have i finally rediscovered the fun of canoeing after more than a year?? training today was great and i simply did not regret going.. with the freedom of deciding on our own programme since it was an unofficial training, rachel and i decided to obey lesley to train for round ubin. our initial plan of paddling for one and a half hours, stopping after every half hour for water breaks was overcasted by our sense of enjoyment. the pace was perfect and we didn't felt like stopping after the first half hour so we've decided to change our programme to 20km. it was certainly the most enjoyable trainings i've ever had since the beginning of term, except for the little blister on my finger and abrasion from life vest. i think i just got tanned today. great..
since nobody in the family knows how to appreciate the beauty of dragon fruit, i just had one whole fruit to myself. i can just imagine those little seeds churning in my stomach, haha. i love my new laptop casing which i think was meant to be a pencil case, but it fits my laptop perfectly and it's much cheaper than an original casing. i love my new purple fbt shorts too.

Should I be thankful it's friday? or does that mean exams are just getting nearer? Well, today was a rather relaxed day with a very good start. I finally got the chance and time to go for my long run which left me in a good mood for the rest of the day. I'm rather proud of the fact that I didn't fall asleep in class at all today, yes I know semester 1 is already coming to an end but better late than never...
It seems like the workers are more eager and prepared for exams than we are. Wanted to play badminton during the long break today but when we reached the badminton court, we realised it was already half-filled with tables and chairs, so we decided to try the tennis court. This is when it made sense for badminton to be an indoor sport because the wind was just too strong for playing. So the ultimate solution: playing bridge at the grandstand.
Keep the mugging momentum going...

Is there something wrong with blogger or is it just my com, the page takes ages to load. Well, I've made it past today, with 2 tests one after another, what a test marathon day. Biochem was quite bad even though it was only mcq, blame it on my laziness; french was alright, now the big worry would be oral next week.
Doesn't life feel like a battle? I was fighting to finish my assignment last week; mugging for tests yesterday and trying to finish my lab reports now and this weekend. I've to clear the burdens before it starts to pile like a mountain. Perhaps it's a good way to keep my mind focused and stay away from all those frivilous and trivial stuff.

i shall make it a point to make a little contribution to my blog everyday.
gym today again, love those gym balls and that steam shower where i can lie in that misty room, lose myself in paradise, sing my favorite song and let my sorrow flow with the sweat.. will heaven be the same?i think i've been thinking so much so that i dreamt of you last night, details are censored.. but what does that show? yes, i'm thinking of you, i can't forget you and i wish that you were here, to lend me a shoulder, to lend me a hearing ear. be with me in this dark and lonely night. watch the sun rise above the darkness to shine a sense of hope.
that was my dream last night, will it become reality? or will we let this chance slip by again?
alright, stop dreaming and get back to studying. biochem and french test tomorrow..

I’m surprised to find myself still in one piece as I woke up in that lonely room. I thought I would never have to face the world again, I thought I had the courage or rather the stupidity to do so. It has happened so many times that I don’t know when it started. All I could remember is the thrill of self torture, like that of a knife piercing through my heart and brain. Have I lost my mind or have I lost my soul?
For how long more will I let my mood rise and fall like that of the tide? Yesterday I found the satisfaction after a self-study session at the library and gathered the pieces of me at the gym. Even though it was rather crowded, I felt the emptiness and loneliness within myself, like I’m wandering in a lost world of my own, finding my self-worth and existence. My legs moved on the treadmill, my eyes fixed on the television in front of me, my heart beating like it should and my arms by my side, occasionally grabbing the towel to wipe away my sweat. Everything was in their respective position and performing their respective roles. Everything except my mind. Perhaps I should be glad fatigue has set in early enough to take my mind away from the darkness. Perhaps it has pulled me away from the brim. I want to run away from this world, into a paradise where I can find beauty. Somewhere where I could forget all the unhappiness and start anew. I want to run until my legs break and my heart collapse, until I’m drowned in sweat and lose myself. I would have ran to neverland had it not been the people around me. Their sense of confidence and friendliness raised the spirit in me. Yes, maybe it’s not the end of the world yet, maybe things could still change.
Today I’m alone in my cozy little room again. I love the lonely cooling nights when I can let my thoughts run wild; when I can hide my face in the pillow and let my tears flow like nobody’s business.
No, there are so many things that I can’t let go. And there are too many nice people around. Although I may not show or say it, it certainly made an impact in my heart. I feel like I owe you so much, for everything that you’ve done. You let me have things my way and made me realize the world is still beautiful. Yes there is still hope of finding the light at the end of the tunnel, but will I eventually make my way there?
Don’t worry about me, I’m perfectly fine but let me have some peace, will you?

there's so many things going around in my mind right now that i don't know where to start with. school work is getting more and more hectic, having to meet deadlines for assignments and lab reports and not forgetting revision for exam, which i have not started. i came to ntu telling myself that studies will be my top priority and i'm going to go easy on ccas and other activities, but it seems like the other way now, returning to be cozy little room at 10 or 11 every night and by the time i settle down, i'll be too tired to do anything constructive. if this is the situation now, i don't know how i'm going to survive coming feb or march, with dnd, x-physique and training for sdba. at least i'm mentally prepared now.
i have never had this feeling before. i used to think it was all so dumb until when i realise it might actually happen. please don't let it go to that extent.

finally this marks the last week of school before the long awaited term break. and below is a list of crazy things that happened this week.
things that were done in hall 14 blk 68 level 4 room xxxx:

tuesday was flying insects catching day. i don't know if it's due to the weather, but there were so many flying insects struggling on the floor in our room that my roomie and i got so pissed that we got a bowl of hot water and started catching and drowning them. 30 over insects.




see those poor little creatures floating in the water? serve them right

the next day i returned to my room and found a present from my dearest roomie. a big, fat, juicy, green grasshopper.

chio right? we decided to be kind and let if off this morning. but it's still loitering outside our window. maybe it can't bear to leave us or maybe it has acrophobia.

today was my turn to be the crazy one.

i finally got to use my rubber lizard. i think i was damn childish but it was certainly fun to go back to the good old days. i feel like a primary school kid.

a week without practical is like heaven. and ktv only made it better. we had a ktv outing to jec kbox on tuesday and it was a great escape from school to sing our hearts out and scream at the top of our lungs. i wonder when it's the next time when we'll have this wonderful opportunity again. after the break it will be 9 hours of practical every week.

yep, that's us. about one fifth of the bms population and full attendance from the guys. *applause* (there's only 4 guys by the way)

that's about all for now. plan for tomorrow ( or rather today):
- round campus run at 2am
- playing netball with my coursemates

It's a long long journey
Till I know where I'm supposed to be
It's a long long journey
I don't know if I can believe
When shadows fall and block my eyes
I am lost and know that I must hide
It's a long long journey
Till I find my way home to you

Many days I've spent
Drifting on through empty shores
Wondering what's my purpose
Wondering how to make me strong

I know I will falter I know I will cry
I know you'll be standing by my side
It's a long long journey
And I need to be close to you

sometimes it feels no one understands
I don't even know why I do the things I do
When pride builds me up till I can't see my soul
Will you break down these walls and pull me through

Cause It's a long long journey
Till I feel that I am worth the price
You paid for me on calvary
Beneath those stormy skies

When Satan mocks and friends turn to foes
It feel like everything is out to make me lose control
Coze it's a long long journey
Till I find my way home to you...to you

things that are only done during my stay in hall:
-play netball
-play othello then scrabble then yes chinese chess,
-ktv until 2 plus am
and i'm sure the list will go on and on.
i saw the most ridiculous runner yesterday during the new balance real run. it was in the middle of the route and this woman runner (who was wearing the number tag), stood on the side of the road, and yes, started looking into the mirror and PUTTING ON LIPSTICK. what a weird thing to do in the middle of the run? what can be more vain than that? maybe she'll start on her makeup kit next, haha.
it's one more week to term break, which i'm totally looking forward to, how time flies, really. it seems like school has just started and 1 term is going to be over already.

we won interblock netball!!! although i was just running around the court and didn't get to touch much of the ball, but we still won. quite a busy and stressful day today. started lessons at 8.30 and i had a bio quiz and french dictation, but it was not too bad. i feel like a primary school kid in french class, repeating after the teacher and having to study for dictation. i'm being enlightened by the organic chem models because i finally understand how the structures get flipped etc. the tutorial only made me more confused. it's good to have a roommate, especially for lazy people like me

playing with the chem models

my small but useful fridge

my pretty little laptop

sports ball 2005...

i'm so happy now and feeling so proud of myself. my room is finally like a proper room with internet access and fridge, but no food yet.
here is a summary of what i did today... after lab i stoned in the canteen while waiting for the rest of the world to meet up for world lunch. then i moved the fridge from hall 2 to my hall (actually i didn't do any part in carrying it, haha). after that i went off to the computer shop to buy office for my dearest partner and finally collected my laptop. i just knew they won't call me. then with all my stuff i went for lecture, late as usual. left during the break to go for the campus run. i was suppose to have french makeup lesson today but the run ended later than expected so instead of french, i went for canoeing training. i thought i was very determined not to have anything to do with canoeing anymore but everytime when there's training, i feel like going and i actually enjoy it, even land training... do i really still want to canoe???
well, that's not the point. my achievement of the day is to be able to set up the computer and get connected to the internet, not forgetting installing office first hand, haha. it feels so good to have internet here.
what can be smarter than bringing a printer all the way from home and realising that it can't be used cos i didn't bring the software. in fact, i'm not even sure if i have the software at home...
the cost of not going for french.. i totally do not understand the textbook and have absolutely no idea how i'm going to do the homework...

i'm in a lab lesson now.. 3 hours of computer lab playing with numbers and statistics and now i'm waiting for the teacher to figure out how to use the programme.. and i'm still waiting patiently for my fridge and very impatiently for my laptop. that lady in the shop insists that they will give me a call once the stock is here but i seriously doubt they even have my order form and telephone number.
this week is an extremely busy week for me and i've been returning to my hall at 12 midnight and 3 am for the past 2 days and i'm surprised i'm still awake now.. french lessons till 9.30 today.. dinner tmr.. dancesports on friday.. sports ball on sat and work on sunday.. i wonder what's the total hours of sleep i will clock this week..
to junwan if you see this... sorry i can't send you off yesterday.. hope you have a great time in uiuc.. enjoy yourself and experience the different life there lucky girl.. take care and don't get bullied.. must come back often ya..
seems like this is the season for parting..

i will try my best to keep this blog alive.. the word is try...
it was great catching up with the 6e people yesterday. as usual the guys engaged themselves in ns talks and their eyes glued to the computer while the girls just talked and ate up all the junk on the table. the once-so-pro bridge players were all rusty from long term withdrawal of bridge. we didn't do anything spectacular but the feeling of being with an old group of friends was good. it felt like i was in jc again. seems like everyone will be going in different paths now and i wonder when will we have a class reunion with full attendance.. i think it'll be never..

it has already been 2 weeks since school has started but it still feels like holiday. in fact, there has never been a day when i go back to my hall early or somewhere to study. most of my times were either spent running from place to place in the school or going out. the fact that i am now a full time student has not sank in yet. on one hand i know my priority is to study but on the other hand i can't get over the excitement of campus life. there seems to be so much things i want to do..
sometimes i don't know what i'm doing and i can't believe what i just did today. i never thought i would actually do it.. let me get over the shock and excitement first and hope i won't regret it...

i broke my record yesterday by ending work at 12am!!! luckily i spent my afternoon sleeping otherwise i would have fallen asleep waiting for my dearest boss to finish. i hope the record stays there cos i absolutely do not want to break it again. and yesterday morning i stood by the operating chair witnessing every second of the wisdom tooth operation. it was pretty exciting how the gum was cut up and the tooth slowly drilled and dugged out from underneath and finally stitched back. i could even see what i figured out to be the jawbone. i hope i would not have to sit on the chair undergoing the same thing..
i had a wonderful day today. started the day with my driving stimulator course which was pretty interesting and unreal. then went to meet my darling nessy at clementi for ktv. finally got to sing ktv after quite a long time and i think klunch is definitely worth it especially when they don't chase you out at 2pm sharp. we had a extra 1 hour which we sang crap and weird songs. wanted to catch a movie after that but the timings were not quite right and clementi didn't have much choices of movies so we decided to walk to the mrt station to take the train and decide where to get off. we happen to be just in time to catch the shuttle bus to imm so we spent the rest of the afternoon in imm shopping and feeling like an auntie. we both decided we have too much time so we are going to spend our free time baking muffins and making jellies respectively. ended the day with work. not exactly very busy but not as slack as last week.
olympics 2012 in london. not much of my concern actually.

why wasn't there any advanced notice telling us when our ezlink expires? i was damn annoyed when i had to tap and hear all the 'beepbeepbeepbeepbeeps' and dig out all the coins to pay the bus fare. arghh... irritating.
i finally got to drive a new car yesterday for my driving lesson. it's less than a month old and felt so much better than the old exi cars which had side mirrors that are jammed and part of the handle dropped while driving, haha. but i happen to be out at the wrong time cos i had to stop at almost every traffic light and i beat the amber light 3 times, haha. if you haven't noticed the trend, once you meet a red light along a minor road, be prepared to stop at all the subsequent ones. i had a crappy instructor who told me "wow, i found someone more sleepy than me" and he was telling me how he got sacked by his principal after beating someone up and how his principal told him there was no need to look for other schools cos no school would take him. haha
i'm stoning at home now, just found out that i don't need to work today, yay. i think i'm getting more and more lazy, worked everyday this week but it wasn't too bad. especially thursday night where there was only 1 walk in so i spent quality time watching tv haha.

to all those who thought i have vanished into thin air, i'm back to blog again.
i totally miss my holiday and wish it never ended. i felt like i was in heaven, wake up, eat, go out and play, shop, eat slack. no work to do, no books to mug, no need for brains at all. i think i'm a shopaholic, went there with 4 luggages, came back with 8, and most were big plastic bags so we had to hand carry them and my lazy little sister only carried her own jacket and hugged a little bobdog softtoy which she insisted on bringing back (and now it's been chucked to one corner). well you can't blame me cos the things there are really cheap, especially food. youtiaos, buns, paos, pancakes, 2 for fifty cents. pirated vcds, a box of 2 discs for 6 bucks, haircut with wash and blow for 5 bucks and they serve you tea, all prises in renminbi. i came back with 5 tops, 2 skirts, 1 pants, 3 pairs of shoes and lots of food. my sister has lots of toys. we even bought a rabbit which is white with grey ears and black eyes, very cute and furry, but it died for unknown reasons after 3 days, poor rabbit.
i had lots of fun and i must comment that the traffic in beijing is terrible, jams everywhere and people push their way up into the bus and snatch every seat available. the bus is so crowded that there's hardly any space to breathe. visited my future school, it's a very old building but the hostel's new and the canteen food looks pretty cheap and decent. when i'm there again in 3 years' time, i'm going to explore as much of the great wall as possible and hopefully i can get to watch the olympics, heh. i think i've turned into a pig already, eat and sleep and play. but life goes on, now that i'm back, i've to get back to work and get ready for uni.
i've finally started on driving practical and i think i'm getting addicted to driving. it's so exciting to manoeuvre my own car and get it moving along the road. but i seriously doubt that i can finish my lessons before school starts as what i had planned cos of all the orientation and work. i had an ambitious instructor who made me do a crank course on my 4th lesson which he was suppose to teach me how to turn and of course i mounted the kerb. and i was so lucky to get him again for the next lesson and he made me explore the west of singapore, from batok to jurong east to clementi to my house and back to bbdc. i was trying my best to concentrate on the road while he was trying his best to distract me by asking me the meaning of the road signs and chatting with me and telling me the good food at the hawker centre near my house. don't know if i can book any slots next week cos i have to work almost every day.
went shopping with my darling yesterday and got myself a new pair of running shoes, it's neither pink nor blue, it's green. just tried it out this morning and it feels great. i'm slacking now, going to work later in the afternoon, just taught my sister how to play the piano, her first lesson with me, haha.
my short term goal: get ready my stuff to move to the hostel. other goals: get my license, design my room and my sister's room.

can't be bothered with the layout and template of my blog for the time being. maybe one day when i'm really free and feel like doing something to it i'll give it a makeover...
i guess it's all over now, but i don't feel sad at all, in fact, i'm relieved. perhaps it's time to take a good break to think over everything that had happened because of it. there were moments of joy, of sorrow, excitement, anxiety, anger, you name it. yesterday was the last time, for now at least.
is it true that everything that has a beginning has an end? have i chosen the right time to end? or should i have ended it long ago. better late than never?
i'm totally looking forward to tomorrow and the days that follow. life will be great

just went to ntu today for the open day and met some of my potential classmates. however, i'm still undecided as ever, all i could do now is to sit and wait for the reply from nus.
yesterday i could finally put my mind at ease and say, i'm finally done with everything, all the scholarship and admission interviews and activities, you can say i'm wasting my time waiting hours for interviews or spending a day at the activity centre knowing that i'm not interested in the scholarship anymore. but it certainly was a once in a lifetime experience. i got to meet a lot of different people at various occasions, although i do see some familiar faces again and again, it just goes to show we have the same interest. going through interviews with different people, some nice, some really mean, and seeing how different organisations conduct their interviews. i would never have imagined myself discussing political and economical issues so professionally and debating on issues like flood and investment. neither do i think i have the chance to do impromptu one minute presentations on weird topics like what would chairs look like if our knees bend backwards instead of forward and doing a five minute presentation on a gp-like question which i only have fifteen minutes to prepare, doing psychometric tests after tests until i'm turning psycho. wow, i can finally let my brain cells take a good break now.
i'm looking forward to the simplicity of life; the happiness that money can't buy; the feeling of love and belonging.