so the time has come for mission impossible....
it's almost midnight now and i'm drinking tea to keep myself awake for hope of studying late into the night, although i know it's only a matter of time when my eyelids starts covering my eyeballs and my brain shuts down completely...
today was another bad school day when i uncontrollably fell asleep during the first lecture and got myself a cup of coffee hoping to pay better attention during the second class... but...
oh well, i think i'm surviving on caffeine and this is really bad. the feeling of your mind not following your body and feels like i'm floating
just came back from watching ice age 2, it's really cute and funny and definitely a good way to destress. you really made my day and i can't imagine weeks without you....
go study la girl......

so tmr's the day.
i'm beginning to question myself have i lost it? as far as i can remember, this is not the right kind of pre-race feeling. i don't feel the excitement, the competition high. all i remember is your message and that was what made me push on. about half a year ago, i reluctantly joined ntu canoeing after trying so hard to convince myself i wasn't going to touch a paddle anymore, and since then, i've been lifting weights and paddling my ass off in the canoes once again. why? i don't know.... until a month ago, i knew what i has paddling for. it's almost an impossibility that we're fighting for, but i still believe impossible is nothing. i'm stressed, so much so that i nearly broke down into tears. i know how important this race is to you, and i want to make it something which you can take back. don't worry partner, i'll give my hundred percent tomorrow, nothing less. i used to love watching people race, i used to love racing, i still do, it's just the feeling is totally different. perhaps it's something i will never forget, and watching others race will only bring it back somehow...
shit, i think i'm in a state of depression too. or call it stubborn..... it's just me and i really hate myself for being who i am. i'm so sorry but i didn't mean to hurt you.. just let me hide in my room please and don't worry i won't kill myself...
i'm sorry but i chose to escape.........