I'm halfway there, halfway to go. Please let this end as soon as possible. I don't like the feeling of forcing myself in that tiny little room, trying to force everything into that puny little brain of mine. I love uni life, just not the studying part. Perserverance.. and I will make it..
Back at home now and just realised that naughty little sis of mine is a complain queen. She's extremely proud of the fact that she had complained to her teacher that her friend didn't want to friend her anymore. Seems like the phrase "I don't friend you already" is still in existance and still as widely used.
I should be mugging now.. shoo

The hardest battle is the battle against yourself. And today I've fought this battle again and waiting for the results. Well, you can say it started with the shitty 104 paper, but seriously I think it's quite alright if I had studied harder for it and understood the concepts. I didn't, so that's why I'm here writing all these words of regrets and getting myself into this damn mood again.
I used to take exams so lightly because I know it is not going to affect anything. All I had to do was to give everything for 'O' and 'A' levels, which I already did and succeeded. But right now I have everything at stake. The consequences of me screwing up this exams, which I think I certainly will, is definitely more than just having to repeat it next sem. Seriously, I don't see anything wrong with having to redo it given the fact that I will have a better grasp of the subject. But no, it's not as simple as that..
Or is it that I'm expecting too much from myself, setting an almost unachievable goal and struggling to find my way there. Struggling very hard. Or maybe it's you that has caused all these pressure. You had always wanted the best to come from me. But I can tell you, sorry I didn't. I didn't get into Harvard, I didn't get the president scholarship, I didn't even get into medicine and I don't think I'm going to get first class honours and I definitely won't become the president of Singapore. I know you were probably joking but the rebellous me wants to prove you wrong. I want to give you the hit in the face and tell you "who says I can't.." Perhaps I don't have the opportunity anymore. So let's just mind our own business and live our own lives. I don't want anything from you and I don't want to depend on you for anything, but what if situations don't allow? I know that you have other things to worry about and I really don't want to become your burden. Alright, enough said, what is done, or rather what has not been done, is all over. In fact, I feel good now after a long walk back to hall from sbs. I love that place, the nice wooden tables and big unbrellas and the breeze. Not forgetting the wonderful salad at the cafe which never failed to make my day.
It's ironic how I had more msn windows popping up when I said leave me alone. haha, and I'm actually quite amused by it. And I really hope you can just leave me alone and don't irritate me especially when I'm not in the mood.
And I always look forward to weekends, although I know this one's going to be packed with study and work. Should I go training on saturday? Speaking of training, my whole upper body is acheing from weights yesterday and doing stick rotation the day before that. Just goes to show how long have I not utilised my upper body.
It's a month's time away from round ubin race and less than a month away from SC marathon. Gosh, how am I going to finish that with the measly amount of exercise and watching those muscles turn into fats.. help...

2 papers down and I'm counting down and looking forward to the day where I can walk out of the examination hall and say "holidays are here!!" French paper today was alright except for the section where we were asked to write the states in France, countries beside France, French cuisine etc, which I had left half of it blank. I almost burst out laughing at my initial intention of writing french fries as one of the french dishes, since I'm not going to get any marks for that question I might as well write something to make the marker laugh. The essay was quite funny too and the basketball court turned from cold to freezing so I couldn't take it anymore and left the court 20 minutes earlier to buy myself a cup of corns to give me more corny ideas for tomorrow's paper..
I confess I haven't been to the gym for more than 2 weeks and I was full of enthusiasm to have a workout after the paper today, only to find the gym closed due to exams and only opened from 6 to 9 pm. Seems like it's forcing me to go back to my room and mug.
Does fish really make one smarter? Seems like my mom believes in it as she has been cooking fish for me almost everyday last week, why do I not see the effects?

With my backpack and laptop, I am officially back in my cosy little room in pulau ntu. I think my roomie and I really cannot study with each other around, and now she's at home mugging after a one week stay last week while i'm back here. First thing that I did after unloading all my stuff was to sweep the floor. Not that i'm a clean freak, but the floor was too dirty.
Doing French paper in preparation for tomorrow's exam, not that it's easy, but it's definitely less of a torture on the brains.
Seems like I have no choice but work on Saturday... and the tagboard is back just for your info if anyone happens to see this
我依然是你的情人　我依然愛你最深

Finally it's here, the moment which I had been dreading. As I walked past the examination hall in the morning, seeing all the bags placed outside and people sitting for exams gave me a sense of nervousness that I have never felt before, not even for the big 'A's. But as I sat above the exam hall trying to do some last minute revision, the feeling of nervousness has turned into somewhat of an 'excitement' and 'eagerness'. Time seemed to pass so slowly as I couldn't wait for the paper to start and end. And so the time came, and passed, and I have one less paper to go. I will survive...
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I can't wait for it to be over and yet don't want it to come. This feeling is like crap, I've never felt so unprepared for exams before and I don't want this kind of shitty start to uni.. But what can I possibly do in the next 15 hours? burn the books, notes, tutorials and eat up the ashes?
oh crap... always look on the bright sight of life...

477

2 lectures of biostats in a row is bringing me to laalaa land, and don't try to attain some peace by scolding a five-year-old crybaby because it certainly brought adverse effects. I don't expect much from this exam, just can't wait for it to be over when I can regain my freedom and enjoy life. I've given my promise and I won't break it, but what if things are beyond my control?
Alright, better get off the com now and let my lazy dad use it if not he'll be taking a whole-afternoon nap..
addicted to sour plums for the sugar rush and hoping they will keep me awake...
我会学着爱自己，是因为我太爱你...

My brain is saturated with bio stuff after one whole day of bio crash course and my stomach is filled with stingray that I can't function normally now...

I didn't realise that I haven't been to kap for so long until I pushed open the door and say to my surprise, a brand new appearance. The layout and chairs have changed and the sofa-like chairs definitely looked tempting and comfortable. Too bad there wasn't any available ones for me. I contented myself with a small table in a secluded area and proceeded with my mugging. The place was filled with students mugging for 'O's and 'A's that made me feel so old and knowledgable. I remember my last visit to kap was when I was mugging for 'A's, yes, it was exactly a year ago. Although it wasn't the most quiet and condusive environment for studying, at least the temperature was just nice. And thanks for popping by and surprising me with your presence and company, though I must have bored you to death by my desperate attempt to do my last minute revision. It wasn't a bad day, mainly because I didn't touch any bio stuff today. I'll save that for tomorrow...

Just as I turned on tmy laptop and was about to start my day of mugging today, my handphone rang and it says private number calling, so since I didn't want to miss any important calls, I picked up the call and yes, it was my dearest boss "inviting" me to go to work today cos one of the nurses took child mc. After an unsuccessful attempt of trying to persuade him that I desperately need to study, I still had to watch him cut up the gums to dig out the hidden wisdom tooth. Luckily it was a very short operation and I got to go home at lunchtime.
Trying very hard to do a 2 year syllabus in a week. C'est impossible....
Maybe I'm expecting too much....

I tried to go on full-scale mugging today, from school to millenia walk, and I hope I succeeded in looking like a mugger lugging my thick and heavy bio textbook around. In fact, I think I look like an JC2 student mugging for A levels since the textbook is an A level text. But what can you do if the brain's of limited capacity and has already reached saturation. I think I need a miracle...
and fish n co's ice blended drink is humongous, I almost got a fright when the big glass mug was served. But it was nice and never-ending.
I need to hit the gym tomorrow....

Isn't it strange how we gradually lose the sense of innocence as we grow up? How our birthday wishes are getting more and more difficult to realise? I remember birthdays being the most enjoyable day in the year, other than new year, I remember the joy and excitement of receiving and opening presents and making wishes hoping they will come true. But as the years pass by and life starts getting more hectic, birthdays seem to have lost that fun element. Although I still like receiving presents having friends to celebrate with me, the anticipation factor seems to be disappearing. Do birthday wishes really come true?
At least I should be glad I made my dearest girl elated with a few stickers. If only my wishes were so easy to realise. Happy birthday girl!!
I know your expectations, and I know mine better. so don't let me ruin my own life.

I don't know what gave me the motivation to drag my lazy self out of the house today for a run in the hot and glaring sun, but I certainly did not regret it. As I was walking out of my house, my inner voice was still telling me " you should be studying on this nice sunday morning and not get baked in the sun again.." but as I made the first step, the second, and went on, this feeling of enjoyment came to me, I guess this is called the runner's high. My legs kept moving and it certainly felt great. Just love running and it's the best way to destress.
The workaholic is finally taking a break next week...

Nice morning spent at macritchie today, paddling and talking crap at the same time prolonged the time taken to finish our self-initiated training programme, but it certainly made training more enjoyable. I think I just got 2 tones darker today, which is good.
And I did something which may only be done once in a life time - shopping with my dad for lights. Yes, your eyes didn't trick you. It's shopping with my dad for lights. Finally decided on the living, dining and my room's lights, and I want to go ikea to shop for nice stuff for my room!!!
Alright, enough of destressing.. it's time to get down to serious full scale studying for the exams.
-if i can have control of the calender and have things my way-

Still contemplating whether I should put my electives under the S/U system and the deadline is today. If I do, I'll relieve myself of so much stress to mug for them and have more time to study for my core subjects, but what if they do pull my miserable marks up?? It's like a gamble and I have a few more hours to decide..
Physiology test today wasn't too bad for the fact that most were mcq and true/false questions. I was laughing at my own answer for the question : heart attack is also known as_____. I hope he is lenient not penalise me for my stupid spelling mistakes.
I officially left my second home to return to my first home, leaving a very happy roommate behind who now has the honour of having a double-room-sized single room
looking forward to paddling at macritchie tmr...

Doesn't it annoy you how some people choose to slack and change the opening, or rather closing hour, at their own will? Well, I decided to try my luck at the NIE bookshop to buy a new calculator after my precious old casio 911Z disappeared miraculously 2 weeks ago. After a long walk from sbs, where I was studying until the sun went down, I finally found the bookshop. The door was closed when I reached there but the lights were still on and there was someone inside. I thought she was buying some stuff there too so I pushed the glass door, but it was locked. Then the lights inside were switched off one by one, so I figured out she was the shop keeper and was switching off the lights. I looked at the clock, it was only 6.50pm when the official time for closure is 7pm. What pissed me even more was that she looked at me, and pushed the door, walked away and never appeared. Initially I thought she was going to get the keys to let me in, but I waited for about a minute or two and there was still no sign of her. So I figured she must have pushed the door to make sure it's locked and left from the back door or something. Excusez-moi, what kind of attitude is that, and it's not like it's 6.59 or something. Alright, at least I had my daily exercise from walking one big round NIE and back to my hall carrying the heavy anatomy textbook.
I'm so glad French oral is over, so much of anxiety (not really actually) just for that few minutes to answer a few questions. I think I spoke a total of less than 30 words, but who cares, it's over and that's all that matters.
Alright, thing to focus on now: study for the dreadful test tomorrow. It's only half of the syllabus and it's enough to kill me.

gasp.. I can't believe what, or rather who I saw today, for a split second, I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me. I've decided to walk to my only lesson today and in the most secluded place of my short cut so that I don't have to climb the slopes, I saw a figure so familiar, so unmistakable.. Shaun Ho!! why do I see him everywhere? scary...
Alone in my room now in front of my laptop reading anatomy notes and seeping nice and hot green tea. Haven't visited the gym in a week, this is not good....

My greatest sense of achievement today is none other than the completion of my 1000-piece jigsaw puzzle that has been lying on the floor for at least a month or two. I know I should spend the time mugging, but at least give me the satisfied feeling of accomplishing something can? Anatomy and physiology is interesting to read, but when it comes to memorising for the test, please spare me.....
I'm just as unpredictable as the weather. It was unusually bright and sunny this morning, but the rain poured down all of a sudden. It wasn't just a rain, it was a thunderstorm which subsided in less than half an hour. Maybe it was just a sudden outburst of emotions, or maybe it was reality after a morning of pretence?
I realised we're the controller of our own life and how we want to live.

I didn't forget to blog yesterday, just that I couldn't get into the internet connection from my laptop in my room. I'm back in school embarking on another week's battle.. and I will survive..
Birthday celebration yesterday again and this time we must thank MacDonalds for supplying us all sauces for playing, and I'm glad I'm still clean.
I hope you can get yourself out of the blue and stop worrying about those stuff. I can scold you, wake you up, but who is going to give me a wake up nudge. Maybe it's me, myself and I.

after 8 hours of work today.. Je suis très fatiguée.... haha.. blogging and revising french at the same time.
i was trying to be a hardworking girl and study yesterday, but i spent most of the time trying to find a nice place in my house for that, all due to the fact that my dearest table lamp broke last week, meaning the table in my room was too dark for studying. so i tried the computer room, which was quite dark, but my mom insisted that the table lights in the other room was working, but it did only after a few unsuccessful tries so for about half an hour or more, i was shifting my stuff from room to room before the lights decided to behave themselves. and trying to do organic chem equals doing nothing much at all. why is organic chem so hard??
why are some people just so irritating.... don't you know you're just testing my limits? sometimes, and indeed almost everytime i just feel like telling you to fuck off and leave me alone. who the hell do you think you are... alright, this is not the place for vulgarities