while some people are in persistent search for means of making money, i never fail to search for the meaning in life. just a few days ago i had an interesting conversation with one of my colleagues early in the morning before work started. it's a joy seeing her every morning cos she greets everyone with a genuine smile and never fail to offer her help. she told me how fortunate she is to have a very happy and loving family. her mom and husband cooks everyday while she takes care of the washing and cleaning of the house. she also told me how most of her siblings and her have arranged marriages and they are all living harmoniously together. she told me the saddest moment in their family was when her younger brother met in a motorbike accident, was in coma for 13 days and lost his memory for a year, and that how the whole family took turns to take care of him and bring him to see different doctors every single day, and that his girlfriend was by his side all the while. she also told me her son saw the father buy many packets of rice for the bangla workers out of goodwill and was touched by his actions. she doesn't drive a car, doesn't have millions of dollars or live in a mansion, but she can tell others that she is genuinely happy, and i guess that explains why she doesn't have a strand of white hair though she's almost double my age.
i guess happiness is not measured by how much assets you own, but by how satisfied you are.
as much as i look forward to getting my pay at the end of the month, i sigh over the fact how half of it will be gone after distributing it for the past and the future, when i should be thankful for a stable job with regular hours. and while i drool over luxury items online everyday and thinking of what to wear the next day or where to go shopping, i should be glad to have a roof over my head and not having to worry there's no next meal. and as i scratch my head over what hairstyle to cut and whether or not to colour my hair, i should enjoy my youth before i find my first strand of white hair!

it's been a crazily busy week, working past midnights with my peanuts-earning part-time job, giving presentations to 'aunties', fetching dad from airport at midnight, and now i'm still in office wasting my fast-depleting youth. seriously don't see the point in working on saturday when i spend half an hour travelling, half an hour locked outside the office, an hour or two surfing the net and acting busy, then another hour or two sitting in the meeting and trying hard not to fall asleep.
But at least the weekend is here so i shall not complain...

黄昏过后暖暖的晚风中
在小公园里头
眼眶红了
看老公公和老婆婆在散步着
把手牢牢握着
星星亮了我觉得幸福就是这样的
几十年后你也变老公公
我当你的拐杖扶着你走
眼睛花了
你老花眼镜就是我
把时间忘了慢慢走
美丽风景我为你转播不让你错过
能和你牵手
我是幸福的
你就像温柔又顽固的石头
用心盖了座最美的城堡叫永久
圈住我不管过再久也会幸福的
我们都走过了动摇的时候
爱已变成树就算是有风会平息的
被懂我的人爱着
我是幸福的
连沉默都能是交流
你总是能给我比我想的还要多
我爱你不做你的公主要做你的快乐

for you are more precious than any jewel i can ever ask for...

沒那麼簡單 就能找到 聊得來的伴
尤其是在 看過了那麼多的背叛
總是不安 只好強悍
誰謀殺了我的浪漫

沒那麼簡單 就能去愛 別的全不看
變得實際 也許好也許壞各一半
不愛孤單 一久也習慣
不用擔心誰 也不用被誰管

感覺快樂就忙東忙西
感覺累了就放空自己
別人說的話 隨便聽一聽 自己作決定
不想擁有太多情緒
一杯紅酒配電影
在周末晚上 關上了手機 舒服窩在沙發裡

相愛沒有那麼容易 每個人有他的脾氣
過了愛作夢的年紀 轟轟烈烈不如平靜
幸福沒有那麼容易 才會特別讓人著迷
什麼都不懂的年紀
曾經最掏心 所以最開心 曾經

perhaps there should be a thursday the 13th day. never had a day when everything can go wrong. started with meeting that was more like aunties and uncles arguing in the marketplace. then the plan for going out for lunch was ruined by 2 women, then got called into the meeting just as i was about to get out of office, and tried so hard not to let my eyeballs roll. then it had to rain that few seconds i was walking to the busstop, and it was sunny again the moment i got into the train. then after walking 1 round round jp, i found the atm which could only withdraw a minimum of 200 bucks. wth!! that were just some of my unpleasant encounters for the day. and when i thought perhaps koi can sweeten up my day, literally, it was closed! at 9.20pm. (why do all websites and reviews say they close at 10 or 10.30??) today is just not my day.
but thanks for being with me :) TGIF!

following the heated discussion of tcm in singapore, i am laughing at the irony of how the term 'tcm specialist' was first used at one of CH's clinic and that CH is the direct associate of the practitioners board, are they trying to stab themselves?
well, i shall not mention too many names, but i don't see the problem calling oneself a 'specialist' if they do have a vast interest in that area and are good at it. afterall, 'specialist' can be defined as a Medical practitioner who devotes attention to a particular class of diseases, patients, etc. so after all these disagreement, i think the centre of the problem lies in $$$.
we definitely need money to survive in this world, and in fact we are needing more and more with the growing economy, and there are so many people out that concerned about making money. from a patient's point of view, i will be willing to pay more to see a physician more experienced in the area i need help in. at the end of the day, it's health vs. wealth.
just like how sgp rejoices as economic growth in double digits when we're ranked no 2 in terms of income gap in developed countries, is it really worth a celebration? and when the whole continent fears of H1N1 and other infectious diseases, there are people happily counting money made from it.
are we focusing too much on making a fortune that we lose the human touch in us? how many times do we actually do something genuinely out of kindness, without the thought of money in our mind? and how many times do we think about what others are going through, or what others may feel before losing our temper at them?
sometimes i just wish i can deal with machines...

it's time of the year again to reflect on the past and make new resolutions.
looking back on last year's new year post, i'm glad to say i've achieved what i set out to do for 2010. i've passed my grad exam, got my license and finally ended my life as a student. i've visited Harbin, Tibet and took that step for free fall. 2010 has been a fruitful one, in terms of studies, career, love and life.
and so now for 2011, i will continue working, stay in the company for another 2 years at least, spend less on unnecessary things and save some money, i will learn scuba diving, complete an ultra-marathon (and perhaps be done with running for the time being). i want to travel, though i haven't got any specific destination in mind. and my new year resolution? to love myself and those who love me more =)
happy 2011!!
(and perhaps i shall make it a point to update this blog more often. it's more than 7 years old already btw!!)

after one month of work, this is what i'm doing when my bosses are away early in the morning...

它曾带来多少惊喜和欢笑，多少感动的泪水和幸福的滋味。人们偏爱它那脆弱的肢体，淡淡的芳香及那短暂的生命。那是因为人们看到的只是它那美丽的面孔，而看不见背后被人们残酷折磨的疤痕。当光辉的时刻一过，它的遭遇，最终的下场又有谁关心呢？它流的泪，掉的瓣又有谁希罕呢？
我愿留下其中的精髓，在阳光中绽放璀璨的光辉，在黑暗中带给我坚强的依偎，因为在我心中已是永恒的美。

fears. i used to hide from them, ignore them, but speaking from experience of a bungee jump, now i've realised the best way to overcome them is to face them.
i've never failed to amuse myself at how i've changed over the years. once upon a time i was that very shy and quiet girl in class who rarely spoke a word, then i was that rebellious girl who hung out at shopping malls after school, eating fast food and bubble tea. and from an exercise freak to a total slacker. now i actually enjoy listening to newsradio on my way to work, prefers heels over flats (though slippers still win if i had a choice) and apply at least 5 different skincare products before going to sleep, oh yes, life as an adult, a vain one.

one week into stepping into the dark side, so far so good. In fact, I'm pretty much enjoying what I'm doing now, maybe only because the stress and workload have yet to set in. What's there to complain my workplace is just half an hour busride from home and 2 young and bubbly colleagues who look forward to lunch as much as I do; when I'm setting my own deadline, planning what I should do for the day, going visiting with my bosses, and reading magazines, newspapers, watching tv and going shopping is part of my job! I sure am glad I'm given so much freedom and say.
I think the amount I've learnt about the real world, about business, about putting the knowledge acquired in school in just 1 week is over-powering. Maybe that explains the headache that won't go away. But well, work is still work, I'm sure one day I'll start complaining about it.
Busy but fulfilling week, and being offered gatorade by the helpers at solomon run at mac this morning, cab driver stopping to allow me to jay-run across pie exit, the beautiful morning sun which gave me a bit of tan, and the cooling afternoon rain, and with the bouquet of roses sitting on my table, love is in the air...

well, well, so much of saying i'll never touch tcm again, here i am flipping my textbooks (they're still so new and in good shape!) and reading and searching for research papers. Scratching my head trying to recall HPLC, titration, making agar etc etc...
that's life, not that i'm complaining.

Just as how things tumble with one small push, it only takes a pair of hands to build it up again. It has only been slightly less than a month since the end of my last exams (i hope), but it seemed like a long time. Well, it was a good month, much better than cramping endless loads of tcm knowledge into my limited brains, it gave me the luxury of waking up without the help of an alarm clock, walk down the streets and malls without the guilt of not spending the time to memorize more notes. Most importantly, it gave me time to make decisions. I think the biggest decisions I've made so far were related to education, like choosing which JC and course in uni. Now, it's a new phase of life, I hope I've made wise decisions.
知足常乐, seriously, what more do I want

船
到桥头自然直，
but some things are permanent...

another day at home doing NOTHING! besides downloading and watching shows, updating my itouch to pass to my sis as her bday present. oh little J, you're going to love me for it!

when i was just a little girl, i asked my mother, what will i be?

now that i'm no longer a little girl, and i am thankful that my mother has given me freedom to make my own decisions, i am lost.
i can name a million things that i don't want, but i can't find something that i really want. i don't want to be a teacher, i don't want to be a chinese physician, well, not the typical old sinseh, i like acupuncture, but that's about all i believe in tcm. neither do i want to be sitting in the office everyday doing admin work, or in a lab playing with mice. i can't afford to be a full time taitai, i'll die of boredom. i know nuts about finance, and i don't really want to do sales.
no one's pushing me to find a job and start working asap, i'm just finding myself a nuisance and useless bum at home, i can't be living off my savings forever or letting you pay for all my expenditures. my family can survive without my financial support and i don't owe the bank any money. i just need to do something to pass time, to have a bit of cash rolling in to buy some lv, prd etc.
my ideal job is 5-day week, 9-5, giving me time go for my morning jog, poke some needles on some nights, go home and chill or hang out with my loved ones on other nights, spending saturdays just chilling out, and sundays for a great workout.
i used to live each day as it comes, never planned for anything for more than a few weeks in advance, never thought i can settle down in life. i played hard, very hard, i had fun, but now i've grown up, it's time to think about my future.
ah, life...

it's been 2 weeks,
since i last used my brains

I thought my chinese standard was above average, maybe i'll have to think twice after taking so long to write a 4-liner email, not even in the proper format. Just don't ask me to write my resume in chinese, it may take days!
I'm officially sick of having nothing to do, sigh, it's time to look for some sk jobs to pass time.

to each, his own agenda

i think i've long lost touch with writing, it's getting so hard trying to pen down my thoughts, or is it because i don't even know what i'm thinking?

it was such a lovely afternoon, sitting around and gossiping, bitching etc, though it has only been less than a week since we last saw one another, it seemed like forever.

perhaps it's not so hard afterall, perhaps i'll give it a try