船
到桥头自然直，
but some things are permanent...

another day at home doing NOTHING! besides downloading and watching shows, updating my itouch to pass to my sis as her bday present. oh little J, you're going to love me for it!

when i was just a little girl, i asked my mother, what will i be?

now that i'm no longer a little girl, and i am thankful that my mother has given me freedom to make my own decisions, i am lost.
i can name a million things that i don't want, but i can't find something that i really want. i don't want to be a teacher, i don't want to be a chinese physician, well, not the typical old sinseh, i like acupuncture, but that's about all i believe in tcm. neither do i want to be sitting in the office everyday doing admin work, or in a lab playing with mice. i can't afford to be a full time taitai, i'll die of boredom. i know nuts about finance, and i don't really want to do sales.
no one's pushing me to find a job and start working asap, i'm just finding myself a nuisance and useless bum at home, i can't be living off my savings forever or letting you pay for all my expenditures. my family can survive without my financial support and i don't owe the bank any money. i just need to do something to pass time, to have a bit of cash rolling in to buy some lv, prd etc.
my ideal job is 5-day week, 9-5, giving me time go for my morning jog, poke some needles on some nights, go home and chill or hang out with my loved ones on other nights, spending saturdays just chilling out, and sundays for a great workout.
i used to live each day as it comes, never planned for anything for more than a few weeks in advance, never thought i can settle down in life. i played hard, very hard, i had fun, but now i've grown up, it's time to think about my future.
ah, life...

it's been 2 weeks,
since i last used my brains

I thought my chinese standard was above average, maybe i'll have to think twice after taking so long to write a 4-liner email, not even in the proper format. Just don't ask me to write my resume in chinese, it may take days!
I'm officially sick of having nothing to do, sigh, it's time to look for some sk jobs to pass time.

to each, his own agenda

i think i've long lost touch with writing, it's getting so hard trying to pen down my thoughts, or is it because i don't even know what i'm thinking?

it was such a lovely afternoon, sitting around and gossiping, bitching etc, though it has only been less than a week since we last saw one another, it seemed like forever.

perhaps it's not so hard afterall, perhaps i'll give it a try

With no plans for the day in mind, I headed out of the house with the intention to collect the freebies for the new laptop, and came home with not only a huge bag containing those freebies, but also a new handbag and a pair of shoes. Someone shoot me!
And today, so deprived of my morning coffee, I spent the whole morning sleeping after my morning run, shower and breakfast, only woke up in time for lunch. Gosh I'm such a pig! The weather's so unbearably hot that I've decided to get out for some aircon and coffee. Was doing up my resume (yes I'm that slow with my job app) and tidying up my MacBook. Now that the battery's flat and I'm passing time here blogging from my iPhone and waiting to be picked up for dinner.
Sheesh I'm such a taitai!

And while tidying up my room yesterday, I found my 中医基础，中药，方剂 notes, I totally forgot their existence and they were just in the box of notes below my study table and I couldn't even be bothered to dig them out. And just now I found more notes on Stre tips from my comp, what I 'great' student I am, looks like I'm all ready to take my exams again next year! Choy!
And why does that next at the table opp sound so much like someone I've known from jc?
Come quick! I'm getting hungry!

day 0 of my freedom, i bought a huge cup of bubble tea, went home, chatted with my mom, went for db trng, had dinner, watched movie and went airport to fetch my dad.
day 1, i woke up early as usual, went for a run that i've been wanting to do so badly for the last 4 days, yes it's more of an addiction than a plan to lose weight, took a long bath, stoned, went out for ktv, then back home and finally watched GG, i've been so disciplined for the past few weeks!
i thought the excitement of freedom could last longer, but i was wrong. right now on just day 1, the lost feeling is back again. lack of directions, lack of goals in life. i knew it right from the start, i cannot do nothing. and sadly, with my limited knowledge and experience, i cannot do anything either.
life's short, play hard, it's easy to say, but how hard can we play? always admired those travellers who give up their career, carry their backpack and off they go, or even better, get their butts on their bicycle and off they go to conquer the world. make some money, spend them, and make more. that's not about time, not about bravery, it's about courage to live life the way you want it to be. and i know i am not capable of that.
so when will my heart and mind ever settle down? when can i let someone else into it? the problem doesn't lie with who, the problem lies with me.

And now that the BIG exam is over, it's time to move on.
just thought of some things to put on my wishlist:
- lose 5 kg!!! oh man, fat is an understatement now!!
- find a decent job!!!
- get a new haircut and colour =)
- complete an ultramarathon either next year or next next year.
- learn scuba.

see i'm not that ambitious and crazy am i?

I was so certain, now I'm not quite..

Seriously world, just leave me alone.

FML. Period

I always thought marriage would be the most magical moment of one's life, but after seeing so many wedding photos, and finding out through the all-so-mighty fb that people whom i've known are already fathers/mothers, seem to have made marriage into, well, just an event. no doubt that everyone looks great in their wedding gown, but you don't need to get married to wear that gown!
oh well, prove me wrong. and if one day i do get married, it need not be a blast, but it needs to be extraordinary. remember i said this.

i do have the ability to take 10-15 minute powernaps and even dream of the most ridiculous things. yesterday i dreamt of myself still in china and going on a date with an angmoh, today i dreamt of kayaking and capsizing in kallang, and not too long ago i even dreamt of myself flying around in alice in wonderland. hohoho, seems like my dreams serve as the best entertainment in my hellish last-minute mugger life.
oh why can't i dream of more relevant things like what will come out for exams. at least then i will know what NOT to study since i never had a dream come true. literally.

if dreams are one's real life desire...