here i am standing at the crossroads once again, unsure of where to go. there's so many conflicting thoughts running through my mind that i begin to wonder what is the most important aspect of life. i used to believe in living life to the fullest and engage in activities that best suits my interest and makes me happy, i still do, but the problem is how.
it wouldn't be long when i have to make a major decision in life - university. sitting in the hall with 600 other applicants, holding a pen and writing an essay for the first time since 'A' Levels, i began to wonder do i really want medicine? yes, i do, it had always been my dream and it still is. but somehow i have this feeling that i would be much happier in NTU, doing a new course, getting a double degree. sigh.. well, at least that wouldn't leave me too upset if i can't get into medicine.
and i can't believe this. i thought it was a nightmare, i thought it wouldn't happen to me, but now it's a reality. i thought i had the determination, i thought i was strong, but i'm not. i've lost the battle against myself and i must rescue myself before sinking even deeper, but am i able to? i'm still trying and i will try. suddenly i'm reminded of the poster in the boat shed - there's no such thing as trying, either you do it or you don't. and so i will.
i think i'm very incoherent, but that's what's going on in my mind. perhaps sometimes you should let go, if you know there's no point carrying on. it's only a matter of time before i finally bid farewell. if it started there, it shall end there.
perhaps it's time to start anew.

seems like ntu and i, especially my driving lessons, are just so "fated". first, i was surprised to find an email from ntu asking me to go for the nanyang scholarship interview, which happens to clash with my final theory lessons, so i had to cancel and re-book the lessons. then they said that i must submit the application and appraisal form by today and that was why i had a round the island trip yesterday.
started the morning by getting my visa done for my holiday, then went to rj to get the appraisal form done. followed by almost an hour long of mrt ride from bishan to boon lay to hand in the appraisal form in time. this time it's not my fault for being last minute. they only gave me two days complete everything. took a bus to ntu and yes, i got lost. the bus went one round around ntu and i found myself back at the same place. to make things worse, it started pouring and so poor me was stuck at the busstop for at least an hour. wanted to take a cab in but the first one didn't accept nets and as usual i don't have cash, the second driver did not know where the place was so he advised me to take another cab. and there i was, all wet from getting in and out of the cabs and still stranded at the busstop. then i found a new friend who was in a worse state than me. he was dripping wet and shivering when he got off his bike and sought shelter at the busstop. so the two poor people started talking. he said he just recovered from fever and he has exams the next day and he was quite amused at how i can take the bus for one round and end up at the same place. luckily he knew the place i was going if not i really don't know what to do. and so, when the rain got lighter, i ran across the road, took the bus again and managed to find the place, finally. luckily i decided to be my own postman, otherwise i can have fun finding the place next week for the interview. ntu seems so deserted...
just received the letter today from ntu to attend the open day for sbs, which happen to be the same day and time as my basic theory test. i am so amused at how things clash...

wow, my frequency of blogging is like once every fortnight.
went for the astar interview yesterday and it was the most horrid interview ever. i knew that i would not get the scholarship cos they only offer it to overseas studies, so i really have no idea what i was doing there, i think the interviewers were wondering too and they couldn't wait to shoot me down with questions about biomedical engineering and astar which i have no idea how to answer. oh well, at least i got chocolates to comfort myself with. i must really stop eating so much chocolates before i turn into a blob of chocolate that melts into a pool of oil, but they are just so nice, sweet and irrisistable. yummy yummy.
ended work earlier than usual yesterday and so out of boredom, i sat in my chair at my table, listening to the radio and performed my own operation on my own knee. haha. felt quite proud of myself for the accomplishment. with a needle, some antiseptic cream and half a piece of tissue paper, i finally managed to excavate the remnant of a piece of thorn that was embeded beneath the skin on my knee for almost a decade. yes, it happened a long time ago while hiking in macritchie when i fell over a branch full of thorns. managed to pull out most of it back then but this one was too deep and painful to dig. and so after ten years and many failure attempts these years, i finally succeeded yesterday. haha. sounds gross? but it was really satisfying haha, i'm my own surgeon, i managed to dig out an ingrown toenail many years ago too but i think it's growing in again.
junior championships this weekend, really hope i can stay and watch throughout but i have to work on saturday and sit for the essay test on sunday. gosh, i haven't written an essay or even held a pen for ages. better get used to writing in case my hand cramps halfway during the test. hope the juniors will do very well this weekend.

just when i thought i could slack the whole of next week, meaning not having to work or do anything that requires brainwork, i realised my week will be almost fully packed, from day to night for most days. well, at least it keeps me occupied or else i will just turn into a pig at home, eating and sleeping.
yes, i'm working tomorrow. i'll be in the clinic alone supervising and smelling paint cos they are going to paint it and my boss is afraid that those people might steal things. basically, i'll be sitting there earning money by watching tv, haha.
although i am quite unemployed now, i am enjoying life, working a few hours a day, walking distance from my house, and gossiping while working. i just have to make sure i don't kill anyone, so far so good, no one died in my hands yet. between being a doctor and a dentist, i prefer doctor so much more and my doctor is mad, seriously. his clinic opens from 8 am to 10 pm everyday, including sundays and he is there all the time except mon and thurs evening. oh my god and i worked until 11 plus at night yesterday. it's not easy being a doctor... but i still think he's nuts. and it was damn funny how he cursed at the damn bloody computer that kept shutting down on its own, haha. i think it dosn't like me.
seems like i'll be staying in singapore to complete my education. well, at least i can save lots of money and i will earn my own pocket money. so now i'm going for all those scholarship interviews and activities for fun. haha. hmmm... i'm going to invest my income on driving lessons, not like i have a car to drive....