Isn't it strange how we gradually lose the sense of innocence as we grow up? How our birthday wishes are getting more and more difficult to realise? I remember birthdays being the most enjoyable day in the year, other than new year, I remember the joy and excitement of receiving and opening presents and making wishes hoping they will come true. But as the years pass by and life starts getting more hectic, birthdays seem to have lost that fun element. Although I still like receiving presents having friends to celebrate with me, the anticipation factor seems to be disappearing. Do birthday wishes really come true?
At least I should be glad I made my dearest girl elated with a few stickers. If only my wishes were so easy to realise. Happy birthday girl!!
I know your expectations, and I know mine better. so don't let me ruin my own life.

I don't know what gave me the motivation to drag my lazy self out of the house today for a run in the hot and glaring sun, but I certainly did not regret it. As I was walking out of my house, my inner voice was still telling me " you should be studying on this nice sunday morning and not get baked in the sun again.." but as I made the first step, the second, and went on, this feeling of enjoyment came to me, I guess this is called the runner's high. My legs kept moving and it certainly felt great. Just love running and it's the best way to destress.
The workaholic is finally taking a break next week...

Nice morning spent at macritchie today, paddling and talking crap at the same time prolonged the time taken to finish our self-initiated training programme, but it certainly made training more enjoyable. I think I just got 2 tones darker today, which is good.
And I did something which may only be done once in a life time - shopping with my dad for lights. Yes, your eyes didn't trick you. It's shopping with my dad for lights. Finally decided on the living, dining and my room's lights, and I want to go ikea to shop for nice stuff for my room!!!
Alright, enough of destressing.. it's time to get down to serious full scale studying for the exams.
-if i can have control of the calender and have things my way-

Still contemplating whether I should put my electives under the S/U system and the deadline is today. If I do, I'll relieve myself of so much stress to mug for them and have more time to study for my core subjects, but what if they do pull my miserable marks up?? It's like a gamble and I have a few more hours to decide..
Physiology test today wasn't too bad for the fact that most were mcq and true/false questions. I was laughing at my own answer for the question : heart attack is also known as_____. I hope he is lenient not penalise me for my stupid spelling mistakes.
I officially left my second home to return to my first home, leaving a very happy roommate behind who now has the honour of having a double-room-sized single room
looking forward to paddling at macritchie tmr...

Doesn't it annoy you how some people choose to slack and change the opening, or rather closing hour, at their own will? Well, I decided to try my luck at the NIE bookshop to buy a new calculator after my precious old casio 911Z disappeared miraculously 2 weeks ago. After a long walk from sbs, where I was studying until the sun went down, I finally found the bookshop. The door was closed when I reached there but the lights were still on and there was someone inside. I thought she was buying some stuff there too so I pushed the glass door, but it was locked. Then the lights inside were switched off one by one, so I figured out she was the shop keeper and was switching off the lights. I looked at the clock, it was only 6.50pm when the official time for closure is 7pm. What pissed me even more was that she looked at me, and pushed the door, walked away and never appeared. Initially I thought she was going to get the keys to let me in, but I waited for about a minute or two and there was still no sign of her. So I figured she must have pushed the door to make sure it's locked and left from the back door or something. Excusez-moi, what kind of attitude is that, and it's not like it's 6.59 or something. Alright, at least I had my daily exercise from walking one big round NIE and back to my hall carrying the heavy anatomy textbook.
I'm so glad French oral is over, so much of anxiety (not really actually) just for that few minutes to answer a few questions. I think I spoke a total of less than 30 words, but who cares, it's over and that's all that matters.
Alright, thing to focus on now: study for the dreadful test tomorrow. It's only half of the syllabus and it's enough to kill me.

gasp.. I can't believe what, or rather who I saw today, for a split second, I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me. I've decided to walk to my only lesson today and in the most secluded place of my short cut so that I don't have to climb the slopes, I saw a figure so familiar, so unmistakable.. Shaun Ho!! why do I see him everywhere? scary...
Alone in my room now in front of my laptop reading anatomy notes and seeping nice and hot green tea. Haven't visited the gym in a week, this is not good....

My greatest sense of achievement today is none other than the completion of my 1000-piece jigsaw puzzle that has been lying on the floor for at least a month or two. I know I should spend the time mugging, but at least give me the satisfied feeling of accomplishing something can? Anatomy and physiology is interesting to read, but when it comes to memorising for the test, please spare me.....
I'm just as unpredictable as the weather. It was unusually bright and sunny this morning, but the rain poured down all of a sudden. It wasn't just a rain, it was a thunderstorm which subsided in less than half an hour. Maybe it was just a sudden outburst of emotions, or maybe it was reality after a morning of pretence?
I realised we're the controller of our own life and how we want to live.

I didn't forget to blog yesterday, just that I couldn't get into the internet connection from my laptop in my room. I'm back in school embarking on another week's battle.. and I will survive..
Birthday celebration yesterday again and this time we must thank MacDonalds for supplying us all sauces for playing, and I'm glad I'm still clean.
I hope you can get yourself out of the blue and stop worrying about those stuff. I can scold you, wake you up, but who is going to give me a wake up nudge. Maybe it's me, myself and I.

after 8 hours of work today.. Je suis très fatiguée.... haha.. blogging and revising french at the same time.
i was trying to be a hardworking girl and study yesterday, but i spent most of the time trying to find a nice place in my house for that, all due to the fact that my dearest table lamp broke last week, meaning the table in my room was too dark for studying. so i tried the computer room, which was quite dark, but my mom insisted that the table lights in the other room was working, but it did only after a few unsuccessful tries so for about half an hour or more, i was shifting my stuff from room to room before the lights decided to behave themselves. and trying to do organic chem equals doing nothing much at all. why is organic chem so hard??
why are some people just so irritating.... don't you know you're just testing my limits? sometimes, and indeed almost everytime i just feel like telling you to fuck off and leave me alone. who the hell do you think you are... alright, this is not the place for vulgarities

have i finally rediscovered the fun of canoeing after more than a year?? training today was great and i simply did not regret going.. with the freedom of deciding on our own programme since it was an unofficial training, rachel and i decided to obey lesley to train for round ubin. our initial plan of paddling for one and a half hours, stopping after every half hour for water breaks was overcasted by our sense of enjoyment. the pace was perfect and we didn't felt like stopping after the first half hour so we've decided to change our programme to 20km. it was certainly the most enjoyable trainings i've ever had since the beginning of term, except for the little blister on my finger and abrasion from life vest. i think i just got tanned today. great..
since nobody in the family knows how to appreciate the beauty of dragon fruit, i just had one whole fruit to myself. i can just imagine those little seeds churning in my stomach, haha. i love my new laptop casing which i think was meant to be a pencil case, but it fits my laptop perfectly and it's much cheaper than an original casing. i love my new purple fbt shorts too.

Should I be thankful it's friday? or does that mean exams are just getting nearer? Well, today was a rather relaxed day with a very good start. I finally got the chance and time to go for my long run which left me in a good mood for the rest of the day. I'm rather proud of the fact that I didn't fall asleep in class at all today, yes I know semester 1 is already coming to an end but better late than never...
It seems like the workers are more eager and prepared for exams than we are. Wanted to play badminton during the long break today but when we reached the badminton court, we realised it was already half-filled with tables and chairs, so we decided to try the tennis court. This is when it made sense for badminton to be an indoor sport because the wind was just too strong for playing. So the ultimate solution: playing bridge at the grandstand.
Keep the mugging momentum going...

Is there something wrong with blogger or is it just my com, the page takes ages to load. Well, I've made it past today, with 2 tests one after another, what a test marathon day. Biochem was quite bad even though it was only mcq, blame it on my laziness; french was alright, now the big worry would be oral next week.
Doesn't life feel like a battle? I was fighting to finish my assignment last week; mugging for tests yesterday and trying to finish my lab reports now and this weekend. I've to clear the burdens before it starts to pile like a mountain. Perhaps it's a good way to keep my mind focused and stay away from all those frivilous and trivial stuff.

i shall make it a point to make a little contribution to my blog everyday.
gym today again, love those gym balls and that steam shower where i can lie in that misty room, lose myself in paradise, sing my favorite song and let my sorrow flow with the sweat.. will heaven be the same?i think i've been thinking so much so that i dreamt of you last night, details are censored.. but what does that show? yes, i'm thinking of you, i can't forget you and i wish that you were here, to lend me a shoulder, to lend me a hearing ear. be with me in this dark and lonely night. watch the sun rise above the darkness to shine a sense of hope.
that was my dream last night, will it become reality? or will we let this chance slip by again?
alright, stop dreaming and get back to studying. biochem and french test tomorrow..

I’m surprised to find myself still in one piece as I woke up in that lonely room. I thought I would never have to face the world again, I thought I had the courage or rather the stupidity to do so. It has happened so many times that I don’t know when it started. All I could remember is the thrill of self torture, like that of a knife piercing through my heart and brain. Have I lost my mind or have I lost my soul?
For how long more will I let my mood rise and fall like that of the tide? Yesterday I found the satisfaction after a self-study session at the library and gathered the pieces of me at the gym. Even though it was rather crowded, I felt the emptiness and loneliness within myself, like I’m wandering in a lost world of my own, finding my self-worth and existence. My legs moved on the treadmill, my eyes fixed on the television in front of me, my heart beating like it should and my arms by my side, occasionally grabbing the towel to wipe away my sweat. Everything was in their respective position and performing their respective roles. Everything except my mind. Perhaps I should be glad fatigue has set in early enough to take my mind away from the darkness. Perhaps it has pulled me away from the brim. I want to run away from this world, into a paradise where I can find beauty. Somewhere where I could forget all the unhappiness and start anew. I want to run until my legs break and my heart collapse, until I’m drowned in sweat and lose myself. I would have ran to neverland had it not been the people around me. Their sense of confidence and friendliness raised the spirit in me. Yes, maybe it’s not the end of the world yet, maybe things could still change.
Today I’m alone in my cozy little room again. I love the lonely cooling nights when I can let my thoughts run wild; when I can hide my face in the pillow and let my tears flow like nobody’s business.
No, there are so many things that I can’t let go. And there are too many nice people around. Although I may not show or say it, it certainly made an impact in my heart. I feel like I owe you so much, for everything that you’ve done. You let me have things my way and made me realize the world is still beautiful. Yes there is still hope of finding the light at the end of the tunnel, but will I eventually make my way there?
Don’t worry about me, I’m perfectly fine but let me have some peace, will you?

there's so many things going around in my mind right now that i don't know where to start with. school work is getting more and more hectic, having to meet deadlines for assignments and lab reports and not forgetting revision for exam, which i have not started. i came to ntu telling myself that studies will be my top priority and i'm going to go easy on ccas and other activities, but it seems like the other way now, returning to be cozy little room at 10 or 11 every night and by the time i settle down, i'll be too tired to do anything constructive. if this is the situation now, i don't know how i'm going to survive coming feb or march, with dnd, x-physique and training for sdba. at least i'm mentally prepared now.
i have never had this feeling before. i used to think it was all so dumb until when i realise it might actually happen. please don't let it go to that extent.