so tmr's the day.
i'm beginning to question myself have i lost it? as far as i can remember, this is not the right kind of pre-race feeling. i don't feel the excitement, the competition high. all i remember is your message and that was what made me push on. about half a year ago, i reluctantly joined ntu canoeing after trying so hard to convince myself i wasn't going to touch a paddle anymore, and since then, i've been lifting weights and paddling my ass off in the canoes once again. why? i don't know.... until a month ago, i knew what i has paddling for. it's almost an impossibility that we're fighting for, but i still believe impossible is nothing. i'm stressed, so much so that i nearly broke down into tears. i know how important this race is to you, and i want to make it something which you can take back. don't worry partner, i'll give my hundred percent tomorrow, nothing less. i used to love watching people race, i used to love racing, i still do, it's just the feeling is totally different. perhaps it's something i will never forget, and watching others race will only bring it back somehow...
shit, i think i'm in a state of depression too. or call it stubborn..... it's just me and i really hate myself for being who i am. i'm so sorry but i didn't mean to hurt you.. just let me hide in my room please and don't worry i won't kill myself...
i'm sorry but i chose to escape.........