another typical sunday... finally got back to my usual sunday morning jog at macritchie after months of busy sundays, lazy father sundays or sleepy sister sundays. yes, memories of scf, especially with the buoys still around. macritchie will mean more than a sunday jogging place to me now. i think it's time to throw my old pair of shoes before the sole comes out in 3 pieces. i had a lot of fun "training" my sister, forcing her run for at least 600m despite her complaints of tiredness. what an evil sister i am, i'm going to train her to be a sportsgirl. played at the playground with her, competing to see who can swing higher. i love my sister, at times like this.
my mom is another person that will make me laugh, she knocks and bangs on my door for the weirdest reasons. first, while ironing clothes, she came and asked me if i can dismantle the iron to get a cockroach out. knowing that i hate cockroaches and i will never touch or go near them, i told her to throw the iron away, which she did. how and why did the cockroach end up there in the first place? suicidal cockroach.
next story, someone called to inform my mom that her daughter gave birth. i picked up the phone and she didn't identify herself. that left my mom thinking and going through all the possible people that she knows. and finally, after about 2 hours, she came knocking at my door excitedly while i was on the phone and said "i know who, i know who" it turned out to be my sister's friend's mom whom i do not know. it's amazing how trivial things like this can be so disturbing and leave you determined to get to the bottom of it.
oh yes, happy easter. what does easter mean to me? mainly childhood memories i guess. i don't celebrate easter now but it does bring back beautiful memories of how my mom and i would paint eggs in different colours and patterns, eat chocolate eggs and bunnies. and while tidying up my letter drawer, i found this easter card from you. happy easter to you and your family, though the chances of you reading this is one in a zillion. sigh.. wonder how you're doing now.

finally replenished my deprived sleep after 9 hours of good long rest. feeling so rejuvenated now. the long weekend is going to end and i just realised i haven't got much work done. every time i sit down before my table and stare at my tutorials, my mind will wander off and never some back. sigh, i know i should be studying but somehow i just can't get down to it.
good friday was good, in fact it was fantastic. went ktv with class in the morning and we had an extra hour because they forgot jq's lunch. had a great time singing and listening to people sing and k-lunch is so worth the money... "class bonding" followed with us trying to find a nice place to talk, from basement of cine, to youth park and finally top floor of paragon. went grocery shopping with shine after that, more like watch her shop for all the organic and fat-free food, i would love to buy the whole supermarket down but it's so expensive. actually what wonders can organic food really do? i'm contented with the food i'm eating now.
things look so different during the day and at night and i just love night time, too bad i had to go home early before my mom grounds me and kills me. beautiful good friday, i wish it could last an eternity.
cip on saturday was great too, though we had to travel from kallang to jurong east, get the flyers and everything and back to outram to give them out. it was much easier and more rewarding than flag day. i think singaporeans just prefer things free. we spent 1 hour distributing everything, which was quite fast considering we were given 3 hours for it. it's called efficiency, not slacking. i would love to do more of this kind of com service. and for the first time, i was on time for dinner. watched miss singapore universe on the bus home, what else can i say, the standards are dropping like anything, or is it just so hard to find someone who has the looks, the figure, the brains, the poise etc?
sigh, sometimes things can never be the same again, and i don't know why it would turn out this way. it takes months to build up this friendship and one day to ruin it? i know it's partly my fault but i don't know how to salvage it. i hope it gets better as the days pass by...

i am so amused by everything that i can't stop laughing. i can't stop laughing at myself for attempting to study everything about economics yesterday night and this morning and applying nothing that i've learnt in today's common test. never have i had this feeling before. sat down with pen and paper all ready, waiting for the questions to be unveiled, and finally, look at the questions, laugh. there's nothing i can do except to laugh, at my stupidity, thinking of how i am going to sit through one hour of this coming up with my own economic theories and trying to make them sound sensible. what else can i say, it's the worse common test paper of my whole entire life. how many times can you actually spend at least 5 minutes just laughing away? U- (if there's such a grade) here i come.
if dreams reflect what you've been thinking about, how would you interpret my most ridiculous dream of keeping a sea orang utan (an orang utan that lives in water, which i've never seen before) in the fish tank at home. what's worse is that it can still talk and play the piano. i think i'm going insane.

my first ever 'A' in my jc life. guess that made my day a bit better, plus my totally unexpected physics result. i can't describe the way i feel right now, i guess i just chose to put everything at the back of my mind and to remember the real purpose of jc life. it's less than 1 year left now and i don't want to leave the college with any regrets.
oh well, i guess you can't escape from problems, it's just the way you perceive them and deal with them that makes a difference. or perhaps i just can't be bothered.
i'm sorry...

夜裡難以入睡　用什麼可以麻醉　
情緒太多怎堪面對 不是不要你陪　
有些事你無法體會　卸下了防備　
孤獨跟隨 我想要一個自己的空間　
能夠好好想想我們之間的明天
如果愛情不如我們想像的甜美　
那麼所有的罪讓我來揹
我的心太亂　要一些空白　
你若是明白　讓我暫時的離開
我的心太亂　不敢再貪更多愛　
想哭的我　卻怎麼哭也哭不出來
我的心太亂　要一些空白　
老天在不在　忘了為我來安排
我的心太亂　害怕愛情的背叛　
想哭的我 像是一個迷路小孩　
迷路的小孩

photos on national junior canoeing championships are up.
taking a break from doing tutorials now, listening to the sounds of rain. sigh...
lazy to blog..

can't believe i managed to survive this week, with all the crap that happened. monday was a total disaster. just when i thought i could use the rest of the week to reflect upon and think about stuff, you have to come and make things worse. for the rest of the week, i was dreading every moment in school. having to face up to people, to the reality of my common test results and trying not to let my mood affect those around me. tuesday was not any better. it was merely a shadow of monday but the afternoon brightened up the day. wednesday's training was quite awful, felt like my first time in a k1. half the time i was trying to keep my balance and the other half i was trying to control direction. felt like i'm learning how to row a k1 all over again. thanks water, thanks waves, current and the beautiful new boat, and it made me feel so bad for ignoring everyone that i've decided to be nice after training. thursday was spent in a daze after i fell asleep at 9 plus on wednesday. but the combined econs s lesson simply made my day. and knowing that we've passed the assignment made me feel even better. and that leads to the final school day of the week, friday. chem practical test was ok and pe was cancelled due to the rain. the weather was fabulous after the rain, nice and cooling and it could just go on forever. my sense of direction is not bad right?
oh yes, that's how i survived the week, hopefully things are much better now. if you say laughter is the best medicine, i disagree, because i think time can ease everything, though it might not heal. thank you so much for being there for me when i needed someone to talk to. sometimes what we need most is someone who understands. thank you dear.

sometimes things are not as simple as they appear to be and there're some things that you don't see. i don't know, there're just too many things that happened recently that is causing me to be in this state. all i need now is time and a break to collect back my thoughts and piece them back properly. some of which could never be settled in the near future or ever.
and to all those who hate me and think that i suck, you know something, i totally agree. i'm the most sucky, most screwed up person alive. every aspect of my life is screwed up, so just scold me any way you want to. i don't want to live a life of regrets, i don't want to follow your footsteps. there's no other word to describe the way i am now. i'm just plain screwed up.
if only i knew all these would happen,
if only i could turn back the clock,
if only everything was in my control
if only we could live in the world of "if onlys"
if you don't understand all these crap, nevermind, it's not meant to be understood.

do you really think so? if that is all that matters to me, i would not need to face each day the way it is now. whoever you are, someone who does not dare to identify yourself, i just want to tell you that things are not what they seem and i do wish that my life is as simple as just school and canoeing. but it is not. so if you think that your life if screwed up enough, think twice.

looking at the namelist for scf makes me feel bad. what's this? 3 competitors for both k1 events only? which means straight finals and guaranteed a prize as long as they don't capsize? should have just gone for it. but nevermind, i'll concentrate on k2 and forget about the k1s.
yes, we'll do it again tomorrow, so exciting...

fat, fat, fat... i'm so horrified with the fact that i put on 2.5 kg in one week! that is like, a dumbbell? or just a whole big blob of lard. no wonder my skirt feels so much tighter these few days. all thanks to common test, which is making me stay at home, unable to resist the temptation of food and lack the time to exercise. hmm.. this make me wonder what i will become after i stop training. white and pasty? i don't want to imagine. it's time to control my intake of food, desperately..... but that will be after the pigging out this weekend. don't worry, i promise no more chocolates until saturday. i won't sink the boat and our k2 can still fly.
speaking of common tests, what else can i say. i'm just so glad that there's only one paper left and somehow i feel happy going to school nowadays. maybe it's just because there's no more boring and monotonous lessons. i'm hoping to pass all the papers and the biggest worries are gp and physics (even though i've not taken the paper yet). please don't let me fail anymore....

everything seems so predestined and out of my control
but if you don't try, you'll never know (it wasn't meant to rhyme) so why are we even denied the chance of trying. maybe you have your reasons but i really don't understand.

the past 3 days were probably the most rewarding days in my life. friday started off pretty well, other than a tiny screw up for k2, which made me don't know whether to laugh or to cry.
day 2 was much better, other than the fact that i only have one race that day and that it was a good race, the rest of the day was spent lazing around, eating and more eating and eating more. actually i'm so glad that i'm a girl and there's no semi-finals, or else i'll just be floating up and down in the water for the whole day. the rest of the day was spent sleeping to recuperate for finals.
and there, my theory of saving the best for the last. the last day was fabulous. it started off with k2 250m which we entered by mistake. it was just burst, burst and burst. in less than a minute, it was over and the gold medals have just found their owners. and then it was k1, which was.. well.. good. at least the videos looked better than how i felt. and what did i say about saving the best for the last. k2 500m, our favourite event. i could just feel the adrenalin pumping up and we were so ready to do our last and best race for sdba. and so we did, shooting out and leaving the rest with our back wash, aiming through the 250 mark and our end burst which was nothing less than hundred percent. everything was good and i felt good, not only because of the fact that we've won, but more because we know that we've put in all we've got and made that our best race.

yes, although we're not able to defend the championship, but we all did our best and we know that we have hope for nationals. it's not just a dream, but something that we can work towards. we might not be granted with the advantage of more water trainings, but we should make the most out of them and make every training count towards our goal.

to my k2 partner, what else can i say, i've certainly enjoyed the trainings doing k2 with you. remember how we started doing k2 just for us and jiaolian to enjoy. remember how he said he will never put us together in k2. remember all the wonderful trainings we had and how we would always end the day with nice starts, and remember your promises... but k2 will not stop here for us, we have another goal right?
to carol, this is my millionth time telling you this, don't slack, but whatever. to lyd, nice races, it's quite amusing i agree and i'm glad you had fun. yes, practice makes perfect so all the way in your k1. to zhen, it was a good race, i know you've put in your best, and i'm so happy to see that. you have all the potential right from the start and you will make a good canoeist. next to vania and shine, i'm proud of you, you all did a great job and i can see that. i do admire your determination so show the rest that. and to twin and mag, i'm proud of you too, maybe it was just luck but we all know that you all are capable. and to sheryl and gs, you all did a great job, especially for 250. i know you all gave it your best. and to the guys team, we still have time to show the rest what raffles canoeing is all about and we'll win back our challenge trophy. nothing is impossible

at the end of the day, or maybe a few years down the road, it's not the number of trophies and medals that matter, nor the cca points. but it's the experience that will last you a lifetime. so what if you have won the medal, through despicable means. you know who you are, we know who you are. so live in the fact that i've won because i've cheated for you whole entire life. all the best to you.

i haven't felt so excited and gone so hysterical in school for such a long time. today was such a wonderful day. it felt like holidays after yesterday's gp paper and there's just so many things to make me happy. first, there's no chinese and no gp and plus our break it added up to 2 hr 40 min of break, which i spent half of it in the ts laughing away; then there's fy's messages, you have a lot to tell me on sunday don't forget... and also my pretty new shoes which came in the afternoon, finally they are not blue, and the thought of going to lyd's house and not having to do intervals, and for reasons that only steff and i know.
i had a lot of fun at lyd's, hopefully we won't get into any trouble with teachers tomorrow. yes guys, it's tomorrow, feeling so psyched up and excited about it already. come on guys, we can do it!!!!
and thank you celeste, don't know how you found your way here, hope you are doing fine there. we'll miss you and we'll kick ass tomorrow...

it's not only a race, it's a game, and we're all playing it
life is a game of choices, so choose to win

from what had happened today, i think that the guys and girls team severely lack communication. comm'on, we are one team after all and we all take pride in calling ourselves raffles canoeists. this distant relation is certainly not going to help during competition because we don't just canoe for ourselves, for our partners nor for our individual team, but for raffles. sdba is less than a week away, and i do hope that this is not going to affect our performance next week.
and this goes out to all my fellow canoeists, next week is the chance to show the other schools what we are made of, what we can do. we've all been training so hard and it wouldn't be long to see the fruits of our hard work. keep your cool everyone, and be sure of yourself because i'm confident that we, the raffles canoeists can do it!

i'm so sick and tired of school, i don't know what i'm going to school for, wasting my time? wasting my life away? why do i even call it life in the first place? what is life when you spend more than half of your day in school, forcing myself to stay awake during lessons and finishing tutorials just for the sake of finishing it?
perhaps the best time that i've had in school is the time spent training. it's amazing how we can talk about everything under the sun so openly and laughing our heads off at the most ridiculous jokes. though training is tough, i certainly enjoy the time we spent together going through all that.
and this is only the start of j2 life.. and life must go on..

the dining table is filled with food, again. and i can't wait for breakfast tomorrow. there's bread, cereal, muesli bars, peanut butter, nutella, pork floss, a huge tub of yoghurt, bananas... there's so much to eat and i'm spoilt for choices. i simply love breakfast, the feeling of waking up and filling up my stomach with food. yummy.

what a busy week, and i foresee a worse one coming. but nevertheless, it was a happy week. thank you so much partner, it was such a pleasant surprise. yes, you are the most wonderful friend i have and we certainly do make great partners. yesterday's training was, as usual, fantastic, and if we maintain it this way, i'm quite sure the gold medal's ours right? let's go get our tattoo soon, and anything crazy we can do. and let's feast after sdba!!!!

i need a break, badly, from school. but training today was quite good, minus the fact that the turnout for j1s is a miserable number of 4. intervals felt bad, my legs were totally jelly after the first set, but managed to cut the time down by quite a lot. seems like intervals are really useful for 2.4 and it just makes me feel satisfied by cutting the time.
the Os results are coming out tomorrow. time has passed really quickly, especially this year. i can still remember how much fun i had with my og, with my class, with the canoeists this time last year, though we were not that close yet. and not forgetting the class bbq we had, the stayover which i couldn't go. j1 life was such a bliss. now that i'm in j2, everyday seems just like any other day. school, lectures, tutorials, trainings, homework and the cycle just repeats itself day after day, month after month. almost 2 months have passed just like that, wasting my precious life away in front of the computer.
sometimes i do wish i could turn back time in live in the past, to let me enjoy my carefree life again. but sometimes i do want to move on, to see what the future has for me; to see the results of my work.