here i am standing at the crossroads once again, unsure of where to go. there's so many conflicting thoughts running through my mind that i begin to wonder what is the most important aspect of life. i used to believe in living life to the fullest and engage in activities that best suits my interest and makes me happy, i still do, but the problem is how.
it wouldn't be long when i have to make a major decision in life - university. sitting in the hall with 600 other applicants, holding a pen and writing an essay for the first time since 'A' Levels, i began to wonder do i really want medicine? yes, i do, it had always been my dream and it still is. but somehow i have this feeling that i would be much happier in NTU, doing a new course, getting a double degree. sigh.. well, at least that wouldn't leave me too upset if i can't get into medicine.
and i can't believe this. i thought it was a nightmare, i thought it wouldn't happen to me, but now it's a reality. i thought i had the determination, i thought i was strong, but i'm not. i've lost the battle against myself and i must rescue myself before sinking even deeper, but am i able to? i'm still trying and i will try. suddenly i'm reminded of the poster in the boat shed - there's no such thing as trying, either you do it or you don't. and so i will.
i think i'm very incoherent, but that's what's going on in my mind. perhaps sometimes you should let go, if you know there's no point carrying on. it's only a matter of time before i finally bid farewell. if it started there, it shall end there.
perhaps it's time to start anew.

seems like ntu and i, especially my driving lessons, are just so "fated". first, i was surprised to find an email from ntu asking me to go for the nanyang scholarship interview, which happens to clash with my final theory lessons, so i had to cancel and re-book the lessons. then they said that i must submit the application and appraisal form by today and that was why i had a round the island trip yesterday.
started the morning by getting my visa done for my holiday, then went to rj to get the appraisal form done. followed by almost an hour long of mrt ride from bishan to boon lay to hand in the appraisal form in time. this time it's not my fault for being last minute. they only gave me two days complete everything. took a bus to ntu and yes, i got lost. the bus went one round around ntu and i found myself back at the same place. to make things worse, it started pouring and so poor me was stuck at the busstop for at least an hour. wanted to take a cab in but the first one didn't accept nets and as usual i don't have cash, the second driver did not know where the place was so he advised me to take another cab. and there i was, all wet from getting in and out of the cabs and still stranded at the busstop. then i found a new friend who was in a worse state than me. he was dripping wet and shivering when he got off his bike and sought shelter at the busstop. so the two poor people started talking. he said he just recovered from fever and he has exams the next day and he was quite amused at how i can take the bus for one round and end up at the same place. luckily he knew the place i was going if not i really don't know what to do. and so, when the rain got lighter, i ran across the road, took the bus again and managed to find the place, finally. luckily i decided to be my own postman, otherwise i can have fun finding the place next week for the interview. ntu seems so deserted...
just received the letter today from ntu to attend the open day for sbs, which happen to be the same day and time as my basic theory test. i am so amused at how things clash...

wow, my frequency of blogging is like once every fortnight.
went for the astar interview yesterday and it was the most horrid interview ever. i knew that i would not get the scholarship cos they only offer it to overseas studies, so i really have no idea what i was doing there, i think the interviewers were wondering too and they couldn't wait to shoot me down with questions about biomedical engineering and astar which i have no idea how to answer. oh well, at least i got chocolates to comfort myself with. i must really stop eating so much chocolates before i turn into a blob of chocolate that melts into a pool of oil, but they are just so nice, sweet and irrisistable. yummy yummy.
ended work earlier than usual yesterday and so out of boredom, i sat in my chair at my table, listening to the radio and performed my own operation on my own knee. haha. felt quite proud of myself for the accomplishment. with a needle, some antiseptic cream and half a piece of tissue paper, i finally managed to excavate the remnant of a piece of thorn that was embeded beneath the skin on my knee for almost a decade. yes, it happened a long time ago while hiking in macritchie when i fell over a branch full of thorns. managed to pull out most of it back then but this one was too deep and painful to dig. and so after ten years and many failure attempts these years, i finally succeeded yesterday. haha. sounds gross? but it was really satisfying haha, i'm my own surgeon, i managed to dig out an ingrown toenail many years ago too but i think it's growing in again.
junior championships this weekend, really hope i can stay and watch throughout but i have to work on saturday and sit for the essay test on sunday. gosh, i haven't written an essay or even held a pen for ages. better get used to writing in case my hand cramps halfway during the test. hope the juniors will do very well this weekend.

just when i thought i could slack the whole of next week, meaning not having to work or do anything that requires brainwork, i realised my week will be almost fully packed, from day to night for most days. well, at least it keeps me occupied or else i will just turn into a pig at home, eating and sleeping.
yes, i'm working tomorrow. i'll be in the clinic alone supervising and smelling paint cos they are going to paint it and my boss is afraid that those people might steal things. basically, i'll be sitting there earning money by watching tv, haha.
although i am quite unemployed now, i am enjoying life, working a few hours a day, walking distance from my house, and gossiping while working. i just have to make sure i don't kill anyone, so far so good, no one died in my hands yet. between being a doctor and a dentist, i prefer doctor so much more and my doctor is mad, seriously. his clinic opens from 8 am to 10 pm everyday, including sundays and he is there all the time except mon and thurs evening. oh my god and i worked until 11 plus at night yesterday. it's not easy being a doctor... but i still think he's nuts. and it was damn funny how he cursed at the damn bloody computer that kept shutting down on its own, haha. i think it dosn't like me.
seems like i'll be staying in singapore to complete my education. well, at least i can save lots of money and i will earn my own pocket money. so now i'm going for all those scholarship interviews and activities for fun. haha. hmmm... i'm going to invest my income on driving lessons, not like i have a car to drive....

alright, it's back to those applications again. finally i'm almost done with all the scholarship applications (since the deadline is approaching) and i realised that my essay writing skills are going down the drain after months of not writing, that is if they ever existed. now i'm still deciding what course to apply for. it's giving me such a headache and why must the nus application be so complicated.
help!!! should i apply for medicine? but there is not much other choices for me at nus. ntu has much more choices and i can't decide between the double degree in biomedical sciences and chemical and biomolecular engineering. but ntu is so far. haiz... what if i can't get into any of the courses i chose....

ok.. finally i'm blogging again...
yes, yesterday was the day that really marked the end of school life. i took half day off to face reality, and even the bus had to play a trick on me by making me wait for more than 15 minutes and it was crowded with some secondary school people having cross country. as a result, i only arrived in school at 3 plus and as expected lousy me got lost in the school. when i finally found my way to the hall, it was still packed with people congratulating one another, everyone looked so happy, which made me extremely worried that i will leave the hall crying.
everything else that followed seem to happen so fast. sat down, signed my testimonial, and received that small green sheet of paper, scrutinized it to understand what was written there, took my cca record, a damn heavy bag of rubbish and that's it. so many hours of anxiety and nervousness just for these few minutes.
quite satisfied with my results, especially it's the first and last time i passed econs s. now, my worry is all those scholarship and university applications. argh, they're so troublesome....

the lazy me is sitting here again, too lazy to blog. last week was quite a good one, thanks to the fact that i have so many days off work and i've been going out almost every day. yesterday was quite a slack day at work, even had time to watch tv. but i've learnt my lesson not to be happy so soon cos today i had to run my one-man show. i was suppose to get off work at 1 today but the patient dragged all the way to 2 plus and my dearest colleague took mc today. so it was me alone running around, doing everything that needs to be done. tired tired.. hope tomorrow will be a slacker day

xin nian kuai le!!!!
after 2 days of bainian-ing and intensive eating, i'm so thankful that i don't have to work today. the usual things people do during chinese new year: reunion dinner, lao yu sheng, wear nice nice to bai nian, eat cny goodies, play mahjong, chat, watch tv, play firecrackers or sparklers as substitute, take photos, basically it's eat, talk, play, eat, eat and eat.
and as i grow older, the thought of getting ang baos doesn't seem to excite me anymore. it seems like food and the excuse to go shopping are the main attractions of cny.
i'm stoning at home now and lazy to blog, not sure if i'll be going out to bai nian later but i know macritchie is still waiting for me haha.
there are certain people, some things and life that i really miss, i wish i was there....

it was such a busy but totally rewarding day yesterday. well, the disadvantage of a non-office job is that you don't have a 5 day work week with fixed hours, and my working hours on saturday is 9 to 5, haha how interesting. so many walk-ins yesterday and i'm glad that i'm getting familiar with the basics and i love developing x-rays, so fun. and i got to watch an operation in action (and got sort of scolded for obstructing the light, haha) it was quite an experience to watch it the first time, needles, drills, knife, forceps, thread and other instruments which i have no idea how to spell. and lots of blood which i have to suck out. now it's my job to remember and prepare all the instruments needed for operation, there's so much to remember. and trust me, watching an operation on screen and seeing it before your own eyes is a totally different feeling. alright, better familiarise myself with everything first as i count down to the days when i have to perform my one-man show, and i will perform my best on monday since there will be 2 operations on monday and i predict that my xiaolaoban will be very exhausted.
although it only takes 10 minutes or less to get home, i was lazy to walk home for lunch and walk back to work again in the hot sun, so i had lunch there and walked around after that since there was lots of time left. then this old man called out to me and ask me to help him carry his bag of cans across the road to the busstop. at first i thought he wanted to sell me something so i said no. but he asked again and seeing that he had so much difficulty walking cos his legs were kind of deformed and since i had time, i helped him. felt so kind, haha. i'm already having trouble deciding what to wear when i can wear anything i like, not even office wear. i think i shall go shopping for more pants to prevent me from freezing and so that i don't have to wear jeans everyday.
yesterday was my third last day working at the restaurant, and guess who went there for dinner? the president of Singapore, Nathan. wow... he went there with his family at a big table and his guards were sitting at another table. i didn't serve them and dare not in case i do something wrong. haha. it was interesting how his guards came a few times before dinner to check the tables and chairs to make sure there's no bombs, and more interesting how we had to check and make sure everything on the table is arranged properly and there's no broken plates or bowls, haha.. at first i thought they were joking when they said the president was coming, but i don't think a lot of people noticed him cos he was sitting inconspicuously in a corner like any other family having dinner.
that sums up my fruitful day yesterday... tired tired, but it's a good way to end my restaurant job and i love my current job, i don't know how long this excitement will last. now i can more or less understand why working adults would rather go back to the times they were in school, because work is so repetitive, you do the same things everyday, and you still have to worry about what to wear.
and my dad just asked me not to apply to michigan because he doesn't want me to go there even if i'm admitted, so might as well not apply. and i'm kind of relieved i don't have to write another essay (which was what i'm suppose to do now). well, if i can't get into any university overseas, i don't mind staying in singapore for undergrad, and i still can work part time in the evenings, which is what i'm suppose to do initially. just see how everything goes and i truly believe there's something called a blessing in disguise.
i'm a happy girl now and looking forward to work and more importantly, to my long awaited holiday..... yay!!

it's interesting reading blogs now, especially when everyone's working and doing different jobs. speaking of work, i just spent a whole day at my new workplace yesterday and i'm feeling kind of stressed now. there's still so much to learn and remember. and for the forgetful me, the hardest thing to remember is where things are kept. haha. morning was quite busy, only had time for lunch at one plus and had to start work at two again, although time is not very fixed. but after lunch was more relaxed, cos my boss went home already. yesterday was my first attempt at developing x-rays, i was so nervous and scared that the image won't come out and my boss will kill me for that, but luckily it went relatively well. it felt like a battle against time, dipping in developer, then water, then fixer and everything is timed and i must wipe and switch off all the switched in the x-ray room within one minute. quite exciting, and i hope i won't be poisoned by all the x-rays and uv-rays. it's time to put my brains to use again and start reading and remembering stuff. i only have one more week of learning left before i must start my one man show, scary....
but i'm not complaining about my job, though i have to stand most of the times, unless i go to the front counter to slack and watch tv (shall do that when boss is not around). after one big round of job searching, travelling around singapore for interviews and writing resumes, gathering certs and stuff, i managed to get the job i always wanted without searching, interviewing, and the best thing is it's 10 minute walk from my house and i have nice old lady boss who cooks and buys lunch for us. and the working hours fits in so nicely with my training schedule that i can go for all but one training session per week (and i'm not rejoicing, haha). i think i washed my hands, or rather my gloves more times yesterday than i would in a week. better learn everything as soon as possible if not my boss might not want me, haha, feels like i'm on probation now.
went to the new school for cca feste a few days ago, and i totally agree that the new campus is damn big and beautiful, didn't manage to have a proper tour around the school, but the canteen food looks almost the same. the juniors were quite successful in getting people to sign up, well actually i think the seniors who were there did a pretty good job for them, haha. hope the clinic goes well and really hope we can finally have a full girls team for once. the whole issue of closing down canoeing has finally come to a happy ending, when it's actually a big misunderstanding. at least everything is fine now and i think it has united the whole canoeing family, from great grand seniors to present badge.

this is weird.. i've just received an application booklet or whatever you call it from U Penn with my name and address spelt wrongly and from the stamp it seemed like it was sent from france... i have no idea how they got my name and address when i didn't even consider applying there and isn't the deadline over??? puzzled...
i think my stomach is seriously punishing me for eating so much junk at home and now i can't eat and don't feel like eating anything, serves me right haha. must thank my mom for buying home so much christmas chocolates (cos they're half price).
i realised that every kind of work is so repetitive and boring, can't wait till end of this month for a one-week getaway before i seriously look for a proper job. i wonder if there's any job that is interesting and at the same time offers a good pay, and a friendly boss would make a lot of difference too.....
yesterday was quite a slack day at work and hence i had quite a bit of theory lessons. my mind now is so loaded with info and i think i should do some self study before i make any vital mistakes and get scolded...

i'm so deprived of sleep now, especially after one whole day out yesterday, from 6 to 11, only came home to bathe after training. the whole of bukit timah is filled with hwa chong and nj people, all the way from coro to bukit timah market, and i bet j8 will be packed with rj people. oh well, brings back memories of orientation, the days and nights we spent at ghim moh, holland v, ghim moh will be so different now, poor vendors.. oh ya, had lunch at the same place as sharon au, who was filming nearby, i was looking at her for a few seconds and she said "do i look like someone?" haha, but i'm not a crazy fan so i left her alone to enjoy her lunch.
had a crash course on dentistry after that, there's so much things to know, all the equipment that cause so much pain to gums, and i was so scared that i would drop or lose something. everything is so miniature. after taking such a long rest, my brain seems to be malfunctioning, so many similar looking instruments' names to remember, not forgetting the antibiotics and painkillers and i think i should go and dig my ears so that i can hear what the dentist is saying under his mask and amidst all the drilling sounds more clearly. but i had quite a lot of fun playing with needles, uv light, registering patients, watching the patients in pain while the dentist pulled out her tooth and trying my best to make myself helpful. my hands smelt so rubbery after that.
and as expected, i was already half asleep on my way to work. now i understand the principal-agent problem. the boss hopes to have more customers so that he can earn more profits but the workers are most happy when there's no customers at all so that we can slack... haha

happy 2005, i know it's kind of late, but i've been feeling lazy and slack these few days. training in the mornings, go home bathe, do applications, eat, sleep, stone go to work, eat and eat and eat, home, sleep and everything repeats. now that almost all my uni apps are done, it's time to do the scholarship apps and financial aid stuff. argh i wonder when will all these troublesome applications ever end. meanwhile, i'm trying to look for another job to keep me occupied during the day and to earn more money for uni fees. not really in a hurry though cos right now i'm still enjoying life slacking away and hope to start work only after i come back from australia, really looking forward to that.
dinner at fish and co with class. well, nothing special. met sonya and she looks the same. seems like everyone is working and all dressed so formally that we look like working adults. haha. stoned and sat around after that before going home.
the weather nowadays is annoying, and it must start raining at 6.30 today and we were forced to run in the rain. had it started raining earlier, i would not have gone for training. one hour plus of morning training everyday for power by doing weights (my most dreaded), stamina by running (quite boring and dangerous but i don't mind), lungs by blowing into a tank of water (my favourite but very unhygenic), and on top of all, immune system, which i must say i'm rather proud of my immune system for not falling sick after going home all drenched so many times during the past week.
plucked out my toenail on my fourth toe yesterday. didn't know that poor little nail was injured too and it came off painlessly with a little pull. now it's left with a soft new "nail". wonder when my big toe nail is coming off.
the guys are going tekong soon and the girls are working. it's really the start of a new stage in life.

today's the official day i graduate from high school. it will be a long time before i start studying again, and i wonder where will i be this time next year. year 2004 has been a busy year, studying for As, canoeing, i guess that's about it. now when all these are over, it seems like i'm even busier, doing applications, working and still looking for a job, training, yes training. boris is torturing me slowly but painfully with his weights programme that i'm acheing all over and can't even bend down to touch my toes. and it is only now that i realise your neck has muscles too and i have no idea which exercise made my neck muscles ache. well, i guess that's what i need to get back to my original standards.
rainy day today and i have not and will not learn my lesson to bring umbrella out. well, it makes no difference when you're drenched during training.
farewell 2004, and saying hello to 2005 in less than 10 hours. a new year, a new start. what's my occupation now? working adult? wait till i find a proper job first. i've been looking through the ads and calling up the places. it's not hard to find a job but it's hard to find one that matches my schedule and interest. and it's interesting how different companies define normal working hours. basically it ranges from 8 to 6. have yet to find one from 9 to 5 (which is my only available time currently)
but i shall not complain. i am glad i'm living, strong and healthy, and i have a happy family, living a simple life, with great friends, relatives, neighbours etc. jian3 dan1 jiu4 shi4 kuai4 le4

Let me summarise the past two days in two words: Shopping Madness, or you can also call it Mango Madness. went christmas presents shopping with my darling vanessa on thursday. shopped from centrepoint down to taka. i only realised it was the first day of mango sales when we saw this long queue outside centrepoint mango, can't believe people actually queue to get into a shop, looked like they were queuing for free gifts. so we decided to try mango at taka instead, not much of a queue but it was damn crowded inside. people digging at piles and piles of discounted clothes, and that includes us. didn't buy much in the end, but must really thank them for providing a big plastic bag for me to dump all my other small bags. what a relief when we stepped out, finally got some fresh air to breathe. i sure looked like a shopaholic with 2 gigantic bags full of christmas presents, of which i realised half the money spent are on things for myself. well, i think i deserve a treat after earning some money and not shopping for so long. just hope that i don't spend more than what i earn. net profit, haha. feeling rather proud of myself for settling almost all the christmas presents in one afternoon. i must have looked damn out of place at macritchie. yes, it's back to training after a long break without canoeing. got a bit of my balance back on a k1, but it's still very unstable. think we must have provided a lot of entertainment value to passers-by.
went for testing yesterday, luckily we were allowed to go in a k2, but months without training really made a huge difference, especially the lazy me who conveniently did not want to visit the gym to do weights. alright, i guess i would have to train really hard from now on if i want to continue. went kallang after that, watched the juniors train and talked to jiaolian. yeah, memories of kallang, and i wonder for how long more can i paddle in kallang before they move everything over to macritchie. only 12 girls left and the guys team is in a worse state. hmm.. if there's any juniors reading this, you all must really jia you ok.. rjcanoeing all depends on you now. bathed and went suntec in an attempt to finish my christmas presents shopping. and guess where i ended up at, yes, mango again... can't resist the temptation. wasn't as crowded as the one in taka yesterday, and it was bigger too. queue for the fitting room was surprisingly fast but the one at the cashier was moving like a snail. and i don't know whether to congratulate or kick myself for only buying a jacket after spending such a long time in the shop. my christmas gifts shopping ended at queensway for my dad's present. he better be grateful for making me hunt all over the island for it. home for dinner, not really a feast because we don't really celebrate christmas. exchanged presents after that, and then stoned. didn't even stay awake till midnight. well, save the countdown for 2005.
started my day with the usual morning run and contemplating whether i should go gym later. just found an e-mail from uc berkeley admission officer requesting for 'O's and 'A's results and i happily ended my email with "merry christmas" haha. luckily i checked my junk mail because i realised all the important emails are found there, whereas inbox is filled with useless mails.
alright, that's for now and it's time to start and hopefully finish all my application as soon as possible..
merry christmas!!

back from malacca trip, 3 days of indulgence in food and leisure, felt great.. here's an account of the things that we did, as much as i can remember..
first day, the coach left at 9 plus, almost 10, quite a smooth journey to malaysia, until we reached malacca. the lousy coach broke down, in the middle of the road, and the best thing is that it could only reverse, haha. waited for another coach for about an hour, the second coach was in a much better state, and we had weird drivers.. the first one was the most normal, except for his infatuation with tamil songs which accompanied us all the way to malacca. the second one was driving and waving his hands, which i suppose he was dancing to the music and the third one was smoking in the bus, poor sheryl buried herself under her jacket, haha. it was already 4 or 5 when we reached the hotel, actually it felt more like a house than a hotel, with 2 bedrooms, a living room and a kitchen. settled down, dumped our stuff and went off to the shopping centre across the road for dinner and grocery shopping for breakfasts. decided to try out this japanese restaurant, which we had to wait for about half an hour for that small portion of food. went to the supermarket and bought instant noodles, cereals, drinks, fruits etc. then went back, bathed and planned our next few days. went back to the shopping centre at night for ocean's twelve, and as usual, i didn't understand the movie, and did i mention the movie tickets there are so much cheaper than those in singapore? too bad there wasn't much choices of movies available.
second day, made our own breakfast and set off at about 10 to go sight seeing. the sun was damn bright and poor vania had to hide under her towel, took lots of photos, looked at the small stalls selling souvenirs, and of course the highlight was the photographs with the iguana and snake. we even took videos on how scared vania and sheryl were, haha. had lunch at this nice porridge place before making our way back to the hotel. passed by this hair salon on the way which offers hair cuts at rm2 and colouring at rm30 by students. amazing prices, but what's more amazing is the queue, haha. worked out a bit at the gym when we got back, then went swimming in the freezing pool and baked ourselves in the sauna. zhen's family arrived at 5 plus, which meant that we had mahjong to play. stayed in the house till dinner, which was at this damn nice chinese restaurant, which meant damn crowded too. the food there was awesome and the prices were even better, and that was the beginning of our indulgence in food. went to jonker's walk at night, more shopping, but no eating cos we were too full. walked back to hotel in the middle of the night, luckily we had 4 people if not it will be very dangerous.
third day was reserved for shopping. oh yes, i must mention the breakfast, on top of our self-made breakfast of maggi mee, cup noodles, cereals etc, zhen's parents came back from the market with lots of dim sum, loved their lormaikai, and the dabao is really huge, i think it can't even fit into a normal bowl. went to the hair salon first to watch zhen cut her hair, too bad the students weren't there on sundays, but the rates are still cheaper than that in singapore. and then we began our shopping trip, tried on lots of clothes, shoes. bought a pair of slippers and 3 tops in all from the trip, not too much but didn't have much money to spend also. had pizza for dinner, no lunch for the day due to the limited space in our stomach. shared a square pizza which was divided into 4 parts with 4 different flavours. one day of shopping had left us too tired to do anything but play mahjong after that, and for the first time, we slept before midnight.
day 4 was left for last minute shopping and finishing up of the food in the fridge. we abandoned the initial plan of going for the hotel's buffet breakfast to finish up the ice creams, paos, fruits and everything else. and guess where we went after that? the shopping centre again. bought the foodstuff to bring home and shopped for clothes and shoes again. seems like girls can never get sick of shopping. luckily we had zhen, if not we would have believed the cleaner and gone back to the hotel at 2 when the actual check out time is 12. camped in the lobby for the last hour or so, eating lunch and stoning, sleeping. left at about 3 and headed back to singapore on a much better coach and a more normal driver.
that was the end of a weekend in malacca. felt great to be on holiday with friends, even though it was only malaysia. it's just great to get away from singapore for a few days.. can't wait for the australia trip and i'm dreading all the applications that i have to do, which is what i'm suppose to do now..
it's not easy to make money... better start a proper job and save money for uni..

finally got my hair cut and coloured today. yes, it took me quite a bit of courage to cut my hair short, but somehow i just felt like doing it. not used to seeing myself in short hair though, but at least i don't have to worry about searching for rubber bands anymore. going off to malacca tomorrow, and that explains why the computer is on today, the last minute girl is doing her essays again. ok, not too last minute, just want to get it done before going off. it's driving me up the wall, irritating essays...
and yes, i will start earning money next week and spend less.

the past few days have been rather exciting, and i've been running and rushing from places to places. spent my last week studying for sats, doing some last minute shopping for prom. saturday, went for sats in the morning, maths and chem were relatively ok, don't feel very optimistic about writing though, alright, i know i can't write and just when i thought i'll be done with writing essays, i have lots more application essays to write, seems like i can't escape from writing. sigh. went to collect my dress after that then went jiaqing's house to stone. literally stoned, sat around talked, played drums, ate, that's about all that we did, but isn't that what relaxation is all about? went home rather early to pack my stuff for prom and sleep.
woke up at 4am the next morning, continued to load myself with carbo (and fats) before heading towards esplanade for the challenge of the lifetime. it was much more orderly than the army half marathon, didn't have to queue for baggage deposit and there were sufficient toilets, and they were very punctual. at 6am sharp, the Singapore Marathon started. we made our way to the starting line, and excitedly started the run of a lifetime, our very first marathon.
the first few km were quite enjoyable, especially when it's still dark and cool. after we ran about 3km or so, we saw the first runner on the opposite side, who has already completed about 12km. superpowerful, and he was followed by a small group of kenyan runners. wow, it was really exciting to watch and clap for them, and it feels good running the same race as these elite marathon runners "competing" with them. and so we ran for 10km, 20km. the first 10km was a rather relaxing pace, conserving energy for the rest of the race. after about 20km, i was quite numb already, the sun was out and my legs just kept moving and moving. it was after 30km or so when fatigue really hit us. our speed was reduced to about 10 minutes per km, and the km markings seemed to be getting further and further apart. but we moved on, for we set out with an end in mind, my legs were tired, my knees were dying and my feet were getting heavy, but i knew i had to finish it. the posters along the way were very motivational, the cheerleaders and music kept us going and i'm very touched by ordinary people who just stood or sat along the way, giving us encouragement. and so we inched our way to the finishing line. i told myself no matter how slow i ran, no matter how tired i am, as long as my legs are still functional, i will run on, for every step i make, i'm closer to the finishing line, i'm closer to my goal of completing a marathon.
slowly but surely, we made it. we've ran 42.195km. shine, i'm so proud of you, and i'm so happy. towards the last few hundred metres, i nearly could not control myself, for i knew the end was so near, we've ran more than 5 hours, more than any distance that we've ever done and we are about to achieve what we set out to achieve. yes, we've done the near impossible. i don't know what made me sign up for the marathon, but i vaguely remember about 2 years ago, i was still struggling with 2.4 and even distances like 5km were great achievements. yes, i totally agree with the posters, it's mind over matter, as long as your legs are moving, your heart is beating fine, there is only your mind that stops you from going on. it was exhausting, it was madness, but it wasn't impossible. it was a day to remember, 5th december 2004, the day i ran and completed my first marathon, and it will definitely not be the last.
after the run of our lifetime, i rushed home immediately, bathed, ate and packed my luggage for prom and stayover. everything was so rush after that, hair, makeup, back to hotel and finally to suntec for prom, yes suntec of all places, and we were about an hour late. took lots of photos, the programme wasn't exactly exciting and the food wasn't that great, but it's the atmosphere that mattered. afterall, it's the last prom and it's probably the last time i'm going to see all my classmates, those that i've spent 2 years of my jc ife with. alright, back to reality, everything is really coming to a close. it may be only 2 years, but in this short period of time, i've discovered more of the meaning of life, of friendship, relationship, hatred. i think i'm very fortunate to have classmates whom i can just stone and talk through the night, teammates who get high and talk about everything under the sun. i dare say the 2 years spent in rjc is the best time of my school life and i love rjc, for everything it had given me. although i like taking photos, one whole night of phototaking is rather tiring, especially when you have to wear a perpetual smile and get blinded by the flashes. prom is an expensive event, from tickets, dress, shoes, accessories to hair and makeup, so much money was spent on a one night event, but it's definitely worth it.
got back to hotel at around midnight, and to save my legs before they totally collapse on me, i've decided not to go clubbing, had less than 3 hours of sleep, because i'm so used to waking up early and couldn't go back to sleep again after i woke up. so i sat around, played cards and talked with the nocturnal people. went for buffet breakfast which extended to lunch. i feel guilty and sinful, so much eating these few days, hopefully i've burnt enough during the run to make up for all the fats that i've eaten.
and so, it's all over now. or rather, it's going to be the start of another stage in life. i'll start looking for a job tomorrow and i will start on my university and scholarship applications. no, it's not an end, it's a new beginning.

gosh, i haven't blogged for so long that i almost forgot my username for blogger. i swear my memory is deteriorating, after cramping all the A level knowledge into my tiny little brain. it's almost the end now, a few more days and it will be the end of the 12 long schooling years. feeling happy? excited? i don't know, somehow i feel kind of strange. it's like i'm going to be thrown into an open sea, it's up to me to find my directions. lost. where will i be next year? what will i be doing? i have no idea...
the past 2 weeks have been rather hectic, especially tuesday with chem and econs. but somehow this doesn't feel like the 'A' levels, as in it seems less important than 'O's. analysis of the papers so far? not much comments, maths was ok though the questions were quite weird, chem thermody was quite hard and mcq was harder than expected, physics was better than expected, at least i understood what the data analysis was about, i hope, econs essays were.. i don't know how i'll do for it... oh well, i'm done with maths and chem already.
realised that i'll still be very busy after 'A's. got to do uni applications, study for sats, shop for prom and i badly need to get a tan and get back those muscles that have degenerated into fats during the past few weeks, i feel white and flabby now and storing food in my room is an absolutely bad idea. an hour of swimming under the hot sun last thursday didn't seem to have any effect at all. shall head for the gym and the beach more often haha..
looking forward to (in chronological order): lots of shopping, marathon, prom, malacca, perth and the list goes on...

i'm broke!!!!! just did some calculation and found out that i've spent almost 200 bucks the past 2 weeks, buying stuff for myself and shopping for birthday presents. ok, it's time to save money. finally bought my dad's present and for van also. gosh, i love your present so much that i might just hide it in my room and refuse to give it to you. haha, if someone gives you the same thing i will keep it for myself. i was bored to tears at the uni admission talk yesterday, thanks to my dad who insisted that i go with him. sat in the freezing lt for 2 hours with nothing to entertain myself. what a waste of time
and check out today's newspapers, especially the commentary session. doesn't it remind you of prelims case study? i won't be surprised if it comes out for common test of something next year, but that will be none of my business anymore, unless i get retained....