today's the official day i graduate from high school. it will be a long time before i start studying again, and i wonder where will i be this time next year. year 2004 has been a busy year, studying for As, canoeing, i guess that's about it. now when all these are over, it seems like i'm even busier, doing applications, working and still looking for a job, training, yes training. boris is torturing me slowly but painfully with his weights programme that i'm acheing all over and can't even bend down to touch my toes. and it is only now that i realise your neck has muscles too and i have no idea which exercise made my neck muscles ache. well, i guess that's what i need to get back to my original standards.
rainy day today and i have not and will not learn my lesson to bring umbrella out. well, it makes no difference when you're drenched during training.
farewell 2004, and saying hello to 2005 in less than 10 hours. a new year, a new start. what's my occupation now? working adult? wait till i find a proper job first. i've been looking through the ads and calling up the places. it's not hard to find a job but it's hard to find one that matches my schedule and interest. and it's interesting how different companies define normal working hours. basically it ranges from 8 to 6. have yet to find one from 9 to 5 (which is my only available time currently)
but i shall not complain. i am glad i'm living, strong and healthy, and i have a happy family, living a simple life, with great friends, relatives, neighbours etc. jian3 dan1 jiu4 shi4 kuai4 le4

Let me summarise the past two days in two words: Shopping Madness, or you can also call it Mango Madness. went christmas presents shopping with my darling vanessa on thursday. shopped from centrepoint down to taka. i only realised it was the first day of mango sales when we saw this long queue outside centrepoint mango, can't believe people actually queue to get into a shop, looked like they were queuing for free gifts. so we decided to try mango at taka instead, not much of a queue but it was damn crowded inside. people digging at piles and piles of discounted clothes, and that includes us. didn't buy much in the end, but must really thank them for providing a big plastic bag for me to dump all my other small bags. what a relief when we stepped out, finally got some fresh air to breathe. i sure looked like a shopaholic with 2 gigantic bags full of christmas presents, of which i realised half the money spent are on things for myself. well, i think i deserve a treat after earning some money and not shopping for so long. just hope that i don't spend more than what i earn. net profit, haha. feeling rather proud of myself for settling almost all the christmas presents in one afternoon. i must have looked damn out of place at macritchie. yes, it's back to training after a long break without canoeing. got a bit of my balance back on a k1, but it's still very unstable. think we must have provided a lot of entertainment value to passers-by.
went for testing yesterday, luckily we were allowed to go in a k2, but months without training really made a huge difference, especially the lazy me who conveniently did not want to visit the gym to do weights. alright, i guess i would have to train really hard from now on if i want to continue. went kallang after that, watched the juniors train and talked to jiaolian. yeah, memories of kallang, and i wonder for how long more can i paddle in kallang before they move everything over to macritchie. only 12 girls left and the guys team is in a worse state. hmm.. if there's any juniors reading this, you all must really jia you ok.. rjcanoeing all depends on you now. bathed and went suntec in an attempt to finish my christmas presents shopping. and guess where i ended up at, yes, mango again... can't resist the temptation. wasn't as crowded as the one in taka yesterday, and it was bigger too. queue for the fitting room was surprisingly fast but the one at the cashier was moving like a snail. and i don't know whether to congratulate or kick myself for only buying a jacket after spending such a long time in the shop. my christmas gifts shopping ended at queensway for my dad's present. he better be grateful for making me hunt all over the island for it. home for dinner, not really a feast because we don't really celebrate christmas. exchanged presents after that, and then stoned. didn't even stay awake till midnight. well, save the countdown for 2005.
started my day with the usual morning run and contemplating whether i should go gym later. just found an e-mail from uc berkeley admission officer requesting for 'O's and 'A's results and i happily ended my email with "merry christmas" haha. luckily i checked my junk mail because i realised all the important emails are found there, whereas inbox is filled with useless mails.
alright, that's for now and it's time to start and hopefully finish all my application as soon as possible..
merry christmas!!

back from malacca trip, 3 days of indulgence in food and leisure, felt great.. here's an account of the things that we did, as much as i can remember..
first day, the coach left at 9 plus, almost 10, quite a smooth journey to malaysia, until we reached malacca. the lousy coach broke down, in the middle of the road, and the best thing is that it could only reverse, haha. waited for another coach for about an hour, the second coach was in a much better state, and we had weird drivers.. the first one was the most normal, except for his infatuation with tamil songs which accompanied us all the way to malacca. the second one was driving and waving his hands, which i suppose he was dancing to the music and the third one was smoking in the bus, poor sheryl buried herself under her jacket, haha. it was already 4 or 5 when we reached the hotel, actually it felt more like a house than a hotel, with 2 bedrooms, a living room and a kitchen. settled down, dumped our stuff and went off to the shopping centre across the road for dinner and grocery shopping for breakfasts. decided to try out this japanese restaurant, which we had to wait for about half an hour for that small portion of food. went to the supermarket and bought instant noodles, cereals, drinks, fruits etc. then went back, bathed and planned our next few days. went back to the shopping centre at night for ocean's twelve, and as usual, i didn't understand the movie, and did i mention the movie tickets there are so much cheaper than those in singapore? too bad there wasn't much choices of movies available.
second day, made our own breakfast and set off at about 10 to go sight seeing. the sun was damn bright and poor vania had to hide under her towel, took lots of photos, looked at the small stalls selling souvenirs, and of course the highlight was the photographs with the iguana and snake. we even took videos on how scared vania and sheryl were, haha. had lunch at this nice porridge place before making our way back to the hotel. passed by this hair salon on the way which offers hair cuts at rm2 and colouring at rm30 by students. amazing prices, but what's more amazing is the queue, haha. worked out a bit at the gym when we got back, then went swimming in the freezing pool and baked ourselves in the sauna. zhen's family arrived at 5 plus, which meant that we had mahjong to play. stayed in the house till dinner, which was at this damn nice chinese restaurant, which meant damn crowded too. the food there was awesome and the prices were even better, and that was the beginning of our indulgence in food. went to jonker's walk at night, more shopping, but no eating cos we were too full. walked back to hotel in the middle of the night, luckily we had 4 people if not it will be very dangerous.
third day was reserved for shopping. oh yes, i must mention the breakfast, on top of our self-made breakfast of maggi mee, cup noodles, cereals etc, zhen's parents came back from the market with lots of dim sum, loved their lormaikai, and the dabao is really huge, i think it can't even fit into a normal bowl. went to the hair salon first to watch zhen cut her hair, too bad the students weren't there on sundays, but the rates are still cheaper than that in singapore. and then we began our shopping trip, tried on lots of clothes, shoes. bought a pair of slippers and 3 tops in all from the trip, not too much but didn't have much money to spend also. had pizza for dinner, no lunch for the day due to the limited space in our stomach. shared a square pizza which was divided into 4 parts with 4 different flavours. one day of shopping had left us too tired to do anything but play mahjong after that, and for the first time, we slept before midnight.
day 4 was left for last minute shopping and finishing up of the food in the fridge. we abandoned the initial plan of going for the hotel's buffet breakfast to finish up the ice creams, paos, fruits and everything else. and guess where we went after that? the shopping centre again. bought the foodstuff to bring home and shopped for clothes and shoes again. seems like girls can never get sick of shopping. luckily we had zhen, if not we would have believed the cleaner and gone back to the hotel at 2 when the actual check out time is 12. camped in the lobby for the last hour or so, eating lunch and stoning, sleeping. left at about 3 and headed back to singapore on a much better coach and a more normal driver.
that was the end of a weekend in malacca. felt great to be on holiday with friends, even though it was only malaysia. it's just great to get away from singapore for a few days.. can't wait for the australia trip and i'm dreading all the applications that i have to do, which is what i'm suppose to do now..
it's not easy to make money... better start a proper job and save money for uni..

finally got my hair cut and coloured today. yes, it took me quite a bit of courage to cut my hair short, but somehow i just felt like doing it. not used to seeing myself in short hair though, but at least i don't have to worry about searching for rubber bands anymore. going off to malacca tomorrow, and that explains why the computer is on today, the last minute girl is doing her essays again. ok, not too last minute, just want to get it done before going off. it's driving me up the wall, irritating essays...
and yes, i will start earning money next week and spend less.

the past few days have been rather exciting, and i've been running and rushing from places to places. spent my last week studying for sats, doing some last minute shopping for prom. saturday, went for sats in the morning, maths and chem were relatively ok, don't feel very optimistic about writing though, alright, i know i can't write and just when i thought i'll be done with writing essays, i have lots more application essays to write, seems like i can't escape from writing. sigh. went to collect my dress after that then went jiaqing's house to stone. literally stoned, sat around talked, played drums, ate, that's about all that we did, but isn't that what relaxation is all about? went home rather early to pack my stuff for prom and sleep.
woke up at 4am the next morning, continued to load myself with carbo (and fats) before heading towards esplanade for the challenge of the lifetime. it was much more orderly than the army half marathon, didn't have to queue for baggage deposit and there were sufficient toilets, and they were very punctual. at 6am sharp, the Singapore Marathon started. we made our way to the starting line, and excitedly started the run of a lifetime, our very first marathon.
the first few km were quite enjoyable, especially when it's still dark and cool. after we ran about 3km or so, we saw the first runner on the opposite side, who has already completed about 12km. superpowerful, and he was followed by a small group of kenyan runners. wow, it was really exciting to watch and clap for them, and it feels good running the same race as these elite marathon runners "competing" with them. and so we ran for 10km, 20km. the first 10km was a rather relaxing pace, conserving energy for the rest of the race. after about 20km, i was quite numb already, the sun was out and my legs just kept moving and moving. it was after 30km or so when fatigue really hit us. our speed was reduced to about 10 minutes per km, and the km markings seemed to be getting further and further apart. but we moved on, for we set out with an end in mind, my legs were tired, my knees were dying and my feet were getting heavy, but i knew i had to finish it. the posters along the way were very motivational, the cheerleaders and music kept us going and i'm very touched by ordinary people who just stood or sat along the way, giving us encouragement. and so we inched our way to the finishing line. i told myself no matter how slow i ran, no matter how tired i am, as long as my legs are still functional, i will run on, for every step i make, i'm closer to the finishing line, i'm closer to my goal of completing a marathon.
slowly but surely, we made it. we've ran 42.195km. shine, i'm so proud of you, and i'm so happy. towards the last few hundred metres, i nearly could not control myself, for i knew the end was so near, we've ran more than 5 hours, more than any distance that we've ever done and we are about to achieve what we set out to achieve. yes, we've done the near impossible. i don't know what made me sign up for the marathon, but i vaguely remember about 2 years ago, i was still struggling with 2.4 and even distances like 5km were great achievements. yes, i totally agree with the posters, it's mind over matter, as long as your legs are moving, your heart is beating fine, there is only your mind that stops you from going on. it was exhausting, it was madness, but it wasn't impossible. it was a day to remember, 5th december 2004, the day i ran and completed my first marathon, and it will definitely not be the last.
after the run of our lifetime, i rushed home immediately, bathed, ate and packed my luggage for prom and stayover. everything was so rush after that, hair, makeup, back to hotel and finally to suntec for prom, yes suntec of all places, and we were about an hour late. took lots of photos, the programme wasn't exactly exciting and the food wasn't that great, but it's the atmosphere that mattered. afterall, it's the last prom and it's probably the last time i'm going to see all my classmates, those that i've spent 2 years of my jc ife with. alright, back to reality, everything is really coming to a close. it may be only 2 years, but in this short period of time, i've discovered more of the meaning of life, of friendship, relationship, hatred. i think i'm very fortunate to have classmates whom i can just stone and talk through the night, teammates who get high and talk about everything under the sun. i dare say the 2 years spent in rjc is the best time of my school life and i love rjc, for everything it had given me. although i like taking photos, one whole night of phototaking is rather tiring, especially when you have to wear a perpetual smile and get blinded by the flashes. prom is an expensive event, from tickets, dress, shoes, accessories to hair and makeup, so much money was spent on a one night event, but it's definitely worth it.
got back to hotel at around midnight, and to save my legs before they totally collapse on me, i've decided not to go clubbing, had less than 3 hours of sleep, because i'm so used to waking up early and couldn't go back to sleep again after i woke up. so i sat around, played cards and talked with the nocturnal people. went for buffet breakfast which extended to lunch. i feel guilty and sinful, so much eating these few days, hopefully i've burnt enough during the run to make up for all the fats that i've eaten.
and so, it's all over now. or rather, it's going to be the start of another stage in life. i'll start looking for a job tomorrow and i will start on my university and scholarship applications. no, it's not an end, it's a new beginning.

gosh, i haven't blogged for so long that i almost forgot my username for blogger. i swear my memory is deteriorating, after cramping all the A level knowledge into my tiny little brain. it's almost the end now, a few more days and it will be the end of the 12 long schooling years. feeling happy? excited? i don't know, somehow i feel kind of strange. it's like i'm going to be thrown into an open sea, it's up to me to find my directions. lost. where will i be next year? what will i be doing? i have no idea...
the past 2 weeks have been rather hectic, especially tuesday with chem and econs. but somehow this doesn't feel like the 'A' levels, as in it seems less important than 'O's. analysis of the papers so far? not much comments, maths was ok though the questions were quite weird, chem thermody was quite hard and mcq was harder than expected, physics was better than expected, at least i understood what the data analysis was about, i hope, econs essays were.. i don't know how i'll do for it... oh well, i'm done with maths and chem already.
realised that i'll still be very busy after 'A's. got to do uni applications, study for sats, shop for prom and i badly need to get a tan and get back those muscles that have degenerated into fats during the past few weeks, i feel white and flabby now and storing food in my room is an absolutely bad idea. an hour of swimming under the hot sun last thursday didn't seem to have any effect at all. shall head for the gym and the beach more often haha..
looking forward to (in chronological order): lots of shopping, marathon, prom, malacca, perth and the list goes on...

i'm broke!!!!! just did some calculation and found out that i've spent almost 200 bucks the past 2 weeks, buying stuff for myself and shopping for birthday presents. ok, it's time to save money. finally bought my dad's present and for van also. gosh, i love your present so much that i might just hide it in my room and refuse to give it to you. haha, if someone gives you the same thing i will keep it for myself. i was bored to tears at the uni admission talk yesterday, thanks to my dad who insisted that i go with him. sat in the freezing lt for 2 hours with nothing to entertain myself. what a waste of time
and check out today's newspapers, especially the commentary session. doesn't it remind you of prelims case study? i won't be surprised if it comes out for common test of something next year, but that will be none of my business anymore, unless i get retained....

gosh... i love safra gym!!!!! it's so nice and roomy and they even provide free locker and towel. and i think i chose a right time to go, it was rather empty and i was the only girl there. the machines were strange and different from clubfitt gyms but the trainer was so friendly and helpful. spent a fruitful 2 hours there, worked out at almost every machine to burn some calories and make me feel less guilty after all the mooncake eating. shall make full use of the 2 more free trials at safra gym. it shall be ranked number 1 together with kallang gym.
i'm so glad i didn't study much for econs s. the paper was quite expected, nothing surprising and i had quite a lot of fun crapping, hope i didn't misquote any economists. yes, it's finally the end of prelims...
and i'm in love with fir's songs and addicted to running..

yay.. huilin we love you and we're so proud of you!! haha.. think we made a complete fool of ourselves at the airport yesterday "waving" our last-minute-made "banner" out of foolscap paper as huilin departed for philippines. all the way, girl! bring back those medals.
went to meet my darling van for shopping after that, monday seemed like a nice day to shop, but being the only patrons in the shop, the salesgirl was bugging me to try on more clothes and pleading for me to buy. scary.. combed the whole of far east, didn't buy much then walked to taka for more shopping and mooncake sampling. tried almost all the different flavoured mooncakes and shared 2 boxes cos it was buy one get one free. now my house is loaded with mooncakes and my mom is going to stuff mooncakes down my throat today cos it's mid autumn. right, it's time of the year to get fat and i'm already quite sick of it after the sampling.
thanks dear for the present, it's very pretty and sweet.. don't know if i'll see you before your birthday to pass you yours, which is only half existent at the present moment, haha.
what should i be doing now? studying for econs s? nah.. forget it..

yep, we did it, a good long 21 km, feeling so proud of myself now. started a few minutes late cos there was a long queue at the baggage deposit and toilets but not like we're competing against anyone. it was a rare experience to be on my feet and running up and down sheares bridge at 6 am in the morning though that's the usual time i run. then running along east coast park, just in time to witness the rising of the sun. then we turned to the roads, pass national stadium and ended with our familiar route back to the esplanade. yes, my knees almost died and the last few km seems much longer than expected, but we did it. thank you so much shine!!!! and we'll train for the full marathon which is twice of this, can't imagine myself doing that. hopefully i can still walk tomorrow, i still need my legs for shopping...
there may be no limit as to how much i can run but don't test my limits on other things. oh well, forget it!!
and yes, all the best to the singapore canoeists, especially huilin, you guys are damn zai and jia you in the philippines....

i'm back, from prelims. in a summary, maths was ok, except that i know i'll make lots of careless mistakes, especially for paper 1 cos i didn't really check through, quite risky for someone who can even press her calculator wrongly. chemistry was hard, as expected, but i think physics is worse, maybe it just goes to show my lack of physics brain cells, econs case study was a crap, what i wrote didn't even make sense to me and i can't imagine myself sitting in the hall again next week for 3 more hours of econs crapping.
at least i had a good break yesterday, 5 whole hours of singing and of course i'm not complaining. finally, i'm 18 haha thank you so much for all those people who remembered my birthday despite the fact that it was during prelims, i'm so touched. i feel older now, legal to do so many things but it also means i have to pay adult rate for gym and swimming pool.
looking forward to: my first half marathon

tomorrow will mark the start of prelims. time flies... sigh am i prepared for prelims? no. so much information to squeeze into my puny brain in such a short time and i foresee tuesday will be a killer. chem department is all out to kill, even ms lee says don't expect too much for chem prelims cos it's going to be hard and study hard for As. oh well...

haven't been blogging for a long, long time, my life now is so boring that there is nothing to blog about unless i want to complain about prelims and how there's not much time left to mug. sigh.. i guess that's what j2 life is all about, i'm not complaining because its of no use. just face it and move on.
i'm looking forward to after 'A's, it's always good to plan ahead so you'll have something to look forward to, malacca trip, half and full marathon which i have no idea if i can last through, and the possible back-packing trip. not forgetting all the freedom and time i have to shop, play, and do everything that i want. life will be great. so let me get through this first...

in the midst of doing my personal write up for mr teo.. and making me wonder how much exactly do i know about myself. sometimes somethings that i do just cannot be explained logically and the best explanation would be "because i feel like doing it". went for scholarship day on saturday and camped in lt1 the whole morning. the scholarship that A-star provides and the career options it offers are damn cool, but i seriously doubt i'll get anywhere near the scholarship with my mediocre grades and the number of people who are better than me. but at least i know where my interest lies. just came from trials in the morning, i feel really off-form now, from all the slacking and rubbish weights and exercises that i've been doing since nationals are over. south east asia canoeing championships this coming september and october.. sounds tempting but it's time to know where my priorities lie. yes, A levels. although canoeing means a lot to me and even if i'm selected for it, i don't think it's logical to sacrifice As for this, especially if both turn out to be a disaster.
the next thing that might turn out to be a disaster: dinner tonight, cooked by me. keep your fingers crossed haha

at 12 noon, when the doors just opened, a crowd of people swarmed their way in, fighting to be the first, to be in front of everyone else. i watched the scene with astonishment and shock. it wasn't any great singapore sale, nor was it any free gifts up for grabs, it was the library. oh my gosh, i can't believe this. who says singapore lacks muggers, too much maybe. call it kiasuism, or lack of conducive environment, but the sight was simply unbelievable and to think that library's a good place for mugging? i won't really agree especially with the freezing air-con, noisy students who simply cannot abide to the rules of library, lack of tables or maybe just a plethora of muggers and table-hoggers. oh well.. but having a sister who can't stop singing nursery rhymes and jumping around the house is not any better, but at least i won't be a big bright light bulb. haha

and listen to this: everything that has a beginning has an end.

sigh, i'm so undecided about my future, where which university i'm going, what i'm going to study etc.. seems like every university has it's own plus points and it's so hard for me to decide especially since i haven't decided on the course, but i'm definitely not going to study an arts subject since i suck at it. but who knows what will happen. everybody's talking about universities now and it just feels strange that everybody's going to go separate paths after leaving jc, it's like now we're all attending the same lectures, studying the same things but next year everybody's going everywhere, studying different things. and how about 10 years down the road? will we meet up again? if we do then we'll have representatives of almost all kinds of jobs, politicians, economists, scientists, engineers, lawyers, mathematicians, businessmen, doctors, and the list goes on...

people say begin with an end in mind, because everything that has a beginning has an end.
friday marked the end of canoeing for us. we've fought hard, showed our true abilities, showed others the rafflesian spirit.
after our team prayer, after my last visualisation, i took my paddle, my life vest, i walked down the beach to the water. it was the last time i'm gliding through the water with all my might, my last time wearing the jersey, the life jacket, last time using my faithful old boat. last race.
as i did my last warm up and waited with anxiety and excitement for that last horn, i knew it was then or never. the past year and a half of training, all the shit that we've been through, the sweat, the blood, the pain for that one race. we rowed like never before, every pull, every twist, every effort. it was close, and it might have been possible, but it didn't happen. it was the best i've done, but i couldn't help feeling disappointed for something so near yet so far, something which i had always wanted. well, it's over.
as i watched and cheered for the later races, i've felt the real meaning behind canoeing. winning isn't everything. in fact, we are all winners, for we've given our best for the school, with the blasting cheers of "go raffles" from the jetty, we have shown the determination, the team spirit, the school spirit, the pride, and all these are worth so much more than a gold.
after the prize presentation, as we all gathered around the school flag for college anthem, i was trying to hold back tears as i sang. not tears of joy or sorrow, but tears of pride in being a raffles canoeist. the college anthem never meant so much. "we'll do our best whate'er the test, and keep our colours flying..." green, black, white, flying with pride. i know that is where i belong, that is what i am. i daresay that the best thing that happened in my life is joining canoeing and even though i may not wear my jersey, row in my boat, but deep in my heart, i'm always a raffles canoeist.
post nationals night, probably the last night we're going to spend together, 11 of us, all so unique in our own ways, yet so indispensable. we've been through so much together, trainings, sdba, scf, dragon boat and i'm so glad i've found friends like you. to my k2 partner, fengyi, thank you for being the power behind me, everything couldn't be possible without you. to my twin, weiqi, you're great and the team couldn't have come so far without you. to shine, my classmate and teammate, you're certainly the nicest person i've known and thank you so much for hearing all my crap all day. to mag and sheryl, you all have certainly shown the spirit and trainings wouldn't be the same without you. to carol, thanks for all the joy. to gaoshang, the team will never be the same without you, your lame jokes and stories which brought so much laughter. to lydia, thanks for always being there and your valuable contributions to the team, to zhen, you're really indispensible and thank you for everything and to vania, you're shown us what's the meaning of a real fighter and intervals would never be possible without you. to jiaxin, gosh, you're really good, to jiaying, you're really strong, inside and outside and keep the spirit going, revenge will be sweet next year. to jingting and youjia, you all are great and we are all so proud of you and to yonghui, you are wonderful, keep it going and from now on, it's all yours, bring your team to greater heights, work hard and achieve what your goals, the next year will be challenging and let it be fruitful. to my teammates, thank you so much and i can't imagine my life without you. let us all work hard together for A levels and we are raffles canoeists forever. to the j1s, be proud of raffles canoeing and raffles canoeing will be proud of you.
enough said, the rest will remain in my memories. forever and ever.

it's only one more week. i can't believe it's going to be over so fast. seems like everything had just happened yesterday.  i still remember a few years ago when i see canoes in kallang river from sheare's bridge, i would be thinking: i want to canoe too. and yes, now my dream came true. kallang is my second home. going there at least 2 times a week, i smell like kallang, i've tasted kallang, dreamt of kallang and even think like kallang. it was only last year that i first sat in a competition boat and embarrassing to say, i fell out from the other side. and now i'm counting down the number of trainings, the number of times i've to wash and carry boats, the number of times i'm going home all wet and dirty...
yet, i've this mixed feeling in me. no doubt that i'm going to miss those things that has already become my weekly routine, but on the other hand, i'm kind of looking forward to it. the days when i can plan and carry out my own gym training programme, when i can run as much and as slowly as i want to, without having the pressure to cut my previous timings, i would love to go for hours of fat-burning jogs, exploring new routes. and i no longer have to control my diet, and my mom will have no more excuse to force me to eat meat again. is it this freedom that i'm looking forward to? i don't know. all i know is that i'll definitely not stop canoeing after nationals, because it's my passion, it's my pride to be a canoeist and i know i'm definitely going to miss the time we spent in the weights room together, as a team, our team runs and all the fun we've had together.
one more week, and it's time to mark the end of our canoeing life in rjc. but it'll take a lifetime, and it's still not enough to eradicate the friendship that we've built. love you guys lots and i can't imagine my jc life without a bunch of friends like you.
aspire, endure, perservere, kill
we can achieve, if we believe, the power we hold within

another week of school has just passed, common test results were generally unsatisfactory, but how much can i expect? trained 3 days in a row, and finally ran today after 5 long days because it was raining, i was letting my poor knees rest, i was allowing my blisters to heal. yeah, all sorts of reasons. just when i was happily walking to the busstop with the fact that my knees worked perfectly well during the run, it started aching again. but it was a great improvement from last week and they feel ok now.
watched super size me with the team yesterday, we were rushing like mad after training to catch the 3.30 show. my first time being to shaw tower and the cinema wasn't as empty as what i expected. and yes, the movie, it was quite a good documentary, and i'm still sppalled by the fact that he can eat nothing but macdonalds 3 meals a day for 30 days. totally insane. not a fan of macdonalds, i was so disgusted by the way he stuffed himself with the fats and sugar, puking from over-eating and almost killed his livers. what great harm fast foods cause. really hope this movie can evoke some emotions of fast food lovers and cause them to live a more healthy lifestyle. some parts of the movie were really funny, especially when his wife described how his diet affected their sex life, how she had to go on top and it was harder for him to get it up. haha. and just as the movie was showing him munching on the burgers, carol was simultaneously having her burger king lunch. i think the worst part was when they showed a gigantic tub of sugar and fats at the end of the movie, the amount he consumed in the past month. yucks.
i'm so thankful i've not eaten any fast food this year, as long as i can remember, and i haven't had a burger for a year? i'm swearing off fast food, completely, they're nothing but fats and sugar.
and the most ironic thing is when i was flipping the papers this morning, i was an advertisement on macdonalds, promoting healthy diet. haha, what a joke.

why am i doing this? still holding on to it knowing it's not going to get me anywhere. today, i chose to escape, or to put it nicely, i chose not to waste one hour staring and laughing at the paper and writing rubbish. but what is one hour compared to hours spent getting my brain confused and trying to keep my eyes open. why should i betray my heart, sometimes i would rather let my heart overrule and give my mind a break. afterall, how can i succeed in something which i don't even enjoy. but do i have a choice now? i can't escape forever. i'm going to get myself out of this. when there's a will, there's a way. the only way i can think of now is nothing but MUG!!!

ok, shall not let my blog die. it's just another saturday, training was quite good, first time doing k2 with huilin and she's damn stable, felt like i could do anything in front, and to fy, gs and carol, have fun kicking those balls and if you injure yourself i'm not going to forgive you.
i feel damn motivated, damn psyched up now, for everything, thanks a lot huh, for your "encouragement" i'm not what you think i am and leave me alone, just like i can't be bothered with you. you're incorrigible.

common tests are over, finally. not expecting much since i didn't put in much, not that i don't want to, but there's just no time. yeah, i know this is going to be the last and the worst common test ever. i feel so free now, no school tomorrow, no school on monday, life's getting good.
watched spiderman 2 today, haven't watched a movie for quite some time and it was a great show, better than the first one, which i can't really remember the whole plot. good way to destress after common tests.
i'm so bored that i might just wake up in the middle of the night to watch euro 2004 though i'm definitely not a soccer fan

some things which i don't understand about me:
- why can't i concentrate on mugging?
- why can't i understand econs
- why am i such an exercise freak
- why can't i stop examining the fat and nutrition content of all the food i eat
- why can't i grow taller
- why can't i get rid of the disgusting jiggling fats
- why can't i sleep past 7am
- why do i have no ball sense
- why am i writing this when common test is tomorrow

some things which i don't understand about people
- why can some people mug a whole day without food and sleep
- why can some people never get fat no matter how much they eat
- and why can some people never get thin
- why are some people so hard-to-get
- why are some overly optimistic
- why are some people so childish
- why do people do harm to themselves
- why are some people just so nice
- why are you reading this crap

some things which i don't understand about life:
- why is life so vulnerable
- why do some people come and go
- why can there never be world peace

BEAUTIFUL ICE PRINCESS/PRINCE .You need distance
between you and your partner in your
relationship. You are very difficult to get.
You have big requirements and this one you love
must try hard to get you. But after she/he melt
your heart she/he will be the most happy person
in the world. You need someone who shoes you
that you are special and it makes you feel
good to see that you are loved. She/He shall
know that you could easily get another
girl/boyfriend but you wont as long as you
love him. when she/he hurts you you will hurt
him too, but in general you dont get hurt. If
your partner cheated you ,you would react cold
and immediately (try to) forget him


~THE big LOVE TEST!! What do you need? With PICS! For girls and boys!~
brought to you by Quizilla

i don't understand how some people can be so irritating. stop pissing me off!!! you're the most busybody person i've ever known, in fact, i don't really know you so mind your own business!!!!
training today as usual and stayed to do enrichment, which means another day spent at kallang burning my skin away. for some reasons the white stripe on the sji k2s just annoys me. but the triathlon warm-up was quite enjoyable, swimming across the river, running back and push-ups, thank god it was high tide, something different at least. oh man, i didn't realise it, it's only less than 10 water trainings to nationals. wow, ok psyche up must make the most out of every training.

time flies... school is starting in less than 2 weeks time and what have i been doing? quite busy these few days, starting with dragon boat on sunday. yes, we were all so disappointed, so near yet so far, it felt like history's repeating, nevertheless, we've enjoyed ourselves, the 2 trainings we had prior to the race, seeing team spirit into action with everyone rowing the race of our lives. of course we were eyeing the medals, but i think the experience that we've brought back is more important.
outing after that was, as usual, chaotic, haha. stuffing ourselves with the free flow of bread at cafe cartel, watching how people eat and cut ribs, gs, your cutting skills really suck, haha. and the fun we had with the banana, with carol still innocently enjoying her desert despite so much hints, and the "horror" on her face when the truth was finally revealed, haha. thank you so much, lele. we couldn't have done without you and the dinner, card and everything else are still insufficient to express our heartfelt gratitude, you're just so great. and as usual, we ended our outing with a drink, this time it was coffee at tcc. it was a nice environment for, erm, making a fool of ourselves, with the 2 porns and their kinky actions and poses and our laughter that could be heard a mile away. you guys are the best people around, i can't imagine how different my jc life would be if i had not joined canoeing. the fun we have together is unique, it's hard to find a group of friends, so different as individuals but with the same passion and can talk so openly about things like, well, you know what.
2 days of cip camp followed, it was quite a good experience and looking after kids is not easy, especially when you get hyperactive kids who have very short attention span and can't stop running around, i pity the guys in my group who had to run after them and dragging them back into the LT. it was tiring but felt much more rewarding than other cips like flag day. eddy is such a sweet boy, he is very rude, vulgar and playful, but he still has that innocent and shy side. it's like he appreciates what you do for him but finds it so hard to show. alright, no more cip hours needed but i don't mind a camp like this again.

3 parts of training today should make up for 2 days of idleness and the food that i've been eating. macritchie is such a fabulous place to run, especially in this morning's weather. ended with dragon boat, we wanted to find a boat to pace but the whole flock of boats happily went back to sdba while we waited and hoped that they would turn back. dragon boat training wasn't bad, felt much better than previous training. oh yeah, sunday is the day, it was suppose to be saturday but guest-of-honour not free. whatever.. it will still be fun...
feeling this itchiness to go for singapore triathlon, so tempting, but but... firstly, it's so damn expensive!!!! like almost 100 bucks!?!?!? secondly, it'll be damn near prelims and most importantly, i'm going to embarrass myself by coming in last or something..

ollie and sonya are back!!! lunch at swensons after physics extra lesson brought back the nice old memories of 1s06e. a time when we were so carefree and relaxed, just hanging out during our free time, class breaks, class outings. yeah, j1 life, how i wish time would stop there. sometimes i just don't want to grow up, i want to continue living in the past, but that's never possible so wake up and get on with life!!
have i lost it, gave in to it? something which i held on so strongly, is now gone, so easily. do i feel no sense of self-betrayal, regrets? why? does time change a person so drastically?

sats is over, finally. don't know how i'll do for it, came out of the hall feeling rather numb. this feeling of apathy is building in me, nothing seems to be of particular interest to me. sometimes i wish i could just stone away and rot at home. yeah, home is the best place, unlimited access to bed and free-flow of food. sigh.. alright, stop dreaming, it's time to study for commom tests, for 'A's...
trainings after trainings, water, weights, run, intervals, dragon boat and my "wonderful" experience i had on the rowing machine yesterday. ouch.. next time i'll give myself more time for the journey home. tired, but it feels great and i'm not complaining (except intervals maybe)
life still goes on, no matter how hard you try to turn back time and hope that certain things had not happened. accept the truth and find some pleasure in your present life. if you can bring yourself into it, pull yourself out. stop complaining about the trivial matters because there're a lot of people out there who are in worse conditions than you. whatever it is, hope you've made up your mind, oh well, not like you're going to read this anyway...

marcus' birthday party at downtown east yesterday. well, the usual segregation between girls and guys. you can't expect the girls to play ps and squirt water right? haha. the food was nice but sinful and the room was overcrowded. almost 30 people cramping in it, sitting on beds, floor, table. if there's more i think the toilet has to be used as well. left before the cake was cut because i had to go home early. don't know if the girls' plan of going for late night movie or ktv worked.
hope i burnt off everything that i ate yesterday with one and a half hours of canoeing followed by an hour of slow jog. i felt rather insane running in the hot sun but just a simple greeting of "good morning, enjoy your run" by a passer-by made it better. i shall take a day off today, that means no work will be done. it's holidays afterall.

wow.. finally, the holidays are coming. i don't care how my "holidays" are going to be like, with all the mugging awaiting me, all i know now is tests are over and school is all about fun.
went to watch rugby finals yesterday. WE WON!!!! what a day to remember in rjc history. 6 years, finally, the day has come for us to claim back the title. it wasn't really a very exciting game, more of whistle blowing than running. no tries scored, but all we care is that we've won. gosh, the last kick, the joy, the mud, the sweat, the tears of all the hardwork. WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS!!
yes, impossible is nothing. the ruggers have done it, it will be our turn soon. all the trainings that we've been through, all the time spent in the gym, pushing ourselves to our limits. we've trained hard for the past 1 and a half years. now, it's only left with 2 months before we mark the end of our canoeing life in rjc. it may be short, but it's definitely going to be memorable. we've almost down to our end burst, let's make it our best. go team, we can do it....

haven't touched the computer for quite a long time and don't really feel like blogging lately. in fact, i don't feel like doing anything lately. just want to go for lessons, train, eat, sleep. it's back to my boring life.
maybe i'm worrying too much, maybe it's time to get back to my original self, my original life. to forget these fantasies and dreams that might never come true. is it time to learn how to let go? to be more pragnatic? i'm in a tunnel of darkness, i don't know where i'm heading, what i'm doing.

finally, the internet's working. it's times like this when we should never trust technology. i've survived without computers for one week. well, what can i say about this week, i've just proven my inability to play ball games and problem with my balance. now i feel like a totally damaged person. suffering from external injuries on my right side, joint injuries on the left, and the flu bug's crawling over me. oh well, on my way to recovery now.
wednesday has just marked the end of my harmoc career, though it just started not too long ago. don't dare to comment much on the quality of the concert, but it was a great experience and a great way to end. well done everyone, especially the soloists. and a big thank you plus a hug to everyone who came.
feeling strange now, playing the game all over again. maybe i'm just worrying too much, thinking too much. it may turn out to be nothing at all. but i want to play safe, i don't want to ignore any little detaill. i feel like a detective, or rather a mind-reader, one who failed terribly perhaps. yes i know, take things one step at a time and get used to my "don't talk to me in the morning" mood.

napfa's over, finally, which means no more pe for me? didn't believe i could jump far enough to get an A, but well, i did it, miraculously, with the aid of last minute trainings for leg muscles. now i think my legs are aching. my afternoon was spent trying my very best to study and running canal route. sigh.. when can i ever get into the studying mood.
hope tomorrow's training will be better. till then, there's nothing much to blog about...

i know that you care, i understand your concerns and i do appreciate your efforts in trying to find out what's best for me and what i should do despite your busy schedule. sorry if i have to sound irritated. i know it's all for my own good but sometimes i feel that you're pushing me too hard, it's almost impossible because i know i'm not good enough. at the same time, i don't want to let you down, i don't want to add to your worries and i want you to be proud of me but how? i'm not blaming you for anything, in fact, i'm thankful to have such great parents like you. perhaps it's just that you're not in my shoe and don't know how i feel.
is it just a matter of commitment and responsibility that i've to fulfill. it feels like acting a play all by myself, presenting to difference audience a different side of me. perhaps it's time to question where my priorities lie and what's my main purpose of life, of attending jc. so who am i? a student? a daughter? a canoeist? or just me and whoever i am in your eyes? maybe it's time to ask myself what do i hope to achieve out of 2 years in jc? actually i do know the answer.
oh well, i guess everything's just part of the hectic jc life. and for now i'm just glad that 2.4's over, rather proud of my timing, and econs essay test is cancelled

i'm an exercise freak. yes, one whole morning of water training, getting all red and burnt from the scorching hot sun. haven't been so burnt for quite a long time, just hope i won't peel. the rest of the afternoon was spent waiting for a lost father at sdba, and guess what, running and swimming. spent about 8 hours yesterday exercising. madness and i just can't get back to my intervals timing 2 months ago. just hope 2.4 won't be too far off my pb.
ok, there's not much time left before school starts again tomorrow. the time to play is over already, though i can't get myself down to studying, i'll try...

been rather busy these 2 days and i've realised the beauty of coffee and how it keeps me awake while attempting to finish up tutorials. haven't got much time to talk to you..
and napfa 2.4 is next tuesday!!! i detest running in the hot sun, but i should be thankful that my pe's the first block, but still, i'm so not used to running in the sun. and my timings for intervals are much slower than they used to be. ok, i shall do some last minute training for 2.4 so that i won't see a disgusting number on my napfa result slip. and i need to train my standing board jump!!!!!
alright, my (economics) theory: an equilibrium is a situation where there's no tendency to change, and when injection equals withdrawal, the economy will be in equilibrium right? so for the body's weight to be in equilibrium, that is, no tendency to change, injections (including eating and drinking) equals to withdrawal (including exercising and well, you know the other component) and when injections is greater than withdrawal, it will have a expansionary effect on the body and that's what's happening to me... yes, my self-formulated theory which makes total sense to me.

another typical sunday... finally got back to my usual sunday morning jog at macritchie after months of busy sundays, lazy father sundays or sleepy sister sundays. yes, memories of scf, especially with the buoys still around. macritchie will mean more than a sunday jogging place to me now. i think it's time to throw my old pair of shoes before the sole comes out in 3 pieces. i had a lot of fun "training" my sister, forcing her run for at least 600m despite her complaints of tiredness. what an evil sister i am, i'm going to train her to be a sportsgirl. played at the playground with her, competing to see who can swing higher. i love my sister, at times like this.
my mom is another person that will make me laugh, she knocks and bangs on my door for the weirdest reasons. first, while ironing clothes, she came and asked me if i can dismantle the iron to get a cockroach out. knowing that i hate cockroaches and i will never touch or go near them, i told her to throw the iron away, which she did. how and why did the cockroach end up there in the first place? suicidal cockroach.
next story, someone called to inform my mom that her daughter gave birth. i picked up the phone and she didn't identify herself. that left my mom thinking and going through all the possible people that she knows. and finally, after about 2 hours, she came knocking at my door excitedly while i was on the phone and said "i know who, i know who" it turned out to be my sister's friend's mom whom i do not know. it's amazing how trivial things like this can be so disturbing and leave you determined to get to the bottom of it.
oh yes, happy easter. what does easter mean to me? mainly childhood memories i guess. i don't celebrate easter now but it does bring back beautiful memories of how my mom and i would paint eggs in different colours and patterns, eat chocolate eggs and bunnies. and while tidying up my letter drawer, i found this easter card from you. happy easter to you and your family, though the chances of you reading this is one in a zillion. sigh.. wonder how you're doing now.

finally replenished my deprived sleep after 9 hours of good long rest. feeling so rejuvenated now. the long weekend is going to end and i just realised i haven't got much work done. every time i sit down before my table and stare at my tutorials, my mind will wander off and never some back. sigh, i know i should be studying but somehow i just can't get down to it.
good friday was good, in fact it was fantastic. went ktv with class in the morning and we had an extra hour because they forgot jq's lunch. had a great time singing and listening to people sing and k-lunch is so worth the money... "class bonding" followed with us trying to find a nice place to talk, from basement of cine, to youth park and finally top floor of paragon. went grocery shopping with shine after that, more like watch her shop for all the organic and fat-free food, i would love to buy the whole supermarket down but it's so expensive. actually what wonders can organic food really do? i'm contented with the food i'm eating now.
things look so different during the day and at night and i just love night time, too bad i had to go home early before my mom grounds me and kills me. beautiful good friday, i wish it could last an eternity.
cip on saturday was great too, though we had to travel from kallang to jurong east, get the flyers and everything and back to outram to give them out. it was much easier and more rewarding than flag day. i think singaporeans just prefer things free. we spent 1 hour distributing everything, which was quite fast considering we were given 3 hours for it. it's called efficiency, not slacking. i would love to do more of this kind of com service. and for the first time, i was on time for dinner. watched miss singapore universe on the bus home, what else can i say, the standards are dropping like anything, or is it just so hard to find someone who has the looks, the figure, the brains, the poise etc?
sigh, sometimes things can never be the same again, and i don't know why it would turn out this way. it takes months to build up this friendship and one day to ruin it? i know it's partly my fault but i don't know how to salvage it. i hope it gets better as the days pass by...

i am so amused by everything that i can't stop laughing. i can't stop laughing at myself for attempting to study everything about economics yesterday night and this morning and applying nothing that i've learnt in today's common test. never have i had this feeling before. sat down with pen and paper all ready, waiting for the questions to be unveiled, and finally, look at the questions, laugh. there's nothing i can do except to laugh, at my stupidity, thinking of how i am going to sit through one hour of this coming up with my own economic theories and trying to make them sound sensible. what else can i say, it's the worse common test paper of my whole entire life. how many times can you actually spend at least 5 minutes just laughing away? U- (if there's such a grade) here i come.
if dreams reflect what you've been thinking about, how would you interpret my most ridiculous dream of keeping a sea orang utan (an orang utan that lives in water, which i've never seen before) in the fish tank at home. what's worse is that it can still talk and play the piano. i think i'm going insane.

my first ever 'A' in my jc life. guess that made my day a bit better, plus my totally unexpected physics result. i can't describe the way i feel right now, i guess i just chose to put everything at the back of my mind and to remember the real purpose of jc life. it's less than 1 year left now and i don't want to leave the college with any regrets.
oh well, i guess you can't escape from problems, it's just the way you perceive them and deal with them that makes a difference. or perhaps i just can't be bothered.
i'm sorry...

夜裡難以入睡　用什麼可以麻醉　
情緒太多怎堪面對 不是不要你陪　
有些事你無法體會　卸下了防備　
孤獨跟隨 我想要一個自己的空間　
能夠好好想想我們之間的明天
如果愛情不如我們想像的甜美　
那麼所有的罪讓我來揹
我的心太亂　要一些空白　
你若是明白　讓我暫時的離開
我的心太亂　不敢再貪更多愛　
想哭的我　卻怎麼哭也哭不出來
我的心太亂　要一些空白　
老天在不在　忘了為我來安排
我的心太亂　害怕愛情的背叛　
想哭的我 像是一個迷路小孩　
迷路的小孩

photos on national junior canoeing championships are up.
taking a break from doing tutorials now, listening to the sounds of rain. sigh...
lazy to blog..

can't believe i managed to survive this week, with all the crap that happened. monday was a total disaster. just when i thought i could use the rest of the week to reflect upon and think about stuff, you have to come and make things worse. for the rest of the week, i was dreading every moment in school. having to face up to people, to the reality of my common test results and trying not to let my mood affect those around me. tuesday was not any better. it was merely a shadow of monday but the afternoon brightened up the day. wednesday's training was quite awful, felt like my first time in a k1. half the time i was trying to keep my balance and the other half i was trying to control direction. felt like i'm learning how to row a k1 all over again. thanks water, thanks waves, current and the beautiful new boat, and it made me feel so bad for ignoring everyone that i've decided to be nice after training. thursday was spent in a daze after i fell asleep at 9 plus on wednesday. but the combined econs s lesson simply made my day. and knowing that we've passed the assignment made me feel even better. and that leads to the final school day of the week, friday. chem practical test was ok and pe was cancelled due to the rain. the weather was fabulous after the rain, nice and cooling and it could just go on forever. my sense of direction is not bad right?
oh yes, that's how i survived the week, hopefully things are much better now. if you say laughter is the best medicine, i disagree, because i think time can ease everything, though it might not heal. thank you so much for being there for me when i needed someone to talk to. sometimes what we need most is someone who understands. thank you dear.

sometimes things are not as simple as they appear to be and there're some things that you don't see. i don't know, there're just too many things that happened recently that is causing me to be in this state. all i need now is time and a break to collect back my thoughts and piece them back properly. some of which could never be settled in the near future or ever.
and to all those who hate me and think that i suck, you know something, i totally agree. i'm the most sucky, most screwed up person alive. every aspect of my life is screwed up, so just scold me any way you want to. i don't want to live a life of regrets, i don't want to follow your footsteps. there's no other word to describe the way i am now. i'm just plain screwed up.
if only i knew all these would happen,
if only i could turn back the clock,
if only everything was in my control
if only we could live in the world of "if onlys"
if you don't understand all these crap, nevermind, it's not meant to be understood.

do you really think so? if that is all that matters to me, i would not need to face each day the way it is now. whoever you are, someone who does not dare to identify yourself, i just want to tell you that things are not what they seem and i do wish that my life is as simple as just school and canoeing. but it is not. so if you think that your life if screwed up enough, think twice.

looking at the namelist for scf makes me feel bad. what's this? 3 competitors for both k1 events only? which means straight finals and guaranteed a prize as long as they don't capsize? should have just gone for it. but nevermind, i'll concentrate on k2 and forget about the k1s.
yes, we'll do it again tomorrow, so exciting...

fat, fat, fat... i'm so horrified with the fact that i put on 2.5 kg in one week! that is like, a dumbbell? or just a whole big blob of lard. no wonder my skirt feels so much tighter these few days. all thanks to common test, which is making me stay at home, unable to resist the temptation of food and lack the time to exercise. hmm.. this make me wonder what i will become after i stop training. white and pasty? i don't want to imagine. it's time to control my intake of food, desperately..... but that will be after the pigging out this weekend. don't worry, i promise no more chocolates until saturday. i won't sink the boat and our k2 can still fly.
speaking of common tests, what else can i say. i'm just so glad that there's only one paper left and somehow i feel happy going to school nowadays. maybe it's just because there's no more boring and monotonous lessons. i'm hoping to pass all the papers and the biggest worries are gp and physics (even though i've not taken the paper yet). please don't let me fail anymore....

everything seems so predestined and out of my control
but if you don't try, you'll never know (it wasn't meant to rhyme) so why are we even denied the chance of trying. maybe you have your reasons but i really don't understand.

the past 3 days were probably the most rewarding days in my life. friday started off pretty well, other than a tiny screw up for k2, which made me don't know whether to laugh or to cry.
day 2 was much better, other than the fact that i only have one race that day and that it was a good race, the rest of the day was spent lazing around, eating and more eating and eating more. actually i'm so glad that i'm a girl and there's no semi-finals, or else i'll just be floating up and down in the water for the whole day. the rest of the day was spent sleeping to recuperate for finals.
and there, my theory of saving the best for the last. the last day was fabulous. it started off with k2 250m which we entered by mistake. it was just burst, burst and burst. in less than a minute, it was over and the gold medals have just found their owners. and then it was k1, which was.. well.. good. at least the videos looked better than how i felt. and what did i say about saving the best for the last. k2 500m, our favourite event. i could just feel the adrenalin pumping up and we were so ready to do our last and best race for sdba. and so we did, shooting out and leaving the rest with our back wash, aiming through the 250 mark and our end burst which was nothing less than hundred percent. everything was good and i felt good, not only because of the fact that we've won, but more because we know that we've put in all we've got and made that our best race.

yes, although we're not able to defend the championship, but we all did our best and we know that we have hope for nationals. it's not just a dream, but something that we can work towards. we might not be granted with the advantage of more water trainings, but we should make the most out of them and make every training count towards our goal.

to my k2 partner, what else can i say, i've certainly enjoyed the trainings doing k2 with you. remember how we started doing k2 just for us and jiaolian to enjoy. remember how he said he will never put us together in k2. remember all the wonderful trainings we had and how we would always end the day with nice starts, and remember your promises... but k2 will not stop here for us, we have another goal right?
to carol, this is my millionth time telling you this, don't slack, but whatever. to lyd, nice races, it's quite amusing i agree and i'm glad you had fun. yes, practice makes perfect so all the way in your k1. to zhen, it was a good race, i know you've put in your best, and i'm so happy to see that. you have all the potential right from the start and you will make a good canoeist. next to vania and shine, i'm proud of you, you all did a great job and i can see that. i do admire your determination so show the rest that. and to twin and mag, i'm proud of you too, maybe it was just luck but we all know that you all are capable. and to sheryl and gs, you all did a great job, especially for 250. i know you all gave it your best. and to the guys team, we still have time to show the rest what raffles canoeing is all about and we'll win back our challenge trophy. nothing is impossible

at the end of the day, or maybe a few years down the road, it's not the number of trophies and medals that matter, nor the cca points. but it's the experience that will last you a lifetime. so what if you have won the medal, through despicable means. you know who you are, we know who you are. so live in the fact that i've won because i've cheated for you whole entire life. all the best to you.

i haven't felt so excited and gone so hysterical in school for such a long time. today was such a wonderful day. it felt like holidays after yesterday's gp paper and there's just so many things to make me happy. first, there's no chinese and no gp and plus our break it added up to 2 hr 40 min of break, which i spent half of it in the ts laughing away; then there's fy's messages, you have a lot to tell me on sunday don't forget... and also my pretty new shoes which came in the afternoon, finally they are not blue, and the thought of going to lyd's house and not having to do intervals, and for reasons that only steff and i know.
i had a lot of fun at lyd's, hopefully we won't get into any trouble with teachers tomorrow. yes guys, it's tomorrow, feeling so psyched up and excited about it already. come on guys, we can do it!!!!
and thank you celeste, don't know how you found your way here, hope you are doing fine there. we'll miss you and we'll kick ass tomorrow...

it's not only a race, it's a game, and we're all playing it
life is a game of choices, so choose to win

from what had happened today, i think that the guys and girls team severely lack communication. comm'on, we are one team after all and we all take pride in calling ourselves raffles canoeists. this distant relation is certainly not going to help during competition because we don't just canoe for ourselves, for our partners nor for our individual team, but for raffles. sdba is less than a week away, and i do hope that this is not going to affect our performance next week.
and this goes out to all my fellow canoeists, next week is the chance to show the other schools what we are made of, what we can do. we've all been training so hard and it wouldn't be long to see the fruits of our hard work. keep your cool everyone, and be sure of yourself because i'm confident that we, the raffles canoeists can do it!

i'm so sick and tired of school, i don't know what i'm going to school for, wasting my time? wasting my life away? why do i even call it life in the first place? what is life when you spend more than half of your day in school, forcing myself to stay awake during lessons and finishing tutorials just for the sake of finishing it?
perhaps the best time that i've had in school is the time spent training. it's amazing how we can talk about everything under the sun so openly and laughing our heads off at the most ridiculous jokes. though training is tough, i certainly enjoy the time we spent together going through all that.
and this is only the start of j2 life.. and life must go on..

the dining table is filled with food, again. and i can't wait for breakfast tomorrow. there's bread, cereal, muesli bars, peanut butter, nutella, pork floss, a huge tub of yoghurt, bananas... there's so much to eat and i'm spoilt for choices. i simply love breakfast, the feeling of waking up and filling up my stomach with food. yummy.

what a busy week, and i foresee a worse one coming. but nevertheless, it was a happy week. thank you so much partner, it was such a pleasant surprise. yes, you are the most wonderful friend i have and we certainly do make great partners. yesterday's training was, as usual, fantastic, and if we maintain it this way, i'm quite sure the gold medal's ours right? let's go get our tattoo soon, and anything crazy we can do. and let's feast after sdba!!!!

i need a break, badly, from school. but training today was quite good, minus the fact that the turnout for j1s is a miserable number of 4. intervals felt bad, my legs were totally jelly after the first set, but managed to cut the time down by quite a lot. seems like intervals are really useful for 2.4 and it just makes me feel satisfied by cutting the time.
the Os results are coming out tomorrow. time has passed really quickly, especially this year. i can still remember how much fun i had with my og, with my class, with the canoeists this time last year, though we were not that close yet. and not forgetting the class bbq we had, the stayover which i couldn't go. j1 life was such a bliss. now that i'm in j2, everyday seems just like any other day. school, lectures, tutorials, trainings, homework and the cycle just repeats itself day after day, month after month. almost 2 months have passed just like that, wasting my precious life away in front of the computer.
sometimes i do wish i could turn back time in live in the past, to let me enjoy my carefree life again. but sometimes i do want to move on, to see what the future has for me; to see the results of my work.

Would you know my name if I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same if I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong and carry on,
'Cause I know I don't belong
here in heaven.

Would you hold my hand if I saw you in heaven?
Would you help me stand if I saw you in heaven?
I'll find my way through night and day,
'Cause I know I just can't stay
here in heaven.

Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees.
Time can break your heart, have you begging please,
begging please.

Beyond the door there's peace I'm sure,
And I know there'll be no more
tears in heaven.

Would you know my name if I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same if I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong and carry on,
'Cause I know I don't belong
here in heaven.

i did the most stupid thing one can do to herself. and here goes the story. i was training in the weights room, doing the leg raiser thing on the machine, and when i tried to get down by putting my left foot and the bench at the side, i managed to sprain, or twist my knee. and for a few seconds i was hanging on the machine, slowly descending myself. i feel stupid but i think it's recovering fast, thanks to the really slow jog. managed to run 3 rounds of 1.6km. think i will make up for today's training tomorrow, that is, if i can run.

WE DID IT! RJC 01, WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS OF INDOOR ROWING 2004.

we know we could, and we would, and we did. i'm so proud of ourselves.
the day started out with the individual races and RJC dominated the inter-tertiary 1000m race. 8 lanes, all RJC. well done fengyi, hope to see you in the papers tomorrow. our long awaited relay came. despite having a rather tired fengyi and shuyi after their individual event, we were all psyched up and pulled and pulled a time of 7.09, more than 20 seconds less than our last timing, only 1 second behind the fastest team.
but the finals was the highlight of the day. knowing that it was the last 500m of the day, or maybe even year, or lifetime, and knowing that the gold medals are going to be ours, we gave all we have. i'm so grateful for my teammates. shuyi, very good row, though you are tired from the morning's races. it's nice knowing you and being in the same team as you. you are strong, determined and great. great starts. and my beloved k2 partner, fengyi, you are incredible using every muscle of yours to keep the "boat" flying. thank you so much for the encouragements. this is a good start to this year's competitions, and we will do just as great, if not even better for sdba and trash everyone. see the k2 500m under-19 gold? it's ours! and philip, you are the most wonderful. you were totally psyched up and our boat just shot forward, closing up the gap, and eventually pulling away from the crowd in the deafening chhers, screams and shouts from the audience. we couldn't have done it without you. in fact we couldn't have done it without any one of you. we were totally ecstatic after the race, screaming until our throats were sore.
we make a great team. it's been a real pleasure rowing with you all. the practices of "changing over" that we have, your cheering and motivation. RJC 01 wouldn't be first without you all. i love you all so much.
not forgetting other people, thank you gs for your great photography skills, and great row, huilin, 2000m is really no joke. had such a great day today and RJC dominated almost all the events.
still can't get over the excitement. went to watch "along came polly". not a really great show, but something appropriate for the atmosphere. well done everyone.

RJC 01! WE ARE THE ONES

row RJC01!! we are all psyched up and ready for it. enough said. time to sleep. feeling rather excited about it though.

long day in school again, but i really had fun doing weights in the gym during my 2 hour long break with the canoeists. how we were stepping up and down the weighing machine, exclaiming how we lost/put on weight. don't worry vania, you are still very light, and putting on muscle mass. it's just so nice to have no guys in the weights room. thursday breaks are a good time to train.
trained the j1s, rowed and ran after school. sunday's the competition, getting quite psyched up for it, especially after i sub 2 minutes for 500m. going all out on sunday, hopefully we can win something. and i vow i'm never going to race on the pathetic indoor rowing machine ever again. i don't see the thrill behind it, all i could feel is the lactic acid that builds up in my arms and legs and having to sit on the machine for a few minutes before my heart rate returns to normal and i could get off the machine and walk away.
RJC 01 ROW!!!!!! row our hearts out on sunday!!!!

i love you mummy. i just felt like saying it. thank you for everything, especially the delicious, wholesome, nutritious dinner that is always awaiting me after a long day in school.

i don't usually complain about school work but please allow me to it for once. i really do not know how to do integration. i'm just wasting my time writing down crap, cancelling, writing even more crap and never getting the correct answer. someone please rescue me before i die in the hands of maths!!

oh man, i can't stop eating, junk after junk, i'm turning into a pig. that is why i should never touch the first bit of junk. and whilst struggling through my gp homework, i just realised there's econs essay to do too. what a miserable school life i have.

do you know that it's very irresponsible to go back on your words, to pretend that you don't know a thing about it when you said it yourself and made us wait for nothing. it really annoyed me, and everyone else.
and to you, please do a proper job, we don't need your undivided attention and care, but we paid you for it so please don't treat us as second-class citizens.
bad way to start the day but doing k2 just made everything beautiful. and don't think so highly of yourself, because we trashed you, totally.
making a fool of ourselves at kenny rogers was a unique way to celebrate valentine's day, can't wait to see the photos that we took, and who says valentine's day is only for couples? i certainly enjoyed myself. hey, thank you.

indoor rowing is no joke, especially 1km of it. it is a great difference from canoeing. in canoeing, you sit in a boat and row, or rather paddle through the water, feeling the wind and current, while in indoor rowing, all you do is to sit on the machine, as firmly as possible, with the fear that you butt will fall out of the seat anytime you are trying to pull as hard as possible. all that you see, other than the machine, is a screen which shows the "race". and instead of gliding forward, you go back and forth, kicking and pulling. 1km was quite bad, almost pulled my arms and legs out the last few hundred metres. after struggling through the race, i couldn't lift my feet up anymore, meaning of course i had to limp plus crawl away from the machine.
the relay was much better, maybe because i had more experience and i've decided to use more of my arms, which is a stronger muscle for me. rowed my lungs and breath out, but eventually emerged second. nice trophy but i still wonder why the school bothers to spend money on useless things like total defence day trophies. not that i don't like them, but i'm sure the money can be put to better use.

long day at school today, and i passed my very first econs s essay, M-, barely passed, but i'm happy already. intervals for training as usual, was dying on my second set, but managed to sub 12. tired but happy...

now, i do see the relevance of Say's law, that supply creates its own demand. the supply of broadband creates demand by me to use the computer. in this case here, Say's Law does make some sense.
usual boring day today, can't even go for water training because i end late. i have a new home: the school, and i have a new room: weights room. did weights today again because i don't think i'll have time for weights tomorrow.
there's quite a lot of things to do, and to buy. here goes the list:
- conditioner
- facial wash
- birthday present
the list goes on and on but these are the more urgent stuff

sleepy day today, i swear i was trying my best to keep myself awake in class but i just couldn't help dozing off, perhaps i shall sleep earlier tonight and wake up later tomorrow morning. for the first time in history, our class is the fastest in chemistry tutorial. we finished going through the whole of hydroxy compounds after tutorial and extra lesson today, which means i have to do the next tutorial already.
stayed back after school to do rowing with fengyi and weiqi, only did one 500m and my heart rate shot up to about 160 straight after the row. it was so tiring, much more tiring than canoeing or running. and i conclude that my leg muscles are lacking in strength, so i've decided to go to the weights room after that to do legs and abs.
too bad we end late tomorrow, or else i can go for water training. well, i guess i'll be in the weights room again tomorrow. see you, weights room.

after multiple warnings by my mom that sugar makes me fat and may cause health problems like diabetes, i've decided to greatly reduce the amount of sugar intake and eliminate sweets from my diet. not aiming to lose weight but just healthy living. and guess what, i've been without sweets for almost a week already, and if i really persevere, i'm sure my sweet tooth will die out soon.

2 consecutive trainings are certainly exhausting, but it was fun. yesterday's water and wind conditions were horrible, couldn't even paddle properly for the fear that the wind will blow it away. but doing k2 just made my day, love k2 so much, especially when the strong gusts of wind subsides and gets reduced to a breeze, going against the current feels like flying. feeling excited about sdba already.
went kallang super early today, and had the privilege of doing k1 whilst admiring the beautiful scenery of the half-waken sun and the calm water which made paddling such a pleasure. that was until the coast guards started their duty. 6 coast guards coming out one after another, inconsiderate people forcing us to make way for them and disturbing the peace. our boats were floating up and down with the wave and this huge wave smashed right into my boat giving me a nice morning kallang river shower.
planned to do weights after that but my arms were too tired and i didn't want to waste $1.50 just to do abs, so went for a slow jog instead.

happy birthday mummy!

is this what you call free to choose and the highest bidder wins? now it's not about price or profit, it's all about trust and loyalty. yes, you have your rights to maximise your profit, but does that mean you can cut your heart and soul into two and split it equally? i know you are disappointed, but you made us even more disappointed, or should i say i feel betrayed. is this what you get when you leave everything to the invisible hand, to the free market economy? where does integrity come into picture? where do you place us in your heart?

alright, i passed my chem test, so i have a new resolution for 2004, pass all my tests... including the coming econs essay test. all the way...

i realised i've been going out everyday these 3 days, which is not a good thing to do. had training today morning, in the rain, and we had to swim to the opposite beach and back for warm up, wasn't really a warm up because we were all soaking wet and cold after that. rained again so i had no choice but to bathe. studied a bit after that and went ben's condo. just stoned around, played bridge and the ollie game. there goes my long weekend, and what work have i done?

gp today was so productive, it feels like pw, just meet together to split up the job. and i ended up pigging out on food, as usual.
aching all over now, back, abs, the whole of my legs, everywere except my arms, strange.

i shall hereby conclude that chem prac is my most hated lesson, spent 2 hours or less mixing substances together, heating it, testing for gases and get no conclusion after that. still have to spend my break arguing and copying the answer. or mass discussion if that's what you call it. PE yesterday was no joke either, we were like frogs leaping on the track and now i've problem walking down the stairs, even going to toilet, yes, time to build leg muscles.
long training today and still can't get over the fact that someone can actually leave the boat and paddle in the water and swim to shore and just go back like that. boats can swim right? think i got a bit burnt today, haven't been burnt for a long time, and that means i'm going to get darker...

feeling so satisfied now. i've finished my econs s essay with the help of a cup of coffee and the laptop in my room which is giving out a lot of hot air that i'm afraid it's going to explode soon. 1500+ words, but less than half are my own words. nevermind, it's done already and i actually had quite a good time doing it, not as bad as what i thought it would be. just hoping that i would pass. even if i don't, at least i've understood a lot more about objectives of firms. shall print it out when i wake up. econs s lecture was rather interesting, it really was a lecture, without notes, transparencies etc, a test of listening and note taking skills. even if i don't do well for the paper, or i drop halfway, i think i'll enjoy it.
mr teo, you gave us a shock today, take care and get well soon

just found out that econs s essay is due on friday and not thursday. meaning that i can sleep tonight, what a sigh of relief. had a terrible chem test today meaning it's over already, and that's all that i care.

now i know how it feels to be illegal, not very pleasant but certainly an experience of a lifetime, 'cause i would not want to do it again. something else which i will never ever do again - walk home bare-footed. because someone stole my slippers, or they got blown away by the wind or whatever reasons, they were gone so i just went home like that. my pretty slippers are gone.....
went home, bathed, and went to jq's house to bai nian. didn't do much there, basically just sat and ate, and greedy little pig ate almost half kilogram worth of stuff. it's amazing how much i ate this chinese new year, but isn't that how it is suppose to be?
after pigging out, went to body worlds with shine. and for a change, adult priced tickets are cheaper than student tickets, so we went in as adults. it was indeed value for money, there's so much to learn, so much to see, especially all the deformed organs and infants, they are all so well preserved but looked rather plastic. we spent about 2 hours there and here's an interesting conversation between a mother and child, translated to english:
boy (looking at all the muscles): mommy, can these be eaten?
mom: nope they can't
boy: why not?
mom (tried so hard to think of a god excuse): these are very expensive
boy: why is it expensive? how much does it cost?
what a curious little boy, or maybe he's greedy. quite a nice way to spend my day, if only i did not have to reach home to realise there's so much schoolwork that needs to be done.

visited the gym today, after 2 or 3 days of indulging in the most fattening food, i've realised, to my horror, that i've put on 1 kg in 2 days. amazing. spent about 3 hours in the gym, did almost every machine. almost died after rowing for 2km, trust me, it's very tiring and it works every part of the body, and that was my warm up. nice workout today, does that mean i have an excuse to eat more? oh no, i'm turning into a pig soon

chinese new year celebrations in school today, which lasted for one hour? how wonderful... went to donate blood after that with the canoeists and since we are all underaged, we need parental consent and so we "went home to let our parents sign" aka went to eat brunch and sign it ourselves. it wasn't as bad as what i thought and the doctors and nurses there are so nice and friendly. wasn't very painful and i watched every needle go into my vein, actually only 2. and we were given a bag of oranges and some free refreshments.
took bus to far east for last minute shopping for new year. bought this bimbo purple skirt which i love so much. can't wait to wear it. happy new year...

learning journey to chinatown. what a nice break from school and pe. didn't do much there, walked down chinatown, looked at what they have to sell and bought some food for chinese new year. it just occured to me that i haven't gone shopping for a good long time, and i desperately need new clothes and shoes for the new year. why don't i seem to have time?

i've finished my gp essay, finally. and look at the time now my dear girl, 2.09 am. that shall be the record for now and i don't want to break it. managed to write 920 words, amazing, that shall be a record too. so perhaps today will be my record setting day. too tired to blog, time to sleep now...

we learn new things everyday, and life is beautiful

愿我有歌可長留此間
讚美那天賜的恩寵
使我在人間會相信奇跡
暮色里仍有五彩的長虹

shall blog about my slack weekend... had training yesterday, left early to rush down to discovery centre for family day. can't remember when was the last time i went there, but things don't seem to have changed much, except the stimulator ride is more expensive now? the usual games and dinner followed, food wasn't that great but i was hungry. went home, finished my maths tutorial (i'm still at maclaurin's series) and went to sleep. slept from 10 plus to 7 plus, longest i've slept for the past few months.
today was even more slack, attempted to do tutorials but handphone games are just to attractive and addictive, went for slow jog in the evening and tried to get myself mentally prepared for the 2.4 and pull up test tomorrow.
somehow, i couldn't stop myself from eating and what's more chinese new year is coming so... mummy please don't buy too much nice food.

today's chem prac was a total torture, never had i done such an unsuccessful QA. there seemed to be no reaction in most of the test and i had absolutely no idea what cations and anions are present. that was why i, or rather half the class resorted to mass discussion of answers in the canteen after the lesson.
harmoc practice was quite good. at least we had a proper lesson on harmoc blowing, yes, after one unfruitful year. og dinner after that, wasn't that bad after all, though not many turned up. quite a bit of catching up done. and everything seemed to happen so fast. orientation was a year ago, but i didn't feel like so long. looking at the j1s now reminds me of how we were last year. so enthusiastic about everything and now all these just die like that. quite sad indeed. life as a j2, face it.

this is hilarious, i'm taking s paper, and it's econs s. can't believe it. actually i was quite glad at first that i don't have any s papers, meaning that i don't have to spend extra time after school attending lectures and doing tutorials, but, since i appealed for it, i should be glad that i got it.
so the first step is to buy a sloman, second step, revise last year's econs notes and third step, read more econs books and newspapers. man, it is going to be hard work. i still remember i told myself i don't know what s papers to do, but it's everything but econs, but look at me now. yes, sometimes we just have no control of things. all the best to me

first day of school and i know that this year's going to be busy, have to hand in chemistry remedial worksheet and there's a retest on monday!!!!
had dinner at pastamania, ollie's treat, thank you!!!!! the turn up was surprisingly good. there will always be more people if it's a treat. quite enjoyed myself playing the voting game.
yes, my new year resolutions, as what mom told me, i must take care of my health, study more and don't waste so much time. i shall limit my online time to 3 hours per week and my bedtime shall be before 12 am. i must go out less often and spend less money. and most importantly, i will obey my parents more. i think they are giving me more freedom now and more pocket money also. so, i shall respect them and listen to them.

it's 2004 now, which means i'm in 2so6e, which means i have to start studying and stop slacking around. alright, i will try to start today.
the holidays has past, and it was really fast, come to think of it, what have i done during this 2 months? almost nothing. the trip to hongkong and china was quite fun, went there with 20kg and came back with 60 kg. didn't buy much actually and i wished i had shopped more.
stayed over at pingying's house yesterday, reached there exactly at 12 midnight and watched tv until we fell asleep. actually we don't do much at sleepovers, but it's just fun to sit around together, slack around. don't know whether we will still have time for that this year. i will miss 1so6e.