some things which i don't understand about me:
- why can't i concentrate on mugging?
- why can't i understand econs
- why am i such an exercise freak
- why can't i stop examining the fat and nutrition content of all the food i eat
- why can't i grow taller
- why can't i get rid of the disgusting jiggling fats
- why can't i sleep past 7am
- why do i have no ball sense
- why am i writing this when common test is tomorrow

some things which i don't understand about people
- why can some people mug a whole day without food and sleep
- why can some people never get fat no matter how much they eat
- and why can some people never get thin
- why are some people so hard-to-get
- why are some overly optimistic
- why are some people so childish
- why do people do harm to themselves
- why are some people just so nice
- why are you reading this crap

some things which i don't understand about life:
- why is life so vulnerable
- why do some people come and go
- why can there never be world peace

BEAUTIFUL ICE PRINCESS/PRINCE .You need distance
between you and your partner in your
relationship. You are very difficult to get.
You have big requirements and this one you love
must try hard to get you. But after she/he melt
your heart she/he will be the most happy person
in the world. You need someone who shoes you
that you are special and it makes you feel
good to see that you are loved. She/He shall
know that you could easily get another
girl/boyfriend but you wont as long as you
love him. when she/he hurts you you will hurt
him too, but in general you dont get hurt. If
your partner cheated you ,you would react cold
and immediately (try to) forget him


~THE big LOVE TEST!! What do you need? With PICS! For girls and boys!~
brought to you by Quizilla

i don't understand how some people can be so irritating. stop pissing me off!!! you're the most busybody person i've ever known, in fact, i don't really know you so mind your own business!!!!
training today as usual and stayed to do enrichment, which means another day spent at kallang burning my skin away. for some reasons the white stripe on the sji k2s just annoys me. but the triathlon warm-up was quite enjoyable, swimming across the river, running back and push-ups, thank god it was high tide, something different at least. oh man, i didn't realise it, it's only less than 10 water trainings to nationals. wow, ok psyche up must make the most out of every training.

time flies... school is starting in less than 2 weeks time and what have i been doing? quite busy these few days, starting with dragon boat on sunday. yes, we were all so disappointed, so near yet so far, it felt like history's repeating, nevertheless, we've enjoyed ourselves, the 2 trainings we had prior to the race, seeing team spirit into action with everyone rowing the race of our lives. of course we were eyeing the medals, but i think the experience that we've brought back is more important.
outing after that was, as usual, chaotic, haha. stuffing ourselves with the free flow of bread at cafe cartel, watching how people eat and cut ribs, gs, your cutting skills really suck, haha. and the fun we had with the banana, with carol still innocently enjoying her desert despite so much hints, and the "horror" on her face when the truth was finally revealed, haha. thank you so much, lele. we couldn't have done without you and the dinner, card and everything else are still insufficient to express our heartfelt gratitude, you're just so great. and as usual, we ended our outing with a drink, this time it was coffee at tcc. it was a nice environment for, erm, making a fool of ourselves, with the 2 porns and their kinky actions and poses and our laughter that could be heard a mile away. you guys are the best people around, i can't imagine how different my jc life would be if i had not joined canoeing. the fun we have together is unique, it's hard to find a group of friends, so different as individuals but with the same passion and can talk so openly about things like, well, you know what.
2 days of cip camp followed, it was quite a good experience and looking after kids is not easy, especially when you get hyperactive kids who have very short attention span and can't stop running around, i pity the guys in my group who had to run after them and dragging them back into the LT. it was tiring but felt much more rewarding than other cips like flag day. eddy is such a sweet boy, he is very rude, vulgar and playful, but he still has that innocent and shy side. it's like he appreciates what you do for him but finds it so hard to show. alright, no more cip hours needed but i don't mind a camp like this again.

3 parts of training today should make up for 2 days of idleness and the food that i've been eating. macritchie is such a fabulous place to run, especially in this morning's weather. ended with dragon boat, we wanted to find a boat to pace but the whole flock of boats happily went back to sdba while we waited and hoped that they would turn back. dragon boat training wasn't bad, felt much better than previous training. oh yeah, sunday is the day, it was suppose to be saturday but guest-of-honour not free. whatever.. it will still be fun...
feeling this itchiness to go for singapore triathlon, so tempting, but but... firstly, it's so damn expensive!!!! like almost 100 bucks!?!?!? secondly, it'll be damn near prelims and most importantly, i'm going to embarrass myself by coming in last or something..

ollie and sonya are back!!! lunch at swensons after physics extra lesson brought back the nice old memories of 1s06e. a time when we were so carefree and relaxed, just hanging out during our free time, class breaks, class outings. yeah, j1 life, how i wish time would stop there. sometimes i just don't want to grow up, i want to continue living in the past, but that's never possible so wake up and get on with life!!
have i lost it, gave in to it? something which i held on so strongly, is now gone, so easily. do i feel no sense of self-betrayal, regrets? why? does time change a person so drastically?

sats is over, finally. don't know how i'll do for it, came out of the hall feeling rather numb. this feeling of apathy is building in me, nothing seems to be of particular interest to me. sometimes i wish i could just stone away and rot at home. yeah, home is the best place, unlimited access to bed and free-flow of food. sigh.. alright, stop dreaming, it's time to study for commom tests, for 'A's...
trainings after trainings, water, weights, run, intervals, dragon boat and my "wonderful" experience i had on the rowing machine yesterday. ouch.. next time i'll give myself more time for the journey home. tired, but it feels great and i'm not complaining (except intervals maybe)
life still goes on, no matter how hard you try to turn back time and hope that certain things had not happened. accept the truth and find some pleasure in your present life. if you can bring yourself into it, pull yourself out. stop complaining about the trivial matters because there're a lot of people out there who are in worse conditions than you. whatever it is, hope you've made up your mind, oh well, not like you're going to read this anyway...

marcus' birthday party at downtown east yesterday. well, the usual segregation between girls and guys. you can't expect the girls to play ps and squirt water right? haha. the food was nice but sinful and the room was overcrowded. almost 30 people cramping in it, sitting on beds, floor, table. if there's more i think the toilet has to be used as well. left before the cake was cut because i had to go home early. don't know if the girls' plan of going for late night movie or ktv worked.
hope i burnt off everything that i ate yesterday with one and a half hours of canoeing followed by an hour of slow jog. i felt rather insane running in the hot sun but just a simple greeting of "good morning, enjoy your run" by a passer-by made it better. i shall take a day off today, that means no work will be done. it's holidays afterall.

wow.. finally, the holidays are coming. i don't care how my "holidays" are going to be like, with all the mugging awaiting me, all i know now is tests are over and school is all about fun.
went to watch rugby finals yesterday. WE WON!!!! what a day to remember in rjc history. 6 years, finally, the day has come for us to claim back the title. it wasn't really a very exciting game, more of whistle blowing than running. no tries scored, but all we care is that we've won. gosh, the last kick, the joy, the mud, the sweat, the tears of all the hardwork. WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS!!
yes, impossible is nothing. the ruggers have done it, it will be our turn soon. all the trainings that we've been through, all the time spent in the gym, pushing ourselves to our limits. we've trained hard for the past 1 and a half years. now, it's only left with 2 months before we mark the end of our canoeing life in rjc. it may be short, but it's definitely going to be memorable. we've almost down to our end burst, let's make it our best. go team, we can do it....

haven't touched the computer for quite a long time and don't really feel like blogging lately. in fact, i don't feel like doing anything lately. just want to go for lessons, train, eat, sleep. it's back to my boring life.
maybe i'm worrying too much, maybe it's time to get back to my original self, my original life. to forget these fantasies and dreams that might never come true. is it time to learn how to let go? to be more pragnatic? i'm in a tunnel of darkness, i don't know where i'm heading, what i'm doing.

finally, the internet's working. it's times like this when we should never trust technology. i've survived without computers for one week. well, what can i say about this week, i've just proven my inability to play ball games and problem with my balance. now i feel like a totally damaged person. suffering from external injuries on my right side, joint injuries on the left, and the flu bug's crawling over me. oh well, on my way to recovery now.
wednesday has just marked the end of my harmoc career, though it just started not too long ago. don't dare to comment much on the quality of the concert, but it was a great experience and a great way to end. well done everyone, especially the soloists. and a big thank you plus a hug to everyone who came.
feeling strange now, playing the game all over again. maybe i'm just worrying too much, thinking too much. it may turn out to be nothing at all. but i want to play safe, i don't want to ignore any little detaill. i feel like a detective, or rather a mind-reader, one who failed terribly perhaps. yes i know, take things one step at a time and get used to my "don't talk to me in the morning" mood.

napfa's over, finally, which means no more pe for me? didn't believe i could jump far enough to get an A, but well, i did it, miraculously, with the aid of last minute trainings for leg muscles. now i think my legs are aching. my afternoon was spent trying my very best to study and running canal route. sigh.. when can i ever get into the studying mood.
hope tomorrow's training will be better. till then, there's nothing much to blog about...

i know that you care, i understand your concerns and i do appreciate your efforts in trying to find out what's best for me and what i should do despite your busy schedule. sorry if i have to sound irritated. i know it's all for my own good but sometimes i feel that you're pushing me too hard, it's almost impossible because i know i'm not good enough. at the same time, i don't want to let you down, i don't want to add to your worries and i want you to be proud of me but how? i'm not blaming you for anything, in fact, i'm thankful to have such great parents like you. perhaps it's just that you're not in my shoe and don't know how i feel.
is it just a matter of commitment and responsibility that i've to fulfill. it feels like acting a play all by myself, presenting to difference audience a different side of me. perhaps it's time to question where my priorities lie and what's my main purpose of life, of attending jc. so who am i? a student? a daughter? a canoeist? or just me and whoever i am in your eyes? maybe it's time to ask myself what do i hope to achieve out of 2 years in jc? actually i do know the answer.
oh well, i guess everything's just part of the hectic jc life. and for now i'm just glad that 2.4's over, rather proud of my timing, and econs essay test is cancelled

i'm an exercise freak. yes, one whole morning of water training, getting all red and burnt from the scorching hot sun. haven't been so burnt for quite a long time, just hope i won't peel. the rest of the afternoon was spent waiting for a lost father at sdba, and guess what, running and swimming. spent about 8 hours yesterday exercising. madness and i just can't get back to my intervals timing 2 months ago. just hope 2.4 won't be too far off my pb.
ok, there's not much time left before school starts again tomorrow. the time to play is over already, though i can't get myself down to studying, i'll try...

been rather busy these 2 days and i've realised the beauty of coffee and how it keeps me awake while attempting to finish up tutorials. haven't got much time to talk to you..
and napfa 2.4 is next tuesday!!! i detest running in the hot sun, but i should be thankful that my pe's the first block, but still, i'm so not used to running in the sun. and my timings for intervals are much slower than they used to be. ok, i shall do some last minute training for 2.4 so that i won't see a disgusting number on my napfa result slip. and i need to train my standing board jump!!!!!
alright, my (economics) theory: an equilibrium is a situation where there's no tendency to change, and when injection equals withdrawal, the economy will be in equilibrium right? so for the body's weight to be in equilibrium, that is, no tendency to change, injections (including eating and drinking) equals to withdrawal (including exercising and well, you know the other component) and when injections is greater than withdrawal, it will have a expansionary effect on the body and that's what's happening to me... yes, my self-formulated theory which makes total sense to me.

another typical sunday... finally got back to my usual sunday morning jog at macritchie after months of busy sundays, lazy father sundays or sleepy sister sundays. yes, memories of scf, especially with the buoys still around. macritchie will mean more than a sunday jogging place to me now. i think it's time to throw my old pair of shoes before the sole comes out in 3 pieces. i had a lot of fun "training" my sister, forcing her run for at least 600m despite her complaints of tiredness. what an evil sister i am, i'm going to train her to be a sportsgirl. played at the playground with her, competing to see who can swing higher. i love my sister, at times like this.
my mom is another person that will make me laugh, she knocks and bangs on my door for the weirdest reasons. first, while ironing clothes, she came and asked me if i can dismantle the iron to get a cockroach out. knowing that i hate cockroaches and i will never touch or go near them, i told her to throw the iron away, which she did. how and why did the cockroach end up there in the first place? suicidal cockroach.
next story, someone called to inform my mom that her daughter gave birth. i picked up the phone and she didn't identify herself. that left my mom thinking and going through all the possible people that she knows. and finally, after about 2 hours, she came knocking at my door excitedly while i was on the phone and said "i know who, i know who" it turned out to be my sister's friend's mom whom i do not know. it's amazing how trivial things like this can be so disturbing and leave you determined to get to the bottom of it.
oh yes, happy easter. what does easter mean to me? mainly childhood memories i guess. i don't celebrate easter now but it does bring back beautiful memories of how my mom and i would paint eggs in different colours and patterns, eat chocolate eggs and bunnies. and while tidying up my letter drawer, i found this easter card from you. happy easter to you and your family, though the chances of you reading this is one in a zillion. sigh.. wonder how you're doing now.

finally replenished my deprived sleep after 9 hours of good long rest. feeling so rejuvenated now. the long weekend is going to end and i just realised i haven't got much work done. every time i sit down before my table and stare at my tutorials, my mind will wander off and never some back. sigh, i know i should be studying but somehow i just can't get down to it.
good friday was good, in fact it was fantastic. went ktv with class in the morning and we had an extra hour because they forgot jq's lunch. had a great time singing and listening to people sing and k-lunch is so worth the money... "class bonding" followed with us trying to find a nice place to talk, from basement of cine, to youth park and finally top floor of paragon. went grocery shopping with shine after that, more like watch her shop for all the organic and fat-free food, i would love to buy the whole supermarket down but it's so expensive. actually what wonders can organic food really do? i'm contented with the food i'm eating now.
things look so different during the day and at night and i just love night time, too bad i had to go home early before my mom grounds me and kills me. beautiful good friday, i wish it could last an eternity.
cip on saturday was great too, though we had to travel from kallang to jurong east, get the flyers and everything and back to outram to give them out. it was much easier and more rewarding than flag day. i think singaporeans just prefer things free. we spent 1 hour distributing everything, which was quite fast considering we were given 3 hours for it. it's called efficiency, not slacking. i would love to do more of this kind of com service. and for the first time, i was on time for dinner. watched miss singapore universe on the bus home, what else can i say, the standards are dropping like anything, or is it just so hard to find someone who has the looks, the figure, the brains, the poise etc?
sigh, sometimes things can never be the same again, and i don't know why it would turn out this way. it takes months to build up this friendship and one day to ruin it? i know it's partly my fault but i don't know how to salvage it. i hope it gets better as the days pass by...

i am so amused by everything that i can't stop laughing. i can't stop laughing at myself for attempting to study everything about economics yesterday night and this morning and applying nothing that i've learnt in today's common test. never have i had this feeling before. sat down with pen and paper all ready, waiting for the questions to be unveiled, and finally, look at the questions, laugh. there's nothing i can do except to laugh, at my stupidity, thinking of how i am going to sit through one hour of this coming up with my own economic theories and trying to make them sound sensible. what else can i say, it's the worse common test paper of my whole entire life. how many times can you actually spend at least 5 minutes just laughing away? U- (if there's such a grade) here i come.
if dreams reflect what you've been thinking about, how would you interpret my most ridiculous dream of keeping a sea orang utan (an orang utan that lives in water, which i've never seen before) in the fish tank at home. what's worse is that it can still talk and play the piano. i think i'm going insane.

my first ever 'A' in my jc life. guess that made my day a bit better, plus my totally unexpected physics result. i can't describe the way i feel right now, i guess i just chose to put everything at the back of my mind and to remember the real purpose of jc life. it's less than 1 year left now and i don't want to leave the college with any regrets.
oh well, i guess you can't escape from problems, it's just the way you perceive them and deal with them that makes a difference. or perhaps i just can't be bothered.
i'm sorry...

夜裡難以入睡　用什麼可以麻醉　
情緒太多怎堪面對 不是不要你陪　
有些事你無法體會　卸下了防備　
孤獨跟隨 我想要一個自己的空間　
能夠好好想想我們之間的明天
如果愛情不如我們想像的甜美　
那麼所有的罪讓我來揹
我的心太亂　要一些空白　
你若是明白　讓我暫時的離開
我的心太亂　不敢再貪更多愛　
想哭的我　卻怎麼哭也哭不出來
我的心太亂　要一些空白　
老天在不在　忘了為我來安排
我的心太亂　害怕愛情的背叛　
想哭的我 像是一個迷路小孩　
迷路的小孩