它曾带来多少惊喜和欢笑，多少感动的泪水和幸福的滋味。人们偏爱它那脆弱的肢体，淡淡的芳香及那短暂的生命。那是因为人们看到的只是它那美丽的面孔，而看不见背后被人们残酷折磨的疤痕。当光辉的时刻一过，它的遭遇，最终的下场又有谁关心呢？它流的泪，掉的瓣又有谁希罕呢？
我愿留下其中的精髓，在阳光中绽放璀璨的光辉，在黑暗中带给我坚强的依偎，因为在我心中已是永恒的美。

fears. i used to hide from them, ignore them, but speaking from experience of a bungee jump, now i've realised the best way to overcome them is to face them.
i've never failed to amuse myself at how i've changed over the years. once upon a time i was that very shy and quiet girl in class who rarely spoke a word, then i was that rebellious girl who hung out at shopping malls after school, eating fast food and bubble tea. and from an exercise freak to a total slacker. now i actually enjoy listening to newsradio on my way to work, prefers heels over flats (though slippers still win if i had a choice) and apply at least 5 different skincare products before going to sleep, oh yes, life as an adult, a vain one.

one week into stepping into the dark side, so far so good. In fact, I'm pretty much enjoying what I'm doing now, maybe only because the stress and workload have yet to set in. What's there to complain my workplace is just half an hour busride from home and 2 young and bubbly colleagues who look forward to lunch as much as I do; when I'm setting my own deadline, planning what I should do for the day, going visiting with my bosses, and reading magazines, newspapers, watching tv and going shopping is part of my job! I sure am glad I'm given so much freedom and say.
I think the amount I've learnt about the real world, about business, about putting the knowledge acquired in school in just 1 week is over-powering. Maybe that explains the headache that won't go away. But well, work is still work, I'm sure one day I'll start complaining about it.
Busy but fulfilling week, and being offered gatorade by the helpers at solomon run at mac this morning, cab driver stopping to allow me to jay-run across pie exit, the beautiful morning sun which gave me a bit of tan, and the cooling afternoon rain, and with the bouquet of roses sitting on my table, love is in the air...

well, well, so much of saying i'll never touch tcm again, here i am flipping my textbooks (they're still so new and in good shape!) and reading and searching for research papers. Scratching my head trying to recall HPLC, titration, making agar etc etc...
that's life, not that i'm complaining.

Just as how things tumble with one small push, it only takes a pair of hands to build it up again. It has only been slightly less than a month since the end of my last exams (i hope), but it seemed like a long time. Well, it was a good month, much better than cramping endless loads of tcm knowledge into my limited brains, it gave me the luxury of waking up without the help of an alarm clock, walk down the streets and malls without the guilt of not spending the time to memorize more notes. Most importantly, it gave me time to make decisions. I think the biggest decisions I've made so far were related to education, like choosing which JC and course in uni. Now, it's a new phase of life, I hope I've made wise decisions.
知足常乐, seriously, what more do I want

船
到桥头自然直，
but some things are permanent...

another day at home doing NOTHING! besides downloading and watching shows, updating my itouch to pass to my sis as her bday present. oh little J, you're going to love me for it!

when i was just a little girl, i asked my mother, what will i be?

now that i'm no longer a little girl, and i am thankful that my mother has given me freedom to make my own decisions, i am lost.
i can name a million things that i don't want, but i can't find something that i really want. i don't want to be a teacher, i don't want to be a chinese physician, well, not the typical old sinseh, i like acupuncture, but that's about all i believe in tcm. neither do i want to be sitting in the office everyday doing admin work, or in a lab playing with mice. i can't afford to be a full time taitai, i'll die of boredom. i know nuts about finance, and i don't really want to do sales.
no one's pushing me to find a job and start working asap, i'm just finding myself a nuisance and useless bum at home, i can't be living off my savings forever or letting you pay for all my expenditures. my family can survive without my financial support and i don't owe the bank any money. i just need to do something to pass time, to have a bit of cash rolling in to buy some lv, prd etc.
my ideal job is 5-day week, 9-5, giving me time go for my morning jog, poke some needles on some nights, go home and chill or hang out with my loved ones on other nights, spending saturdays just chilling out, and sundays for a great workout.
i used to live each day as it comes, never planned for anything for more than a few weeks in advance, never thought i can settle down in life. i played hard, very hard, i had fun, but now i've grown up, it's time to think about my future.
ah, life...

it's been 2 weeks,
since i last used my brains

I thought my chinese standard was above average, maybe i'll have to think twice after taking so long to write a 4-liner email, not even in the proper format. Just don't ask me to write my resume in chinese, it may take days!
I'm officially sick of having nothing to do, sigh, it's time to look for some sk jobs to pass time.

to each, his own agenda

i think i've long lost touch with writing, it's getting so hard trying to pen down my thoughts, or is it because i don't even know what i'm thinking?

it was such a lovely afternoon, sitting around and gossiping, bitching etc, though it has only been less than a week since we last saw one another, it seemed like forever.

perhaps it's not so hard afterall, perhaps i'll give it a try

With no plans for the day in mind, I headed out of the house with the intention to collect the freebies for the new laptop, and came home with not only a huge bag containing those freebies, but also a new handbag and a pair of shoes. Someone shoot me!
And today, so deprived of my morning coffee, I spent the whole morning sleeping after my morning run, shower and breakfast, only woke up in time for lunch. Gosh I'm such a pig! The weather's so unbearably hot that I've decided to get out for some aircon and coffee. Was doing up my resume (yes I'm that slow with my job app) and tidying up my MacBook. Now that the battery's flat and I'm passing time here blogging from my iPhone and waiting to be picked up for dinner.
Sheesh I'm such a taitai!

And while tidying up my room yesterday, I found my 中医基础，中药，方剂 notes, I totally forgot their existence and they were just in the box of notes below my study table and I couldn't even be bothered to dig them out. And just now I found more notes on Stre tips from my comp, what I 'great' student I am, looks like I'm all ready to take my exams again next year! Choy!
And why does that next at the table opp sound so much like someone I've known from jc?
Come quick! I'm getting hungry!

day 0 of my freedom, i bought a huge cup of bubble tea, went home, chatted with my mom, went for db trng, had dinner, watched movie and went airport to fetch my dad.
day 1, i woke up early as usual, went for a run that i've been wanting to do so badly for the last 4 days, yes it's more of an addiction than a plan to lose weight, took a long bath, stoned, went out for ktv, then back home and finally watched GG, i've been so disciplined for the past few weeks!
i thought the excitement of freedom could last longer, but i was wrong. right now on just day 1, the lost feeling is back again. lack of directions, lack of goals in life. i knew it right from the start, i cannot do nothing. and sadly, with my limited knowledge and experience, i cannot do anything either.
life's short, play hard, it's easy to say, but how hard can we play? always admired those travellers who give up their career, carry their backpack and off they go, or even better, get their butts on their bicycle and off they go to conquer the world. make some money, spend them, and make more. that's not about time, not about bravery, it's about courage to live life the way you want it to be. and i know i am not capable of that.
so when will my heart and mind ever settle down? when can i let someone else into it? the problem doesn't lie with who, the problem lies with me.

And now that the BIG exam is over, it's time to move on.
just thought of some things to put on my wishlist:
- lose 5 kg!!! oh man, fat is an understatement now!!
- find a decent job!!!
- get a new haircut and colour =)
- complete an ultramarathon either next year or next next year.
- learn scuba.

see i'm not that ambitious and crazy am i?

I was so certain, now I'm not quite..

Seriously world, just leave me alone.

FML. Period

I always thought marriage would be the most magical moment of one's life, but after seeing so many wedding photos, and finding out through the all-so-mighty fb that people whom i've known are already fathers/mothers, seem to have made marriage into, well, just an event. no doubt that everyone looks great in their wedding gown, but you don't need to get married to wear that gown!
oh well, prove me wrong. and if one day i do get married, it need not be a blast, but it needs to be extraordinary. remember i said this.