napfa's over, finally, which means no more pe for me? didn't believe i could jump far enough to get an A, but well, i did it, miraculously, with the aid of last minute trainings for leg muscles. now i think my legs are aching. my afternoon was spent trying my very best to study and running canal route. sigh.. when can i ever get into the studying mood.
hope tomorrow's training will be better. till then, there's nothing much to blog about...

i know that you care, i understand your concerns and i do appreciate your efforts in trying to find out what's best for me and what i should do despite your busy schedule. sorry if i have to sound irritated. i know it's all for my own good but sometimes i feel that you're pushing me too hard, it's almost impossible because i know i'm not good enough. at the same time, i don't want to let you down, i don't want to add to your worries and i want you to be proud of me but how? i'm not blaming you for anything, in fact, i'm thankful to have such great parents like you. perhaps it's just that you're not in my shoe and don't know how i feel.
is it just a matter of commitment and responsibility that i've to fulfill. it feels like acting a play all by myself, presenting to difference audience a different side of me. perhaps it's time to question where my priorities lie and what's my main purpose of life, of attending jc. so who am i? a student? a daughter? a canoeist? or just me and whoever i am in your eyes? maybe it's time to ask myself what do i hope to achieve out of 2 years in jc? actually i do know the answer.
oh well, i guess everything's just part of the hectic jc life. and for now i'm just glad that 2.4's over, rather proud of my timing, and econs essay test is cancelled

i'm an exercise freak. yes, one whole morning of water training, getting all red and burnt from the scorching hot sun. haven't been so burnt for quite a long time, just hope i won't peel. the rest of the afternoon was spent waiting for a lost father at sdba, and guess what, running and swimming. spent about 8 hours yesterday exercising. madness and i just can't get back to my intervals timing 2 months ago. just hope 2.4 won't be too far off my pb.
ok, there's not much time left before school starts again tomorrow. the time to play is over already, though i can't get myself down to studying, i'll try...

been rather busy these 2 days and i've realised the beauty of coffee and how it keeps me awake while attempting to finish up tutorials. haven't got much time to talk to you..
and napfa 2.4 is next tuesday!!! i detest running in the hot sun, but i should be thankful that my pe's the first block, but still, i'm so not used to running in the sun. and my timings for intervals are much slower than they used to be. ok, i shall do some last minute training for 2.4 so that i won't see a disgusting number on my napfa result slip. and i need to train my standing board jump!!!!!
alright, my (economics) theory: an equilibrium is a situation where there's no tendency to change, and when injection equals withdrawal, the economy will be in equilibrium right? so for the body's weight to be in equilibrium, that is, no tendency to change, injections (including eating and drinking) equals to withdrawal (including exercising and well, you know the other component) and when injections is greater than withdrawal, it will have a expansionary effect on the body and that's what's happening to me... yes, my self-formulated theory which makes total sense to me.

another typical sunday... finally got back to my usual sunday morning jog at macritchie after months of busy sundays, lazy father sundays or sleepy sister sundays. yes, memories of scf, especially with the buoys still around. macritchie will mean more than a sunday jogging place to me now. i think it's time to throw my old pair of shoes before the sole comes out in 3 pieces. i had a lot of fun "training" my sister, forcing her run for at least 600m despite her complaints of tiredness. what an evil sister i am, i'm going to train her to be a sportsgirl. played at the playground with her, competing to see who can swing higher. i love my sister, at times like this.
my mom is another person that will make me laugh, she knocks and bangs on my door for the weirdest reasons. first, while ironing clothes, she came and asked me if i can dismantle the iron to get a cockroach out. knowing that i hate cockroaches and i will never touch or go near them, i told her to throw the iron away, which she did. how and why did the cockroach end up there in the first place? suicidal cockroach.
next story, someone called to inform my mom that her daughter gave birth. i picked up the phone and she didn't identify herself. that left my mom thinking and going through all the possible people that she knows. and finally, after about 2 hours, she came knocking at my door excitedly while i was on the phone and said "i know who, i know who" it turned out to be my sister's friend's mom whom i do not know. it's amazing how trivial things like this can be so disturbing and leave you determined to get to the bottom of it.
oh yes, happy easter. what does easter mean to me? mainly childhood memories i guess. i don't celebrate easter now but it does bring back beautiful memories of how my mom and i would paint eggs in different colours and patterns, eat chocolate eggs and bunnies. and while tidying up my letter drawer, i found this easter card from you. happy easter to you and your family, though the chances of you reading this is one in a zillion. sigh.. wonder how you're doing now.

finally replenished my deprived sleep after 9 hours of good long rest. feeling so rejuvenated now. the long weekend is going to end and i just realised i haven't got much work done. every time i sit down before my table and stare at my tutorials, my mind will wander off and never some back. sigh, i know i should be studying but somehow i just can't get down to it.
good friday was good, in fact it was fantastic. went ktv with class in the morning and we had an extra hour because they forgot jq's lunch. had a great time singing and listening to people sing and k-lunch is so worth the money... "class bonding" followed with us trying to find a nice place to talk, from basement of cine, to youth park and finally top floor of paragon. went grocery shopping with shine after that, more like watch her shop for all the organic and fat-free food, i would love to buy the whole supermarket down but it's so expensive. actually what wonders can organic food really do? i'm contented with the food i'm eating now.
things look so different during the day and at night and i just love night time, too bad i had to go home early before my mom grounds me and kills me. beautiful good friday, i wish it could last an eternity.
cip on saturday was great too, though we had to travel from kallang to jurong east, get the flyers and everything and back to outram to give them out. it was much easier and more rewarding than flag day. i think singaporeans just prefer things free. we spent 1 hour distributing everything, which was quite fast considering we were given 3 hours for it. it's called efficiency, not slacking. i would love to do more of this kind of com service. and for the first time, i was on time for dinner. watched miss singapore universe on the bus home, what else can i say, the standards are dropping like anything, or is it just so hard to find someone who has the looks, the figure, the brains, the poise etc?
sigh, sometimes things can never be the same again, and i don't know why it would turn out this way. it takes months to build up this friendship and one day to ruin it? i know it's partly my fault but i don't know how to salvage it. i hope it gets better as the days pass by...

i am so amused by everything that i can't stop laughing. i can't stop laughing at myself for attempting to study everything about economics yesterday night and this morning and applying nothing that i've learnt in today's common test. never have i had this feeling before. sat down with pen and paper all ready, waiting for the questions to be unveiled, and finally, look at the questions, laugh. there's nothing i can do except to laugh, at my stupidity, thinking of how i am going to sit through one hour of this coming up with my own economic theories and trying to make them sound sensible. what else can i say, it's the worse common test paper of my whole entire life. how many times can you actually spend at least 5 minutes just laughing away? U- (if there's such a grade) here i come.
if dreams reflect what you've been thinking about, how would you interpret my most ridiculous dream of keeping a sea orang utan (an orang utan that lives in water, which i've never seen before) in the fish tank at home. what's worse is that it can still talk and play the piano. i think i'm going insane.

my first ever 'A' in my jc life. guess that made my day a bit better, plus my totally unexpected physics result. i can't describe the way i feel right now, i guess i just chose to put everything at the back of my mind and to remember the real purpose of jc life. it's less than 1 year left now and i don't want to leave the college with any regrets.
oh well, i guess you can't escape from problems, it's just the way you perceive them and deal with them that makes a difference. or perhaps i just can't be bothered.
i'm sorry...

夜裡難以入睡　用什麼可以麻醉　
情緒太多怎堪面對 不是不要你陪　
有些事你無法體會　卸下了防備　
孤獨跟隨 我想要一個自己的空間　
能夠好好想想我們之間的明天
如果愛情不如我們想像的甜美　
那麼所有的罪讓我來揹
我的心太亂　要一些空白　
你若是明白　讓我暫時的離開
我的心太亂　不敢再貪更多愛　
想哭的我　卻怎麼哭也哭不出來
我的心太亂　要一些空白　
老天在不在　忘了為我來安排
我的心太亂　害怕愛情的背叛　
想哭的我 像是一個迷路小孩　
迷路的小孩

photos on national junior canoeing championships are up.
taking a break from doing tutorials now, listening to the sounds of rain. sigh...
lazy to blog..

can't believe i managed to survive this week, with all the crap that happened. monday was a total disaster. just when i thought i could use the rest of the week to reflect upon and think about stuff, you have to come and make things worse. for the rest of the week, i was dreading every moment in school. having to face up to people, to the reality of my common test results and trying not to let my mood affect those around me. tuesday was not any better. it was merely a shadow of monday but the afternoon brightened up the day. wednesday's training was quite awful, felt like my first time in a k1. half the time i was trying to keep my balance and the other half i was trying to control direction. felt like i'm learning how to row a k1 all over again. thanks water, thanks waves, current and the beautiful new boat, and it made me feel so bad for ignoring everyone that i've decided to be nice after training. thursday was spent in a daze after i fell asleep at 9 plus on wednesday. but the combined econs s lesson simply made my day. and knowing that we've passed the assignment made me feel even better. and that leads to the final school day of the week, friday. chem practical test was ok and pe was cancelled due to the rain. the weather was fabulous after the rain, nice and cooling and it could just go on forever. my sense of direction is not bad right?
oh yes, that's how i survived the week, hopefully things are much better now. if you say laughter is the best medicine, i disagree, because i think time can ease everything, though it might not heal. thank you so much for being there for me when i needed someone to talk to. sometimes what we need most is someone who understands. thank you dear.