5.20 and was just in time to mentally and physically prepare myself for the 42km run which began promptly at 6am. One thing I really like about the runs is that they always start on time, no matter if everyone is ready or not. I think that is called professionalism, and that's something Singaporeans should be ashamed about. Is it chinese in general or only here in Singapore where people leave their house at the time they are suppose to meet and the first half an hour or so of conferences or seminars is for registration where in actual fact is to allow for late-comers. I think I'm digressing. Ok back to marathon.
I cannot describe the excitement as I stood amongst all the other runners doing some warm-up and eagerly awaiting the flag-off. 5-4-3-2-1, and then the crowd cheered and I slowly made my way, with the crowd, to the starting line where I embarked on my 42.195km run. There was really a lot of people this year, but not to the extent that there was a jam. As my legs moved, as my heart beat, slowly, but surely, with every step I took, I was one step nearer to the finishing line. I think I should be really grateful to the canoeists whom I paced and their pace was quite fast for a marathon. There were times when I thought I couldn't catch up anymore and wanted to drop behind, but I knew once I slow down a bit, that is it. And so I pressed on. Man, it was totally mental. The Kenyan runners were unbelievable, their speed for marathon is faster than my 2.4 pace. The route for the first 15km or so was the same as that last year, as far as I can remember and it was yesterday that I truely experienced the so-called "runner's high". After the 21st km, I suddenly had this "high" that kept my legs moving despite the pain and soreness in my knees once in a while. I love running.
As compared to last year, the last 20km didn't feel as daunting, I counted up and down, and looked forward to the next drink station, hoping that there will be 100 plus. Power gel is really powerful. But I think it'll be a better idea to have a drink station nearer the powergel giving out point cos it doesn't feel very good to run with a mouthful of sweet gluey taste. Trust powergel for its instant power...
And so I made my way slowly past the 30km, 35km, 40km marks in the hot scorching sun. The last part was the real challenge. Almost everybody around me was walking, and the heat was almost unbearable. What made is worse is the fact that it was at marina promenade, a path that used to be so familiar. For someone like me who doesn't like to run a known route, it was hard taking step by step and knowing how long more there is to go. But I kept encouraging myself, for I know it's not the time to give up especially when I've already endured 40km, the last 2km or so is nothing. Determination, perserverence, whatever it takes to give me the last push cross the finishing line. I knew I could do it, and I did it. 5 hours and 22 minutes non-stop, not even toilet breaks. I thought my legs would give way after the long run and I would collapse on the floor, but instead, I felt a sense of satisfaction and happiness that nothing else could provide, for I know I've proved it for myself, I've won myself. Mind over everything, cliche as it may sound, but it can't be more true. Who is there to push you for 42km, to tell you not to give up, to give you a kick on the butt when you want to stop? No one forces you to finish it, no one can pull or push you for 42km, and no one can experience the triumph of a marathon finisher, no one except yourself.
Some interesting things along the way... I don't know whether it's a problem with the male bladder, but I've seen so many guys running to the drain to answer the call of nature. And if you think that's bad, wait until you see this sight: a fat indian guy (not that i'm racist) with a belly that could jolly well contain 5 big watermelons standing beside the bench in between the walking and cycling paths at east coast park doing his 'part' in fertilising the grass. What the .... trying to be a public nuisance and showing off his big fat dick in public. I also saw these 2 guys wearing bras over their singlet in support for breast cancer. How daring of them. Not to forget those sexy cheerleaders, helpers and ordinary people who made the effort to give a word of encouragement to every runner who passes. Then there was this guy whose singlet really struck me. Behing his blue adidas jersey, written in black was something that goes like this "in memory of my father/date (which I couldn't remember)/ lung cancer/quit smoking/don't start" I thought that was really touching.
Some tips for running a marathon:
- empty your bladder and large intestine before the run.
- apply sunblock (which I didn't)
- get a good pair of running shoes, so you won't get blisters. For this I strongly recommend New Balance, although the designs are not the nicest around, it's definitely worth the money and didn't give kme any problem for this year's run.
- wear as little accessories as possible (anklets are very capable of giving you blisters)
- not recommended to wear ankle socks although they are fashionable and looks nice
- don't run against other people, run with others and remember, you are your only competetor
- aim for the next 100 plus point or water point as you run
- run when everybody else is walking
- run in the shade whenever possible
- thank those people cheering you on and give them a high five if they offer.
- hydrate yourself
- encourage yourself
- think of those people who believed in you, and show them you can do it.
- most importantly, believe in yourself

I'm glad this year's stuff are sponsored by adidas, the design and quality of the shirt was much better than last year's but I think adidas should go back and revise the sizes. I feel squashed in xs and feel like i'm swimming in s.

Standard Chartered Singapore Marathon 2005 is over.
Standard Chartered Singapore Marathon 2006, here I come and hoping that I can beat this year's time

This is quite true, especially those in red....

Virgo women:
She will be similar to Leo woman in appearance. A slim woman who walks with confident and proud. She has an egg shape facial structure, high and round forehead. She likes to look straight as if she is searching. She is not a pretentious type and will always say what she thinks. You will see Virgo woman walks fast. She will try her best to be perfect, to look perfect and to feel perfect even though there is no such perfection. She is very delicate of what and how she dress. She is bright and easily despair with obstacles. She likes smart guy who will be compatible with her, so if you are a rich dumb guy, you can forget about her right now. She is not a very possessive or jealous person for she expect respect from her love one. She does not like a part time lover, or a temporary mate. If she finds her dream man, she will not go away. If she does not like you, she will always keep a certain ! distant. Act proper and appropriate is her discipline.

She does not like and can not stand bad languages, cursing words or phrase. She likes a gentleman who open the doors for her. She wants to feel protected and when a man taking care of her, she will feel like a complete woman. She memorizes everything about other people and about herself very well. She can really keep secret, you can trust her on this. She likes a refreshing and a mild scent. She is very delicate in maintaining her beauty, so you could see she is seriously picking soap which match and most suit her skin. Do not comments her on this very picky habits, it is her happiness in working full times as a self beautifier. She is not an innocent angle for sometimes she can be as tough as steel. Even she easily despair, she is not the type to cry over it. She is a shy type, so making speech in front of the room can make her nervous even she walks and talks confidently. She only search for true love , not just any love. Her love is an ideal one. She likes to think no one is neater and as effective as her, which can irritate you sometimes for there is no such thing. She likes sweet talk, but she can slip and say something unpredictable and unbearable to you too. When she stops getting mad, she will totally forget what she just said and be an angel again. If you have a date with her , you'd better be there on time. Flowers and sweet word can calm her down. If you want to say sorry , make it brief and straight forward. Do not drag your apologetic words into a long making it up events, it could lead you to another world war. She likes her man to dress nice and clean. She is good in details especially with money. Do not make she thinks that she is a clown or funny. In the beginning of knowing her, please try not to glance at other pretty woman so much. Early period of dating her, try not to hold her so much in public, it would not be a proper thing to do. She loves books, stage play and music and likes to criticize about them too. Criticism woman is her icon including big and small things in life starting from your hair, your dress , and the way you talk. If you are in love with her, be as almost perfect as your can.

Hall 14 bash on 6th Dec (tuesday) at Gotham Penthouse at 14 bucks, anyone????
well shall blog about other stuff tomorrow...

December is finally here, which means christmas is near. I think I've said I'll make it a point to blog everyday, but it seems like my holidays are super-packed.
Sports bash on tuesday was well, quite sad. The turn-out wasn't as good as what I expected, maybe because it's due to the rain and the fact that it's a tuesday. Or maybe I just wasn't in the mood. Tired from training and walking aimlessly in orchard. I think I can't get more kiasu than buying movie tickets for saturday on tuesday. Why do I have this feeling that Hall 14 bash is going to be worse. Sigh...
Woke up later than usual on wednesday (= 8am) and spent my morning hiding in my room reading magazine and sleeping. Relunctantly left my house after lunch and bought curtains for my room. It's so colourful and pretty. After that, I headed down to school to go for my first cheerleading practice. It was suppose to start at 7pm but by the time everyone arrived and we actually got down to practising it was already 8 plus. I love watching people do stunts for cheerleading but when you're the one getting carried and thrown around, it's another story. It's really a test of balancing and trust. I think the scariest part is the anticipation - standing high up trying not to tremble and getting ready for the second where support on your feet is taken off and you drop with the acceleration due to free fall. But it is fun fun fun.
Training today was very exciting. The waves and wind were worse than that in kallang. I was already cursing and swearing at the wind on my first km. And it started raining on the 4th km. The wind almost blew our paddles away and the waves pushed the boat forward. Normally the water would be very calm after the rain, but it didn't. What a good training for round ubin. At least it added some thrill into the boring long paddling.
I'm addicted to grapes and yoghurt. yum yum, and I think my mom is scared of my huge appetite for grapes. I can finish half a kg of grapes and crave for more. Is one's liking for food by nature or nurture? I think my sister is a health freak by nature and she doesn't know it. She simply loves vegetables and fruits, doesn't like chocolate or cream. She only eats the bread on burgers and only the chicken meat for kfc chicken and not the skin at all. And you'll be surprised at her ability to spit out the tiniest bit of fats in meat and tell you that the dish is too salty for her liking. Ok, she beats me in that.

the weather is crazy.. it was pouring in the bright sunlight just now and the wind was damn strong that it slammed the door and blew everything off my table. that lasted for 10 minutes and now it's bloody hot again. But at least I'm getting a nice tan, erm, take back the word nice, more like i'm getting a jersey tan.
yesterday was such a busy day, running around island. First I went to school to get my matric card replaced, then met my dad at westmall to get my new phone, and because I don't have my ic the phone is still under his name, which means he's going to pay for the bill for one more month. Then I went to lavender to get my ic. Seems like losing your ic is a very serious business. They made me do a write up on how my ic was lost and conducted an "interview". But the lady was really nice and although there's no such thing as great singapore sale at ICA, I got a discount for replacing my ic. With everything almost done, I headed down to town to get my atm card and of course, shopping. There goes my money saved from the discount. Met up with the programmers for dinner and yes, I caught harry potter after all. Well, not much comments about the movie since I am no harry potter fan and didn't fully understand the plot cos I didn't read the books.
I'm in love with my new phone. The pink one was so pretty but no I got the blue one instead.

the handphone chain is so bimbotic and it's a mirror on the other side, but i love it
















I think this is rather freaky....
I think I'm in love with blue

I'm fucking pissed with whoever that bastard with no integrity and no moral values to resort to stealing to satisfy his or her own desires. Well, more like I'm disappointed with the fact that there's this kind of people around and if the person is a canoest, I really have nothing else to say other than "you are such a disgrace". If you want the money, take it and leave everything else behind. Well, I hope I've terminated my phone and all my atm cards fast enough so you can't use any shit that's inside. Anyway it's time to get a new phone and all I can say is sorry dad, you can't have a phone with camera and radio cos a fucker has taken it. Alright, at least I've got a programme for monday. Go get my ic, matric card, atm card, gym card, ez link card replaced and go get a new phone. Well, looking on the brighter side, I can change the my ic photo (at a cost of 100 bucks) and a new phone. Maybe I should be glad that I have spent about 100 bucks these few days if not the fucking thief would have more money. But I love my wallet and I need my phone contact list cos the ever-so-forgetful-me only remembers 2 numbers: my home phone and my handphone. Nothing else.
Alright, at least I've satisfied my taste buds with chomp chomp's stingray and all the other spicy and yummy seafood. Can't believe I actually finished one gigantic mug of sugar cane while sitting there for 4 hours indulging in all yummilicious but fattening delicacies. I love spicy food. yum yum thinking of it makes me drool.
feeling lost and detached from the world now. a symptom of handphone-overdependence i guess...

It has been a long time since I last felt this satisfied with myself. It sure is great to cancel out things on my to-do list and I just cancelled 2 of them yesterday. Despite the rain that dampened the whole atmosphere and my mood for going out, I still carried my umbrella and walked happily out of the house. After a long bus ride, I finally arrived at HSA and excitedly made my way into bloodbank to do my good deed of the day - donate blood. And so now I have 350ml of blood less but feel a much greater sense of satisfaction. Although HSA is far, I prefer it there as compared to other blood drive centres and NUH, the nurses there are so much better and friendlier and they have much better refreshments than just biscuits.
Then was the event of the day - ktv the whole afternoon until 9pm. Certainly worth the money and singing makes you forget about hunger until food reaches your mouth.
The rainy season is here again. It's been raining on and off today and I stayed at home the whole day. Spent most of my time stoning, listening to music, eating, sleeping, reading and yes, doing jigsaw puzzle. Blame it on that ambitious little sister of mine who took my 1000 piece jigsaw. I'll call her a genius if she can finish it by herself.

rain, rain go away... the cold blooded me it wearing jacket and slippers at home and still typing with my icy cold fingers. Blame myself for eating cold yoghurt and watermelon for breakfast, shall warm myself up with a nice hot cup of tea now.
Although I have more free time now since the bulk of the papers are over, it seems like I've been blogging less mainly because most of my time are not spent at home or in hall where I have nothing to do but face the computer. Just 3 words to summarise what I've been doing these few days: train, work, play. Almost perfect way of life if only there's less work, but isn't that the source of income that allows me to shop and play? Don't call me a spendthrift yet until I start on real shopping spree. I love shopping but I don't have all the money in the world. I love food but I can't afford to eat all I want without feeling fat and guilty, and yes, I do love chocolates but I'm trying to resist the temptations so don't tempt me... I love running but I think I should listen to my knees and give them a break. I gave myself a scare yesterday when I accidentally shifted my right patella out of position and back again with just a slight pressure from resting my hand on it while doing the jigsaw puzzle. hate those bones on my knees. I think I have the joints of a fifty-year-old and I want a massage or accupuncture. I can't imagine how bad things will be when I'm old. It's less than 2 weeks away from marathon, I think I will rest for the last week and hope I can finish it, it's all in the mind...
The rain has stopped and I shall prepare to get out of the house. I've been going out everyday. Feels good...

Can't get myself out of this holiday mood when the fact is that I have one more paper to go. This is life. Seems like my holidays are going to be busy and I'm far from jobless now. Well, at least it will keep me busy and not waking up every morning not knowing what to do for the rest of the day.
Things that I want:
- a 5000 piece jigsaw to keep me occupied
- get an ear piercing
- get a new phone
- enjoy every moment

Never knew sleeping felt so good. 7 long hours of uninterrupted and stress-less sleep. Yes, 7 is considered long after being only able to sleep on an average of 3 hours per night. And so I woke up at 6am with my usual alarm clock and waited eagerly for there to be a bit of light so that I can go for my morning run round the campus. Then I decided to be a housewife and cleaned up my dirty and messy room. I can't say it's the cleanest room you can find but I definitely tried to clean up at least ninety percent of the dirt and hair and eraser dust. shh.. but I think the total number of times I mopped the floor can be counted with fingers on one hand..
Alright, I know I'm just trying to escape from reality and indulging in a transient moment of freedom and happiness. But let me be.. afterall, there's nothing I can do now except accept the fact that it's already over and what is done is done, or rather, what has not been done will never be done. Now I'm already starting to "mug" for my last paper by listening to songs and singing. Next "mass studying" session will be held at ktv.
Spent my afternoon stoning and sleeping at home. And don't try to persuade me to go to work when I'm suppose to be relaxing. If you're really that great, why doesn't anyone want to work for you? It's not a matter of IQ, it's a matter of EQ and I think you've failed in that aspect

My long awaited break is finally here.. went to watch sky high just now and it was certainly a good way to destress after so many torturous days. Now I'm back in hall and there's only 1 word to describe my feelings now. Tired.
This room is in a complete mess. I'm going to do spring cleaning tomorrow and leave it empty for a week.
I need sleep. good night

I suddenly have the urge to run out of the room now and get myself totally drenched in the pouring rain. Organic chem was not easy, and now it's even harder. What to do when your mind gets into a complete blank and I think even an open book test for this won't help much. But I'm not feeling the kind of shittiness, perhaps I'm just too tired to care. I want a break, I need a break. And now I'm trying to squeeze all the anatomy and physiology stuff into my congested brain. I think I need to dig out the unimportant stuff there to allow more space for useful ones. I think I've really learnt my lesson of leaving everything to the last minute. But I say and swear that I'll start revision early after every exam, but it never happened.
As I read and try my best to understand the notes, I'm still trying to figure out what is wrong with my stupid knees, which part exactly does the problem lie. I've been living with it since I knew the feeling of pain but still can't find the answer to solve it. It's only 3 more weeks to marathon and I want to complete it and still be able to walk after that.
Sigh.. back to the notes. Looking forward to tomorrow when I can finally take a short break. I desperately need to catch up on my sleep. I feel like a panda now.

My cosy little room at home is certainly not a good place to mug, especially when I could just swirl the chair around and jump onto my bed. I fell asleep so many times that my mind is almost in a complete blank. Help!!
Stupid knees are giving me problems again. argh

I was so tired when I got home from work yesterday after 10 hours non-stop of work. I can't remember what I did when I got home, but I think I tried to mug because I woke up at 5 plus this morning to find the lights still on and my favourite highlighter has dried up. I'm actually surprised that I woke up finding myself on the bed instead of sitting in the chair and getting a sore neck.
Well, one hilarious encounter during work:
Someone picked up a wallet that someone else has dropped and passed it to us at the counter, so we opened the wallet to see whose is it. It happen to belong to the girl who just went into the consultation room, so we waited for her and her mom to come out then passed it to her. After dispensing the medicine and passing her her mc...
the mother said the sentence of the day: don't lose you mc ar, keep it in your wallet."
you should have seen us burst into laughter after they left.

All the best to the canoeists who have embarked on their journey this morning. I'll glue my eye to the television and hoping for the good news. Yes it used to be our dream, remember the trainings we went through, the dreams we shared, and the times we had. That's all part of the beautiful memories now. I know you're enjoying yourself there, training like nobody's business for your new passion and I am here living a normal life and being tortured by the unsympathetic examination. But I gave up on it myself, do I regret? not really, I just didn't want to continue anymore. I wanted it to end, to leave only the pleasant recollections, but I don't think it's going to end so soon. Oh well, I really wish them the best of luck and I'm proud of them.
The noise from downstairs is certainly disturbing!!! Not that I'm blaming the Deepavali celebration, it's just that why can't all the performers sing in tune. They certaily sound horrible and now the emcee is laughing like a chicken. Can't they be more considerate??
Alright, I admit I'm easily irritated..

I'm halfway there, halfway to go. Please let this end as soon as possible. I don't like the feeling of forcing myself in that tiny little room, trying to force everything into that puny little brain of mine. I love uni life, just not the studying part. Perserverance.. and I will make it..
Back at home now and just realised that naughty little sis of mine is a complain queen. She's extremely proud of the fact that she had complained to her teacher that her friend didn't want to friend her anymore. Seems like the phrase "I don't friend you already" is still in existance and still as widely used.
I should be mugging now.. shoo

The hardest battle is the battle against yourself. And today I've fought this battle again and waiting for the results. Well, you can say it started with the shitty 104 paper, but seriously I think it's quite alright if I had studied harder for it and understood the concepts. I didn't, so that's why I'm here writing all these words of regrets and getting myself into this damn mood again.
I used to take exams so lightly because I know it is not going to affect anything. All I had to do was to give everything for 'O' and 'A' levels, which I already did and succeeded. But right now I have everything at stake. The consequences of me screwing up this exams, which I think I certainly will, is definitely more than just having to repeat it next sem. Seriously, I don't see anything wrong with having to redo it given the fact that I will have a better grasp of the subject. But no, it's not as simple as that..
Or is it that I'm expecting too much from myself, setting an almost unachievable goal and struggling to find my way there. Struggling very hard. Or maybe it's you that has caused all these pressure. You had always wanted the best to come from me. But I can tell you, sorry I didn't. I didn't get into Harvard, I didn't get the president scholarship, I didn't even get into medicine and I don't think I'm going to get first class honours and I definitely won't become the president of Singapore. I know you were probably joking but the rebellous me wants to prove you wrong. I want to give you the hit in the face and tell you "who says I can't.." Perhaps I don't have the opportunity anymore. So let's just mind our own business and live our own lives. I don't want anything from you and I don't want to depend on you for anything, but what if situations don't allow? I know that you have other things to worry about and I really don't want to become your burden. Alright, enough said, what is done, or rather what has not been done, is all over. In fact, I feel good now after a long walk back to hall from sbs. I love that place, the nice wooden tables and big unbrellas and the breeze. Not forgetting the wonderful salad at the cafe which never failed to make my day.
It's ironic how I had more msn windows popping up when I said leave me alone. haha, and I'm actually quite amused by it. And I really hope you can just leave me alone and don't irritate me especially when I'm not in the mood.
And I always look forward to weekends, although I know this one's going to be packed with study and work. Should I go training on saturday? Speaking of training, my whole upper body is acheing from weights yesterday and doing stick rotation the day before that. Just goes to show how long have I not utilised my upper body.
It's a month's time away from round ubin race and less than a month away from SC marathon. Gosh, how am I going to finish that with the measly amount of exercise and watching those muscles turn into fats.. help...

2 papers down and I'm counting down and looking forward to the day where I can walk out of the examination hall and say "holidays are here!!" French paper today was alright except for the section where we were asked to write the states in France, countries beside France, French cuisine etc, which I had left half of it blank. I almost burst out laughing at my initial intention of writing french fries as one of the french dishes, since I'm not going to get any marks for that question I might as well write something to make the marker laugh. The essay was quite funny too and the basketball court turned from cold to freezing so I couldn't take it anymore and left the court 20 minutes earlier to buy myself a cup of corns to give me more corny ideas for tomorrow's paper..
I confess I haven't been to the gym for more than 2 weeks and I was full of enthusiasm to have a workout after the paper today, only to find the gym closed due to exams and only opened from 6 to 9 pm. Seems like it's forcing me to go back to my room and mug.
Does fish really make one smarter? Seems like my mom believes in it as she has been cooking fish for me almost everyday last week, why do I not see the effects?

With my backpack and laptop, I am officially back in my cosy little room in pulau ntu. I think my roomie and I really cannot study with each other around, and now she's at home mugging after a one week stay last week while i'm back here. First thing that I did after unloading all my stuff was to sweep the floor. Not that i'm a clean freak, but the floor was too dirty.
Doing French paper in preparation for tomorrow's exam, not that it's easy, but it's definitely less of a torture on the brains.
Seems like I have no choice but work on Saturday... and the tagboard is back just for your info if anyone happens to see this
我依然是你的情人　我依然愛你最深

Finally it's here, the moment which I had been dreading. As I walked past the examination hall in the morning, seeing all the bags placed outside and people sitting for exams gave me a sense of nervousness that I have never felt before, not even for the big 'A's. But as I sat above the exam hall trying to do some last minute revision, the feeling of nervousness has turned into somewhat of an 'excitement' and 'eagerness'. Time seemed to pass so slowly as I couldn't wait for the paper to start and end. And so the time came, and passed, and I have one less paper to go. I will survive...
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I can't wait for it to be over and yet don't want it to come. This feeling is like crap, I've never felt so unprepared for exams before and I don't want this kind of shitty start to uni.. But what can I possibly do in the next 15 hours? burn the books, notes, tutorials and eat up the ashes?
oh crap... always look on the bright sight of life...

477

2 lectures of biostats in a row is bringing me to laalaa land, and don't try to attain some peace by scolding a five-year-old crybaby because it certainly brought adverse effects. I don't expect much from this exam, just can't wait for it to be over when I can regain my freedom and enjoy life. I've given my promise and I won't break it, but what if things are beyond my control?
Alright, better get off the com now and let my lazy dad use it if not he'll be taking a whole-afternoon nap..
addicted to sour plums for the sugar rush and hoping they will keep me awake...
我会学着爱自己，是因为我太爱你...

My brain is saturated with bio stuff after one whole day of bio crash course and my stomach is filled with stingray that I can't function normally now...

I didn't realise that I haven't been to kap for so long until I pushed open the door and say to my surprise, a brand new appearance. The layout and chairs have changed and the sofa-like chairs definitely looked tempting and comfortable. Too bad there wasn't any available ones for me. I contented myself with a small table in a secluded area and proceeded with my mugging. The place was filled with students mugging for 'O's and 'A's that made me feel so old and knowledgable. I remember my last visit to kap was when I was mugging for 'A's, yes, it was exactly a year ago. Although it wasn't the most quiet and condusive environment for studying, at least the temperature was just nice. And thanks for popping by and surprising me with your presence and company, though I must have bored you to death by my desperate attempt to do my last minute revision. It wasn't a bad day, mainly because I didn't touch any bio stuff today. I'll save that for tomorrow...

Just as I turned on tmy laptop and was about to start my day of mugging today, my handphone rang and it says private number calling, so since I didn't want to miss any important calls, I picked up the call and yes, it was my dearest boss "inviting" me to go to work today cos one of the nurses took child mc. After an unsuccessful attempt of trying to persuade him that I desperately need to study, I still had to watch him cut up the gums to dig out the hidden wisdom tooth. Luckily it was a very short operation and I got to go home at lunchtime.
Trying very hard to do a 2 year syllabus in a week. C'est impossible....
Maybe I'm expecting too much....

I tried to go on full-scale mugging today, from school to millenia walk, and I hope I succeeded in looking like a mugger lugging my thick and heavy bio textbook around. In fact, I think I look like an JC2 student mugging for A levels since the textbook is an A level text. But what can you do if the brain's of limited capacity and has already reached saturation. I think I need a miracle...
and fish n co's ice blended drink is humongous, I almost got a fright when the big glass mug was served. But it was nice and never-ending.
I need to hit the gym tomorrow....

Isn't it strange how we gradually lose the sense of innocence as we grow up? How our birthday wishes are getting more and more difficult to realise? I remember birthdays being the most enjoyable day in the year, other than new year, I remember the joy and excitement of receiving and opening presents and making wishes hoping they will come true. But as the years pass by and life starts getting more hectic, birthdays seem to have lost that fun element. Although I still like receiving presents having friends to celebrate with me, the anticipation factor seems to be disappearing. Do birthday wishes really come true?
At least I should be glad I made my dearest girl elated with a few stickers. If only my wishes were so easy to realise. Happy birthday girl!!
I know your expectations, and I know mine better. so don't let me ruin my own life.

I don't know what gave me the motivation to drag my lazy self out of the house today for a run in the hot and glaring sun, but I certainly did not regret it. As I was walking out of my house, my inner voice was still telling me " you should be studying on this nice sunday morning and not get baked in the sun again.." but as I made the first step, the second, and went on, this feeling of enjoyment came to me, I guess this is called the runner's high. My legs kept moving and it certainly felt great. Just love running and it's the best way to destress.
The workaholic is finally taking a break next week...

Nice morning spent at macritchie today, paddling and talking crap at the same time prolonged the time taken to finish our self-initiated training programme, but it certainly made training more enjoyable. I think I just got 2 tones darker today, which is good.
And I did something which may only be done once in a life time - shopping with my dad for lights. Yes, your eyes didn't trick you. It's shopping with my dad for lights. Finally decided on the living, dining and my room's lights, and I want to go ikea to shop for nice stuff for my room!!!
Alright, enough of destressing.. it's time to get down to serious full scale studying for the exams.
-if i can have control of the calender and have things my way-

Still contemplating whether I should put my electives under the S/U system and the deadline is today. If I do, I'll relieve myself of so much stress to mug for them and have more time to study for my core subjects, but what if they do pull my miserable marks up?? It's like a gamble and I have a few more hours to decide..
Physiology test today wasn't too bad for the fact that most were mcq and true/false questions. I was laughing at my own answer for the question : heart attack is also known as_____. I hope he is lenient not penalise me for my stupid spelling mistakes.
I officially left my second home to return to my first home, leaving a very happy roommate behind who now has the honour of having a double-room-sized single room
looking forward to paddling at macritchie tmr...

Doesn't it annoy you how some people choose to slack and change the opening, or rather closing hour, at their own will? Well, I decided to try my luck at the NIE bookshop to buy a new calculator after my precious old casio 911Z disappeared miraculously 2 weeks ago. After a long walk from sbs, where I was studying until the sun went down, I finally found the bookshop. The door was closed when I reached there but the lights were still on and there was someone inside. I thought she was buying some stuff there too so I pushed the glass door, but it was locked. Then the lights inside were switched off one by one, so I figured out she was the shop keeper and was switching off the lights. I looked at the clock, it was only 6.50pm when the official time for closure is 7pm. What pissed me even more was that she looked at me, and pushed the door, walked away and never appeared. Initially I thought she was going to get the keys to let me in, but I waited for about a minute or two and there was still no sign of her. So I figured she must have pushed the door to make sure it's locked and left from the back door or something. Excusez-moi, what kind of attitude is that, and it's not like it's 6.59 or something. Alright, at least I had my daily exercise from walking one big round NIE and back to my hall carrying the heavy anatomy textbook.
I'm so glad French oral is over, so much of anxiety (not really actually) just for that few minutes to answer a few questions. I think I spoke a total of less than 30 words, but who cares, it's over and that's all that matters.
Alright, thing to focus on now: study for the dreadful test tomorrow. It's only half of the syllabus and it's enough to kill me.

gasp.. I can't believe what, or rather who I saw today, for a split second, I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me. I've decided to walk to my only lesson today and in the most secluded place of my short cut so that I don't have to climb the slopes, I saw a figure so familiar, so unmistakable.. Shaun Ho!! why do I see him everywhere? scary...
Alone in my room now in front of my laptop reading anatomy notes and seeping nice and hot green tea. Haven't visited the gym in a week, this is not good....

My greatest sense of achievement today is none other than the completion of my 1000-piece jigsaw puzzle that has been lying on the floor for at least a month or two. I know I should spend the time mugging, but at least give me the satisfied feeling of accomplishing something can? Anatomy and physiology is interesting to read, but when it comes to memorising for the test, please spare me.....
I'm just as unpredictable as the weather. It was unusually bright and sunny this morning, but the rain poured down all of a sudden. It wasn't just a rain, it was a thunderstorm which subsided in less than half an hour. Maybe it was just a sudden outburst of emotions, or maybe it was reality after a morning of pretence?
I realised we're the controller of our own life and how we want to live.

I didn't forget to blog yesterday, just that I couldn't get into the internet connection from my laptop in my room. I'm back in school embarking on another week's battle.. and I will survive..
Birthday celebration yesterday again and this time we must thank MacDonalds for supplying us all sauces for playing, and I'm glad I'm still clean.
I hope you can get yourself out of the blue and stop worrying about those stuff. I can scold you, wake you up, but who is going to give me a wake up nudge. Maybe it's me, myself and I.

after 8 hours of work today.. Je suis très fatiguée.... haha.. blogging and revising french at the same time.
i was trying to be a hardworking girl and study yesterday, but i spent most of the time trying to find a nice place in my house for that, all due to the fact that my dearest table lamp broke last week, meaning the table in my room was too dark for studying. so i tried the computer room, which was quite dark, but my mom insisted that the table lights in the other room was working, but it did only after a few unsuccessful tries so for about half an hour or more, i was shifting my stuff from room to room before the lights decided to behave themselves. and trying to do organic chem equals doing nothing much at all. why is organic chem so hard??
why are some people just so irritating.... don't you know you're just testing my limits? sometimes, and indeed almost everytime i just feel like telling you to fuck off and leave me alone. who the hell do you think you are... alright, this is not the place for vulgarities

have i finally rediscovered the fun of canoeing after more than a year?? training today was great and i simply did not regret going.. with the freedom of deciding on our own programme since it was an unofficial training, rachel and i decided to obey lesley to train for round ubin. our initial plan of paddling for one and a half hours, stopping after every half hour for water breaks was overcasted by our sense of enjoyment. the pace was perfect and we didn't felt like stopping after the first half hour so we've decided to change our programme to 20km. it was certainly the most enjoyable trainings i've ever had since the beginning of term, except for the little blister on my finger and abrasion from life vest. i think i just got tanned today. great..
since nobody in the family knows how to appreciate the beauty of dragon fruit, i just had one whole fruit to myself. i can just imagine those little seeds churning in my stomach, haha. i love my new laptop casing which i think was meant to be a pencil case, but it fits my laptop perfectly and it's much cheaper than an original casing. i love my new purple fbt shorts too.

Should I be thankful it's friday? or does that mean exams are just getting nearer? Well, today was a rather relaxed day with a very good start. I finally got the chance and time to go for my long run which left me in a good mood for the rest of the day. I'm rather proud of the fact that I didn't fall asleep in class at all today, yes I know semester 1 is already coming to an end but better late than never...
It seems like the workers are more eager and prepared for exams than we are. Wanted to play badminton during the long break today but when we reached the badminton court, we realised it was already half-filled with tables and chairs, so we decided to try the tennis court. This is when it made sense for badminton to be an indoor sport because the wind was just too strong for playing. So the ultimate solution: playing bridge at the grandstand.
Keep the mugging momentum going...

Is there something wrong with blogger or is it just my com, the page takes ages to load. Well, I've made it past today, with 2 tests one after another, what a test marathon day. Biochem was quite bad even though it was only mcq, blame it on my laziness; french was alright, now the big worry would be oral next week.
Doesn't life feel like a battle? I was fighting to finish my assignment last week; mugging for tests yesterday and trying to finish my lab reports now and this weekend. I've to clear the burdens before it starts to pile like a mountain. Perhaps it's a good way to keep my mind focused and stay away from all those frivilous and trivial stuff.

i shall make it a point to make a little contribution to my blog everyday.
gym today again, love those gym balls and that steam shower where i can lie in that misty room, lose myself in paradise, sing my favorite song and let my sorrow flow with the sweat.. will heaven be the same?i think i've been thinking so much so that i dreamt of you last night, details are censored.. but what does that show? yes, i'm thinking of you, i can't forget you and i wish that you were here, to lend me a shoulder, to lend me a hearing ear. be with me in this dark and lonely night. watch the sun rise above the darkness to shine a sense of hope.
that was my dream last night, will it become reality? or will we let this chance slip by again?
alright, stop dreaming and get back to studying. biochem and french test tomorrow..

I’m surprised to find myself still in one piece as I woke up in that lonely room. I thought I would never have to face the world again, I thought I had the courage or rather the stupidity to do so. It has happened so many times that I don’t know when it started. All I could remember is the thrill of self torture, like that of a knife piercing through my heart and brain. Have I lost my mind or have I lost my soul?
For how long more will I let my mood rise and fall like that of the tide? Yesterday I found the satisfaction after a self-study session at the library and gathered the pieces of me at the gym. Even though it was rather crowded, I felt the emptiness and loneliness within myself, like I’m wandering in a lost world of my own, finding my self-worth and existence. My legs moved on the treadmill, my eyes fixed on the television in front of me, my heart beating like it should and my arms by my side, occasionally grabbing the towel to wipe away my sweat. Everything was in their respective position and performing their respective roles. Everything except my mind. Perhaps I should be glad fatigue has set in early enough to take my mind away from the darkness. Perhaps it has pulled me away from the brim. I want to run away from this world, into a paradise where I can find beauty. Somewhere where I could forget all the unhappiness and start anew. I want to run until my legs break and my heart collapse, until I’m drowned in sweat and lose myself. I would have ran to neverland had it not been the people around me. Their sense of confidence and friendliness raised the spirit in me. Yes, maybe it’s not the end of the world yet, maybe things could still change.
Today I’m alone in my cozy little room again. I love the lonely cooling nights when I can let my thoughts run wild; when I can hide my face in the pillow and let my tears flow like nobody’s business.
No, there are so many things that I can’t let go. And there are too many nice people around. Although I may not show or say it, it certainly made an impact in my heart. I feel like I owe you so much, for everything that you’ve done. You let me have things my way and made me realize the world is still beautiful. Yes there is still hope of finding the light at the end of the tunnel, but will I eventually make my way there?
Don’t worry about me, I’m perfectly fine but let me have some peace, will you?

there's so many things going around in my mind right now that i don't know where to start with. school work is getting more and more hectic, having to meet deadlines for assignments and lab reports and not forgetting revision for exam, which i have not started. i came to ntu telling myself that studies will be my top priority and i'm going to go easy on ccas and other activities, but it seems like the other way now, returning to be cozy little room at 10 or 11 every night and by the time i settle down, i'll be too tired to do anything constructive. if this is the situation now, i don't know how i'm going to survive coming feb or march, with dnd, x-physique and training for sdba. at least i'm mentally prepared now.
i have never had this feeling before. i used to think it was all so dumb until when i realise it might actually happen. please don't let it go to that extent.

finally this marks the last week of school before the long awaited term break. and below is a list of crazy things that happened this week.
things that were done in hall 14 blk 68 level 4 room xxxx:

tuesday was flying insects catching day. i don't know if it's due to the weather, but there were so many flying insects struggling on the floor in our room that my roomie and i got so pissed that we got a bowl of hot water and started catching and drowning them. 30 over insects.




see those poor little creatures floating in the water? serve them right

the next day i returned to my room and found a present from my dearest roomie. a big, fat, juicy, green grasshopper.

chio right? we decided to be kind and let if off this morning. but it's still loitering outside our window. maybe it can't bear to leave us or maybe it has acrophobia.

today was my turn to be the crazy one.

i finally got to use my rubber lizard. i think i was damn childish but it was certainly fun to go back to the good old days. i feel like a primary school kid.

a week without practical is like heaven. and ktv only made it better. we had a ktv outing to jec kbox on tuesday and it was a great escape from school to sing our hearts out and scream at the top of our lungs. i wonder when it's the next time when we'll have this wonderful opportunity again. after the break it will be 9 hours of practical every week.

yep, that's us. about one fifth of the bms population and full attendance from the guys. *applause* (there's only 4 guys by the way)

that's about all for now. plan for tomorrow ( or rather today):
- round campus run at 2am
- playing netball with my coursemates

It's a long long journey
Till I know where I'm supposed to be
It's a long long journey
I don't know if I can believe
When shadows fall and block my eyes
I am lost and know that I must hide
It's a long long journey
Till I find my way home to you

Many days I've spent
Drifting on through empty shores
Wondering what's my purpose
Wondering how to make me strong

I know I will falter I know I will cry
I know you'll be standing by my side
It's a long long journey
And I need to be close to you

sometimes it feels no one understands
I don't even know why I do the things I do
When pride builds me up till I can't see my soul
Will you break down these walls and pull me through

Cause It's a long long journey
Till I feel that I am worth the price
You paid for me on calvary
Beneath those stormy skies

When Satan mocks and friends turn to foes
It feel like everything is out to make me lose control
Coze it's a long long journey
Till I find my way home to you...to you

things that are only done during my stay in hall:
-play netball
-play othello then scrabble then yes chinese chess,
-ktv until 2 plus am
and i'm sure the list will go on and on.
i saw the most ridiculous runner yesterday during the new balance real run. it was in the middle of the route and this woman runner (who was wearing the number tag), stood on the side of the road, and yes, started looking into the mirror and PUTTING ON LIPSTICK. what a weird thing to do in the middle of the run? what can be more vain than that? maybe she'll start on her makeup kit next, haha.
it's one more week to term break, which i'm totally looking forward to, how time flies, really. it seems like school has just started and 1 term is going to be over already.

we won interblock netball!!! although i was just running around the court and didn't get to touch much of the ball, but we still won. quite a busy and stressful day today. started lessons at 8.30 and i had a bio quiz and french dictation, but it was not too bad. i feel like a primary school kid in french class, repeating after the teacher and having to study for dictation. i'm being enlightened by the organic chem models because i finally understand how the structures get flipped etc. the tutorial only made me more confused. it's good to have a roommate, especially for lazy people like me

playing with the chem models

my small but useful fridge

my pretty little laptop

sports ball 2005...

i'm so happy now and feeling so proud of myself. my room is finally like a proper room with internet access and fridge, but no food yet.
here is a summary of what i did today... after lab i stoned in the canteen while waiting for the rest of the world to meet up for world lunch. then i moved the fridge from hall 2 to my hall (actually i didn't do any part in carrying it, haha). after that i went off to the computer shop to buy office for my dearest partner and finally collected my laptop. i just knew they won't call me. then with all my stuff i went for lecture, late as usual. left during the break to go for the campus run. i was suppose to have french makeup lesson today but the run ended later than expected so instead of french, i went for canoeing training. i thought i was very determined not to have anything to do with canoeing anymore but everytime when there's training, i feel like going and i actually enjoy it, even land training... do i really still want to canoe???
well, that's not the point. my achievement of the day is to be able to set up the computer and get connected to the internet, not forgetting installing office first hand, haha. it feels so good to have internet here.
what can be smarter than bringing a printer all the way from home and realising that it can't be used cos i didn't bring the software. in fact, i'm not even sure if i have the software at home...
the cost of not going for french.. i totally do not understand the textbook and have absolutely no idea how i'm going to do the homework...

i'm in a lab lesson now.. 3 hours of computer lab playing with numbers and statistics and now i'm waiting for the teacher to figure out how to use the programme.. and i'm still waiting patiently for my fridge and very impatiently for my laptop. that lady in the shop insists that they will give me a call once the stock is here but i seriously doubt they even have my order form and telephone number.
this week is an extremely busy week for me and i've been returning to my hall at 12 midnight and 3 am for the past 2 days and i'm surprised i'm still awake now.. french lessons till 9.30 today.. dinner tmr.. dancesports on friday.. sports ball on sat and work on sunday.. i wonder what's the total hours of sleep i will clock this week..
to junwan if you see this... sorry i can't send you off yesterday.. hope you have a great time in uiuc.. enjoy yourself and experience the different life there lucky girl.. take care and don't get bullied.. must come back often ya..
seems like this is the season for parting..

i will try my best to keep this blog alive.. the word is try...
it was great catching up with the 6e people yesterday. as usual the guys engaged themselves in ns talks and their eyes glued to the computer while the girls just talked and ate up all the junk on the table. the once-so-pro bridge players were all rusty from long term withdrawal of bridge. we didn't do anything spectacular but the feeling of being with an old group of friends was good. it felt like i was in jc again. seems like everyone will be going in different paths now and i wonder when will we have a class reunion with full attendance.. i think it'll be never..

it has already been 2 weeks since school has started but it still feels like holiday. in fact, there has never been a day when i go back to my hall early or somewhere to study. most of my times were either spent running from place to place in the school or going out. the fact that i am now a full time student has not sank in yet. on one hand i know my priority is to study but on the other hand i can't get over the excitement of campus life. there seems to be so much things i want to do..
sometimes i don't know what i'm doing and i can't believe what i just did today. i never thought i would actually do it.. let me get over the shock and excitement first and hope i won't regret it...

i broke my record yesterday by ending work at 12am!!! luckily i spent my afternoon sleeping otherwise i would have fallen asleep waiting for my dearest boss to finish. i hope the record stays there cos i absolutely do not want to break it again. and yesterday morning i stood by the operating chair witnessing every second of the wisdom tooth operation. it was pretty exciting how the gum was cut up and the tooth slowly drilled and dugged out from underneath and finally stitched back. i could even see what i figured out to be the jawbone. i hope i would not have to sit on the chair undergoing the same thing..
i had a wonderful day today. started the day with my driving stimulator course which was pretty interesting and unreal. then went to meet my darling nessy at clementi for ktv. finally got to sing ktv after quite a long time and i think klunch is definitely worth it especially when they don't chase you out at 2pm sharp. we had a extra 1 hour which we sang crap and weird songs. wanted to catch a movie after that but the timings were not quite right and clementi didn't have much choices of movies so we decided to walk to the mrt station to take the train and decide where to get off. we happen to be just in time to catch the shuttle bus to imm so we spent the rest of the afternoon in imm shopping and feeling like an auntie. we both decided we have too much time so we are going to spend our free time baking muffins and making jellies respectively. ended the day with work. not exactly very busy but not as slack as last week.
olympics 2012 in london. not much of my concern actually.

why wasn't there any advanced notice telling us when our ezlink expires? i was damn annoyed when i had to tap and hear all the 'beepbeepbeepbeepbeeps' and dig out all the coins to pay the bus fare. arghh... irritating.
i finally got to drive a new car yesterday for my driving lesson. it's less than a month old and felt so much better than the old exi cars which had side mirrors that are jammed and part of the handle dropped while driving, haha. but i happen to be out at the wrong time cos i had to stop at almost every traffic light and i beat the amber light 3 times, haha. if you haven't noticed the trend, once you meet a red light along a minor road, be prepared to stop at all the subsequent ones. i had a crappy instructor who told me "wow, i found someone more sleepy than me" and he was telling me how he got sacked by his principal after beating someone up and how his principal told him there was no need to look for other schools cos no school would take him. haha
i'm stoning at home now, just found out that i don't need to work today, yay. i think i'm getting more and more lazy, worked everyday this week but it wasn't too bad. especially thursday night where there was only 1 walk in so i spent quality time watching tv haha.

to all those who thought i have vanished into thin air, i'm back to blog again.
i totally miss my holiday and wish it never ended. i felt like i was in heaven, wake up, eat, go out and play, shop, eat slack. no work to do, no books to mug, no need for brains at all. i think i'm a shopaholic, went there with 4 luggages, came back with 8, and most were big plastic bags so we had to hand carry them and my lazy little sister only carried her own jacket and hugged a little bobdog softtoy which she insisted on bringing back (and now it's been chucked to one corner). well you can't blame me cos the things there are really cheap, especially food. youtiaos, buns, paos, pancakes, 2 for fifty cents. pirated vcds, a box of 2 discs for 6 bucks, haircut with wash and blow for 5 bucks and they serve you tea, all prises in renminbi. i came back with 5 tops, 2 skirts, 1 pants, 3 pairs of shoes and lots of food. my sister has lots of toys. we even bought a rabbit which is white with grey ears and black eyes, very cute and furry, but it died for unknown reasons after 3 days, poor rabbit.
i had lots of fun and i must comment that the traffic in beijing is terrible, jams everywhere and people push their way up into the bus and snatch every seat available. the bus is so crowded that there's hardly any space to breathe. visited my future school, it's a very old building but the hostel's new and the canteen food looks pretty cheap and decent. when i'm there again in 3 years' time, i'm going to explore as much of the great wall as possible and hopefully i can get to watch the olympics, heh. i think i've turned into a pig already, eat and sleep and play. but life goes on, now that i'm back, i've to get back to work and get ready for uni.
i've finally started on driving practical and i think i'm getting addicted to driving. it's so exciting to manoeuvre my own car and get it moving along the road. but i seriously doubt that i can finish my lessons before school starts as what i had planned cos of all the orientation and work. i had an ambitious instructor who made me do a crank course on my 4th lesson which he was suppose to teach me how to turn and of course i mounted the kerb. and i was so lucky to get him again for the next lesson and he made me explore the west of singapore, from batok to jurong east to clementi to my house and back to bbdc. i was trying my best to concentrate on the road while he was trying his best to distract me by asking me the meaning of the road signs and chatting with me and telling me the good food at the hawker centre near my house. don't know if i can book any slots next week cos i have to work almost every day.
went shopping with my darling yesterday and got myself a new pair of running shoes, it's neither pink nor blue, it's green. just tried it out this morning and it feels great. i'm slacking now, going to work later in the afternoon, just taught my sister how to play the piano, her first lesson with me, haha.
my short term goal: get ready my stuff to move to the hostel. other goals: get my license, design my room and my sister's room.

can't be bothered with the layout and template of my blog for the time being. maybe one day when i'm really free and feel like doing something to it i'll give it a makeover...
i guess it's all over now, but i don't feel sad at all, in fact, i'm relieved. perhaps it's time to take a good break to think over everything that had happened because of it. there were moments of joy, of sorrow, excitement, anxiety, anger, you name it. yesterday was the last time, for now at least.
is it true that everything that has a beginning has an end? have i chosen the right time to end? or should i have ended it long ago. better late than never?
i'm totally looking forward to tomorrow and the days that follow. life will be great

just went to ntu today for the open day and met some of my potential classmates. however, i'm still undecided as ever, all i could do now is to sit and wait for the reply from nus.
yesterday i could finally put my mind at ease and say, i'm finally done with everything, all the scholarship and admission interviews and activities, you can say i'm wasting my time waiting hours for interviews or spending a day at the activity centre knowing that i'm not interested in the scholarship anymore. but it certainly was a once in a lifetime experience. i got to meet a lot of different people at various occasions, although i do see some familiar faces again and again, it just goes to show we have the same interest. going through interviews with different people, some nice, some really mean, and seeing how different organisations conduct their interviews. i would never have imagined myself discussing political and economical issues so professionally and debating on issues like flood and investment. neither do i think i have the chance to do impromptu one minute presentations on weird topics like what would chairs look like if our knees bend backwards instead of forward and doing a five minute presentation on a gp-like question which i only have fifteen minutes to prepare, doing psychometric tests after tests until i'm turning psycho. wow, i can finally let my brain cells take a good break now.
i'm looking forward to the simplicity of life; the happiness that money can't buy; the feeling of love and belonging.

here i am standing at the crossroads once again, unsure of where to go. there's so many conflicting thoughts running through my mind that i begin to wonder what is the most important aspect of life. i used to believe in living life to the fullest and engage in activities that best suits my interest and makes me happy, i still do, but the problem is how.
it wouldn't be long when i have to make a major decision in life - university. sitting in the hall with 600 other applicants, holding a pen and writing an essay for the first time since 'A' Levels, i began to wonder do i really want medicine? yes, i do, it had always been my dream and it still is. but somehow i have this feeling that i would be much happier in NTU, doing a new course, getting a double degree. sigh.. well, at least that wouldn't leave me too upset if i can't get into medicine.
and i can't believe this. i thought it was a nightmare, i thought it wouldn't happen to me, but now it's a reality. i thought i had the determination, i thought i was strong, but i'm not. i've lost the battle against myself and i must rescue myself before sinking even deeper, but am i able to? i'm still trying and i will try. suddenly i'm reminded of the poster in the boat shed - there's no such thing as trying, either you do it or you don't. and so i will.
i think i'm very incoherent, but that's what's going on in my mind. perhaps sometimes you should let go, if you know there's no point carrying on. it's only a matter of time before i finally bid farewell. if it started there, it shall end there.
perhaps it's time to start anew.

seems like ntu and i, especially my driving lessons, are just so "fated". first, i was surprised to find an email from ntu asking me to go for the nanyang scholarship interview, which happens to clash with my final theory lessons, so i had to cancel and re-book the lessons. then they said that i must submit the application and appraisal form by today and that was why i had a round the island trip yesterday.
started the morning by getting my visa done for my holiday, then went to rj to get the appraisal form done. followed by almost an hour long of mrt ride from bishan to boon lay to hand in the appraisal form in time. this time it's not my fault for being last minute. they only gave me two days complete everything. took a bus to ntu and yes, i got lost. the bus went one round around ntu and i found myself back at the same place. to make things worse, it started pouring and so poor me was stuck at the busstop for at least an hour. wanted to take a cab in but the first one didn't accept nets and as usual i don't have cash, the second driver did not know where the place was so he advised me to take another cab. and there i was, all wet from getting in and out of the cabs and still stranded at the busstop. then i found a new friend who was in a worse state than me. he was dripping wet and shivering when he got off his bike and sought shelter at the busstop. so the two poor people started talking. he said he just recovered from fever and he has exams the next day and he was quite amused at how i can take the bus for one round and end up at the same place. luckily he knew the place i was going if not i really don't know what to do. and so, when the rain got lighter, i ran across the road, took the bus again and managed to find the place, finally. luckily i decided to be my own postman, otherwise i can have fun finding the place next week for the interview. ntu seems so deserted...
just received the letter today from ntu to attend the open day for sbs, which happen to be the same day and time as my basic theory test. i am so amused at how things clash...

wow, my frequency of blogging is like once every fortnight.
went for the astar interview yesterday and it was the most horrid interview ever. i knew that i would not get the scholarship cos they only offer it to overseas studies, so i really have no idea what i was doing there, i think the interviewers were wondering too and they couldn't wait to shoot me down with questions about biomedical engineering and astar which i have no idea how to answer. oh well, at least i got chocolates to comfort myself with. i must really stop eating so much chocolates before i turn into a blob of chocolate that melts into a pool of oil, but they are just so nice, sweet and irrisistable. yummy yummy.
ended work earlier than usual yesterday and so out of boredom, i sat in my chair at my table, listening to the radio and performed my own operation on my own knee. haha. felt quite proud of myself for the accomplishment. with a needle, some antiseptic cream and half a piece of tissue paper, i finally managed to excavate the remnant of a piece of thorn that was embeded beneath the skin on my knee for almost a decade. yes, it happened a long time ago while hiking in macritchie when i fell over a branch full of thorns. managed to pull out most of it back then but this one was too deep and painful to dig. and so after ten years and many failure attempts these years, i finally succeeded yesterday. haha. sounds gross? but it was really satisfying haha, i'm my own surgeon, i managed to dig out an ingrown toenail many years ago too but i think it's growing in again.
junior championships this weekend, really hope i can stay and watch throughout but i have to work on saturday and sit for the essay test on sunday. gosh, i haven't written an essay or even held a pen for ages. better get used to writing in case my hand cramps halfway during the test. hope the juniors will do very well this weekend.

just when i thought i could slack the whole of next week, meaning not having to work or do anything that requires brainwork, i realised my week will be almost fully packed, from day to night for most days. well, at least it keeps me occupied or else i will just turn into a pig at home, eating and sleeping.
yes, i'm working tomorrow. i'll be in the clinic alone supervising and smelling paint cos they are going to paint it and my boss is afraid that those people might steal things. basically, i'll be sitting there earning money by watching tv, haha.
although i am quite unemployed now, i am enjoying life, working a few hours a day, walking distance from my house, and gossiping while working. i just have to make sure i don't kill anyone, so far so good, no one died in my hands yet. between being a doctor and a dentist, i prefer doctor so much more and my doctor is mad, seriously. his clinic opens from 8 am to 10 pm everyday, including sundays and he is there all the time except mon and thurs evening. oh my god and i worked until 11 plus at night yesterday. it's not easy being a doctor... but i still think he's nuts. and it was damn funny how he cursed at the damn bloody computer that kept shutting down on its own, haha. i think it dosn't like me.
seems like i'll be staying in singapore to complete my education. well, at least i can save lots of money and i will earn my own pocket money. so now i'm going for all those scholarship interviews and activities for fun. haha. hmmm... i'm going to invest my income on driving lessons, not like i have a car to drive....

alright, it's back to those applications again. finally i'm almost done with all the scholarship applications (since the deadline is approaching) and i realised that my essay writing skills are going down the drain after months of not writing, that is if they ever existed. now i'm still deciding what course to apply for. it's giving me such a headache and why must the nus application be so complicated.
help!!! should i apply for medicine? but there is not much other choices for me at nus. ntu has much more choices and i can't decide between the double degree in biomedical sciences and chemical and biomolecular engineering. but ntu is so far. haiz... what if i can't get into any of the courses i chose....

ok.. finally i'm blogging again...
yes, yesterday was the day that really marked the end of school life. i took half day off to face reality, and even the bus had to play a trick on me by making me wait for more than 15 minutes and it was crowded with some secondary school people having cross country. as a result, i only arrived in school at 3 plus and as expected lousy me got lost in the school. when i finally found my way to the hall, it was still packed with people congratulating one another, everyone looked so happy, which made me extremely worried that i will leave the hall crying.
everything else that followed seem to happen so fast. sat down, signed my testimonial, and received that small green sheet of paper, scrutinized it to understand what was written there, took my cca record, a damn heavy bag of rubbish and that's it. so many hours of anxiety and nervousness just for these few minutes.
quite satisfied with my results, especially it's the first and last time i passed econs s. now, my worry is all those scholarship and university applications. argh, they're so troublesome....

the lazy me is sitting here again, too lazy to blog. last week was quite a good one, thanks to the fact that i have so many days off work and i've been going out almost every day. yesterday was quite a slack day at work, even had time to watch tv. but i've learnt my lesson not to be happy so soon cos today i had to run my one-man show. i was suppose to get off work at 1 today but the patient dragged all the way to 2 plus and my dearest colleague took mc today. so it was me alone running around, doing everything that needs to be done. tired tired.. hope tomorrow will be a slacker day

xin nian kuai le!!!!
after 2 days of bainian-ing and intensive eating, i'm so thankful that i don't have to work today. the usual things people do during chinese new year: reunion dinner, lao yu sheng, wear nice nice to bai nian, eat cny goodies, play mahjong, chat, watch tv, play firecrackers or sparklers as substitute, take photos, basically it's eat, talk, play, eat, eat and eat.
and as i grow older, the thought of getting ang baos doesn't seem to excite me anymore. it seems like food and the excuse to go shopping are the main attractions of cny.
i'm stoning at home now and lazy to blog, not sure if i'll be going out to bai nian later but i know macritchie is still waiting for me haha.
there are certain people, some things and life that i really miss, i wish i was there....

it was such a busy but totally rewarding day yesterday. well, the disadvantage of a non-office job is that you don't have a 5 day work week with fixed hours, and my working hours on saturday is 9 to 5, haha how interesting. so many walk-ins yesterday and i'm glad that i'm getting familiar with the basics and i love developing x-rays, so fun. and i got to watch an operation in action (and got sort of scolded for obstructing the light, haha) it was quite an experience to watch it the first time, needles, drills, knife, forceps, thread and other instruments which i have no idea how to spell. and lots of blood which i have to suck out. now it's my job to remember and prepare all the instruments needed for operation, there's so much to remember. and trust me, watching an operation on screen and seeing it before your own eyes is a totally different feeling. alright, better familiarise myself with everything first as i count down to the days when i have to perform my one-man show, and i will perform my best on monday since there will be 2 operations on monday and i predict that my xiaolaoban will be very exhausted.
although it only takes 10 minutes or less to get home, i was lazy to walk home for lunch and walk back to work again in the hot sun, so i had lunch there and walked around after that since there was lots of time left. then this old man called out to me and ask me to help him carry his bag of cans across the road to the busstop. at first i thought he wanted to sell me something so i said no. but he asked again and seeing that he had so much difficulty walking cos his legs were kind of deformed and since i had time, i helped him. felt so kind, haha. i'm already having trouble deciding what to wear when i can wear anything i like, not even office wear. i think i shall go shopping for more pants to prevent me from freezing and so that i don't have to wear jeans everyday.
yesterday was my third last day working at the restaurant, and guess who went there for dinner? the president of Singapore, Nathan. wow... he went there with his family at a big table and his guards were sitting at another table. i didn't serve them and dare not in case i do something wrong. haha. it was interesting how his guards came a few times before dinner to check the tables and chairs to make sure there's no bombs, and more interesting how we had to check and make sure everything on the table is arranged properly and there's no broken plates or bowls, haha.. at first i thought they were joking when they said the president was coming, but i don't think a lot of people noticed him cos he was sitting inconspicuously in a corner like any other family having dinner.
that sums up my fruitful day yesterday... tired tired, but it's a good way to end my restaurant job and i love my current job, i don't know how long this excitement will last. now i can more or less understand why working adults would rather go back to the times they were in school, because work is so repetitive, you do the same things everyday, and you still have to worry about what to wear.
and my dad just asked me not to apply to michigan because he doesn't want me to go there even if i'm admitted, so might as well not apply. and i'm kind of relieved i don't have to write another essay (which was what i'm suppose to do now). well, if i can't get into any university overseas, i don't mind staying in singapore for undergrad, and i still can work part time in the evenings, which is what i'm suppose to do initially. just see how everything goes and i truly believe there's something called a blessing in disguise.
i'm a happy girl now and looking forward to work and more importantly, to my long awaited holiday..... yay!!

it's interesting reading blogs now, especially when everyone's working and doing different jobs. speaking of work, i just spent a whole day at my new workplace yesterday and i'm feeling kind of stressed now. there's still so much to learn and remember. and for the forgetful me, the hardest thing to remember is where things are kept. haha. morning was quite busy, only had time for lunch at one plus and had to start work at two again, although time is not very fixed. but after lunch was more relaxed, cos my boss went home already. yesterday was my first attempt at developing x-rays, i was so nervous and scared that the image won't come out and my boss will kill me for that, but luckily it went relatively well. it felt like a battle against time, dipping in developer, then water, then fixer and everything is timed and i must wipe and switch off all the switched in the x-ray room within one minute. quite exciting, and i hope i won't be poisoned by all the x-rays and uv-rays. it's time to put my brains to use again and start reading and remembering stuff. i only have one more week of learning left before i must start my one man show, scary....
but i'm not complaining about my job, though i have to stand most of the times, unless i go to the front counter to slack and watch tv (shall do that when boss is not around). after one big round of job searching, travelling around singapore for interviews and writing resumes, gathering certs and stuff, i managed to get the job i always wanted without searching, interviewing, and the best thing is it's 10 minute walk from my house and i have nice old lady boss who cooks and buys lunch for us. and the working hours fits in so nicely with my training schedule that i can go for all but one training session per week (and i'm not rejoicing, haha). i think i washed my hands, or rather my gloves more times yesterday than i would in a week. better learn everything as soon as possible if not my boss might not want me, haha, feels like i'm on probation now.
went to the new school for cca feste a few days ago, and i totally agree that the new campus is damn big and beautiful, didn't manage to have a proper tour around the school, but the canteen food looks almost the same. the juniors were quite successful in getting people to sign up, well actually i think the seniors who were there did a pretty good job for them, haha. hope the clinic goes well and really hope we can finally have a full girls team for once. the whole issue of closing down canoeing has finally come to a happy ending, when it's actually a big misunderstanding. at least everything is fine now and i think it has united the whole canoeing family, from great grand seniors to present badge.

this is weird.. i've just received an application booklet or whatever you call it from U Penn with my name and address spelt wrongly and from the stamp it seemed like it was sent from france... i have no idea how they got my name and address when i didn't even consider applying there and isn't the deadline over??? puzzled...
i think my stomach is seriously punishing me for eating so much junk at home and now i can't eat and don't feel like eating anything, serves me right haha. must thank my mom for buying home so much christmas chocolates (cos they're half price).
i realised that every kind of work is so repetitive and boring, can't wait till end of this month for a one-week getaway before i seriously look for a proper job. i wonder if there's any job that is interesting and at the same time offers a good pay, and a friendly boss would make a lot of difference too.....
yesterday was quite a slack day at work and hence i had quite a bit of theory lessons. my mind now is so loaded with info and i think i should do some self study before i make any vital mistakes and get scolded...

i'm so deprived of sleep now, especially after one whole day out yesterday, from 6 to 11, only came home to bathe after training. the whole of bukit timah is filled with hwa chong and nj people, all the way from coro to bukit timah market, and i bet j8 will be packed with rj people. oh well, brings back memories of orientation, the days and nights we spent at ghim moh, holland v, ghim moh will be so different now, poor vendors.. oh ya, had lunch at the same place as sharon au, who was filming nearby, i was looking at her for a few seconds and she said "do i look like someone?" haha, but i'm not a crazy fan so i left her alone to enjoy her lunch.
had a crash course on dentistry after that, there's so much things to know, all the equipment that cause so much pain to gums, and i was so scared that i would drop or lose something. everything is so miniature. after taking such a long rest, my brain seems to be malfunctioning, so many similar looking instruments' names to remember, not forgetting the antibiotics and painkillers and i think i should go and dig my ears so that i can hear what the dentist is saying under his mask and amidst all the drilling sounds more clearly. but i had quite a lot of fun playing with needles, uv light, registering patients, watching the patients in pain while the dentist pulled out her tooth and trying my best to make myself helpful. my hands smelt so rubbery after that.
and as expected, i was already half asleep on my way to work. now i understand the principal-agent problem. the boss hopes to have more customers so that he can earn more profits but the workers are most happy when there's no customers at all so that we can slack... haha

happy 2005, i know it's kind of late, but i've been feeling lazy and slack these few days. training in the mornings, go home bathe, do applications, eat, sleep, stone go to work, eat and eat and eat, home, sleep and everything repeats. now that almost all my uni apps are done, it's time to do the scholarship apps and financial aid stuff. argh i wonder when will all these troublesome applications ever end. meanwhile, i'm trying to look for another job to keep me occupied during the day and to earn more money for uni fees. not really in a hurry though cos right now i'm still enjoying life slacking away and hope to start work only after i come back from australia, really looking forward to that.
dinner at fish and co with class. well, nothing special. met sonya and she looks the same. seems like everyone is working and all dressed so formally that we look like working adults. haha. stoned and sat around after that before going home.
the weather nowadays is annoying, and it must start raining at 6.30 today and we were forced to run in the rain. had it started raining earlier, i would not have gone for training. one hour plus of morning training everyday for power by doing weights (my most dreaded), stamina by running (quite boring and dangerous but i don't mind), lungs by blowing into a tank of water (my favourite but very unhygenic), and on top of all, immune system, which i must say i'm rather proud of my immune system for not falling sick after going home all drenched so many times during the past week.
plucked out my toenail on my fourth toe yesterday. didn't know that poor little nail was injured too and it came off painlessly with a little pull. now it's left with a soft new "nail". wonder when my big toe nail is coming off.
the guys are going tekong soon and the girls are working. it's really the start of a new stage in life.