i'll be off to the airport in half an hour's time.
and i'm actually worried about skipping 3 days of school.
and you made me disheartened when i'm just about to see a little hope.
what more do you want?

last night i finally experienced the power of tcm!!
as i was frantically doing last minute studying for my test and my upper back was hurting like crazy, the usual plae below the shoulder blades, probably because i've been at the table for the whole day in all sorts of incorrect positions. i tried stretching, massaging and was close to popping painkillers to ease the pain temporarily, until i decided to give my acupuncture needles a try again. and so i took out the second shortest one, cleaned it, located the most painful spot and poked it in using my right hand into my left upper back. and it went in. not only that, when i manage to get the whole needle in (which is only an inch, at most an inch and a half) i felt something i've never experienced before... it felt like an electric shock going down my spine, followed by a moment of numbness. the feeling extended to the whole of my right arm and hand, which felt weak for a while. and as i began to bring my right hand down to the neutral position, i felt the sore-ness, right at the acupoint. the feeling was like trying to stretch a strained muscle when you have muscle-ache. usually people lie down or sit still during acupuncture, and i've never been acu-ed before by a professional, so did i do the right thing? or did i almost tear my muscle? as i was unsure and my movement was rather restricted as i couldn't move about freely without feeling the sore, i took it out after 10 minutes.
the result? well, my back didn't hurt that much for the night until i fell asleep, and this morning my left shoulder felt much more relaxed and didn't hurt at all while running, instead, my right shoulder felt the usual ache. but i think the pain is coming back gradually, though much milder and bearable. wow i see my future career! and that's certainly more exciting and useful than memorizing chunks of theory which is only stored in my ultra-short-term memory.
be my second guinea pig anyone?? haha

i...
- have a test tomorrow morning which i'm only halfway through reading (not to mention memorizing)
- am flying off tomorrow evening which i haven't started packing!!
- am going to drive a manual car there and i haven't touched the steering wheel for erm almost a year i think
- haven't bought new clothes, new shoes etc etc for cny
- haven't done anything for cny except eating cny goodies
- haven't made up my mind whether to sign up for sundownmarathon
- want to join x-physique but it's so damn expensive
- can't seem to concentrate
- can't seem to get my priorities right
- am basically so screwed

brought my pink dolphin back to where it came from last sunday, together with my shortie raptor and me, we completed 29km. what we used to call kallang river is now known as marina reservoir, the police coast guard is gone, but the s'pore flyer is up, together with the floating platform and constructions for the IR all around it. and the duck tours are still quacking up and down, and i could have been sandwiched by 2 of them, one coming from the front and one from the back at the same time and would have been a perfect sandwich had i not paddled as hard as i could for dear life and the boats did steer a bit so as to avoid me. phew... never liked the duck tours especially when you're one of the tourist attractions, feels like an animal in the zoo haha.
ok, back to the race.. my longest canoe race, my first time attempting portage, and probably the last time i get to row at kallang again. and i was quite prepared for the journey: cap, sunglasses, lots of sunblock, changed to a low seat and most importantly my little cushion for the seat which was so useful in protecting my delicate butt. haha. and if you're wondering what's my greatest fear for this race, it's none other than kallang water, and that's why i chose to take k1 in the end, to overcome the phobia. as i look at the namelist for senior women k1, i made a conclusion. they are either the really zai ones, or the insane ones, of course i belong to the latter.
the water conditions weren't too bad, though at some parts i felt as if i was going to be blown away by sudden gushes of wind and backwash was inevitable, especially at the start. gosh, that was probably the worst it could get. portage was quite an experience and i did try to run for every portage, and it sure wasn't easy carrying a boat, paddle and running on sand. and i think i've a blueblack on my shoulder now..
but overall, i quite enjoyed the race, and that's enough. no longer hungry for medals, no longer wanting to see competitors as enemies, afterall, it's just a race.. knowing that there is no need to fear the choppy water, and that the wind could not blow me down, it was a race against myself, my own fears, and me -- my worst enemy. and i won. no regrets
now i'm just one step closer to retirement, next up is MR500, then SDBF and maybe NCC.. just want to make my canoeing life as complete as possible by trying every event, every boat

it's d-day in 8 hours' time.
it's time for me to face my fears...

finally paid a visit to the dentist and got my hair trimmed yesterday. and phew.. my sweet tooth (or rather teeth) are perfectly fine after making them suffer through sweet, salty, hot and cold and not getting them cleaned for 3 years! and visiting the dentist certainly is not an enjoyable experience. really pity those doing surgery or root canal etc and having to keep their mouth open for hours with the suction tube sucking away all the saliva, not forgetting the pain they have to go through. i really should be glad my wisdom teeth are popping out fine so far and i don't need to wear braces.
and hairdressers never fail to make the same comment that i have thinning hair. yes i know i'm balding!!
and prices are increasing everywhere, especially now when cny is near. well, it's always good to know more people, especially those around the neighbourhood for something called discount. haha (i'm secretly a super-auntie in disguise)
i think the scorching sun today mutated all my cells and make me mentally 15 years younger and physically 50 years older when i played catching with my sis in the pool today. tiring leh..

having a free day in the middle of the week felt like a mini-weekend, especially when my weekends are packed with trainings and work so much so that my books and notes remain in my bag untouched till monday. decided to be a good daughter and went chinatown with mom yesterday to change money and to get into the chinese new year atmosphere. nothing spectacular, just the normal stuff on sale and definitely getting more and more expensive each year, and 1 buck can only get you 6 hum jing pangs instead of 7 at maxwell. haven't shopped for new year clothes and not intending to dedicate an afternoon just for that. somehow as you grow older, the excitement of cny gradually dies down. other than the angpaos, there's really nothing much to look forward to. well, this year i'm going to have a very different cny. in conjunction with mom's 50th birthday, which happens to fall on the exact same day, we're going for a one-week holiday to melbourne! so do let me know if there's anything good to buy back..
one more week till january ends, let february come and take away my poverty, especially when i worked so many days this month, and the angpaos, and my allowance for the sem! let february bring me the courage and determination. let january end before i do..

yesterday was a bright and sunny tgif at sentosa after a morning of lessons. suppose to be a picnic-cum-belated-birthday celebration but our initial plan of potluck was rather unsuccessful as we were all too busy to prepare food. ended up having lunch at vivo and bought drinks and chips before heading to the beach. nonetheless, we still had fun playing balls, twister, saboteur, bridge, frisbee, slacking and drifting in the raft, basically taking a break from the books for an afternoon.

yep, that's us
and below are some photos i took using my phone camera while looking after the bags..


wow, the panorama mode is quite powerful, silosa beach can be quite pretty too!

helphelphelphelphelp
sorry for being who i am, sorry for the moodswings. never in a good mood in the morning, especially when trying to be on time for school is an 'exciting' event everyday when it takes about an hour and a half from home to school (without cutting queues) and squeeze my way onto 3 different buses when school is merely 10-15 minutes drive away.
suddenly tempted to run the http://www.sundownmarathon.com/ and the ultramarathon is full?!?! oh man, there are really quite a lot of hardcore runners out there.. and i do like running in the dark, not only because of the cool air and roads with almost no cars, but also because i can wear the oldest and ugliest shirt out, run to the beat of the music and let my emotions run wild...
sometimes i really should be left alone. pillow i need you now...

i thought i had convinced myself that perfection does not exist. i thought i had grown to accept what i am. apparently not. happyness was transient, so surreal, so painful knowing that everything would be gone once you wake up. i always ask myself why, but i haven't found the answer.. why am i doing all these? is it worth it? why am i constantly bringing myself to self-destruction? drawing myself closer to death? when can i stop? when will i ever learn?
it's been one and a half weeks of school already and as usual i spend at least 80 percent of the time caged up in that little classroom. i believe school's quite happening in the spines, but do i care?
the blood drive is in school again this week and donating blood used to be a regular thing for me to do, makes me feel good especially on emo days. but now i can't.. sigh.. see, now even my blood is worthless, guess i'm just a pure good-for-nothing now..
i need the courage, to find out what is happiness, to find out what is love, for myself...

the first week of school for my pseudo-final semester has just passed (cos i have no lessons tmr) and that means honeymoon week is over. and here's a very brief summary of my last holidays, before i get too busy and forgot about what i did.
basically, i did nothing. waking up in the morning and deciding that it was a good day to slack at home was like a daily routine, and i certainly followed my decision. well, it may be a waste of time, but i don't think i will have the pleasure of having so much time again. went kukup on the weekend before school started with the programmers. the houses were all kelong-like, built above water (or rather mud during low tide). mudskippers, crabs, flies were the most common creatures around. the resort that we stayed in was pretty decent, enough rooms with 3 sets of mahjong and many karaoke vcds, and i'm very thankful there's heater in the bathroom, but i really think they should improve on the cleaniness, especially when flies never fail to wait for their chance to blatantly attack the food and i think there are little insects on the mattresses. the old-school-style toilet was very interesting, it leads straight into the sea and standing outside the house, suddenly seeing liquid flowing down from the floor into the sea, you will know what people are doing in the toilet. leftover food, dump-able rubbish all goes into the sea. and what comes from the sea? the crabs and prawn on our plates perhaps. haha. a change of environment, but basically the same activities. ktv, mahjong, cards, movies, eat, sleep, talk. truly satisfied my cravings for ktv and seafood. for both nights we had bbq for dinner, lots of stingray and prawns, all sambal and lunch was at the restaurant in the main street. playing with fireworks was another highlight. quite pricey but fun. and how can we forget beer for the night? on the last day, we took a bus out to play paintball. another first time for me, messy and dangerous but not bad.
it was kind of a mini retreat and with close to 40 people under one roof, it's hard to run out of things to do. and it is probably due to this lack of planned activities that promotes bonding. overall it was an enjoyable trip. re-join the programmer comm? a bit hard la, with my packed yet uncertain schedule for this semester.

that was probably the most happening thing for the holidays. now it's back to school. taking public transport to school for early morning lessons never fail to be a torture and i have never been on time for lessons yet. how interesting can lessons get and i don't know whether to feel glad or scared that i've found, tried and tested a way to keep myself awake for the whole day.
land trainings have also resumed and it's time to pump those lazy muscles and bones again. with the lack of exercise and building up of age, my whole body is aching. but it feels good though, at least i know my muscles are still in existence. better train up lungs and stamina for the 29km of rowing too. my first and last canoemarathon, more for personal challenge and satisfaction to complete my canoeing career than anything else.

can't live without it and can't live on with it

(and yes i'm finally playing with facebook, hurhur)