i've only submitted my first and final draft for fyp and i'm already in the holiday mood! i know there's still lots more to correct, a poster to do and so i brought myself to school early today hoping to get back my draft early, start working on it and be done early so that there's time to party tonight. sigh, i guess that's my only motivation to work on it now.
this morning at 2am, instead of re-looking at my thesis, i sat in front of my screen, surfing the net, chatting with people and sipping my cocktail and thinking about things. for a person who just want to immerse herself in that moment of happiness and doesn't think far ahead, i don't think i have the best answer to all these unresolved issues. but i still believe life's a choice, and i chose it to be this way. when it comes to making a decision. i choose to escape.
a month away from my departure, i used to look forward to that day where i can walk through the departure gate, wave goodbye to my family and friends, start a new segment of my life in a foreign land. no more naggings from parents, no more unhappy memories. but now i'm not so sure. maybe that will be the day when my heart which is made of ice can melt and i can shed a tear for everything and everybody i can't take along with me.
perhaps i'm pessimistic, perhaps i'm fickle, or maybe i'm just being realistic in that i don't want to make a promise i can't keep, a commitment i can't abide to, a feeling i can't guarantee it won't change. i know, i'm just escaping, because i'm afraid..
perahps someone should teach me what is true love, what is commitment, and teach me how to cry..

i am not going back lab in the middle of the night again. it's freaking me out and literally giving me nightmares!
the past few days have been spent trying my best to write my thesis which is due next week, and helping out at Sports Camp. Just less than half an hour ago, as i decided to take a power nap, i actually dreamt that i was in lab and there seemed to be nobody else around, as i walked past the cleaning auntie and into the toilet, my vision was unusually blurred. one cubicle was occupied so i went into an empty one, as i slowly shut my eye bags and opened again, i saw a gun, or rather a rifle just beside me!!
freaky!!

yesterday was probably really my last race. think i recall saying that many times since many years ago, but seems like there's something tempting me to row every race. perhaps it's this desire for challenge and the affection for the water that lead me into one race after another.
yesterday's 10km was pretty good, for someone like me who hasn't been training. the queen of last-minuteness rowed two 10k during the last 2 saturdays and have been running for the past 2 weeks only. think i survived by riding wash half of the time. oops. lining up at the startline already made me feel old, i don't know 90percent of my competitors and they all look so young! think it's really time to bring home my paddle, frame it up or hang it up for display.
post comp dinner was at bugis steamboat. headed straight to bugis from mac and reached there super early. instead of heading for bugis junction or bugis street for shopping, i walked straight to nat lib, sat outside at hans to enjoy the breeze and played with my itouch while listening to music. was totally not in the mood to shop and the thought of having to squeeze through the crowd simply puts me off. it was not really a team dinner because the attendance was minimal. more like a mala challenge, with my added ma and la pot it was indeed powerful! the soup was more like chilli oil with lots of pepperlike spices. lips were swollen like sausage and sweating profusely. but it was shiok! sat down for talk cock and dessert after that till the rain stopped..

SU15 is starting soon, was once a freshie, once a freshie programmer, a senior prog and now a retired prog. last week on my way to school, i saw groups of freshies sitting around in circles at the interchange, with sleeping bags etc all ready for foc. i can't imagine i was once like that, cheering my hearts and lungs out in public, running and jumping around for one whole week with minimal sleep. i must admit it was a great kick start to uni life, and it was unforgettable, but i can't picture myself doing that again now..

jia you SU15!!!

just came back from a half-day escape to JB of food, movie and just walking around. seems like everytime we go, it always starts and ends with secret recipe. who can resist the thick slice of damn yummilicious and sinful cake?
caught 'the dark knight' there also, quite surprising that the cinema is less than half full, and that's my 4th movie in 3 days and i've watched almost every movie that is showing in cinema now. it's a very long show and halfway through the show i thought it was ending already when there was still one more hour to go. the cinema was freezing cold and the sound system was very very bad. and i even almost fell asleep towards the end of the show. ok la, other than the lousy environment, the movie itself was not bad, worth watching for the action and the effects.
why do i have to be reminded that it's 2 weeks of fyp left, one and a half month in sg left?

today is literally a sun-day! and it was my first time at a triathlon. i didn't go as a participant, but as a volunteer. the day started early and i actually managed to get myself to ecp in 40min with only $7.80 spent on cab. i was basically in a canoe around the swimming route to look after the safety and keep the swimmers on track. quite an easy job, but the current was very strong and i had to keep moving up and down to keep myself in position. really admire all the swimmers, i think i would just cling on to the barrier and drag myself around it.
today's weather was madness la. spent a total of 5 hours under the sun, with no sunblock applied because i wanted to test out the effects of my newly purchased drug. it's impossible not to get burnt, but not too bad i would say. and just as all the participants finished their swim and we carried the boats and stuff up to shore, the passing cloud stopped right above us and it poured!! what a change from the killer sun, but i like neither. ok, i really think i am meant to just sit at home and nua.
oh and i realised today's the 2 and a half years anniversary of my driving licence! to think that i even wanted to put the p plate so that ppl won't horn at me.
yawn.. time to sleep..

早知道伤心总是难免的 你又何苦一往情深
因为爱情总是难舍难分 何必在意那一点点温存
要知道伤心总是难免的 在每一个梦醒时分
有些事情你现在不必问 有些人你永远不必等

what an oldie, i know, but oldies are easy to sing, nice to hear and so true..
and i have convinced myself that my driving skills is not that bad afterall, and it's so much more convenient, but petrol is damn expensive la! ok, enough said, no more car till i don't know when.
oh well, shall attempt writing my thesis since i've got nothing to do now..

hello july, and that means one more month of fyp, 2 more months here. people are already starting to ask if i've packed and got ready for bj, while in actual fact many things are not finalised and confirmed, needless to say packing. what packing? haha
finally got down to paddling yesterday. only 10km mileage and it was tiring!! stability still there but fitness and strength definitely cannot make it already. clear signs that i should retire.
so many things to do, so little time. let me indulge in this moment of happiness and wake me up when august ends..